|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
 Posted: Tue Sep 08, 2015 7:30 pm
They never made it to their dinner reservation.
There was a sense of relief that came with washing the gunk from the train station down the drain. Paris turned off the water only once she was sure she'd removed every last trace of it. She shivered as she stepped out of the shower; the cold air caused goosebumps to erupt along her naked skin. Hastily she grabbed a towel to dry off with, wrapping it around herself once she was done. She brushed damp strands of hair from her cheeks; the rest clung to her neck in sodden tendrils.
She left the en suite and returned to the master bedroom, where Chris lay resting in bed at Paris's insistence. She looked him over worriedly as she retrieved her pajamas. Only an hour or two had passed since his starseed had been returned to him. Paris kept watching him for any sign that something was wrong.
“How do you feel?” she asked.
She pulled on a pair of underwear after removing her towel and tossing it on top of the hamper. Next she pulled an oversized t-shirt over her head before climbing onto the bed to sit beside Chris.
“You look better than you did at the station,” she said. “Do you think you feel well enough to shower?”
|
 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Wed Sep 09, 2015 3:27 am
There was something wrong with him. No matter how he tried to convince himself of the contrary, something kept nagging him in the back of his mind that something was terribly wrong. Ever since the night he lost his memories he had been experiencing pain, of course, but it wasn't until that day at the station that he realized there might be something more to it. What if the attempted corruption had permanently damaged him.
"Hmm?" he opened his eyes when he realized Paris was speaking to him. She was worried, too. It was clear in her eyes. If anything, she looked as though she was more worried than him. "I've been worse," he admitted, trying to force a small smile for her benefit. It didn't seem very genuine.
"I don't think it's a matter of if I can shower at this point," he added with a grimace. He'd at least discarded the clothing that had been covered in gunk from the station, but he knew he should definitely shower before trying to get some sleep.
Chris reached out his hand to take hold of one of Paris's as she sat next to him, giving it a small squeeze, hoping that the contact would be comforting for her. "I'm sorry about today. That was my fault. I didn't mean to worry you, but," he paused, although he was sure Paris already knew, "I'm glad it was me and not someone else. I like to think I'm more durable, given everything we've been though." He said it as a joke, the small smile widening just slightly in an attempt to calm Paris of her constant worries.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Wed Sep 09, 2015 5:59 am
There would be no calming Paris tonight. If her worrying hadn't been constant before, it certainly would be now given what she knew. Something had happened to him between being nearly corrupted and having the lingering corruption purified, and Paris couldn't quite believe that it wasn't somehow her fault.
She let Chris take her hand, but she frowned at him when he responded to her.
“Don't say things like that,” she said.
She certainly wasn't glad that it had been him and not someone else. She wished it had been no one, but knew that was impossible given how the Negaverse operated. If anything, she would have been glad had it been someone else and not Chris, and she felt bad for thinking that way.
Paris curled her free arm around her stomach where she often thought she could still feel the starseed she'd been forced to consume.
“If you would just... fight back... maybe things like this wouldn't happen all the time,” she said. “This happens too much, Chris, and I cant always protect you. The less you fight, the less I'm able to, because I'm constantly worried about you getting hurt or being used against me.”
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Wed Sep 09, 2015 6:22 am
"I do fight back," he argued, but it was a weak argument at best. He knew he wasn't the best when it came to physical combat and even less with magic now that he didn't have Valkyrie it his own magic to aid him. "It's not like I'm trying to get into those situations," he tried instead when he realize that his previous answer wasn't going to go over well. "I just... like knowing there are no other options before fighting."
He felt guilty and helpless, upset that things got so bad that Paris felt the need to discuss his reluctance to fight. He believed that trust creates peace, and fighting wasn't going to help build that trust. Of course, he also knew that he was one for unpopular opinions in regards to the war.
"I should shower," he said instead of pushing the topic or trying to argue with Paris when he was sure nothing he said would help to alleviate her worry or concern. He couldn't bring himself to look at her, to see the sadness and worry for him in her eyes.
He also didn't want to reveal that he was just as worried.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Wed Sep 09, 2015 6:40 am
“You don't fight back,” Paris denied. “You might not try to get yourself into those sorts of situations, but you don't fight back when you do. This is a war, Chris. I wish you'd realize that. Talking with these people is only going to get you so far, and not fighting... it just... the more you get into the habit of not doing it, the more these sorts of things are going to happen to you, and I'm not always going to be there to save you.”
That was the scariest part, the fact that she might not be there. She tried her best not to let that happen, but she couldn't always be with him. She knew he went out on his own. What was she supposed to do if something happened to him when he did? All because he was too foolish or too... incapable to fight.
Eventually Paris pulled her hand away. She drew her legs up to her chest and wrapped her arms around them, then lowered her head on top of her knees. She didn't want to argue about this, but it had to be done. Chris had to be made to understand.
“How do you think it makes me feel?” she said. “I can't do what I have to when people use you against me. I can't do what I have to even when they don't, because I'm too busy worrying about you. Would you even know how to defend yourself if you tried?”
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Wed Sep 09, 2015 8:39 am
"What would you rather me do? Stay at home and do nothing? I know how you feel because I worry about you, too. You draw enough attention already with your pure energy, and even more now!" he argued, not thinking that it was fair for her to tell him he caused her grief by not fighting like she wanted him to.
"I can't just not do something," he said, pushing himself up so he could sit instead of lay down, watching with concern as Paris wrapped her arms around herself. His instinct was to reach out and wrap his own arms around her and hold her close, but seeing as they were fighting about his own inability to fight, he didn't think it would be received very well.
"I wish you would trust me..." he said sadly after a few moments. "I trust you to make your own decisions with the war. I've never spoken against you or tried to make it seem as though you're not strong enough to handle things on your own, because I know you are. I know you're worried about me, but I'm not going to change... You know that..."
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Wed Sep 09, 2015 10:12 am
“Yes, sometimes I would rather you stay home and do nothing,” Paris said. She didn't raise her head from her knees. Rather, she preferred to keep her head lowered and her eyes averted during the conversation. “You have no idea how I feel about this because my situation is completely different from yours.”
Yes, she drew attention to herself because of her power, but that power also allowed her to defend herself and other people far better than Chris could hope to as he was now.
“This isn't about me trusting you or not,” she insisted. Her voice grew thick the longer she argued, like it was becoming difficult for her to reign in her emotions. Indeed, all she had to do was remember Cinnabar holding Valhalla's starseed and her emotions went out of control. “Your starseed is cracked, Chris. What am I supposed to do about that?”
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Wed Sep 09, 2015 12:20 pm
He shook his head when she said she would rather him stay home, knowing he'd be unable to do that and she was being completely unreasonable. He was still a knight. He might not be the best fighter but her was able to handle himself in most situations. At least until recently.
Chris opened his mouth to argue, not seeing how their situations were any different... but froze before he could say anything.
His starseed? Was that why he wasn't able to use his magic? Why he felt the way he did? Why he got sick when it had been returned to him? Or was it something Cinnabar did?
"What...?" he asked softly in disbelief. Maybe she was just over exaggerating.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Wed Sep 09, 2015 12:52 pm
Paris wished she was exaggerating, but she wouldn't make something like this up and she hoped Chris knew that. He had to. There was a level of trust between them that didn't exist between either of them and other people.
“I said your starseed is cracked,” she repeated.
Eventually she lifted her head to look at Chris. She had tears in her eyes.
“When Cinnabar took it out, she noticed it. I don't think she did it.” If she had, she wouldn't have seemed so surprised by it. “Then when I got your starseed back, I could see it. There's something wrong with it, Chris. It had to have been when Laurelite... and then when I... what if it's my fault?”
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Wed Sep 09, 2015 1:36 pm
He knew she wasn’t lying, but he also hoped that what she said really wasn’t the case. A cracked starseed…? What did that mean for him?
And then when she finally lifted her head to look at him again, he wasn’t as concerned for his starseed as he was for his heart.
“Baby girl…” he caved, moving closer so he could reach out and put his arms around her, pulling her close to him. “Whatever happened wasn’t your fault… You saved me… I could have been corrupted, but you saved me. I’ll be okay, baby,” he said, although he wasn’t sure he could believe himself.
At least with how he was holding her, she wouldn’t have a chance to look at his eyes to see for herself if he was telling the truth or no. A cracked starseed would definitely explain everything that was going wrong with him, but what was going to happen now? Was there any chance that it could be repaired, or would he have to live with it for the rest of his life?
How long would he have to live with a cracked starseed…?
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Wed Sep 09, 2015 1:46 pm
Paris didn't know how it had happened, or what it meant for Chris, or how it was going to affect things going forward. But she couldn't believe it wasn't somehow her fault. She was inexperienced when it came to things like corruptions and purifications; she barely knew what she was doing. Sure, it could have happened when Laurelite had her hand in Chris's chest, but shouldn't Paris's attempts to save him have fixed whatever damage Laurelite did?
And if not, how were they supposed to fix it now?
She leaned into Chris when he pulled her close and cried softly into his shoulder.
“You don't know that,” Paris said. “What if I did something wrong?”
She'd been operating purely on instinct. She hadn't had anyone there to tell her whether or not she was doing it correctly.
“What am I supposed to do if something happens to you?” she said. “Your starseed is cracked. How are we supposed to fix that?”
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Wed Sep 09, 2015 2:02 pm
”You couldn’t have hurt me… you’re too good for that,” he tried to convince her, but he knew it was a hopeless effort. Once she made up her mind, she stuck to it no matter what. Nothing he could say would help, and short of finding proof that she did not hurt him, he didn’t know what else he could do to convince her.
“Shh,” he said softly in an attempt to calm her, closing his eyes and pressing a kiss against the top of her head. “I’ll ask around. I can’t possibly be the first person this has happened to.” It was just as likely that someone he knew happened to know someone who’d had a cracked starseed, and hopefully they would know how it was fixed…
Or at least be able to give him a time frame for how much longer he had.
“I’m right here… it’s not like I can’t do anything, baby. And if that General never tried hurting me, we would have never found out. It doesn’t hurt that much. I’ve definitely had worse headaches before.”
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Wed Sep 09, 2015 2:20 pm
Nothing Chris said reassured her. It wasn't even that she'd made up her mind already, if was that they had no proof to the contrary. Laurelite had attempted to corrupt him, Paris had tried to save him, Cinnabar had ripped Chris's starseed from his chest—those were the facts. That was all they had to work with. The cracking of his starseed could have happened during any of those events.
“You can't do anything,” Paris insisted. “You can't use magic, you can't call your bird, you can't defend yourself. You keep thinking that talking is going to solve all our problems. You don't fight. And meanwhile I have to pick up the pieces, only I don't even know if I'm doing that right.”
She lifted her head to look up at him. The expression on her face was half devastation and half accusation. “What am I supposed to do if something happens to you? And don't say that nothing will, because something already has.”
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Wed Sep 09, 2015 2:34 pm
”What do you want me to say?” he asked, looking back at her with grief and guilt and fear to meet her expression accusation and devastation. “That I don’t know what to do? That I can tell something is wrong with me and I have no idea how to fix it? I don’t know what you’re supposed to do if something were to happen to me, and I don’t want to think about it, because I’m afraid something really will happen to me, and I don’t want to leave you alone.”
It terrified him to think that he might not have much time left. Not because he was afraid of death, exactly, but he was afraid of what it would mean for Paris. She was strong, but he knew she relied heavily on him. If something did happen to him, he would hope that she would somehow find a way to continue living. They had the twins on the way. They were something to live for, even without him, but he dared not mention that.
“You’re right. I can’t do anything. I can’t fight, and I don’t try to. I can’t use my magic, Valkyrie could very well be dead, and if I stop talking…” he said through gritted teeth, fighting back the fear he felt. “If I stop saying that I’ll be okay, then I’ll feel like I’m giving up…”
He shook his head at her, pulling away so she wouldn’t have to see him fight away any tears that threatened to well up in his eyes. His sadness wasn’t for himself, but for her. “I won’t give up, Paris. There has to be a way to fix this.”
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Wed Sep 09, 2015 2:48 pm
She didn't know what to do when he pulled away from her. There was a part of her that feared it meant he blamed her, even if logically she knew that wasn't the case. Chris was upset, too. She could see it in his eyes. He knew what to do even less than she did.
“I'm sorry,” Paris said. “I don't know what else to say.”
She didn't know what to do to help him. She'd never heard of anyone in a situation quite like Chris's—nearly corrupted, magic all out of sorts, starseed cracked.
Paris shifted closer to him despite the distance Chris had put between them. She put her head to his shoulder and wrapped her arms around him.
“I'm sorry,” was all she could say. “I'm sorry...”
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Reply
