It can't be cheating if you are the one that left me.

It was a mantra that had been repeating on loop through Aitana's head for the past two days. At work, while she was eating, in the shower, even when she'd laid down and buried her face under a pillow to try and drown out the world and her brain. But no matter how many times she said it it never seemed to fix anything. By now in fact, it sounded almost like jibberish, having lost all meaning after the thousandth repetition. And it certainly wasn't pushing away the sick feeling of guilt in the pit of her stomach.

Why did she even feel guilty at all? Aitana had asked herself that again and again as well ever since the nasty feeling had crept up on her. Coralie had been the one to leave her after all. SHE had been the one that had wrecked everything and turned Aitana's whole world on it's end. Took away her purpose as a senshi, took away her future in volleyball, taken every bit of her life and dashed it into the ground. For two years Aitana had been in a downward spiral and she'd pinned it entirely and solely on the abandonment of her princess/friend. Each sour mood she expanded upon, letting it rot and fester into an unending pile of anger all directed at Coralie and the quartet. And through it all she wallowed in suffering and unhappiness each and every day. Deep down feeling like it was what she deserved because as much as it was Coralie's fault for leaving, it was her fault for not being good enough to keep her.

Her return to Destiny City had reignited some sense of joy and amusement in her. When she went out at night and beat the s**t out of monsters she felt a thrill. A brief and momentary joy that was brilliant but it always faded away when dawn touched the sky. Until that one day.

Aitana wasn't even entirely sure when the flip had switched. Or what about that night and fight with the youma that had done it. Why was it, on that morning after she'd met Puck her positive feelings hadn't immediately subsided into darkness like they had every other morning before for almost two years.

Sure he was fun and amusing. And the thought of hanging out with him again further sparked that strange and unfamiliar feeling of... joy. It had been so long that she didn't even recognize that it was similar to what she'd used to feel when she knew she was going to get to see Coralie or one of her Meadowview teammates. It was a natural emotion that humans, social creatures that they were, had. But it was one she'd buried and denied herself of for so long that she'd almost forgotten it exisisted. Maybe that was why she'd kissed Puck. Having tasted the feeling of human connection once again and grasping for it so desperately again.

But why shouldn't she feel happiness!? Who said she wasn't allowed!? Why did she feel so strongly deep down that she shouldn't be allowed friendship or joy?

Aitana had loved Coralie. Wholely and entirely, in a way that had always been begging for trouble and was never meant to be. As a guardian and solider she had no right or place to love her princess in the way she did. To lust after her and want her solely for her own. To be there to protect her, and comfort her, to hear her secrets and maybe even.. if she were being entirely selfish taste those delicate and perfect lips. But perhaps that's why she'd been so happy to pledge her life to the demure cotton candy haired princess. In her presence, and for nothing more than her smile or approval, Aitana/Juno would have done anything and everything. She'd given up her life back in Brazil. She would have given up volleyball and her life in the real world in every way possible just to keep Chibimoon safe and happy. Even that day in Elysion, when she stood in the way of Sassolite's arrows, her eyes had never left her princess. Because if it made Chibimoon happy and kept her safe Juno would stand in front of any attack. She would give away her last breath and last ounce of blood.

That was why it hurt so much when she left. Why it seemed as if the entire world was crashing around Aitana on that fateful day two years ago. To feel so strongly about someone, to feel everything about someone and then have them leave.. without even a word. It was like knife to her heart. And it was a knife that had remained firmly lodged in her heart for all that time, festering like a splinter left unattended, the poison of infection course through her body. There was so much hurt, despair, and hatred boiling within her that it wasn't surprising how often it bursted past the surface.

Why had Chibimoon done this to her? Why had Coralie...?

Aitana punched her pillow, straddling it on her bed as if it were a person, and perhaps she was imagineing a face there, as she drew back again, bronzed muscles of her back rippling as her fist pounded into the pillow again and again.

When finally the assualt on her pillow ended Aitana flopped down on her bed, but only after kicking the pillow off to the ground for good measure. She was done.

Noone was going to tell her she couldn't be happy anymore. Coralie was gone and she wasn't going to control her life any longer. She wasn't going to feel guilt for something when she wasn't the one to do it.

Having her own life and happiness wasn't cheating, and even if it was... well ******** her princess and ******** her quartet too.