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Sinbari rolled 1 4-sided dice:
4
Total: 4 (1-4)
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 Posted: Sun Aug 23, 2015 12:01 pm
This was going to be a piece of cake. Plaid the Impaler stood there, chewing bubble gum and smirking at the sorry looking fighter in front of her. The tall, toned girl had a long blonde pony tail and was wielding a b*****d sword, and was dressed in her usual fare, a chainmail and leather bustier top, and a plaid skirt (pink today), with chainmail underneath. She wore steel-toed, knee-high boots with a spike on the front of each.
Shaking her head at the man in front of her she charged in, sword raised high, before swinging it downwards diagonally at her opponent, attempting to cleave him from shoulder to hip.
HP: 20
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Yousei Akki rolled 1 4-sided dice:
4
Total: 4 (1-4)
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Posted: Sun Aug 23, 2015 12:17 pm
HP: 16
Baha the Ineffable stalked out into the battle arena. He stood a good hand shorter then his opponent. With a bald head, tiny black eyes, and a budda belly, he was hardly the physical match to Plaid. Baha's choice of battle gear was a red and black striped kilt, knee high white socks, brilliant yellow flip flops, and a fog horn loud Hawaiian shirt colored with screaming yellow parrots, red flowers, on a blue background. In his left hand he proudly displayed the top of a buffet table serving platter. The shining silver metal top nearly rivaled his size, while in his right hand he wielded a massive ham hock 'club'. As Plaid launched her attack, Baha raised his ham hock over his head. Spinning it once, he was distracted by a drizzle of grease that trickled it's way down his hand. He paused and took a mighty bite out of his own weapon, momentarily forgetting he was sort of in the middle of battle. Plaid's greatsword swung down, cutting through the front of his shirt (Oh Gods no) and releasing the great mass of flesh beneath to jiggle and wobble freely. Of course there was also that pesky wound he received too. Baha blinked, his mouth full of ham, and swung his ham hock at Plaid's face. "Your too thin!" He roared with his 'attack'
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Sinbari rolled 1 4-sided dice:
3
Total: 3 (1-4)
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Posted: Sun Aug 23, 2015 12:22 pm
Plaid saw him take a bite out of his weapon as she approached and it disgusted her. Even after she swung and scored a good hit on him, the wobbling of his belly grossed her out so much she hesitated too long afterwards and was clubbed hard by the greasy weapon. "Ugh!" she yelled, spitting grease out of her mouth. "You need to go on a diet!" She replied, before attempting to bring her elbow up to bash him in the chin. HP: 16
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Yousei Akki rolled 1 4-sided dice:
1
Total: 1 (1-4)
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Posted: Sun Aug 23, 2015 12:28 pm
HP: 13
Baha threw his head back with a roar of laughter. "Rah ha ha ha ha! Little girl! Baha the Ineffable does not do diets!" He jovially roared until her elbow cracked into his chin. His mouth clipped shut, the jowls of his cheeks wobbling in surprise before he swung out with his buffet tray top to try and smash it against his opponents side.
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Sinbari rolled 1 4-sided dice:
2
Total: 2 (1-4)
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Posted: Sun Aug 23, 2015 12:33 pm
Plaid was already moving after her elbow hit him. Damn that hurt. This guy was fat but also pretty solid. She should have worn her spiked elbow pads! Oh well maybe next time. She deftly avoided the tray and was suddenly behind him, aiming a spiked steel-toed boot at his great big blubbery behind. HP: 15
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Yousei Akki rolled 1 4-sided dice:
4
Total: 4 (1-4)
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Posted: Sun Aug 23, 2015 12:40 pm
HP: 11
The girl moved quickly, and before Baha had a chance to really clock her she was gone. His head rolled from side to side as Plaid appeared to have just vanished from the field. A sudden boot to the a** alerted him to her real position. The spike peirced the blubbery protective layer of his a**, resulting in a grunt of pain. Baha spun about, his arm swung the ham hock wildly as he spun around in a tubby whirlwind.
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Sinbari rolled 1 4-sided dice:
1
Total: 1 (1-4)
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Posted: Sun Aug 23, 2015 12:43 pm
She would give this guy one thing, his fat was almost as good as regular armor. The fact he only grunted from her kick surprised her, and resulted in her getting cold cocked by the ham hock, making her stumble to the side. Snorting she swung her sword at the spinning man, not giving a whit where it might hit.
HP: 11
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Yousei Akki rolled 1 4-sided dice:
3
Total: 3 (1-4)
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Posted: Sun Aug 23, 2015 12:50 pm
HP: 10
Baha finished his spin facing Plaid. "There you are!" He yelled out. He was able to see her raise her blade, and Baha countered with his 'shield' A great clanging of metal filled the air as the blade met the buffet tray top. Baha's arm vibrated...and still vibrated for seconds after. Baha gave a groan of pain as the vibration traveled all the way up his arm to his shoulder, the rolls of fat visibly trembled from the strike. Growling he jabbed his ham hock back at Plaid's face. "Take a bite!"
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Sinbari rolled 1 4-sided dice:
2
Total: 2 (1-4)
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Posted: Sun Aug 23, 2015 12:54 pm
Plaid's own arms vibrated from the clanging of metal, who knew that weird shield could hold up so well? She couldn't bring her sword up in time and took the ham hock straight to the face again, knocking her back. Geez, couldn't this porkster hit anywhere else? Her gum tasted like ham now, bleck. She spit her gum out at his face before trying to move quickly and impale the porker.
HP: 8
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Yousei Akki rolled 1 4-sided dice:
2
Total: 2 (1-4)
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Posted: Sun Aug 23, 2015 1:08 pm
HP: 8
Bam! Face plant pork! Baha grinned as he smacked Plaid in the face with his ham hock. Though when she retaliated by spitting her gum at him he blinked and wrinkled his nose. "Don't you know spitting is only for camels and cobras?" He yelled at her. It appeared Baha only had one volume setting. Loud. Her blade came towards him, and with all the grace of a over aged satyr, Baha hop shuffled to the left. The blade cut through his side, once more shredding the mockery of a shirt flapping around his blubbery torso. Baha swung his ham hock out low towards Plaid's hips as he shouted. "You ain't got no meat on your bones!"
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Sinbari rolled 1 4-sided dice:
4
Total: 4 (1-4)
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Posted: Sun Aug 23, 2015 1:12 pm
Plaid scowled. "I do too. I am not a toothpick." She was toned, actually, with good muscle definition, but not butch by any means. "Why don't you just give up now and go eat the rest of your weapon? I'm sure it will be more enjoyable for you," she says, managing to partially avoid it that time and take a light clip to her hips. This time, she swung her sword down for his knees.
HP: 6
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Yousei Akki rolled 1 4-sided dice:
2
Total: 2 (1-4)
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Posted: Sun Aug 23, 2015 1:17 pm
HP: 4
Baha apparently could not tell the difference between a honest suggestion and a mocking comment. His attention became diverted to his weapon, and as Plaid had suggested. He took a giant bite out of it's side. Ripping some of the meat away, he gave a muffled sound when the blade of the sword cut down at his knees. Baha's knees buckled. One leg was seriously wounded as his large body hit the ground butt first. The ground rumbled and a small cloud of dust rose up around his sitting form. Despite the pain of his serious wound, Baha continued to chew on the mouthful of meat. he lifted his buffet tray top and hurled it at Plaid as if it were as light as a Frisbee.
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Sinbari rolled 1 4-sided dice:
4
Total: 4 (1-4)
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Posted: Sun Aug 23, 2015 1:20 pm
Plaid arched a brow as he did exactly as she suggested. Why hadn't she thought of that sooner? She backed up from the cloud of dust and was hence able to mostly avoid the tossed tray, the metal object clipping her shoulder. Frowning she moves in and swings down at the sitting blubber ball as he ate.
HP: 4
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Posted: Sun Aug 23, 2015 1:23 pm
HP: 0
Baha did not have a chance to even try rising from his sitting position. Plaid's sword swept through the air, smashing into him and knocking the blubbery man flat on his back. With his arms outstretched, Baha moaned in a daze. "Is it the dessert course yet?" before blacking out.
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