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 Posted: Sun Dec 13, 2015 7:02 pm
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Posted: Sun Dec 13, 2015 7:03 pm
Wind swirling overhead, the night was the furthest thing from over. Sarcel caught herself staring up at the smoldering hive again—something she'd been doing a lot since escaping—trying to... digest the events that took place. Talking to Elidae had helped, but there were still so many things to parse through. She closed her eyes and breathed in the searing scent of the flames. Aside from the obvious incident with Sir—should she... even refer to the redblood as Sir anymore? Schrad... aside from that, there had been the confrontation at the top floor, what happened to Eostre and Tamiya, and...
The fate of Alifax and Lorata. Alifax was someone she trusted wholeheartedly—he would be fine, and not just for her confidence in his skills, but because well... the redblood was probably the only one among them that could handle a burning building. Whether he got trapped inside or not was a fairly moot point. Not that she wasn't concerned (because she was) but there was a gut level feeling that told her he'd be alright. She took it to heart.
Now Lorata... that sent chills up her spine. Racing away from the gases, Elidae in tow, Lorata had been lost to the unknown. One second grasping her hand, the next gone to god knows where. That was terrifying, sickening. She was only a child. For as imperative as camaraderie was to Sarcel, the thought that someone had been left behind burned more than the fire. Her eyes opened again sullenly.
But there was solace to be had. There were a number of trolls present out here than she'd seen inside the hive, and that meant there had been alternative ways out. There was hope yet. Standing around did little to comfort the rattled blueblood anyway, not when there were others possibly injured or in need of assistance. She made her way through the spectators, eyes scanning the clusters of trolls standing here and there, trying to catch some sight of something purple, anything purple.
When she came to find her, it was like a weight lifted from her heart. Hell, she couldn't really believe herself at first, but seeing Meduma airly floating around was just about the best confirmation she was going to get out of this. Her feet were already running despite her exhaustion, paying little mind to the other children that seemed to be congregated around.
"O-Oh my g—," not the most graceful thing to say, but the relief was palpable in her voice regardless. "Lorata thank god."
She seemed to be alright, maybe just irritated but... "You're soaked..." she was stating the obvious, eyes glancing at the ocean beyond the cliff side. How did she end up down there? "You're not hurt are you?"
KitsuneAura I HOPE THIS IS OKAY SORRY FOR LATENESS SOBS
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Posted: Fri Dec 18, 2015 1:47 pm
Lorata still hadn't strayed far from the ladder that had brought her back to hive level, though she'd moved a fair distance away from the boys she'd encountered on the way up. She was beyond curious about what they were doing, but she hadn't wanted to put up with the way Hazmas had looked at her, as if she was some kind of monster. He'd had the good sense enough not to say anything, though, so she'd left it alone just because he wasn't as stupid as the troll he'd thrown his lot in with.
But leaving it alone didn't mean it hadn't ruined her mood, though it had been on its way to recovering before she'd reached the top of that stupid ladder. Now, staring up at the burning hive and quietly seething, she wondered whether she ought to even stay to find out what had happened or if she should just go home. Everyone was probably fine, there were lots of trolls milling about and if they had made it then her team definitely had, and- And it wasn't like anyone had come after her, so they probably weren't even looking. She might as well go.
The seadweller squeezed her eyes closed, hands curling into fists, and when she finally opened them Sarcel was there. She startled, a gasp that caught on half a sob, and had to reach up hastily to wipe at the tears that had welled up. Sarcel was okay and she'd come looking for her and- She shook her head fiercely. "No, I'm- I'm not-" It was just too much emotion, so overwhelming, and even as she tried to answer all those bitter feelings rushed to the surface.
You're soaked and You're not hurt, are you settled into her mind and turned to jagged spikes hidden under just enough water to cushion a fall. To a hand that had been in hers until she'd needed it. "I almost died," she exploded, taking a step back from the blueblood. "Where were you!? You just- you left me to die!"
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Posted: Mon Jan 18, 2016 3:47 pm
That stung.
And honestly, Sarcel expected it to. In the heat of the moment, she had made the executive decision to press forward. Elidae was there, and later Hemera, and... she had a responsibility to them. It was hard and it tore at her heart, because there really was no denying Lorata's statement. How do you tell a seadweller that you prioritized a yellowblood over them?
For all the events during that night, part of her resolve started to crumble. It felt a little silly almost; so what, she's a child, don't let it bother you... but would it really? Would it be a thing Lorata would just... come to understand when she was older? Didn't that feel wrong? And regardless of age weren't they all comrades?
No, it was because Lorata wasn't just a child, or even that she was a seadweller (though that admittedly was a fraction of it). Lorata had called them all heroes. She'd been looked up too and she had, ultimately, failed the purpleblood. The one time someone had ever done that, and she soiled it. That's why it hurt to watch Lorata cry.
"I..." she stalled, voice starting up and immediately trailing back off. She couldn't lie, it wouldn't be right. Just because Lorata was a child didn't mean Sarcel couldn't be frank. If she lied now, she'd always be a liar. There would always be that fraction of guilt, or maybe apprehension, because there would always be that violation of trust. She sucked in a breath.
"I... I had to keep going forward." she wanted to mumble, wanted badly to stutter, but held her composure. "I-I don't know how you fell, but I couldn't... I couldn't let anyone else fall either, I..."
She shook her head.
"Lorata I'm sorry." she stressed the word solemnly. "I had to get... I didn't want to leave you behind, I— I was going to come back for you."
And that was the truth, whether Lorata would believe it or not. Gnawing even more at the pit of her stomach was the noted absence of Alifax, someone who was legitimately close and important to her, even despite having full confidence in his abilities. Lorata was okay and it was shaping up to look like most were, but the fact remained that Lorata really could have been hurt. Was this a guilt she'd always have to deal with? What if someone had died and she had to live with that choice? How did someone even choose who to save?
Sarcel sighed again, overwhelmed by her thoughts.
"You... have every right to be mad at me, but... I was scared, if something had happened there's... there's no way I would be able to live with it." after focusing her face on her shoes, she finally looked to Lorata, taking a tentative step forward, kneeling down a little to be closer to her level. "I was always going to come back for you. I didn't mean for this to happen, I'm... I'm really sorry." KitsuneAura the most soap opera thing i've written yet??
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Posted: Sun Apr 17, 2016 4:54 pm
And that was it, wasn't it? The confirmation of that bitter little feeling that had come when she'd surfaced and no one had splashed down after her. They'd decided- Sarcel had decided that moving forward was more important than finding her. That keeping anyone else from falling was more important than making sure her fall hadn't killed her. Lorata knew that that meant Elidae, remembered the girl holding Sarcel's other hand, but as much as she wanted to be glad that her new friend's safety had been seen to, it just felt like another layer of betrayal.
It wasn't fair. She'd been Sarcel's teammate in that awful trek through the swamp, and even though the blueblood hadn't seemed very confident when they'd first met, she'd known that there was so much heroic potential there even before Sarcel had proved it. And even if that wasn't enough to pitch the choice in her favor, why hadn't it been enough, Lorata was a seadweller! That was supposed to mean something! She was important!
At least...she was supposed to be.
"T-then why are you out here?" Her voice hitched on another noisy sob and the seadweller quickly lifted a hand to cover her mouth as she tried to regain her composure. The other hand she jabbed back towards the burning hive, hoping to draw Sarcel's eyes back to it. She'd cried in front of others so many times, to get her way or coax her lusus into action when she otherwise might have waited it out, but for once she just felt stupid. MeduMa wasn't going to attack Sarcel, not unless she wanted her to, and she didn't, she didn't think she did, she just-
"You didn't know I'd made it outside. You didn't know!" All she really wanted was a minute to try and process this, but her mouth kept moving anyway. Even she could see that the hive would probably collapse any moment, that anyone still trapped in there with those flames would be hopeless. She couldn't believe that anyone would go back, not when they'd already decided on moving forward, no matter how much she wished someone would have for her. Maybe a real hero would have, but...
Something like resignation settled into her then, quieting her sobs aside from the occasional sniffle that couldn't be helped. Her gaze swept around the area, searching, and then slid back to meet Sarcel's eyes, so much easier now that the teen had knelt to her level. "You wouldn't really have gone back in there if I wasn't here, would you? Nobody would have. You're just saying so because now you don't have to choose."
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Posted: Mon Jun 20, 2016 8:34 pm
Sarcel had always been rather disillusioned. In the back of her mind—when she made that snap decision to keep moving forward—she knew that there was no way she could play the hero. It was asinine and ultimately impossible; no matter her actions, no matter what she did, there was no way that she could truly be a hero to everybody, because had she been having this conversation with Elidae, she would be the heroine of this story.
Was it selfishness? She pressed on with the intent of helping others, because becoming incapacitated or removed from the situation would have done more damage to those around her. It was her resolve to help. It was her resolve to be a figure that trolls alike could look up to; she realized, in the fault of things, that she became overridden with the same substance she swore to turn away from.
Glory.
Or was it genuine? Was the guilt clouding her head, running her emotions? You just wanted to help, or you wanted to be a hero.
"I didn't know." her voice was even, calm—no, empty. She didn't know. Hell, had she come out here and found Lorata dead rather than alive, she wasn't sure if it would strengthen her resolve or break it. This moment? It hurt. It hurt in all sorts of new ways because up until now, Sarcel had never been relied on. Now she had, and she botched it.
But that was war, wasn't it? Life would continue to hurt and sting and fight her until she accepted that collateral damage would be an ever present constant. Lorata wouldn't understand that, and she didn't need to. To be be the best, to be the most efficient, maybe she would have to be the villain to someone.
But god dammit she didn't want to.
"Lorata," Sarcel started evenly. There wasn't anything she could do at this point, or at least in this moment. Saying and doing were entirely different things; to put any weight behind her words, to put any truth in them... it would take time. She wouldn't be the one to bark with no bite. Despite it, she looked the sobbing seadweller in the eyes, gaze masking something serious and almost cold, the intensity of her emotions directed entirely at herself. The guilt and the resolve brewing in her core was an absolute tempest. "I would have."
She didn't expect Lorata to believe her, not when it sounded like her mind was already made, but that was alright. Sarcel made peace with herself. "If I never found you out here, I would have gone back." she turned her head solemnly to the flames, the inferno. The structure of the building was starting to groan under the weight of the blaze. She closed her eyes in a moment of thought, letting the sea blow fire-baked winds against her ashen face.
"I can't prove that in words, and I hope there never comes another situation where I have to prove it to you in action," she turned to face Lorata again, "Nor can I expect you to believe me, but..." she lifted her hands with a surprising fluidity, but hesitated—would it be right? Should she? Was it her place?—before finally reaching out to delicately pat her shoulders. If the touch was rejected, well... she saw it coming. "But... I intend to do well on that promise. Whatever it takes, I'll prove it to you."
And for the second time she hesitated, fingers tightening slightly in the ocean soaked fabric of Lorata's gala attire. Actions speak louder than words, Cincil, she reminded herself.
"I promise. I—" The seriousness of her voice cracked and broke through again with sheer relief as she weight her chances, ultimately pulling the purpleblood into a hug, arms loose in the case Lorata resisted, or perhaps loose because hugs weren't an action that Sarcel truly had in her repertoire. "—I'm so glad you're okay..."
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Posted: Sun Jul 17, 2016 10:03 pm
It was, Lorata realized, exactly the thing a hero might have said. None of the ones she'd conjured up had ever put themselves into this kind of situation, had never needed to leave someone behind and even if they had, it would have never been her. But still, it was all there in that intensely earnest promise, wasn't it? She didn't flinch away from Sarcel's hands, rooted in place as she listened, but she felt tears welling up in her eyes again.
She was still hurt and there was still a part of her that wanted to call the blueblood a liar. It just wasn't fair to make that promise when she'd already been trying so hard to come to terms with the fact that no one ever would. But Sarce's grip was tightening, and her voice was cracking and- The seadweller went tense as the older troll pulled her into a hug, letting out a startled gasp. For one lifetime of a second, she realized she couldn't remember the last time anyone had done that without prompting. If anyone ever had. And maybe, in the end, that was the tipping point.
"Okay," her voice broke as her fingers curled into Sarce's jacket, and she was sure there were millions of better things she could have said. Sarcel had given her a promise with all the intensity of a hero, but she couldn't get her thoughts straight enough to muster up a reply really worthy of a Princess. It didn't feel like enough, but she tightened her grip on the blueblood and sobbed out another one. "Okay." And then she was sure she had it, the sentence short and muffled but just as earnest.
"I believe you."
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Posted: Wed Dec 07, 2016 2:35 pm
Of all the weight in the world, there were few things heavier than trust. Of all the things in the world to bear, it was probably the heftiest burden, but also the greatest sense of accomplishment. Sarcel had grown up for sweeps with the inability to place her trust in others, and after a time she had come to terms with the idea that there would never be anyone that would consider putting their own trust into her. It was a lonely, solemn sort of acceptance, but one that she took in stride regardless. She could walk that path. She could be that troll. She could exist in a world as an outsider looking in.
Instead, she found herself here. Under the rainfall of ash, she felt somewhat at peace. For all the tearing and shattering and chaos that she felt in her heart, she found solace. For as heavy as trust could be, it was also entirely too fragile—one slip, one word, one action, one movement could result in an utter casualty, and this night made it all the more apparent. Perhaps she hadn't known Lorata that long comparatively, but nothing had really hurt quite the way the seadweller's accusations had. Losing something, perhaps, was what the root of that pain was. Maybe it was seeing a fragment of herself, lost and scared and angry, though Sarcel never had the opportunity to scream at the ones that she felt had slighted her. Now her head was full of unsung things that tied to her ankles like cinderblocks.
She took a deep breath, and the sadness in her voice resolved. It didn't crack, it didn't falter, and now she felt sure in her choices. It didn't hurt, she decided in that moment, to try believing in her own self. Lorata was safe and honestly? That was all that mattered. Even if she hadn't been forgiven, she would have shouldered the hate and the hurt. She would have taken charge of her action and her faults. As sad of a truth as it was, there really wasn't any sure defined way that she could play the hero to everyone. Lorata was lucky; Lorata had lived. Sarcel was lucky for living too, as was Elidae and Alifax and everyone else that had made it out of the smoldering hive. It could have been any one of them. Luck decided it didn't have to be any; but luck was fickle and luck wasn't something she could rely on.
And then she sighed, patting Lorata firmly on the back. "Thank you..." it didn't seem right to apologize again. She had reiterated her regret countless times already, and Lorata had forgiven her, and she would leave it at that. The only place to go now was forward; she had her trust back, but that didn't mean she had it in full. She would work on it, she would prove herself, she would be that hero.
"Let's get out of here, okay?" her voice was gentle compared to the roar of the flames, perhaps a little tired, but no less decided on what she had to do.
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