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Homestuck inspired troll related b/c 

Tags: homestuck, troll, breedables, mspa, alternia 

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Xavier Leinte - Jadeblood [accepted]

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leon_a_darkangel

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PostPosted: Fri Aug 21, 2015 4:15 pm


User Image - Blocked by "Display Image" Settings. Click to show.
Name: Xavier Leinte

Xavier: Of Basque origins meaning "new house". Pronounced ZAY-vee-er.

Léinte: A common term used to describe léinte is gel, which means “bright”. Léinte are generally white or gel and are “unbleached” or “natural in hue”.


Blood colour: Jadeblood █████ #078446

Gender: Male

Symbol: A triquetra.

Personality:
Even though Xavier is still young, he strives to be independent and self-sufficient. He believes that by pushing his limits he can keep his lusus, a virgin mothergrub safe from harm’s way. Mothergrubs are a symbol of life, and deserve the utmost respect. Any time his lusus needed something, Xavier was quick to offer his services. Even though Xavier works hard, the young troll tries too hard. Xavier often comes up short, despite all his efforts. He feels burdened by this sense of responsibility he’s imposed on himself. He is extremely self-critical, and faults himself whenever he makes a mistake. Older trolls make him nervous, and he isn’t sure how to interact with them. Xavier would rather associate with those closer to his own peer group. Although Xavier wants the best for his lusus and feels honoured to be in her care, he wishes he could be a normal kid. Xavier wants to be wild and free, but struggles to find a happy medium.

In his free-time, Xavier likes to explore the outdoors. He enjoys hunting, rock-climbing, and spelunking. Often times his mother will escort him, but he also likes to go off on his own. In addition to physical exploits this jadeblood youngster is fond of numerology. Often he'll stop to count or inspect an object of peculiar amount or is a strange geometric shape. The number three, or rule of three as he calls it is especially important to Xavier. He believes all deeds, good and bad alike will return as such. Finally Xavier enjoys playing music. This usually comes in the form of a hand crafted tin whistle, but he will also play the drums. Music is used by Xavier to pass the time

Xavier enjoys both the sun and moon's light. Never mind any risks involved, he just likes getting out and about. Staying up to all hours of the night and day contributes to his poor, sporadic sleep schedule. He tries to push himself in an attempt to have the best of both worlds. His lusus does not like the fact that her child's sleeping schedule is so erratic; his health suffers from too much stress. Overthinking further hinders his sleep cycle leaving him often times tired and lethargic. Even with the threat of daywalkers during sunlight hours, Xavier has his lusus if he can’t manage the situation himself. Sunlight doesn't affect him directly and he is able bodied and willing; what could possibly go wrong? Xavier has a reckless nature, and often overshoots things, rejecting his mother’s help unless it’s absolutely required. He's not content to stay put and watch the world pass by. He has a curious nature, and it has given an appreciation for all life has to offer.

The Hemospectrum is a topic Xavier both fears and respects. It is a great fact of life, and as he sees it Alternia is not kind to those who are weak, nor choose to flaunt themselves. In Xavier's mind all trolls are potentially dangerous, regardless of their rightful place. They all have the “what if” factor of becoming a harbinger for his lusus's demise. Higher caste trolls deserve respect and suspicion. Lower caste trolls are treated in a similar fashion. Compliant and dutiful, Xavier is obedient in that he serves to survival. The youngster is prepared to be servile in the face of those in a position of power or authority above him. He feels he is a chain in the greater cycle of the world.

One day Xavier hopes he can find out more information about his castes culture and history. Xavier wishes to seek out other jadebloods as a sense of solidarity. He finds it frustrating the government considers his blood hue's role an archaic legacy, or worse, something trivial.

Xavier is shy and hesitant to interact with others due to lack of experience and natural distrust. User Image - Blocked by "Display Image" Settings. Click to show. He is poor at asserting himself during conversations. When his opinions conflict with another he is reluctant to share. Xavier will backpedal in an attempt to make a situation more favorable, and isn’t above a white lie or two to try and smooth over a situation.Xavier wants nothing more than to be social, but finds it difficult. It drains on him emotionally when forced to be around others for too long. He needs time to himself to recharge his batteries. He often feels like he doesn't know the right thing to say, and holds back his thoughts and opinions.Xavier has a tendency to be a bit clumsy, both with his wording and motion when running or playing. Xavier is the type who warms up to social situations given enough time to adapt and process.

Strengths:

+ Independent: Whether it's hunting, or taking care of business Xavier feels he's capable. Being seen with his lusus in public when on an outing is an enormous source of pride. Yet that doesn't mean the young jadeblood can't handle himself in a tight situation. He is self-reliant and can handle his own, without needing reassurance from others. He uses the harsh terrain of Busthind to sharpen his endurance and agility.

+ Responsible: Xavier believes it was a true honor to have been chosen by his Mum. It's given the young troll a sense of purpose and has strengthened him along the way. If you need something done right the first time, he is your go too troll, even if the task at hand is painstaking and meticulous. He has a sense of obligation to do whatever is needed to complete tasks. Xavier enjoys playing as much as the next kid, but he is no slacker. He holds himself accountable for his actions. He is true to his word, and will do everything in his power to follow through.

+ Respectful: While young, Xavier is dutiful. Xavier is respectful of others, but remains unassertive and demure. He is gracious and humble, and a well-mannered young troll. He takes care to provide basic consideration of other troll’s feelings. He asks himself how he’d want to be treated in any given situation, and strives to be helpful where he is needed. Xavier isn’t the type to insult someone or hide behind witty remarks to protect himself. Instead he presents himself as servile and compliant to climb his way towards success.

Flaws:

- Wary: Xavier is distrustful of other trolls. It is hard for him to build meaningful relationships. This is a direct result of this cautious behavior. His worrisome nature borderlines on the state of paranoia and for it his health is often on the edge. He sleeps poorly to begin with, but his distrust in others only adds fuel to this fire. Xavier is cagey about sharing too many details about his lusus or himself.

- Self-Critical: Xavier is hypercritical of everything he does and says. Xavier takes things far too seriously; including himself. Xavier feels as if he must live up to the standards of normal troll society if he has any hopes of fitting in. Even simple mistakes are potentially catastrophic to him. The feelings of having to be solemn and responsible are overwhelming to the young troll. He worries too much; issues are more problematic than they should be. A great deal of anticipation and fear preoccupies his thinkpan. Decisions is difficult given he is lethargic and stressed. It makes tasks harder to do.

- Timid: Xavier's demeanor comes across as distant, and timorous. He will often look down instead of looking at someone, or making eye contact. He displays a nervous, reserved timidity in the company of other trolls. Due to his shy, quiet nature Xavier can come across as indifferent, or may even appear disinterested. He usually only makes contact with others or expresses a greeting when he is spoken to by someone. Xavier is standoffish and doesn't engage with others or initialize interactions himself.

Weapon: A large Three bladed throwing glaive! The blades can retract for safe carrying purposes. The center is hallow to allow for both melee and ranged combat. (He also keeps a hunting knife on him as backup)

Appearance: Xavier looks a little something like this! He has four sets of horns, each side mirrors the other. One of the pairs curves upwards and spirals near the middle of the shaft. The other set of horns curve out and upwards in a pie shape and are smaller. Xavier's hair is wild and unkempt, and rather on the fluffy side as it's been allowed to grow as it pleases. His cheeks have three sets of dots that resemble the points of his symbol. Xavier sports an over sized gaelic styled shirt called a leine. The sleeves are decorated with key pattern in white against the jade. His symbol is on his chest in his given jade hue against the white of the shirt. At his weight is a belt with an ornate clasp. He also wears a jadegreen knee length kilt with white plaid accents. A pair of dark gray form fitted shorts also peek out just under the folds. He also wears fingerless gloves that match. The look ends with a pair of brown hiking boots. He has jadegreen socks poking out over the top.

Home: Their hive is near the bottom of Busthind. It is within proximity of the Four Fronds expansive forest. It was an abandoned hive that has now reclaimed. Xavier redecorated the place much like one would expect for a woodsy cabin retreat. The hive is two stories; the top part is among the trees. It is spacious although rarely used for entertaining. Near the kitchen station lies an ornate door that leads out onto a large deck. It's used for a more laid back sunbathing experience when he isn't up for roaming around. The second level is deep underground; towards the back of the hive is a tunnel.

This leads underneath the great tree that the hive connects with. The trees the hive was built with are still growing, and grow healthier with each passing sweep. The passageway leads down. One will encounter several flights of stairs that descend deeper into the earth. The tunnel is massive enough for his Mother's size, and at least two more trolls to walk abreast. The root system was altered to allow for the excavation. It was then fortified to allow for continued growth in the tree. This underground chamber is where the pair’s respriteblock happens to be.

Lusus: Xavier's lusus is a large virgin mothergrub. She is referred to as Mum by her child. Her given name is Anu, but has self-admittedly grown rather fond of the new nickname. Anu was quick to select her troll after the completion of his trials. Spying him as he looked on from behind a large boulder with his tiny trembling frame she smiled. Perhaps it was mirroring of horns the pair shared, or if it was by scent. It's anyone's guess. Either way, the mother grub made her choice with confidence. Xavier had been afraid, but forgot all his fears and doubts the moment Anu drew him into her loving embrace. She was to be his guardian, just as much as he vowed to do the same for her.

The virgin mother grub is protective and nurturing. She worries Xavier shoulders far too many responsibilities for such a young troll. She does expect respect, and does not tolerate lying well under any pretenses. Even with her influence, Xavier’s sleep schedule remains a wild fluctuating mess. Still, she is proud to see how he's adapted and grown thus far since that fateful day of their meeting. When he is clumsy and falls down she is there to treat his wounds in a pump biscuits pulse. Much like her son, she doesn’t relish attention. While she will never produce eggs of her own, she adores young children. She takes out her fussing and coddling out on her child.

Burrowing and tending to the tree grove within the Four Fronds are some of her favorite pastimes. Tending to what she grows on the lower part of the mountain range gives the mother grub peace of mind. She enjoys hunting now and again, and likes to get out and about. Xavier helps her keep a small greenhouse that is connected to his hive on a lower platform.

Anu believes in the preservation of all life. Violence is a way of life on Alternia, and she believes you must be strong in order to survive.There is no shame in running away to fight again another day, and Anu has stressed this multiple times to Xavier (though to no effect). She has taken great care to instill in her troll the harsh realities of Alternia, sharing with him her views on violence and war. Anu reasons that it is for the best that she has him see the world for what it is in the event something happens to her.

Anu has taught him about the hemospectrum as it stands in the media and empirical propaganda. Her views are limited to what little she has picked up on, and allowed Xavier to read and partake in. Anu’s teachings included the typical troll hivemind MO of repopulation, conquer and glory. In truth, his lusus’s teachings include a slight twist to them in that she wants him to value all life. Still, Anu wants to ensure that if she were to die the next day he could fit in. Her teachings are meant to encourage open-minded thinking and understanding. Even mutantbloods came from the same source of all troll life after all. Xavier has accepted her words of wisdom at face value. Over time, Xaver has gradually adopt his lusus' ideals as his own.

Anu values how protective her troll is. She often reminds him in a soft chiding tones that he is still a child, and to enjoy his time as such. Just because he doesn’t know it, doesn’t mean she hasn’t gone after to him to watch from afar. She would never forgive herself if he died as a means to extend her own lifespan. She hopes to see Xavier grow, and branch out to make more companions and allies.

The pair puts a great deal of consideration and thought into how to go about handling going out. That isn’t to say the pair don’t make public appearances together. They are just careful to cover their tracks. Xavier might lie about the whereabouts of his hivelocation, or doubleback and loop around to lose anyone who might follow him. Otherwise he and his lusus will try to keep their outings to the early evening or the early morning. Some of their methods include leaving in the early morning hours. Precautions and large amounts of pre-planning keep one alive and well after all. Even if that means he has to finagle something, or tell a few white lies Xavier will do what he can to protect his lusus.

Speech Quirk: Yeah when spoken, sounds more more like a 'Yuh'. Xavier’s hand written o’s look more like a (thus triangular dots.). He stutters when nervous or shy additionally.
PostPosted: Thu Sep 10, 2015 9:25 pm


Alright Leon, (if that is your real name)…. Let’s do this. cool

When did Xavier start going out? He’s lived in isolation, of course, but I didn’t pick up on when the two began to make their way into the city. Did this occur recently, or when he was younger? Did he have different thoughts about it then than now?

And, when they’re making their way downtown, do the two make any kinds of precautions? I figure they’re not parading with confetti down the streets, but that’s something I’d love to know about for curiosity’s sake, considering you’ll have some finagling to do in shop RPs.

Onto strengths and flaws!

I’m not quite reading subservient as a strength. Right now it could be in his profile, but subservience could go either way. If you’re always submitting you might get squished, but you might also ride some coattails to the top. I’d suggest tailoring this a bit more to how he might use his dutifulness as an opportunity, butmake sure it’s not reading like his “responsible” strength!

As they are right now his flaws are all reading very neutral. His shy flaw has some interesting notes on him lacking social experience (even though he is extroverted, which I’d like to ask about in a bit), but you sort of derail yourself by talking about his clumsiness. Again, I think being unassertive can actually benefit Xavier – not trusting others isn’t naturally a bad thing given his position, so I’d either amp this up or figure out a different way to spin it.

Opinionated is also something I’m taking issue with, mainly because in the rest of his profile he seems downright pleasant! I’m finding it a bit conflicting that in the face of others Xaviar wouldn’t be subservient or shy, two other traits that at the moment are protecting him from social backlash. Particularly when you mention that he’s not rude and is always polite, I can’t see his opinionated nature coming up often or negatively affecting him – it seems like a trait that he keeps close to him but doesn’t vocalize, personally. You might want to reconsider this one.

Wary is reading like the most strength-y of flaws that there can be! Xaviar is keen, watchful, careful and alert – which are very, very helpful things to be and that you directly mention. I would either remove this trait or treat it as something that affects him in other ways. Potentially his ability to built relationships, or own physical health being on edge all the time?

Has Anu passed on her thoughts on violence and war to Xavier? It makes sense that she would considering her life is in peril being a Virgin Mother Grub, but I am interested considering the Alternian MO is essentially populate, blast off and conquer the universe for glory!! Which is a very respectable thing by troll standards. I’d love to hear Xavier’s thoughts on that, or if there’s something Anu’s told him about that as well. I really appreciate the thought you’ve put into her character. What a great mom.

The last thing I’m worried about is Xavier’s writing sample. I know you like to put your troll’s speech quirks in their dialogue, and for Voscil and Stryke I am usually able to parse them alright, but Xavier’s is pretty hard to read for me. I might just keep it to his font color and italics; speech quirks tend to distract from the RP content.

Sypon
Vice Captain


leon_a_darkangel

Dedicated Supporter

PostPosted: Fri Sep 11, 2015 8:16 pm


-squints at spoon- Maybe, maybe not. The world may never know ninja

Actually I thought for some reason I specified when the outings began woopse! The outings started fairly early on, really as soon as his legs were strong enough to carry him for any real significant distance. As for the city visits, those were much more recent. Going out into the forest is far less worrisome then a big populated city; the first time he saw city lights in mass actually would have very likely scared/spooked him! With exposure he's gotten less fearful, but finds the city is noise-y in a way he's not use to even with more recent trips! They try to avoid major cities, as most things can be acquired in smaller locations, or crafted. Parading around confetti style is indeed not ideal.

I’ll elaborate on the fact they do indeed take as many precautions as possible. Be that never taking the same way home again, or even having his mother stay behind, or better yet hidden in a predetermined location while any quick business/needs are met before returning home. This leads into the idea Xavier has to cautious, and give a lot of foresight into potential situations; or rather simply trying to plan ahead as much as possible. There will have to be moments when finagling will ensue, perhaps that means leaving in the early light of dawn to avoid detection (as most trolls wouldn’t be caught dead above ground, the sun would harm them afterall) There may-be instances where Xavier feels lying about his whereabouts to others, or even outright denying he has a lusus if he doesn’t trust someone may be in order. If they are stopped in the streets for people to oogle, it’s too be expected even given what his Mum represents, and is a risk involved with making such a public appearance.

Makin our way down town, walkin’ fast, faces pass oh s**t let’s get going, and we’re homebound.

Onto strengths/flaws!

Given I wanted to go with a more shy/quite natured troll, I could easily either amp this up to be even more adverse or simply move it over into the strength category. Either way I’ll look into fine tuning this, his unassertiveness I think will benefit him the more I think about it after reading your crit.

I also noticed you touched on his being extroverted + shy. It’s actually a common misconception that all people who are shy are automatically introverted! (I’m not sure if that’s what you wanted to touch on, but I figured I’d bring it up regardless!)This article touches on this topic. Granted, some of these techniques are too advanced for him as he is still a child. He lacks the interactions and socialization to back them or develop any real coping mechanisms besides his wariness and servile demeanor.

In the long run he’ll get better about how he manages others around him, while still remaining true to himself. Overall, his shyness was meant to be awkward. He both craves and fear social interaction, for very good reasons! Smaller group sizes will be a great starting point for him to branch out. Too bad he’ll be thrust into situations that take him outside his comfort zone anyway ;]

I’m guessing subservient will either merge into his profile and be replaced by something else or as you suggested tailor it more to how his dutifulness is used to further his opportunities and successes in life. Ride the gravy train, and you’ll be living life to the fullest. Sure getting squashed sucks, but if you play your cards right it won’t be an issue. This may be changed into Dutiful, or just have some of that worked into his responsible trait. Infact, i went ahead and worked the little note about being subservient into the hemospectrum category! Otherwise I’ll have to look for a different strength and expand on his responsible with these notes mentioned above.

Wary will read to the fact it effects his is own physical health/puts it on the edge from constant over worrying. While it is helpful to be on guard and watchful, the fallout implications can be easily ramped up for sure! Which will in turn; add further to disrupt his already erratic sleeping schedule. His distrust in others will additionally be a source of hindrance in the process of friend building, as any potential relationships can turn disastrous. His fears can borderline on the side of paranoia, and will be reflected as such accordingly with a bit of rewording!

Opinionated will be more something I think will be played as an internal struggle then yeah! You hit the nail on the head; he’s too self –critical and fearful of backlash or repercussion to really make it a true “flaw” give the other aspects of his nature. At least in the way I have it written currently that certainly is the case.

That being said, I’m left unsure what to add for his other two flaw given the way I changed around his app thus far.. For the now I’ll do well with a bit of brainstorming before resubmitting for another round of crits.

Anu’s role to Xavier has been both as a protector and teacher. So yes, you’re right in assuming as such about her views! She has expressed her mindset to him; it’s almost impossible not to talk about given Xavier’s natural inquisitive questions here and there. As days turn to nights, and the passage of time went on it only seemed natural. As for the general MO of what makes the very world they live in tick, Anu would have included this into her explaining to him about the masses hivemind set (yuk yuk)! If she were to die say tomorrow, and leave Xavier alone she wanted him to have the best chance at fitting in as possible. She’d have done him a disservice otherwise if she tried to shield him from the typical troll mindset and standards. While not all trolls think alike, being in line with what was current and trending was made an enormous priority.

Initially Xavier was reluctant to accept what Anu had to say, and was confused by the given knowledge! It seemed so distant and far removed from his current situation. He was too self-oriented in the moment of their peaceful existence to give it much merit. However, as she continued to reaffirm the message and the occasional exposure to others among the caste system and bits of television, and newspaper articles the jadeblood has begun to put the picture together and accepts them as facts of life.

Side note but something I feel is worth weaving into his personality section is that Xavier additionally craves more information about the heritage of his particularly given bloodhue. He hopes someday he’ll be able to seek out others like him (trusting any exist, he hasn’t found one yet after all!) in order to try and understand more than what little text or passed on information remains to date. Especially since the current government doesn’t have much to say beside it’s a novelty, or find it a humorous oddity. His sense of needing to fulfill a duty is satisfied in his caring for his mother, but the tendency to care for or baby those who might be close would be an interesting thing to play with once past his defenses and carefully built trust issue walls I think given Jadebloods and their history with the brooding caverns!

Oh, sorry if I made that confusing~ That quirk was if he was literally hand writing something on paper! His actually speaking would be more like "Yuh, no worries I got this." For example. I could have labeled that a tiny bit better to indicate why I included it. Adding the dot’s for o’s in a normal rp sample/conversation would drive me batty. I’d only be if he passed say a hand written note/it was more there for me to reference. Otherwise yeah I absolutely understand where you were coming from haha.

I think that covered everything! Thanks for the crit sypon hopefully I elaborated better on the topics you touched on :>
PostPosted: Fri Sep 11, 2015 9:02 pm


Yeah! Basically everything you covered here covers my questions, so when you resubmit him I’d love to see them incorporated in his profile.

Concerning my comments on his shy/extroverted nature, I’m definitely aware of the differences between shyness and extrovertedness (being an outgoing introvert myself I had a long road to figuring out how my brain works :B). I actually realize that I said “even though he is extroverted, which I’d like to ask about in a bit” and uh… I totally forgot to ask about it, haha! That was my bad. What I actually meant to ask was how his extrovertedness shows up in his personality! Other than saying the word extrovert I wasn’t getting a lot of clarity from the situations where he shows a gain of energy from social situations, and you hadn’t mentioned that he actually craved or even wanted to be around other trolls until this point! Essentially I meant not to point out a contradiction because I’m very aware there could not be one! I just wanted you to elaborate on how he interacts, because with a complex mix of traits like he has it can easily be jumbled.

Sypon
Vice Captain


leon_a_darkangel

Dedicated Supporter

PostPosted: Fri Sep 11, 2015 9:21 pm


Revision!

Extroverted will be pushed back and placed on the back burner for now after our chat on skype. It'll be reserved to see if he develops and evolves into those tendencies depending on were roleplay and interactions take him! For now I'll look more into the introverted side of things, as his lack of energy in a social situation as it stands with his current age/self just doesn't match up with extroversion given how he looses energy vs gains it after doing a quick break down.

I think my previous note about craving the company of others is looking more into the future-ish side of things!

As he's written down now, I feel this will help make his overall mix-match of personality traits have more consistent and a less all over the board feeling to them~
PostPosted: Sun Sep 20, 2015 10:38 pm


OK Leon! Round 2. Ami and I looked over the app again and here are our notes. The ideas are all reading fine, but how the application reads needs work!

A general issue your application has right now is you've got a lot of long, verbose yet kind of rickety sentences that are really hard to understand! Simplify, simplify, simplify! There's some occasional rambling over all but mostly there are parts that are hard to parse such as (just a couple examples):

"Due to the afforded amenities of comfort, the midblood feels the need to be protective over his lusus by choice. "
"that the preference to not aid rule wise, can be temporarily bent"
"Mum doesn't particularly care for fact her child's sleeping habits are erratic."
"Anu has always intended for pair are a neutral party in the grand scheme of things, and does not wish to aid either faction preferably."
"before she'll begin to fathom truly loosen her"
"The risk of attack by the undead would never be allowed to come full cycle"

I'd suggest putting the whole app through Hemingway!
http://www.hemingwayapp.com/


Also, in terms of grammar and structure: It was brought up that you may want to add in some contextual information or restructure certain parts of Xavier's application. For instance, in the first paragraph his lusus isn't mentioned, which makes it somewhat confusing on first glance when you don't know! And later it is mentioned that he goes out into the day, but his lusus accompanying him is not mentioned, nor are daywalkers. This is later covered in his lusus section, but should be mentioned when relevant!

In addition to these, there are a few non sequiturs in the application:
"Initially Xavier was reluctant to accept what his lusus had to say about her views on the world, and was confused by the given knowledge. Conflict and war seemed so distant and far removed from his current situation. "

Where LATER you refer to his lusus' views, but we have no idea about that context until you tell us later. I would just take a fine toothed comb through the app to check these sorts of things out.


"Being that they wish to remain outside the conflict..."
Since the profile should be about Xavier (and often the use of "they" is confusing), I would recommend just making these cases "he" and add the fact that his mother agrees with and accompanies him to your lusus section. There are a few situations in the profile and in strengths/flaws etc where you refer to them both and for clarity and focus it would be best to write it with Xavier in mind.

For strengths and flaws, there's still some issue with them reading neutral or showing both positive and negative flaws which are reading as wishy washy!

I'd consider renaming "shy" to respectful, and make sure that it is truly a benefit to him! You may want to relocate his shy aspects (nervousness, no social experience) to his profile because currently his respect is reading really well as a strength (and even the defense mechanism of being demure) but is undermined. As well, aloof repeats the negative aspects of shy! You can even move it down there. Make sure you have a balanced number of strengths and flaws!

Alright, that's what we've got! OuO

Sypon
Vice Captain


leon_a_darkangel

Dedicated Supporter

PostPosted: Tue Sep 22, 2015 3:37 pm


-cartwheels in- I've never used that website before O: at first I was confused by hemingway. I thought it was telling me I wrote like a high-schooler and was just like WEEEH IM SO SORRY APPARENTLY I FAIL AT WRITING /burns app

Silliness aside! I've combed through the app a fair bit and tried to simply things and clean up the way everything reads. It's easy to overlook stuff like that when your just trying to get information down. I'm just trying to make everything work together and build a solid character. I've also re-ordered some of the information, but a few sentences might have alluded me to be fair!

Shy has been exchanged for respectful. The negative aspects of being shy moved down into aloof. The rest was moved into the profile as needed :>

I'll see about any other spots I may have missed before resubmitting for a crit~ Hopefully that addresses both of your concerns! I'm excited to try and see my small mountain child in action~ I just hope all his ideas are reading better and without contradiction.


Made a lot of updates and moves around some things. Aloof now reads as Timid as I wasn't describing the word appropriately. I've also tried to focus on making a clear distinction on what makes Xavier tick, and how he conducts himself around older trolls vs those closer to his own age group.

I still want to go over a few things but I feel like I have a way better sense of direction for his overall character and removed some overlap I felt was stepping on Strykes toes to give Xavier his own unique persona so he didn't end up in the same direction as said yellowdork. :3

I'll need to do another sweep of the app when its not 6in the morning but yey for progress~
PostPosted: Sun Oct 04, 2015 6:20 pm


be strong for mother

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Sypon
Vice Captain

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