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 Posted: Mon Aug 17, 2015 2:41 pm
He looked at the cold pie. It had been two days and it was left untouched. It had gone on like this for weeks. Before, he could leave food out and Zar would either come when he wanted or come for dinner. Now, Zar didn't come at all.
It was quiet. Terribly so to the point that it drove Calder mad most days. He'd go outside, taking deep breathes as if the very air in the house was poison. And yet, like all things these days, he didn't know why. He would walk the house, working on a list he kept adding on to deluding himself for some time it was necessary and needed to the point he soon gave up the act and knew it was just to keep him sane. It served him and no one else, and in that he felt miserable and unwanted.
The only person who would even talk to him now was Barth and there was and always was the problem since moving in.
They had a home. They picked a place for themselves, but it was far removed to the idea of what he hoped it would be. He admitted to himself that in his past plans, he never saw another person. Barth had made it clear that he was not a one-man kinda demon and Calder took time to let that dissolve into his mind and take it in. This was made easier when he finally forced his final stage and realized he could see the same - yet he hadn't. Chalk that up to failed attempt. Amrita. Christof. He wasn't the seduction master he had thought.
But with Zar, he felt that if he liked Barth and Zar liked Barth, they had to like something in some way. This was proven false, and since meeting Zar, he had gotten no foothold to stand upon. At each turn it soon twisted and exploded back till Calder found himself standing someplace far removed to where he was talking to Zar and panting, head spinning and trying to sort where it all went wrong.
But he never guessed right.
He tried again and again and with each time he felt a piece of himself chip away.
It just got worse.
And then - it got quiet.
Calder stared at the cold pie and sat down slowly at the kitchen table, staring at it. It was such a stupid gesture, offering someone food, bu tit was one of those small things he felt he couldn't screw up. That somehow if Zar liked something he made for him, even a small bit, even if he could tolerate a dinner with them, his presence, an excuse to have him near, that Zar's tolerance for his food would somehow extend to it's maker.
It didn't.
And it got quiet.
Head bowed, he set his hands into his hair, pulling off the handkerchief he used. A cage of rats twisted and turned, rattling in their cage, set raw and unused on the counter.
They didn't talk these days. Prom had been the longest they spent in each other's company. A whole night that had been nice and sweet and had that hope that things could change. Zar had been a gentlemen, all smiled and soft gestures, and he felt light from it, his heart growing large and soaking in possibility and hope - but then it was quiet again. Zar said nothing afterwards and because of it, Calder was left stunned. A cold blast a water after a summer's day.
he went quiet, and only saw Zar during their basement lessons. Tender moments he savored because Zar spoke to him, softly guided him, but after, he was left in his teritory, feeling unsure if he should trust the safety he had settled into and feeling he was only imposing himself on someone who didn't speak to him upstairs so why should downstairs be any different?
And so he would leave and be left wondering.
It got bad. The nights where he couldn't sleep. The energy coursing through him that would make him kick at the straw in his stable to the point he now slept whenever his body couldn't take it. He ran. He ran in circles over and over, and about their territory. He swam. He cooked. He fixed and fixed and fixed not only hoping he would tire, but hoping he would somehow be useful.
But it was quiet.
He wondered how it even worked before - if it had ever even worked before. He and Zar would be together, playful in a way, and now -
Now it was quiet.
Now he bit into furniture legs. He'd fix curtains he tore himself. He'd tear at weeds and tear and tear until he realized he was ripping up what he just planted and replant them again. And he hunted and tore things he didn't eat. He hunted down rats that wouldn't be eaten. He filled the pantry with cooking no one touched.
He was working on repairing and furnishing a house that was too, too quiet. He had all the energy in the world and yet had no solutions to fix the one thing he wanted to fix the most.
So he waited, wondering, before he got up. His hoof-falls echoed on stone and brushed against the dusted carpets he beat time and time again. He moved and stopped at the basement door. He knocked.
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Posted: Mon Aug 17, 2015 3:14 pm
Zar was in trouble. It was not the normal sort of danger experienced all too often by the demon and his immediate family members, but in many ways it was far more mortal than that. Calder had been keeping Barth company more than usual, that had meant that Zar, out of courtesy had stepped back, he'd opted to decline to save Barth's strength and outright left him alone. The castle was large and it was easy to vanish into his basement, where he could suspend himself in his pool and think.
But repression took its toll, it always took its toll and with the effort of repressing his instincts came other tics, old familiar habits and ways of thinking. He stopped shifting to his natural form. He stopped sleeping, he stopped eating. He cleared some space down in the dark and he wrote. It didn't matter what, it didn't matter that he couldn't see what he was writing, all that mattered was that he wrote. His body didn't like being starved, it didn't like it one tiny bit. Particularly when it was in the ...strange sort of mode it was in. He did not feel all right, but he told himself it would pass eventually, it would calm.
And when Calder knocked the door he almost ignored it, jarred out of a doze by a memory of someone else knocking at that door, knocking and scritch scratching at the bottom of the frame until they gave up and left for ever.
The thought was enough to make him stand up and answer it, giving Calder a flat look.
"Hello Calder." he said, and it was without malice, but oddly without anything else either. "Can I help you?"
Notably, he was dressed, fully dressed, with as little flesh showing as possible.
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Posted: Mon Aug 17, 2015 3:56 pm
It was quiet, and he thought maybe Zar didn't hear him at all. Then he wondered if he should knock again or leave. It was in this debate, when he was favoring the idea of waiting more than just walking away, least he stare at another cold pie for hours, that the door opened.
Zar stood and Calder was left a little stunned, as if he didn't expect Zar to show up at all. They had been avoiding each other, or maybe just not actively seeking each other out as much. Or maybe just not any more than Calder did when he went downstairs to ask for Zar's help. Was he just using him in the end? How could he ask so much from a person and get that much help when any other time they weren't even in a room together most times.
He kept thinking about that stupid pie and it just wouldn't let him shake it off. It was MORE than just the pie, but a cold pie just said too much these days to him.
Zar wasn't dressed as he normally was, and it reminded him when he was Barth's neighbor back in school. Not the same colors, but still dressed up. He wondered why as he had much preferred seeing more of Zar on any occasion.
Looking up, he looked at Zar. "I just…..wanted to know ….how you've been doing." He thought of the pie. He thought of the quiet. He thought of the time after prom. He thought and thought and he also reminded himself that while their shouting was making things worse, the quiet was feeling about the same these days. It wasn't going downhill, but it wasn't going anywhere now. It wasn't – anything now.
Asking if they were cool was just stupid. This wasn't cool. No part of it was ok either, so asking that was stupid. Everything was wrong, he just didn't know how to make it better. He never knew, and he felt hopeless and frustrated with his inabilities to do anything. That they weren't just planets separate and just passing by.
He also missed him. Even if it was just Zar in the same room. At least the shouting meant they was looking at him, and even that made Calder feel miserable. What did it say when he would rather Zar be angry and unhappy just so he could be in the same room?
"We don't talk much…..not after prom." He had thought such a nice night could continue. He had hoped something had happened. He had thought it meant something. What did it mean? What had it meant for Zar? Did he like being left alone – was Zar happier now that Calder hadn't been bothering him? That he wasn't making him upset anymore. That they weren't yelling anymore? Was this the solution – completely silence?
Why didn't that feel right then?
Had he done something wrong?
I've always done something wrong. When have I done something right? The only time he doesn't yell at me is when I come for help. They didn't touch outside of that.
He thought of the night in the water at the cabin or all those other times. He thought of those nights too often and then he would run until his legs felt like fire and it still wasn't enough.
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Posted: Tue Aug 18, 2015 4:01 am
Calder got a nonplussed look as for a moment Zar considered losing his temper with the kelpie, of telling him that he should KNOW how Zar was doing, seen that he was the one deliberately taking up Barth's time and starving him out down here in the basement. Ultimately he did not, losing his temper would simply cost him energy he did not have. Even the mention of prom, normally a trigger point for him, seemed too much energy, he would have to explain why he had been so dissapointed when spending time with Calder hadn't resolved their issues, when being nice had only made him feel more dishonest and forced than when he was his normal crotchety self. He did not want to explain that being pleasant felt like work and he simply wanted people to value him for himself, for who he was, rude comments and all.
"I have not been particularly all right in fact." he said, and it was a muted, soft tone, like someone apologising over the skellyphone for something minorly inconvenient. "Or I would not be down here." He already looked gaunt, his cheekbones sharper, his eyes more sunken, fear starvation and stress had always taken a steep toll on him and it showed in his entire demeanour. "As for prom, Prom was my mistake, I should not have led you down a path of thinking that I am naturally nice and caring, that I am eager to please, it was an effort, a concentrated effort to see if I could bribe you with kindness into not being so..."
He couldn't think of the word and instead gestured simply to all of Calder.
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Posted: Tue Aug 18, 2015 4:55 am
He was startled, listening as Zar said he Prom had in no way been enjoyable for him. There was no mention of him finding it as a nice evening, and to find there were other intentions left Calder feeling startled and even more confused as to what Zar felt or thought of him at all.
The gesture only had Calder looking at his entirety. Zar had made some effort in Prom, a great deal considering how nice of a gentlemen he had been, but he hadn't gotten what he wanted. "I didn't know you were – working that hard." Working, because it hadn't been a relaxing time for him. It had been effort. "I thought it had been nice…..I guess I was wrong." He had hoped it would help give them time to talk in a fun environment. Maybe he had hoped Zar would have been just as happy as he had been around Barth when Calder stalked them last Prom, but this time with him.
But he should haven't had thought that. Not when they shouted at each other most every other time.
Which made him wonder what Zar was doing that was an effort. Was it all an effort to be around him? "I'm not good at …." He glanced back up at Zar. "….all of this."
He swallowed thickly as he stood there. Zar looked even worse off now that he wasn't just passing by a room. This was his home too and it wasn't giving what a home should to him.
"I'm sorry…..." For how the house was, for Zar being in the basement, for the silence. "….you've been kind to me. Helping me. It's been meaning – so much and…you were even so nice at Prom…" He gripped the hem of his kilt. He didn't know what to do anymore.
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Posted: Tue Aug 18, 2015 9:54 am
Zar was tired. It was the kind of weariness that ran beyond the simply physical, right down to his very core. With Calder he had tried, he had tried possibly more than he ever had with anyone else in his entire life. Zar was used to weighting people up against his impossible standards on meeting them and then when they turned up wanting in some regard ( as they almost invariably did ) , having nothing more to do with them. With Calder this approach had been impossible. As far as Zar was concerned, as far as the heirarchy of Barth went, it was a first come first served system, Calder had been first on the scene and the first one who Barth had professed whatever passed for feelings for. This was a simple fact and Zar accepted it. He had turned up much later, tossed like a starving and dying animal onto the other demon's doorstep with no other options or alternatives availiable to him, it had been a case of Barth taking him in or simply leaving him to die, for whatever reason he had been taken in. Calder presumably had no say in this, another fact which Zar remained acutely aware of and at first had tried to respect, keeping his demands on Barth's time as minimal as he could manage and making himself scarce when Calder was inclined to spend time with the demon. But it had been hard, and still was almost intolerably hard to deal with. His own interactions with Barth were a complicated dance of posturing, possession and threat, every gesture and comment calculated and precise. That was all well and good on its own and he certainly enjoyed it, but when it was contrasted with Calder, who openly practised the kind of affection with others that made his hearts ache with envy and longing, with Barth allowing this and deferring to it, he felt hard done by and jealous. The only solution he had found was to not be present when they interacted, a factor which had pushed him to the edges of his own home with the rats. Calder didn't leave instinctually when he showed up somewhere - he likely saw no reason to - so it was Zar who did much of the avoiding.
He hadn't expected to like Calder, it wouldn't have mattered if he hadn't, it might have been easier. If he'd disliked the other partner, he would have gladly become an even more intolerable mistress than he presently was. But no, he had found that the kelpie's honesty was refreshing and endearing and for a few brilliant moments had almost let himself dare to hope that something could be organised where they were on equal terms and could get along. That, he realised quickly was perhaps a little hasty, Calder - though good natured - had a brash clumsiness about his interactions, like a stumbling foal who blundered into their herdmates in their exuberance. This might have been fine for other more robust people, but it was not all right for Zar whose emotions were as fragile as glass. He found himself wounded repeatedly, and each time he lashed out harder and more viciously, as close as his kind got to a warning n**, to a demand to stop and each time Calder responded with hurt and mirrored viciousness. It hadn't taken long to escalate to the point where Zar had decided even words were dangerous and off limits and had lapsed into silence and quiet resentment.
Sometimes he had the energy to try again, to delude himself that this time, this time things would be different and he would finally get through to Calder, finally communicate that he wanted most of all to be friends, to get along, to be able to exist. Prom had been one of those times, and he had tried to convince himself he could live that way, false and perfect, but he knew better, it exhausted him, pleasantries always did. "It was nice" he said, slow and calm. "It was nice because I did everything in my power to make it nice." He had enjoyed himself, it had been a pleasant night, but at the core of who he was, he knew it wasn't really him and that at the end of the day, the creature he really was was not one that Calder actually liked.
And frankly why should he? Zar's natural self was bitter and fearful, a hissing snake puffing itself up to look bigger and scarier than it actually was, an Incubus who was incapable of doing his job without getting attached. Sex was supposed to be nothing to him, simply a tool to be wielded over others, but it wasn't the case, it was how he reached out and communicated, the only way he could let anyone else see the affection his steel plated pride wouldn't let him express. He could groom someone after sex but never any other time, he could kiss them then but only then, it extended to everything.
Calder didn't understand that either, he had felt it was some kind of burden to be borne for the sake of getting to "know" Zar. It had been a stepping stone, another page in that infernal "understanding demons" book he was mentally trying to write with Zar as a case study. What natural interactions he had formerly had with Calder had become replaced with him systematically trying to win him over and he had balked at it.
Hell, that was probably what he was here for now, trying to measure up how much taking Zar's only pleasurable thing left away from him had hurt him.
Well he could look Zar thought, because the damage was written wether he wanted it to be or not. He did not suppose Calder would notice regardless. "I don't know what I wanted from it, I suppose part of me hoped it would simply fix everything, that like flipping a switch you would become affectionate and soft rather than pushy and offensive, that somehow I could manoeuvre you into an opportunity for me to show you...things." And again he waved the statement off. "You were not interested, you are not interested. You care only about scarelings and family, herds and horses, feasts and cooking. You live in a world of quaint hobbies and insular culture, you have no use for me. I am something else, something apart from you."
"You seem to do just fine with Barth." he said, but it was not meant to be particularly passive aggressive, just a simple statement of fact. "You seem to do just fine with most people. Perhaps the problem is me. The problem is always - has always been - me." He set his mouth in a thin line. "I drove Nuru away just by being what I am and so too in the end I will drive you away as nothing I have been able to do for you has been enough to meet that threshold of friend for you. You say I am important to you hollowly on one hand and then immediately after you leave me wounded and bleeding with the other. I don't know wether I'm coming or going any longer Calder, I avoid you for my own sake."
He sighed, feeling cold and small, his tail sprawled motionless on the stone behind him, unmoving.. "I don't even know what I did to you this time."
But to him, the perceived punishment and enforced denial was almost too much to bear.
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Posted: Tue Aug 18, 2015 11:36 am
There was a horrible guilt he felt for pushing Zar to work hard to be nice to him and yet here he was, staying away in the basement and looking tired. Looking even more tired than Calder, who despite his spilling energy felt exhausted with running in circles. He was getting no where and whatever they had or didn't was breaking into pieces and he wanted so desperately to cling to them and use whatever glue to keep it together - but this wasn't an easy fix. It never had been. It wasn't supposed to be.
"I didn't know you were working hard to be nice. I thought it was genuine. I didn't even notice." He whispered the last part to himself before. He had taken some pride in noticing Others feelings and emotions and giving advice, but he realized he knew very little. They all had simple troubles and solutions but this was so much more and different to him that his ideas were just things he fell back to in the past. He wasn't paying attention and instead made leaps and bounds in the wrong direction in hopes of quickly mending his mistakes in his desperation to make things ok.
He paused and looked at Zar once more. Depleted. Tired. Sunken. The Incubi was vanishing away. How could he have ignored this?
"I thought prom might fix things too. That maybe something would work out between us. I was really happy to spend time with you."
But that time had been a lie. Zar wanted to fix things but just like Calder, it hasn't worked - whatever it was and he felt miserable at missing out on what Zar wanted to show him.
"I've been happy to spend our time together downstairs. It means I can be around you. I didn't ask if you were happy." His appearance of being nice and calm could have been something else if Zar could seem so. I've during Prom.
He'd been too content with what little he had that he hadn't considered what little Zar was getting. What he needed. He still wasn't sure what that was.
Maybe it was the same.
They always yelled and as much as it hurt him, he kept returning. He wanted to make it something but then it felt like they were reaching a point where he had wondered if he was forcing what he wanted than what Zar wanted. He felt he was pushing too hard, taking too much, and Zar was going to break under it.
"You didn't do anything. It was just - I stayed away to give you space - so maybe fighting less would make things easier."
But that didn't work either. Zar passed quietly and he would tense, wondering if a fight would start but soon he started to hunger for his company again but kept his distance. Now he didn't check up on Zar, talk to him, and now the demon was even unhappier. He was like this.
"I care about what this is. I just - I just am working with what little I know. Herds and cooking - but I want to know you." He just had little references to help him understand and so he fell back in what was comfortable. Maybe it was too easy though? "But you're not a kelpie and this isn't a herd." And he knew nothing about how to arrange the world they were in. "You're Zar."
And that's what he wanted. If he wanted a herd or kelpies he wouldn't be here. He wouldn't have left it all behind.
"I want you...but I don't want to hurt you. And I want to keep trying but I don't want to drive you away."
He didn't want to take what wasnt his - what wasn't given.
He looked to those deep grays and purples across from him. "What do you want?
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Posted: Tue Aug 18, 2015 12:10 pm
Zar listened levelly to what Calder had to say, but it was still void of the old predatory smirk, the restless movement and twitching of claws and tail as if every moment he was seeking for some weakness or some stumble in prey. Instead he was slow and calm, even his blinking seeming slower, slow enough to catch the lazy sweep of his nictitating membrane across his eyeball.
"Being nice is always difficult for me Calder. I am not naturally nice, I am not naturally anything other than what I am. When I am genuine people tend to misconstrue it as cruelty or malice. It has always been problematic." He sighed heavily again, shaking his head. His hair was coming back again but remained shorter than it had been before. "I have not been entirely happy I will admit. Everything has felt like an expectation, a weight on me. Even eating together at dinner, that is a you thing, that is me submitting to something you want which I actually find rather unpleasant and uncomfortable. I feel like prey at a dinner table, no matter how good the food is or the service. Yet still I came every time, even when it removed the thing I enjoy most about eating entirely. Hunting." He turned and looked down the pitch dark hallway, lined with glinting slime, turning his back on Calder thoughtfully.
"You stayed away from me, that meant you went to Barth more." he said with a shrug of his shoulders. "There is only so much energy he has and I of course, would not exhaust him so I stepped back." And again there was that deep and resonant ache, the predatory yawning roar of everything that he was and everything that he desired. He did not get hunger pains, he got this instead and it was so much worse.
He turned back to Calder, looking grim and older than he normally did. "You keep saying you want me and then doing the opposite. You say you want to be my friend one minute and the next you are starving me out, you say you want me to get to know you and then you are condemning me for defending my home from your father, for protecting something I thought we were meant to have together." And that had set him off on the wrong foot, so sure that sharing a space and a territory would be new space to thrive and learn to deal with one another one moment only to realise that Calder's loyalty still lay elsewhere and his pride severely wounded by the implication he was stupid from all sides, a demon who didn't understand the ways of monsters despite looking like them.
After that he hadn't cared about the castle, it was a place he lived, just like his room had been. He repaired the roofs for Barth's sake but beyond that his projects had moved minimally, his mindset shifting from the idea of making a home to the idea that perhaps this home would be temporary instead, seeing no reason to build prison cells for other people when he'd just built one for himself.
"What do I want?" he repeated and closed his eyes, taking a slow shivering breath.
"I just want you to stop using anything I give you of me against me. I want you to stop hurting me. And you are free to say you shouldn't have to, that I hurt you all the time, that its only fair. I can accept that as an answer, it is a reason as much as anything. But that is what I want. I want you not to feel like sex with me is an irritating waste of time and not bonding at all. I want you to stop making me have to do YOUR things to show that I like you. Maybe I don't want to sit at a table and eat, maybe I want to go out and kill things, maybe that is ok, maybe that also means I like you, maybe you are invited. You always want me to speak your language. Always, while rejecting mine."
He looked over his shoulders, something of the old predatory spark flashing back into his eyes as he seemed to resolve himself to do something.
"Stop trying to speak to me like a pet, stop trying to EARN me like a badge. Enjoy my company or don't, like me or don't. LISTEN to what more than my BLESSED words are SAYING."
And whirling on the kelpie with startling speed he seized him by the shoulders, if he got away with it, shoving him against the far wall and kissing him deeply.
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Posted: Tue Aug 18, 2015 1:29 pm
Quiet, he listened, the only responses in his posture, a twitching back of his ear from time to time, or a quick clenching if teeth when a particular mistake he made was brought to his attention. His gesture of trying to include Zar into a dinner, to make him pies, had been his way of wanting to do something for Zar but as Zar spoke, a slow horror crossed over him and his mind played a slow recording of the demon speaking, answering his eager questions of what Zar liked to eat. When the demon spoke he liked live food, Calder rushed off to stuff live food he caught himself into this rood or that and Zar came despite it being exactly what he didn't want. A clear disregard for what he just told Calder placed again and again at a table.
The cold pie in the kitchen made him wince at his own ignorance now as did the cage of rats and animals he was raising for Zar. They hadn't been what he wanted but Calder had done so on his own ideas of what Zar wanted. He hadn't listened at all and expected Zar to show up regardless - and of all things, Zar did!
"I... You're right. I - missed the point."
At least not expecting Zar wouldn't hurt as much and if Zar ever wanted it - well Calder was around. Considering how little Barth wanted to move, it probably was good all around not to dinner even if Calder would personally miss it. But it hasn't been working lately anyway and it was less depressing than looking at cold pies than just a bare table.
It also meant the animals were going to be free range now. The demon certainly looked like he could do with a meal.
As for Barth, he had absolutely no idea and the stupid thing was, he should have. He'd simply been so used to being with Barth that he completely forgot Barth wasn't with just him. That meant his time was divided and not even that. It was shared. Barth could have who he wanted in whatever amount and the two of them in return and they had to judge what the other night take. Calder hadn't. Without Zar, he gobbled up Barth's energy with only the mindset to not take all of his energy, but certainly not enough for another person.
Zar had. He actually considered Calder's needs and Calde cringed, not wanting to admit how much of an a*****e he had been. How greedy he had been.
"Yeah. That's ... me...not thinking."
The incident of their moving in had made him defensive and angry in the past, but in lieu of what he had been learning and time to simmer, he was starting get what Zar was so pissed. He had taken in the scene again and noticed he had seen the actions in the sphere of his kind. That the house was a kelpie territory with the actions of his father and Zar's to the rules of kelpies, but it was only his father those applied to. Zar's actions were his, and the house wasn't a kelpie territory even if he lived here. It was their territory and so those rules didn't apply. He should have been there for Zar and instead placed him into the mold of other kelpies. That his actions meant what kelpies meant and not what they meant to him.
He was quiet and nodded at this, not wanting to bring that up now.
What do I want?
His eyes searched his as he spoke and took in the words slowly. A direct desire of what he wanted Calder to just - get. Maybe what he wanted him to get all along. It was still something he was digesting as he ate each work despite how hard to swallow.
It was what Zar said before, a progression of Calder's expectations and a ignorance to what Zar actually wanted. A statement that he was who he was and he didn't expect or even want Calder to do anything other than just take it or leave it, hate it or love it, to know it was Zar and anything else he wanted Calder to be would only hurt that. That if Calder wanted something than just want it unless that want was trying to herd Zar into some comfortable kelpie way or even as something as what Calder expected a relationship should be. Asking what this was, to fix a relationship when he even had the wrong idea of what a relationship was aside from what Calder had thought up for them.
Just as he started sorting, started to think of maybe something to say, he felt hands on him. Surprised by Zar being there and now here made him tense in an instant but as his mouth meant his his eyes shot open in wide surprise for a second to see that Zar was kissing him. He kicked back at feeling unbalanced and wondering what was happening before he felt himself pulled into the wall.
It was hot and he gripped Zar's arms as alarm faded quick into need while still riding the energy rush from the attack. All parts of him ached for Zad for days on end and he swallowed, tasting him and taking him in. It was musky and rich and he wanted every part he could get. He wanted more of it and hungrily kissed back, reaching into the folds of his clothes for any button he could find.
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Posted: Tue Aug 18, 2015 2:02 pm
Zar couldn't help the link in the moment, having locked it down so entirely the last few days that when he moved to close the distance between them it flared up to a white hot pitch, all pent up grief and want.
He broke the kiss only long enough to seize Calders lower lip gently in his razor sharp fangs, stating."And don't try to read that either." The link was a fact of life, but it was complicated and layered and unless you knew the notes it was not always possible to decipher the individual notes. "Just give in to it. Trust me for once."
He did not stop Calder's search for the buttons, obliging him by getting out of his way more or less but in no hurry to help him, feeling like things had moved differently in his favour, finding himself back in control to some extent and on steady footing. He could have stopped and part of him considered it, considered whether this would just spook Calder all over again and leave him feeling that he'd been forced to shoulder the burden again. He did not.
Pressing the edge of his hip to Calder's to pin him more properly against the wall, he kissed him again but more dotingly, thoughtfully, the hunger shrieking in him but still shackled, he had learned to make it heel. Restless and teasing, he moved to kiss Calder's throat, aware that it was a significant area for equines. "Do you trust me enough to let me lead this time?" he said, and the link shifted possessive and affectionate in equal measure. "I can show you things."
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Posted: Tue Aug 18, 2015 4:43 pm
The kiss was strong, and he wanted to press into it, take it, beg for more of it. The link came quick as the kiss and it washed over him with flickering heat through his system, and he looked down as his bottom lip was taken hostage just as his mind tried to process the feeling being shared.
Slow, he gave a nod, letting it come over him and trying hard not to question ever part of it. This was made a lot easier with current distractions, and he leaned in for another kiss as Zar traveled down. As his lips pressed against his neck, he leaned his head back, taking a breath as his hands gripping the dip of his dress shirt where he had been working on some buttons to twist the fabric up. Jack, the neck. He could feel his breath, his lips, and swallowed lungfuls of air . Just as he was about to move in, press against the hips already pushing against him, Zar's voice floated up through the flames rising up on a wave bubbling up like a hot spring through the link.
He wanted to take him, he wanted to press against him, he wanted to press him into the ground and do as he pleased, but instead he grips the shirt. Trust him. Zar could swallow him whole anytime he wanted, but in their quiet weeks, he had allowed him many lessons. He had showed him things no one else could, and he had trusted him. Zar hadn't hurt him, hadn't teased him them. He taught and guided him and let him play and explore at his own pace.
And now that he wanted so much more, his voice floated with the question. Slowly, biting his lower lip, he nodded. It would be hard not to go crazy from just the kisses and the hip against his, but he wanted to see. He wanted to see what Zar could show him. "Okay." He breathed out, shuddering with his desires, each part of him hungry and aching for satisfaction. His head was swirling in the mingling affection and possession that Zar fed him like a heavy cocktail he wanted to savor.
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Posted: Wed Aug 19, 2015 4:06 am
It felt so good to feel Calder yield under the contact and request, expecting the kelpie to dig in his heels stubbornly the way he always did on most things and to deny him the trust he wanted. But he did not, and that in itself was staggering, forcing Zar to momentarily reassess what he knew about Calder and even his preferences. But he'd find out, he'd push the boundaries again and redefine his knowledge, testing out what worked and what didn't as long as Calder let him.
But right now it was not about experimentation or even particularly being careful of what worked and what didn't, all that mattered was that he was impossibly, impossibly hungry and there was only one thing he could sustain himself on. Already breathless, he nipped and nibbled on Calder's neck, flicking his long tongue against the skin as his tail insinuated itself about the kelpie's hooves, already slick with slime. "Good." he exhaled as the tail twisted upwards. "I will take.. I will take care of you." he whispered. "I will make this good, as good as I am capable. I will let you see how I feel about you."
He raked his curled claws along Calder's back feather lightly.
"But." and he kissed Calder again, lingering as the link honed in on him, as Zar laid bare all the scandalous and intense emotions he was feeling, as he let Calder taste even the desperation, a strange bitter twist like starvation that tied into everything else. "At the end. At the end, if you say yes, you are going to have to fight. It will be a real fight, I will be trying to harm you, I will not be able to ssstop it. I will take you to heaven and then you will find yourself set against all the hell I am capable of. Consider it an insight into me, into what I am and what I do."
His tail found what it sought.
"Do you underssstand? Say yes. Say it with feeling."
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Posted: Wed Aug 19, 2015 5:20 am
The struggle to keep himself from pressing back was intense, from taking, from falling back into doing for others in hopes of sticking around. He was used to pleasing and having his ways with Barth, monitoring his limits and moments of consciousness. He overthought, worried, watched, and occupied himself with what he wanted and what he thought Barth might want.
This was different.
He didn't know what Zar wanted, and he let their recent talk try and take hold. A take it or leave it, love it or hate it, just don't expect anything out of me line of thought. It felt more like just injest and savor whatever taste, bad or good. Sweet or bitter. A mystery sweet in a black wrapper. You didn't pop it I nto your mouth expecting it to be anything than what is was, and it was in you for expecting it to change flavor a or be anything it wasn't.
The nibbles and nips weren't the little affectionate nuzzles Calder used to playfully snuggle and get close, but tied to a primal ritual that he didn't get the chance with another creature to enjoy. The feeling of teeth on skin gripping flesh between enamel that flooded his system and stirred his body like fresh, young kindling, sparking and crackling with loud cracks and pops. It meant something in his world, and when the tail moved, Calder reached out, gripping the lapels of Zar's suit as he ached.
The hunger between them was making it hard to keep steady or focused.
In his grip, the claws about the curve of his back, he didn't hesitate as he took in a breath. "Y-yes." He answered, parting green eyes to look at the demon best he could, his own voice loosing some of the gloss of his father and brushed with his own accent.
Whatever came, whatever Zar was or wasn't, he wanted to see it. He wanted to taste it. Whatever risk was worth the admission into this dangerously delicious ride, and he'd see Zar at the end of it too.
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Posted: Wed Aug 19, 2015 9:43 am
Zar felt better with the warning out of the way, finally free to relax how he wanted to and to take what he wanted. The contact was intoxicating and he had forgotten how much he missed it.
The agreement made him grin, teeth from ear to ear.
"Then come with me." And with his tail still wrapped around Calder, he pulled him with him as he led them both into the pitch dark basement.
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