As his legs shook and air got to be a bit harder to gain, the blondes legs soon gave out and he dropped to his knees at Aiden’s side. The shudder that went through him shook his small, seemingly smaller than usual, frame as he tried to suck in as much air as he could but to no use really, even as he sucked in enough air to show every rib in his chest. It simply wasn’t enough as he stared at where the spider in the tank had been; the poor child had run off. Slate eyes were wide and the fair skin of the blond had managed, somehow, to pale as he remained shaking on the floor and sucking in as deeply as he could for every bit of air he could manage but to no avail as he could feel himself getting light headed.
Caught completely off guard Aiden quickly lowered himself beside Alex and placed his own hands on each of the blondes shoulders. “Alex?” wide eyed with panic in his voice he then shook his boyfriend slightly to try to gain his attention “Alex?” he repeated once more with more urgency. If he didn’t know any better he would have thought that the kid just shoved a gun in their face given the reaction he was faced with.
Might as well have been a gun, though that might have been better. A gun he could deal with, staring death in the face was easy, a spider even if it was in a tank however was impossible. The blond had a fear of them that went back to childhood and he’d kept it a secret, only a few knew of it and those few knew of it because they’d seen it, had known him before it had started and seen the attacks of panic which could grip him so suddenly and seemingly out of nowhere - like now.
He was rather unresponsive save for the sounds he made and the gasps for air. Wide eyed and shaking he managed to stumble over the one word, the answer to the attack, as he tried to draw in more air before letting out some odd sound. it wasn’t a scream, though it was intended to be, and most of it was silent with only a few moments of a high pitched whine like sound that was rather pathetic. The poor General, who had fought in battles and killed, could so easily be taken down. If the enemy were to find out, if he were to encounter a spider during a battle, he’d be a sitting duck if his present condition were any indication. It was a wonder he had such a love for plants, considering how they attracted the eight legged monsters.
As he shook again one hand reached up to clutch at one of Aiden’s even as he leaned into him and tried to speak, tried to tell the other that he was feeling light headed. He’d had it before where he would pass out, not enough air and his panic attack that bad, it seemed like he might be having a really bad one right now.
“Come on” he said more to himself than anything as he maneuvered himself so he slid one arm beneath Alex’s knees and stood up, carrying him bridal style out of the store. He needed air, fresh air, and to calm down.
Outside there was a small 3’ tall retaining wall for some seasonal plants and it was there Aiden set him down. “Alex, look at me” he asked, lowering himself so he was looking into slate gray eyes. Placing one hand on either side of the boy’s face he spoke in gentle tones “Come back to me Alex, I need you to talk to me. I don’t know what’s going on, help me understand… please” A last ditch effort to pull the blond from whatever darkness his mind had taken him to before the dark haired boy pulled out his phone and called Xander, Alex’s older brother though not by blood, or 911 if he was unable to help.
It seemed that either the air or his attention being forcefully brought to something else snapped him out of it. Though he seemed to need air still. Slate hued eyes blinked as the blond moved and clung to the other. Taking deep shaking breaths of fresh air. He held on tightly as if the other might vanish, and maybe he would? Would the other think him weak from such a strong reaction to something so small and minor? Oh god...the scene he must have caused? He wanted to curl up, to apologize to Aiden, and above all he wished he could undo that and somehow not have had a panic attack. As he clung to the other, face pressed to him, he tried to calm his breathing and get himself calmed even as he forced out the answer the other sought.
“Arachnophobia.” A fear of spiders and it seemed, from the attack he’d just had, that his phobia of spiders was a hell of an issue for him. Drawing in a long breath he tried to let it out slowly. Pressing himself to the other as he moved to try and even his breathing out to match the others, he’d learned to do it as he’d grown up and had these attacks. It was one way to help and even in his current state he knew enough to try, he didn’t need to faint and Aiden had at least brought him back to a state of awareness where he could think and realize his situation and the need to help himself. Shaking with the effort it was taking to even his breathing, though it only seemed to help in parts, he clutched at the other tightly.
Aiden wrapped his arms around Alex’s shoulders and rested his chin atop the blonds head holding him close, “The kid is gone don’t worry.”
“Come on, you go sit in the car. Take it easy. I’ll get the dog food and be back out okay?” In truth it wasn’t a suggestion, there was no way in hell Aiden was about to walk Alex back into the store after that episode. Leaving him alone wasn’t the best of options but the dog needed something to eat since he was out and a hungry dog meant a destroyed house.
A weak nod from the blond had him shifting out of the others lap and slowly Alexandre stood, a lot shaky and holding himself about the middle as if hugging himself. When he stood he tilted his head to the side and looked over his partner while a shudder passed through him. “I-I’ll be fine outside.” He hoped he hadn’t made as much of a scene as he was sure he had, it was embarrassing to say the least. He knew that embarrassment would only continue as well. He’d have nightmares tonight and for a few nights to come, he knew it, and how would Aiden handle that? He’d have to tell him, as he’d be exhausted the next few days, perhaps he could invite the other to spend the evenings with him? It always helped in the past.
The tile floor, dirty, and covered in animal fur was nothing he’d ever normally sit on and yet he had just a little while ago. It made him feel dirty as he thought about it in the back of his mind. He’d have to take a shower when he got home and scrub himself clean. After that though he might as well try and explain things to Aiden? Maybe even during the shower he could try and explain his fear of spiders and why...and warn him about tonight...and ask him to spend the evening, it couldn’t hurt to break down and ask right?
“Okay. I’ll be back out in a moment.” With that said he walked inside and made a v-line for the dog food aisle, grabbed a bag for Cahda then proceeded to the checkout counter.
The woman who rang up the merchandise looked at him with a questioning raise of her eyebrows wondering if it was okay to ask what was on her mind. Even though he knew what she was curious what that scene was about, Aiden merely shook his head silently requesting she leave it alone. Money exchanged hands and within minutes he was back outside.
Just where he had left Alex with that far off gaze, the dark haired boy approached him cautiously as to not startle him. “Lets head home okay?” He would have offered Alex a hand but his were otherwise occupied at the moment.
Nodding weakly he stood slowly and took hold of the others arm, without much thought or a word given. It was moments later, on the way to the car, that was really an suv, that he managed to find his voice. “I should have warned you...told you a while back.” back when he’d finally caved and agreed to letting the other take him out, agreed to dating, he should have told the other so many times. There were so many times he could have had an incident like this and then what? Whatever was to happen now. He should have just let the other know that he had a serious case of arachnophobia and told him how bad it could get - a warning. It would have been the proper thing to do and yet he hadn’t, and he felt guilt over it.
As he shuffled along he kept his eyes focused on Aiden who was at his side. “I’ve had it, bad, since I was little.” Biting down onto his bottom lip he didn’t want to continue, not here, and yet he wanted to also explain the issue, to inform the other as he should have a while back.
“I was in...second grade when it started.” He kept his voice low, whispering, for no reason other than it seemed like the only volume he could manage at the moment.
After opening the passenger door so Alex could get in, Aiden skirted around the vehicle and hopped in the drivers seat. Normally he didn’t like driving such big vehicles but Alexandre was in no condition to be behind the wheel.
“What happened?” He asked genuinely concerned for his shaken friend. It seemed though the two of them have been officially together for close to three almost four months, there was still a lot to learn about his partner.
Looking over to the other he managed a smile, tilting his head a bit, and ran his fingers through his hair. “Someone in my class, I can’t remember who.” Though he could remember her face he couldn’t remember her name, over all the years her name had blurred together with that of all his other classmates in elementary school. he’d never bought a yearbook in those years, nor even middle school, so he couldn’t find out even if he wanted to know.
“She found a book of horror stories and decided to shove it under my face. It was open to a page talking about some woman who had, in her sleep, had a spider crawl into her open mouth and lay it’s eggs which then hatched. She was bitten to death. The page next to the story though…” Trailing off he took a breath as he tried to keep himself calm. It shouldn’t be such a dramatic thing but for him, with his fear of spiders, it was a big thing for him. he could still see that picture in his head, could remember the horror story which accompanied it. “Her face was a mask of horror with baby spiders covering it. I knew it wasn’t real, I knew it, but it still put a fear in me.” As impossible as he knew it was, for a spider egg sack to hatch so fast, for someone not to notice it as it would give the mouth breather, as he assumed they’d been, an issue which would have woken them. None of it mattered though, the damage had been done.
Biting down on his bottom lip he took another shuddering breath. “Hasn’t lessened since then...maybe it’s even gotten worse. I didn’t get such bad attacks when I was little but the nightmares for days after has always been.” Almost four months of dating and up till now it had never come up, never had to, and now it had to be discussed because of this incident.
Aiden listened patiently as Alex retold his story from when he was a kid. To be honest he couldn’t really blame him for having such a reaction especially when Jenna would have probably reacted the same way as well. Though it did beg him to ask a question, “How is it you’re able to garden so much then? Spiders are kind of a necessity to keep the bugs down to a minimum so they don’t eat your plants.” They were an important part of an ecosystem and benefited him keeping his garden healthy and alive. Did those ones not bug him or did Alex simply not notice them when they were around. Even in greenhouses they always find their way inside.
“They are and I know I have them in the greenhouse, trust me I know. But I don’t see them often, considering the size of them. But I’ve had panic attacks from them while gardening.” Because even if he knew they were there he could still function, right until he saw the eight legged buggers. “I got fired when I had a panic attack at my first job, a greenhouse. They didn’t know of my fear and I had an attack in front of a customer.” And her kid and had most likely scared them both.
So long as he didn’t see them he could function, if he couldn’t handle the idea of them he’d be in a bubble and roll about like a hamster. He was good with ignoring the fact that they were all around him, he could handle it so long as there was no visual reminder of the fact.
“I don’t know what I can do to help other than kill them for you.” He had been desensitized to the whole spider killing thing when he was about ten years old. Given his sister had every right to be terrified of the one that had been found in her room, he had been the big brave brother to get it for her since lord knows their mother didn’t want to deal with it either.
Aiden stuck the key in the ignition then started the SUV. It made a beautiful purring sound just before the heaters kicked on. Thankfully they had been out and about for a while already so the hot air was more than welcome. “Why don’t I get you home for now, I’ll come back and get the rest of the stuff for Cadha.” Not waiting for Alex to put up an argument, the dark haired young man shifted the vehicle into reverse and began backing out of their parking spot.
“You can kill all the spiders for me.” Nodding his head, smiling, he was more than willing to let the other be his knight in shining armor where it came to the creepy crawlies. He couldn’t handle them and if Aiden was willing to than he would let him. He almost, almost, asked the other to move in with him so he could keep him safe while handling the spider issue; as all you never know when or where they’ll turn up.
“You can...ummm...stay tonight and maybe the next few. It’s likely I’ll wind up with nightmares.” He said slowly, embarrassed to be asking such. He was staring at the other, a flush on his cheeks showing just how embarrassed he was to be asking this. “I used to sleep with Lily, whenever I needed to, it would help with the nightmares.” But he lived alone and he couldn’t call Lily. He’d been dealing with them on his own whenever he saw a spider since she’d moved out. He couldn’t just call her at home to drop everything and spend a few nights at his place in his bed.
Aiden nodded his head in silent agreement. He had no problem sharing a bed with the other; it wouldn’t be their first time nor would it be their last.
“We only really needed the food, right?” He asked after a moment, not wanting the other to really leave him as weak as it sounded to him it was true.
“Mmhmm, unless you want to replace a few of his ratty toys.” Aiden side glanced at Alex as he made a left turn at the intersection. One of Cadha’s toys had weak seams and the squeaker that was inside had fallen out sometime last week. Though Alex’s cousin Claire had fixed the toy the little noise maker has yet to be found.
“I think that’s all we absolutely needed. We should be fine.” Aiden could return after the Halloween event, or whenever Aiden wanted to return without him, provided it wasn’t today. He’d rather spend the day with the other. “We can replace the toys tomorrow...I don’t think Cadha will mind too much.” The little terrier did however had a tendency to destroy his toys, the more he liked it the more ratty it was. At least you could tell which ones he liked the most.
“Tomorrow for the toys.” He said a bit firmer as he nodded his head.
The rest of the car ride home was rather quiet save for the music playing on the radio. Neither felt the need to say any more and instead enjoyed the comfort of each others company till Aiden was able to drop Alex off at his house while he went back to get the necessities from the pet store for Cadha.
Sleet Tempes Snape
Backdated to just before Halloween
