Welcome to Gaia! ::

Er, hi everyone... Yea, haven't been here in a long time. >_> I feel kind of ashamed, asking for help when I haven't been giving it in return, but eh. I don't know where to go anymore. @_@;;

Bet I wasn't missed much, eh? xd

Here is my beef:

One of my best friends is everything I love in a friend--she's honest, and caring, and lots of fun to be around. But one thing about her drives me nuts: the fact that she never sticks up for herself and she never takes compliments, because she thinks they'll go to her head and she'll become conceited. We're both artists so I understand being self-critical of your work to get yourself better. But she's self-critical to a point where she thinks EVERYTHING she does is bad, which I assure you all is not in the least bit true, as she's done some beautiful work.

She thinks I am a better artist than she is. I don't want to sound like a concieted p***k, my style is a bit more refined and polished than hers, and the detail and anatomy of my characters. I love her work, though--it's not bad at all, but she thinks it is compared to mine and our other friend, which also draws and is a decent artist, too.

Then when I try to encourage her, she just kind of pushes it to the side.

And... she never sticks up for herself. She's Roman Catholic, gone to church for her whole life, knows a helluva lot about the Christian religion. So you can imagine how pissed she'd get when this ******** b***h (AKA my ex boyfriend) starts lecturing her about the evils of Catholicism when he's: 1) Never gone to church, 2) Thinks he knows everything about Christianity because he's read the Bible, 3) Claims to be part Satanist. What the ******** on that last part. I told her to tell him off if he pisses her off about it anymore, but she says she hates being nasty to people and that she's always used to being the doormat, etc.

I can't stand seeing assholes tell her she's a "fat b***h" and get away with it or be openly rude to her and get nothing in return. I want to punch them in the face when they do that but she doesn't want me fighting her battles for her. Like this psuedo-goth kid, who claims to wear black leather "Because he's poor." What the ********. At lunch, he says, "Gimme your muffin." She of course says no, because the guy's an a*****e. He walks away and says under his breath, "Fat b***h." My friend's extremely body-conscious because she is overweight, but is working on healthy dieting.

I can't just stand around and watch it happen, and it kills me to see her berate herself about every ********' thing. How do I boost her self-esteem, and how do I nicely tell her to grow a backbone and start sticking up for herself? Argh.

As AraTeran said, give compliments when you see fit. Not over the top compliments but something small. Chances are she'll be able to take a small compliment better. Don't give them to often either. Mabye one small every two days or so.
Also when it comes to sticking up for herself - do you know if she's happy walking away? Mabye she would just prefer to avoid conflict. She does sound like a nice girl, it would be ashame to ruin that. You could tell her just to tell them to shut up or something. Or do it for her for a while.

Unfortunately, there's very little you can actually do. A personal change like self-esteem must be driven internally, not by a friend who cares deeply. She'll have to make that choice in order for it to be truly meaningful.

Your concern and friendship is duly noted.