Alex sat at her desk, struggling to write a letter.

There were a lot of things Alex struggled with. She struggled to matter, to leave good enough impressions those who she interacted with her didn't think she was a nuscience. She struggled with an almost crippling fear of being ignored, and almost over compensated too much. In direct opposition to that, Alex fought against a fear of being the center of attention. She didn't want to be ignored, but the minute things relied on her everything went to hell.

She desperately wanted to matter to people, and in her low points have them know without her telling them. That was unrealistic though, but the alternative - telling them she was depressed and unhappy - seemed more inconveniencing to them. It was uncanny just how much Alex valued other people's opinions over her own, as though the validation of their kindness or attention meant she existed.

Which was really the issue at hand, to be frank. By no consequence of her upbringing, Alex held a fear deep within her heart that she didn't exist. If people paid attention to her, then that meant she was grounded in this reality. If she wasn't, then she was nothing more than a figment of her own imagination and the whole thing was a dream. Given how much magic was involved, the ability to go to space, and things blowing up or being destroyed it wasn't far from the dreams she had.

Reaching out to people bothered her, because she always felt like she was the one to do it. 'If they cared, they'd reach to me,' the vile voice in her mind offered each time. Yet she'd be alone for the rest of her life if she didn't.

(There was a point to this whole introspective monologue, she mused, but I'm not sure what it was... )

The letter in front of her stared back at her with awkward grammar and more than a few spelling mistakes. Subconsciously, she knew that the person receiving it wouldn't care, but she consciously fretted over it. It has been a few months since their last point of contact. Did they even want to speak to Alex? Did they think she'd abandoned them?

No that would be silly.

Still...

"Oh for Andronicus' sake just send the damn thing!" grumbled Alex, who powered up to Andronicus to press her signet ring to the envelope. It fluttered a few times and then winked out of existence. She powered back down and leaned back in the chair.

Whelp. Nothing to do now but wait, really.

Kaefaux
Themiscyra,

So... hi. How've you been? Have things gotten better with Ashur yet? How's yer mom doing? How're you doing? Wait I already asked that--

I uh, joined the Destiny City Ballet Company in the summer. That's been cool. Tough as hell, but really awesome. School's kinda been put on hold; hard to take classes when rehearsals are at the same time.

Didja hear about that youma train fiasco? And the carnival debocle? You'd think we'd learn not to congregate in the same place by now.

I miss you. I really miss you.

Just wanted to check in and say hi, since its been so long. Night rehearsals cut into patrol time, and I figured you've been trying to help him out since the attack.

Hope we can meet up soon.

Love
Yours

Andronicus


[ WC: 565 ]