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Posted: Sat Nov 21, 2015 2:19 pm
Who: Cesc, Shepard and Iorek When: Early morning
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The Garden Party had been pleasant, Cesc decided with a feeling of some relief. There was no hedge maze--neither including zombies nor unicorns nor swinging axes. He had the company of good friends, without awkwardness or drama of any kind, and seen nobody he hadn't expressly missed or wanted to see. He'd managed to keep Aina from being terribly upset, and gotten Vivi a planter of flowers.
Overall, a good party.
"Was Reks there?" Shepard asked as Cesc wrapped two of his fingers together with athletic tape, reading himself for the day's lift. He wore a loose tee, and Shepard a plain tank and athletic shorts. They'd pulled out the lifting bench, and the late-summer day was nice--breezy but warm, with the beach strung with stragglers hoping to enjoy the last of the sun before autumn stole it away.
"He was!" said Cesc, ripping the tape with his teeth. A memory flickered in his brain--Reks with Cruz; Cruz, who looked... strangely upset. And then there was that time before, at Cruz's birthday party, when they kissed... that hadn't been quite right, either. His pleased expression wavered. "Wait, I don't remember where he went, actually. I wanted to say hi but when I came up, he was heading off with someone."
"Going for a snog, eh?" suggested Shep with a smile, pulling out a few extra weights with a grin.
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Posted: Sat Nov 21, 2015 2:20 pm
“Not exactly…” Reks had arrived at the perfect time to answer Shep in pure comic book fashion. For the first time in a long time he looked disheveled. A fee weeks ago, Reks had been proud to show them the training clothing he had saved up for and wore the set to almost every training session they had. But today, the sleek outfit was gone. Instead he was wearing a t-shirt with enough wrinkles to tell it hadn’t been taken removed for a few days.
“How are you guys doing? What’s planned for today?” Reks asked as he dumped his towel on the nearest piece of driftwood and threw up his mane into a messy ponytail.
So far, other than his atrocious trash man look, Reks seemed okay.
It wasn’t until the hair was out of his face that he looked like he had been beaten with the s**t stick. He had deep dark circles under his eyes and just looked worn down. It was as if the sad and depressed Iorek had stepped into the future and displaced their jovial friend. It was a sequel to something no one wanted.
“Sorry I didn’t get to chat more with ya, Cesc. Ah…I felt bad…I think I made that little frei cry.” Reks smiled gently at him as he took the tape and used it to cover up some of the large stones on his arm. For some reason he was always worried they’d pop out during an intense training session.
“You didn’t go, right Shep? I didn’t see ya there. It as…um…nice.” As usual, Iorek’s tone gave him away that it may not have been all sweet and rosy but he didn’t want to say it.
He fidgeted with the tape and tried to rip it similar to Cesc but the tape just bunched and got all jumbled up without even a tear on it. “Gosh…darn it..” Reks muttered as he pulled the tape from his mouth. “I’m uh…not exactly winning at this, huh?”
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Posted: Sat Nov 21, 2015 2:21 pm
When Reks first arrived, both Shep and Cesc had the same thought: the gargoyle overslept. That's what he looked like--like he'd pulled out of bed, noticed the time, and gone dashing out of his house to make the training session. But, the longer he spoke, the more both realized that wasn't the case.
"Oh--" Cesc came forward to help Reks with the tape, taking the mess and pulling it taut to get rid of the kinks and stuck tangles. He started wrapping it around one of Reks' arms, remembering where he generally liked to have it. "Oh, I wouldn't worry about Aina. She's kind of a crybaby; she's really young. Like a little toddler Frei."
Shepard, for his part, was generally more direct. He looked with narrowed eyes at Reks' general deportment, his dejected expression, the sleepless look. He knew it pretty well.
"What do you mean, 'not exactly?'" he asked pointedly.
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Posted: Sat Nov 21, 2015 2:21 pm
“Thanks Cesc.” Reks smiled at his friend as he lent a much needed hand.
Reks sighed with relief and held out his arm for him. “You think? I hope so…she looked so upset. I don’t know if I scared her or what…only a few special folks can handle this mug.” He smiled lightly and winked.
He was fine. Totally absolutely infinitely fine.
But all that confidence was shot as soon as he looked up and connected eyes with Shep. Instantly his bottom lip began to tremble. With a heavy sigh Reks let his shoulders sag. “Ah….the party didn’t exactly go the way I was hoping it would.”
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Posted: Sat Nov 21, 2015 2:21 pm
"It wasn't you--she actually thought she made you or Cruz upset somehow. She was worried you guys were mad at her," said Cesc. Realization was beginning to dawn on him. Cruz and Iorek had been upset? His voice slowed a tad as he continued, preoccupied. "Like I, ah, said... she's really young."
"What do you mean?" Shep pressed, taking a seat on the weight bench and looking at Iorek with some sternness. He put his hands on his knees, ready to hear what he was all but certain was coming.
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Posted: Sat Nov 21, 2015 2:22 pm
“Aw, poor kid. I’ll have to meet her another time. We weren’t mad at her…nah, not at all. We ah, just, had something to talk about.” Iorek gnawed on his bottom lip and already began to pick at the tape Cesc had just put on him.
Reks grimaced as he looked away from Shep and focused on the beach. Unfortunately the sand really was not very interesting to continue staring at for eternity.
“We broke up.” Iorek uttered quickly and quietly to just get it out there. But the weight still sat on his shoulders.
The raevan chuckled and shook his head as he mulled it over. “Well…we actually were never even going out and I was a big enough moron to not realize it.” He continued to laugh but it was not a joyous sound. Instead it sounded like it was drenched in bitterness, ”How ******** up is that? Ya know?”
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Posted: Sat Nov 21, 2015 2:22 pm
Neither Cesc nor Shepard had it in them to look particularly surprised. No, surprised wasn't the word. Cesc's expression fell as Iorek spoke, and his heart fell into his stomach. His eyebrows went up and his jaw loosened, crestfallen. "Oh, Iorek…"
"This person had you on the hook?" Shepard's voice was sharp and concerned, and his eyes narrowed slightly. "Like, strung yah along all this time, made you think you were together?"
Cesc shook his head. He couldn't imagine Cruz capable of willfully deceiving anyone. That didn't seem to be his nature! Smiling, cheerful Cruz… and yet…
"But--you kissed at the--" Cesc began, then stopped short. Kisses. Kisses weren't romantic for Cruz… he colored, silent. Was it all some kind of massive misunderstanding? Oh, holy s**t…
"Kissed you? That's not fair--" said Shepard.
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Posted: Sat Nov 21, 2015 2:23 pm
Iorek lowered his hand so he could smile at the two. Kind and caring as always. Cesc was sympathetic and Shepard reminded him of a sweet mother hen.
But it wasn’t like that. There was no villain in the situation. He felt terrible for Cruz after putting him in such an uncomfortable position. Iorek had just been so eager to be in love that he never realized they had a different kind of love for one another.
“Nah…Cruz isn’t like that. He’s a wonderful person.” Reks lowered himself down so he was hovering close to the sand. His ribbon lazily danced on the surface as his rune pulsed and created little circles in the sand. “We just saw things differently…Saw meanings differently. I can’t blame him for it. He’s the one that should be comforted after everything. But….I don’t know…”
Reks reached out and sunk his claws into the sand. He turned his gaze onto the ground as he kneaded it like a cat. “It was….weird. I-I think somethings wrong…I-I felt fine when it was happening. Totally peachy keen. I didn’t cry, I had zero heart ache, and I didn’t even ask if we could give a real relationship a shot. I just kind of…was there. A’okay and zero sadness.”
Reks shuddered and looked back up at them with a terribly tired and worried look. “It was like something switched off. Or maybe it switched on? I don’t know anymore. I think I was upset for a moment and all that unrest and emotion just sort of…melted away..”
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Posted: Sat Nov 21, 2015 2:23 pm
Shepard looked at Iorek in disbelief. Had he known that Iorek and Anita's green dude were together? Or that Iorek was--had-- was gay? Or bi or-- any of a lot of options, he guessed. It seemed vaguely familiar but not wholly, and he couldn't quite say one way or another. But it DID make him understand a little better where the wires had crossed. The crocodile ate kisses and didn't seem to do much in the way of explaining things. From what he knew about him, which was little, he liked to kiss whomever would kiss him. Vivi, too, had… eghn, it just made the Aussie uncomfortable to think about it. But Jesus, it sounded like Anita needed to have a chat with her charge.
"What?" Shepard got up, brow furrowed, arms crossed. "Christ, Reks, you're not even mad?"
"That's--certainly to your credit," interjected Cesc quickly, unwilling to let the situation escalate. Considering Reks' problems with emotional control in the past few years, this seemed a certain step up. Unless… "But are you sure you weren't repressing it? It's not good to let that fester, you know…"
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Posted: Sat Nov 21, 2015 2:24 pm
"I'm not finished." Iorek winced and his ribbon drew close and tightened below him. "I was totally fine until I got home. And then everything just hit me. The sadness, the anger, the confusion...they just slammed against me like a brick wall."
Iorek sighed heavily as he recalled the intensity. "I recall going upstairs to my room and then the next thing I remember is waking up outside with Lillian and Tyson jostling me."
He could still see their faces contorted with fear. "I guess I went upstairs and completely ripped my room apart." Reks laughed and pushed his hands deep into the sand. "Lillian I guess managed to corral me before I could break the window. Then I just flew downstairs, had enough sense to open the door, and yeah..."
He truly could not recall any of this. Not even little pieces of that night were coming to him. "It's scary, ya know? I-I'm not mad at Cruz mostly myself but...why would I do that? If I felt fine when we broke...erm...discussed things, why would I absolutely trash my room?"
Iorek closed his eyes and just took a deep breath as he laid partially buried in the warm sand. "I close my eyes and just try to remember something. Anything. But...nadda. I thought I was getting better but...if I can just blackout now? That's not good. Not at all."
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Posted: Sat Nov 21, 2015 2:24 pm
Cesc listened with his brow furrowed and his head inclined. Shep, beside him, could hardly do the same. What he was hearing was that Cruz had made his friend feel guilty somehow, enough so that Iorek had shut his own feelings down during the breakup. Maybe he had played the victim. Maybe he had gently assisted Iorek in taking the blame without the gargoyle even knowing it. But either way, the reaction seemed clear to Shep: bottle up and explode.
For Cesc, it didn't feel so simple. Although he could sense that Shepard was getting increasingly annoyed beside him, all he could feel was a deep concern. Cruz wasn't the type, thought Cesc, to have tried to escape the situation by making Iorek have to shut down his emotions. It was all a misunderstanding somehow, he was sure of it. Cruz liked kisses and Iorek associated them with romance, and a one-sided relationship had grown from the misinterpreted affection. Maybe Cruz had been blind, but Iorek, too, had not noticed the crocodile's discomfort during their birthday kiss. It must be on both sides.
And the rage, well… the rage was what Iorek was still struggling to control.
"Iorek…" Cesc's voice was puzzled, worried. "I know how hard this has got to be for you. After all the strides you've been making… maybe you just had a handle on it while you two were talking, and then it overwhelmed you when you got home?"
Shepard stayed silent, his jaw tight. He shrugged as Cesc looked at him.
"Breakups-- they're not easy to… let go of…" Cesc continued, scratching his temple awkwardly. He didn't feel like he should speak, although he did have some romantic rejection to speak FROM. "I know how it is. You just have to…ah… distract yourself."
"Sounds like you got all the rage out in one go," added Shepard, letting out a short sigh. "You shouldn't bottle like that, Reks. It's okay to show Cruz that you were mad. You have a right to be mad."
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Posted: Sat Nov 21, 2015 2:25 pm
Iorek shook his head at them. “B-But I didn’t bottle anything up! W-When it was happening there was nothing TO bottle up….w-we were fine. I-I felt fine.”
He grit his teeth together and tried to focus on exactly how he felt that day. He had been nervous when things took a turn for the worse, and when he started to get upset all the bad feelings suddenly disappeared. “I-I know breakups are difficult…I know what you mean but…this…was different.”
Reks shook as shivers ran down his spine. He stared at the ground with hopes that it would just swallow him whole and put his mind to rest.
After a few moments of silence Reks looked back up at them with fear written all over his face. “C-Could I be going crazy?” He asked in a hushed tone.
“What if….I’m declining? I-I was pleasant during the break up and lashed out when I got home…that’s not good. I-I thought I was controlling this but if I’m going to start blacking out when I’m angry…” He swallowed the lump in his throat as his eyes welled up with tears. “I’m dangerous…”
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Posted: Sat Nov 21, 2015 2:25 pm
"--No." Cesc cut in quickly as Iorek began to catastrophize, putting one hand gently on his shoulder. "No, Reks--I'm sure that's not what happened. You've never been through something like this before. Maybe shutting down while you were with Cruz was... you know, just how your mind was trying to cope. Trying to put on a brave face. People do that sometimes. They go numb and their real reaction comes out hours, even days later."
Shepard rose, standing quietly aside with his arms crossed. In his mind, Cruz still had something to do with this. Either he'd done it purposefully or to save himself grief, but somehow, Shep was certain that Cruz had manipulated the situation to his benefit. And to see Iorek like this now...
"Just keep tabs on yourself," he said, matter-of-factly. "If you feel like you're starting to lose yourself, refocus. Like we've talked about. Channel the energy."
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Posted: Sat Nov 21, 2015 2:25 pm
“It still isn’t safe…” But Iorek took a deep breath and closed his eyes to help him settle his nerves. He took a few calming breaths and luckily only a few tears crawled down his cheeks. Quickly the raevan removed his hands from the sand, dusted them off, and rubbed away the stray tears. Even though he tried to cover them up, the water had left dark trails against his stone skin.
“S-Sorry guys…I’m just getting really emotional lately.” He chuckled lightly to show them he was on the mend. “I’ll um, keep that in mind. You two are right. Must have just been some kind of fluke.”
But what if it wasn’t?
Iorek still felt uncertain…something just didn’t sit right with him. Blacking out was something he had done in the past. He thought he conquered that part of his anger but now it was coming back with vengeance. What if he couldn’t beat it?
But…it probably wasn’t the best to keep pushing his worries onto his friends. Maybe Cesc and Shep were right and he was just being a worry wart? Perhaps his inexperience with relationships caused the bad reaction? It was entirely plausible. Until he had some practice, Reks would just need to keep himself in check and it would all be okay.
“So…um..where do we want to start today? I think we’ve used enough of our time on all that.”
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Posted: Sat Nov 21, 2015 2:26 pm
Cesc and Shepard exchanged glances. It wasn't the first time Iorek had put on a brave face, but it wasn't anything they could do to convince him to take it off. Pushing now would just make the situation worse.
Cesc knew that firsthand.
"Don't worry about it," said Cesc at last. "Breakups are always a mixed bag-- a mixed bag of awful."
"Hear, hear," muttered Shepard. He took a few steps backward and motioned to the weight bench. "Now, enough with the soft stuff, eh? Time to get a lift in. We'll start with seeing how much Reks can bench."
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