September 19th, 2015


A tiny plastic cutlass poked over the counter of the Krispy Kreme doughnut display. It wavered uncertainly, menacing the cash register and bumping against the serviette holder. After a moment of inefficient blind brandishing, Kirra pulled herself up on her tiptoes against the bench until she could see over, and pointed her blade at the shop lady, squinting a one-eyed pirate glare at the Keeper of the Doughnuts.

“Arr, avast!” she roared, in her deepest voice (which wasn’t really very deep but pretty pirate-growly, she thought). “Prepare to be boarded, landlubber! Gimme all your plunder!”

She gave the shop lady a big grin, showing off the black tooth her mum had painted on for her. It was just typical she didn’t have any wobbly ones when it counted. It would have been better gold, but her mum said she could just be a poor pirate, which was why she had to go on a doughnut raid, so that was okay. Her mum had painted a big black scar on her cheek, too, and helped her get dressed. She had put a lot of hard work into her costume last night, from the long stripy socks on her feet all the way to her piratical paper hat with lovingly-rendered skull-and-crossbones. She had a fluffy red tutu-skirt, tied with a thick black ribbon at the waist, a white peasant blouse, bandana and of course her eyepatch, which was also paper-and-ribbon, but hardly tearing at all. One hand wielded the plastic cutlass, while the other clutched a large plush parrot toy – more of a lorikeet that a pirate bird, but she’d stuck a paper eyepatch on it, too - mostly since Gigi had refused to wear it.

Unfortunately her big cousin just wasn’t getting into the spirit of the thing. Gigi, her escort for the day, was wearing just plain clothes, and looking out the window and at her watch and everywhere except Kirra. Kirra pouted. Well, at least the cashier wasn’t ignoring her.

“And what sort of plunder are ye looking for matey?” asked the shop lady, with a smile.

“Loot!” Kirra responded instantly, her Australian accent buried under the pirate drawl. “Booty! You gotta give me all your doughnuts. And all your pieces of eight. Or I’ll make you walk the plank, arrr!”

“Oh! Right ye are, then, matey,” the lady said, pulling out one of the biiig boxes and beginning to fill it up. The doughnuts were so shiny! Like real pirate treasure! Silver doubloonnuts. Kirra didn’t know what pieces of eight actually were, but she was sure doughnuts were prettier. And tastier.

“What are ye going to do with all yer plunder, matey?” asked the lady, as she boxed up the treasure.

“That’s Captain Matey to you! I’m going to bury it on a desert island! No, a dessert island! And draw a map! With an X!”

The lady nodded. “Good plan. Who are you going to give the map to?”

“My crew! And then we’ll dig it up! And eat it!”

“You really thought this out!” the lady said. “Who’s your crew?”

The other shop assistants were smiling over at them now, and some of the other customers too. Kirra puffed up with pirate pride. “Ye gotta call me Captain Princess Pirate! I’m going to – I be goin’ to me drama class to meet me crew! Yo ho ho and a bottle of lemonade!”

“Um,” said Gigi, pushing Kirra’s cutlass away to speak to the lady over her head. “Do we have to make a purchase or anything?”

“No, she’s got it covered. What a cutie!”

Kirra pulled a ferocious pirate face, glaring at them both. “I’m – I be no cutie! I be the Pirate Captain Fairy Princess, the fiercest Pirate on the high seas, shivermetimbers!” she added, remembering a last phrase of pirate speak she’d forgotten to use.

“Sorry, Captain!” said the shop lady, pushing the biiiig box across the counter. “It’s all here, every doubloon.”

“Do you want me to carry that for you?” Gigi asked, as Kirra pulled it reverentially towards her.

“No, landlubber, ye can’t have me treasure!”

“You’re going to drop it.”

“I am so not!” But juggling parrot, cutlass and the immense dozen-doughnut box was a little difficult. “Okay, you carry the treasure. You can be my pirate mermaid slave.”

“Your what? O-kay?”

Kirra released the box to her bemused slave, sheathing her cutlass in her ribbon sash, and hugging her parrot against her chest. “And I get two, because next week is my birthday! And I’m the Captain.”

“Aye, aye, Captain,” said Gigi, shaking her head.

Kirra skipped up beside her, bright-eyed in triumph. Her cousin was finally talking like a pirate too! “Starboard!” she roared happily, pointing to the bus stop. All the kids at Drama were going to be so excited when she showed them her loot! Then they could all be pirates together!