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 Posted: Mon Aug 10, 2015 2:34 am
Things with Tolliver had actually... been pretty ******** great, actually.
His schedule made it s**t, but they were making it work, somehow. Sometimes they were at his place, and sometimes they just met at Tolliver's when he knew his brother would be out. (Which was totally fine by Hitch because let's be honest, they were both ******** loud as hell.)
Tolliver wouldn't know it, but his presence in Hitch's life had been nothing but good. He was eating better, going out as Eurydike more when he wasn't busy, and ********, his whole outlook was just slowly, gradually getting better. It was like one little pinprick of light that was slowly getting wider and brighter each time he ******** saw his lover's face.
Not like it was all ******** roses here. His schedule, plus Tolliver, and then plus Eurydike - if he hadn't been sleeping much before, he was basically always running on empty now. A s**t ton of coffee and some extra cigarettes were keeping him together, but he was fine with that. So he had to deal with some circles under his eyes. Didn't seem to make Tolliver think he was any less hot, and to be honest his opinion was the only one that mattered nowadays.
So the night started ******** great - he made Tolliver a late dinner (seriously late, close to midnight) that they got to share. The leftover hadn't all totally made it to the fridge because of - well, reasons - but there'd be time to deal with that in the morning, especially since Hitch had off tomorrow. They'd do a quick sweep and clean up, then they'd pack on up and go to his place. A perfect plan!
So Hitch thought as he stumbled towards the bathroom in the wee hours of the morning, naked as a ******** jaybird and fumbling for a light switch.
kuropeco IF ANYTHING DOESN'T WORK LEMME KNOW
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Posted: Mon Aug 10, 2015 5:50 am
Tolliver had so far managed to avoid having Hitch over when he knew Fritz would be at home, because the ramifications of his brother finding out was possibly one of the worst scenarios he could imagine. Tolliver had never even given the slightest indication of his preferences, and Fritz was as straight as they came - and not only that, but a part of Tolliver wanted to keep Hitch as a secret, something that was only his and did not belong to his twin brother.
And he was happy. He loved the moments when they got to spend time together. Unlike Hitch, Tolliver's schedule was free as a bird, which made it easier for him to find time, and he worked well with Hitch's erratic work times. Fritz had a habit of disappearing for days at at time, and he still kept in contact, otherwise Tolliver would worry - but these times he was privately grateful, because it meant he could have Hitch over.
(And he didn't mind the dark circles under Hitch's eyes, even if he was concerned over Hitch's well-being, because no, they didn't make him less hot.)
The late dinner was appreciated, but, well, things had happened and Tolliver felt pathetically, ridiculously insatiable for Hitch's time and affections. He wondered if there was something wrong with him, as they stumbled towards the bedroom, arms wrapped around each other, lips against Hitch's cheek, that they couldn't seem to get enough of one another. But then Hitch was kissing him senseless again and Tolliver lost all train of rational thought for much more appealing things.
He was still asleep when Hitch got up in the morning, and didn't stir as the warmth left him. There was, however, a slight flaw in their plan, as it would soon come to be apparent, because someone else was awake, and was sitting comfortably on the living room couch where there was a perfect view of the hallway and the bathroom.
Hitch didn't need to find a light switch; it was turned on for him, the apartment suddenly flooded with light.
"Good morning," said Fritz, as pleasantly as can be, and he was fully dressed in a pair of jeans and a simple button-down shirt, one leg crossed over the other. "I would ask how you got in here, but seeing as how you just came out of my brother's bedroom, I think I already know the answer."
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Posted: Mon Aug 10, 2015 7:04 am
Some people wouldn't be okay with being a secret: Hitch was. He knew Tolliver wasn't seeing anyone else, and really, even if they'd never actually come out and talked about it - he understood how hard it was to deal with something like this, like being with another man. How it was even harder when family got involved. He'd seen first hand how bad it could go, and it was something he was still struggling with.
That, too - being a secret meant he didn't have to talk about it. When it was just him and Tolliver, the world was just them. No, he hadn't totally reconciled that with his mother's memory, but it was more or less able to sit there on the back burner and seethe, and when it was just him and his lover, he didn't even have to think about it. Other people meant more people who wanted to talk about it, explore it, question it, label it.
Yes, he was gay. Yes, he was falling for Tolliver and falling hard. That was their business and no one else's and he really didn't want it dissected.
Hitch blinked furiously and stumbled, taken aback by the sudden flood of light - and there was this horribly, horribly, terrible moment where all he could do was sit there and gawk and stare at the man that looked like Tolliver and yet so completely different and <********> that was definitely the brother, mother ******** Fritz, and --
The right instinct would have been to cover himself and flee back to Tolliver's room where it was safe and dark and crawl back under the covers where maybe he could forget any of this ever happened and maybe just die there by Tolliver's side and hey that was actually sort of romantic.
Instead, he only got the covering part, a flare of red erupting in his face as he blurted out, "What the ********?! How long were you ********' sitting there in the dark?! Who does that?!" The last part ended a note higher than he should have because god ******** damnit Tolliver's ******** brother had seen him ******** naked and he was still naked and ******** everything about everything god ******** damnit!!
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Posted: Mon Aug 10, 2015 3:01 pm
If Tolliver was being truthful with himself, he would have to admit that his mindset was around the same as Hitch's - yes, I'm gay. Yes, I am sleeping with another man. Yes, I'm probably a little too into him, but he makes me feel amazing, and he makes me feel wanted, and adored, and desirable and he looks at me with eyes full of passion and I can't seem to get enough of him.
And I'm pretty sure I'm falling in love with him.
Except that he wasn't being truthful with himself, not quite yet, so these thoughts remained buried deep within his own mind, shuffled to the back, hidden away for when he would be confident enough and strong enough to admit them even to himself, let alone another person. For now, however, he let it be just their own thing, his and Hitch's - his and Logan's - and it wasn't anyone else's business, it was something that simply was theirs.
Except now apparently it wasn't.
Back in the living room, Fritz simply remained calm, resting an elbow on the couch's arm and propping the side of his head up against his hand. His only reaction to Hitch's immediate horror and cover up was a raised eyebrow, a little smile on his face that could have meant anything.
"This is my apartment," he said mildly. "I'm allowed to sit in the dark as I please. You, however, are a guest - I assume. I mean, I got home pretty early this morning intending to go straight to bed, but, well...I got a little sidetracked by a few things I noticed."
He gestured to the kitchen table, which still had the last remains of dinner on it - as well as two obvious plates, two obvious glasses, two sets of silverware - and the Tupperware container half full of food, clearly in the midst of being used.
"I was a little surprised to learn Tolliver had a friend over for dinner," said Fritz lightly, still calm, still smiling. "He's not very sociable, that one. But hey, if he managed to make a friend, good for him. I was going to ask him about it, but imagine my surprise when I saw those on the floor."
And he pointed to a pair of pants just outside of Tolliver's bedroom, in the hall. Fritz smiled pleasantly at Hitch.
"Care to explain....sorry, I didn't catch your name?"
Tolliver, in the meantime, had stirred, Hitch's voice seeping into his tangled dreams. He reached back for him, noticed he was gone, and blinked blearily awake, frowning with disappointment. Had he slept through Hitch getting up to shower?
A familiar - and horrifying - voice reached his ears, and suddenly Tolliver was wide ******** awake, throwing back the covers and scrambling for the nearest thing to cover himself, not even looking to see who it belonged to or what it was. He ended up with a pair of boxers that were probably not his and a shirt that was definitely not his, and stumbled awkwardly and a little painfully over to the hallway, leg throbbing.
It was, quite possibly, the very worst situation he could have come across. Hitch was standing naked in the hallway and, to make matters even more complicated, his brother was sitting on the couch, looking as serene as ever.
"Fritz!" Tolliver gasped, trying to steady his heartbeat, but it had gone utterly erratic, panic welling in his throat as he reached out a tentative hand, trying to push Hitch behind him, back into the room. "What - I thought you were - you were gone this weekend - "
His brother merely smiled.
"I got home earlier than expected."
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Posted: Mon Aug 10, 2015 3:17 pm
Allowed to sit in the dark as he pleased, was this ******** really serious?! Did he not realize that made this no less weird?! - no, he probably ******** knew it, look at the look on that guy's face. Smug judgmental b*****d!
... Oh for christ's sake, he still had no ******** clothes on.
Hitch really wished he had something better than mute, unrivaled horror on his face as Fritz spoke on about all the little details, like he thought he was mother ******** Sherlock Holmes or something, and he swore the red on his face traveled all the way down past his ******** chest he was so mortified. He sort of just stood there staring like an idiot with his ******** hands just clamped over his bits with his mouth hanging open a little just waiting for a ******** fly to come in and well, s**t. s**t s**t s**t.
"I, uh... " His name, no. No name. He just wanted his pants, and he eyed the pants at the door and desperately longed to go and just grab them and hide long enough to get his dignity back, which would probably be never at this rate.
Tolliver.
Hitch wasn't sure if he was relieved or devastated to see him, and the look on his face was probably a solid mix of both - he took his cues from his lover, swiftly snatching the pants from the floor and sidling back into the bedroom, but not before his fingertips grazed the small of Tolliver's back where he hoped Fritz couldn't see. A subtle, silent apology, and the best he could give right now. He really just hopped just beyond the doorframe and to a side to try and hop back into his pants, although he really just wanted to sink into the floor for say, forever?
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Posted: Mon Aug 10, 2015 3:54 pm
Fritz was looking at Hitch with a very musing expression that bordered on calculating, his eyes catching the red flush to his face - and to the rest of him, though unlike his brother, the look in his gaze was not eager nor interested, merely curious.
He wasn't surprised to see Tolliver appear a split second later, looking flustered and caught off guard, dressed in clothes that were obviously not his and obviously belonged to the man he was trying to hide. Fritz remained where he was, and now he turned his focus to his twin, eyebrows arching.
Tolliver had felt the warm, reassuring fingers against his back, and he ached to hold him back, to touch his fingers to Hitch's and feel their strength against his - but instead he let him go behind to get dressed, and stood there, eyes flickering nervously towards Fritz.
"Erm," he said hesitantly, holding onto the doorframe for support. "Fritz, I - "
Then he stopped, because words utterly failed him. Fortunately - or rather, unfortunately, Fritz took the lead.
"You can sit down, I'm not going to yell at you," he said lightly. "I know it hurts to stand too much, and really, Tolliver, I won't do anything ridiculous, please rest yourself."
Tolliver cast a look over his shoulder and then inched forward slowly, warily, taking a seat on the edge of an arm chair and wishing that he didn't want Hitch to come and sit with him so that he felt less on display. He tugged at the too - large shirt, trying to get it to at least cover his thighs and the boxers that weren't his. Anxiety coiled in his stomach, hot and unpleasant, and he could almost feel the judgmental stares he would get, the laughter, the mocking from the rest of the world.
Fritz was silent for a moment, and then said, "So..." and waited, clearly intending for his brother to finish the sentence. When he didn't, he gently prompted, "Are you going to tell me what's going on? Not that I can't already assume from what I've seen, but..."
Trying to ignore the way his face was burning, Tolliver stuttered out a small, "I, um...I - he's - "
He couldn't formulate proper words. Tolliver sucked in a sharp breath, eyes stinging, and he blinked rapidly, hands on his knees, gaze focused somewhere at his feet, because he couldn't look at his brother, couldn't stand to see the expression he was making.
After a moment's tense silence, Fritz spoke again, still calm.
"If you're worried about what I'm going to think..."
He trailed off, then raised his voice. "Care to join us, Mr. Mysterious over there?"
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Posted: Mon Aug 10, 2015 6:13 pm
A completely irrational surge of protectiveness surged over Hitch when Fritz drew any kind of attention to Tolliver's leg - irrational because that was Tolliver's damned twin and probably knew better than anyone how to talk to him. Hell, Fritz'd been the one there for him when whatever had gone down had gone down, right? Maybe he'd even helped him recover. But it was still there, bubbling and twisting in his stomach like a gnarled knot: Don't talk about his ********' leg.
He struggled to get back into his pants, and he tried to see if he could find anything else, but all together too late he remembered that Tolliver had both his boxers and his t-shirt. The thought made him flush and he really, really wished Fritz hadn't been here because any other time that would have been hot as hell.
Tolliver wasn't much smaller than him though, and he felt comfortable enough in his room by now to fish out one of his lover's baggier shirts. It was probably a pajama shirt? - he didn't really know, it was something to cover him up, so it was enough. All throughout, he heard their (mostly one-sided) conversation from the other room and winced to himself.
He'd ******** up. He'd ******** up real good, hadn't he? There was no way Tolliver wasn't going to be pissed at him for this later. That literally couldn't have been any worse than it was. The secret was out in the most mortifying way possible and there was no taking it back and Hitch really, really wanted a cigarette goddamnit.
Then, attention was called back to him, so he tried to pull it together - maybe he could try and salvage something for Tolliver's sake if nothing else. His hands were shaking from shaken nerves and a lack of nicotine, so he shoved them into his pockets and took a deep breath before shuffling out.
"Logan Hitchcock." Even when his voice was low and humbled, there was a constant edge of roughness to it that he could never totally shake. "Just Hitch, if that's alright by you." He sank down onto the couch next to Tolliver and stole a look at him, wishing he could do it invisibly. "So, uh. Yeah. Hey. That's me, " he introduced a little lamely, but to be fair, Fritz had just seen him buck a** naked. "Mystery solved."
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Posted: Mon Aug 10, 2015 6:45 pm
He had no idea what to say or even how to say it. Tolliver was as close to Fritz as any twin was, and the two of them had a connection that other siblings didn't; a connection that neither one of them shared with their parents. But even so, they were as different as night and day. Fritz was outgoing, gregarious, charming, easily liked. He made friends left and right, flirted as though it were second nature, and - most importantly - had only ever been interested in girls.
Tolliver was stoic, sarcastic even at times. He had little friends, hardly any ability to even socialize properly, and had known for years that his preferences were towards boys, rather than girls. The years he'd spent hiding this had taken a significant amount of effort and self denial, and Tolliver would never in a million years have let anyone even known, least of all Fritz, if Hitch hadn't come along.
There was no blame in Hitch, only himself. Hitch had given him more than he would ever know, but Tolliver was nothing but selfish and self-absorbed. He couldn't even reach out a hand to take one of Hitch's when he sat down, though he desperately wanted to, to reassure both himself and Hitch. His hands trembled against his knees, and he gripped them tighter, still unable to look at either one of them.
Fritz hadn't moved from his earlier position.
"Logan Hitchcock," he repeated, as though committing it to memory. "A pleasure, I'm sure, though admittedly under circumstances I wasn't really expecting."
He hadn't commented on the fact that they were wearing each other's clothes. Fritz lifted a hand and gestured towards the both of them.
"So, are you two...?"
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Posted: Mon Aug 10, 2015 7:03 pm
That was just Hitch's way, though. If he could have done something differently, he would have. Anything to protect Tolliver, to keep him from having that look on his face as he stared down at his lap with his hands shaking.
Did Fritz always ******** say everything like that? Jesus ******** christ. 'Circumstances he hadn't been expecting', well no s**t! Who expects to see another guy's ******** dangly bits in their own house? "Yeah, uh - don't think anyone could've predicted that - might've helped if you'd had a light on, " because he wasn't totally over that okay, the mother ******** had practically given him a goddamn heart attack.
Seriously though, he hadn't expected to meet any of Tolliver's family, and he definitely hadn't expected - well, that ******** s**t show.
'Are you two...?'
The labels he didn't want, and the expectations to go with it - no. "We're sorta... I think it's too soon to label it yet, " and he said that flat out, red burning in his cheeks as he fought conflicting urges that bubbled up in him: to do what Tolliver was doing and get real familiar with his lap, or stare right into Fritz's eyes like he wanted to ******** fight him about it. Neither was super ideal, really, and his hand started drumming lightly against his thigh because he was ******** nervous as s**t okay?
"It's still sorta new, but, uh - we're exclusive, an' he make me pretty ********' happy, so, " he was fidgeting real hard. They were sort of dating, but hadn't gone out once. They were exclusive, but the word "boyfriend" hadn't come up once. Lover was okay, but it also felt like more than that? "An' I, uh, care about him. A lot." And why did he feel like he was talking to a dad instead of a twin? Jesus ******** -- "You're not pissed at him, are you? - if you are don't be, it's totally my fault."
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Posted: Mon Aug 10, 2015 7:44 pm
Fritz was, sadly, the type to always talk like that. Always eloquent, always calm, at least in Tolliver's mind. The type to simultaneously sugarcoat things while still making it painfully obvious what he meant to say, all flowery and extravagant.
"I could have turned on a light, but, well, changed my mind in case I was wrong," he said lightly. "I figured you could just be a friend still, and truthfully, I was going to tease my brother about it for a few minutes, until you came out of there starkers and I learned just what kind of friend you were."
There was no mockery in his tone, merely a quiet sort of amusement. Tolliver's face was burning, and Fritz could see it from where he sat, even with his face turned away. He listened silently to Hitch's explanations, face registering nothing, his fingers absently smoothing along his temple. The red hair that was identical in color to Tolliver's fell in neat lines across his forehead and down to his shoulders, uncolored and bright red, freckles dotted over his cheeks beneath the glasses.
"Pissed?" Fritz repeated, eyebrows still raised. "No, not pissed. More...confused. Curious, I suppose."
His eyes flickered towards his brother.
"I suppose this should be one of those moments where I say something like I always knew you were gay, because I'm your twin, but frankly I didn't."
It still wasn't said unkindly, Fritz sounding more curious than anything else. Tolliver, however, still flinched at the blatant use the word, his face reddening still, in stark contrast to his knuckles that had turned white from clenching so hard to his knees.
"I..." he said hoarsely, voice barely above a whisper. "I didn't...I didn't want you to know, ever. Or Mum and Dad, they would kill me - "
"I'm not Mum and Dad," Fritz cut in smoothly. "I'm not going to kill you, I'm not even averse to what your preferences may be, in spite of my own not following suit. I'm just more concerned why you felt the need to hide things from me in the first place."
He let out a hum of thought, gaze moving across Hitch's features.
"You're the first person my brother's ever brought home, ever, not even dealing with the fact that you're a man."
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Posted: Mon Aug 10, 2015 8:11 pm
Just what kind of friend he was - oh god, Hitch burned in more than one way when he said it, and he gnawed at his piercing hard enough that he ended up flat out biting his lip by accident. It wasn't even like Fritz was being spiteful, Hitch was just so - exposed? - and with Tolliver involved too, it was about ten times worse.
It was seriously annoying how much Fritz did and didn't look like Tolliver. Like he could tell they were twins, and it was weird seeing a face so similar to his lover's belonging to another man, but he also didn't feel a lick of attraction to Fritz. Maybe he was biased (okay, he was), but Tolliver was absolutely the hot twin.
'Gay' was a word that made Hitch want to recoil with his lover; instead, that was the point where he reached out and put a hand on his leg without completely looking at him, offering reassurance if he wanted to take it. Hitch was sort of ashamed that his usual defensive line ("I'm not ******** queer") was balanced precariously at the tip of his tongue - he didn't say it, but before Tolliver he would have, and it was a force of habit he was still hyper aware of. He tried not to let on how claustrophobic it made him feel, cornered and verbally labeled like he just wasn't ready to be. (The comment wasn't even specifically directed at him for ******** sakes.)
Though at the thought that he was the first person Tolliver had brought home - his cheeks flushed and he felt a little strangely giddy in spite of everything (this really did mean something special). "Oh." That's all he had to say was 'oh'. ******** great. "So... now what? We sate your curiosity?" Or was he not done mortifying them? - with his luck probably not. "Uh, an'... thanks for not bein' mad at him, " and it didn't seem like something he should have to apologize for but oh well, there it was, lamely sitting there in the dead air.
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Posted: Mon Aug 10, 2015 9:51 pm
Tolliver was horribly, incredibly grateful when Hitch's hand found his leg, and immediately grabbed for it, wrapping his own fingers tightly over his. He still couldn't lift his head to look at either of them, but the one small gesture made things just a little easier, even if they were doing it in front of Fritz.
Gay was not a word used lightly in the St. James household, except as a joke - "That's so gay!" - and in spite of his parents being caring people who did the best they could for their children, they had never really shown any indication that they would understand a child of their own. Tolliver distinctly remembered his father telling his mother about a family friend of theirs whose son had come out to them, and his mother shaking her head, clicking her tongue sadly as she'd said how disappointing it was. Rather than hatred and sharp remarks, they'd been quieter, sadness and disappointment, and somehow this was worse.
Fritz was watching them both carefully. He gave a little nod of acknowledgement for the gratitude Hitch offered. "You're welcome. But it's not about 'sating my curiosity,' as you so put it. Tolliver's my brother, Mr. Hitchcock; he's not just that, but my twin - identical, we're only a few minutes apart. He's who I look after and vice versa. I've grown up thinking things were one way, only to find out they're another."
He hummed a little, while Tolliver gripped Hitch's hand even tighter still. "I'm just trying to figure out if this is all...well, if it's all all right, really. Not that I don't think you're wrong or anything, either of you, I just need to make sure that this isn't some passing fling, or that you're not going to just toss him aside after a few days."
"Fritz!" said Tolliver, aghast, but his brother held up a hand.
"I'm not being judgmental, I swear, Olls, I'm not Dad, or trying to be. I'm just making sure you're doing what's right for you, is all."
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Posted: Tue Aug 11, 2015 3:51 am
Tolliver's fingers on his own made him breathe a soft sigh of relief, probably inaudible past his lover's ears - because it meant he wasn't mad at him and he really really couldn't handle Tolli being angry at him. They'd only had one stupid fight so far, and he didn't even know if he'd really count that or not because really, Hitch was just being a massive ******** when that went down.
(Even if looking back, an angry yelling Tolli was sort of hot - focus here Logan.)
First of all, he hated being called Mr. Hitchcock. Just for the record. He didn't hate being called Logan (hell, he loved it when Tolli did it), he just preferred Hitch. Mr. Hitchcock was just too ******** formal and stifling, and way too many people had called him that before looking down their nose at him or snubbing him or worse. His foot tapped lightly on the floor at the title and he chewed on the back of the piercing again, trying not to look as annoyed as he was.
But then he went and insinuated that he might be using his Tolliver, and he bit the inside of his cheek hard enough to bleed, his fingers curling against his lover's leg as he tried desperately hard to keep his temper in check. "Listen, Mr. Frederick, " okay, maybe he was still a lot hot under the collar about that. Lay off. "You don't know who the ******** I am, an' I get that - but yeah, you also don't know who the ******** I am, an' Tolli's been the best thing that's happened to me in a long ********' time. So don't you ********' sit there an' assume I'm gonna ditch him like a ********' used Kleenex, 'cause you have no <********> idea how I got here, an' I would never."
The sad part is, that was the tame version. For one thing it was a whole lot quieter than he wanted it to be, and he totally left out the bit about Tolliver being a grown a** adult who was way beyond being grounded for seeing the boy from across the railroad tracks or whatever ******** analogy fit the peg. Make sure he's doing what's right for him, ******** this guy and his mom. - wait, s**t, that was Tolli's mom - ******** whatever.
... although for as mad as he got, the sad truth was he knew Fritz was probably onto something. Hitch wasn't much good for anyone, after all. Maybe he just saw it sooner than Tolli did, and maybe he'd whisper s**t to him, and before he knew it, his lover would be gone, and -
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Posted: Tue Aug 11, 2015 6:58 am
Tolliver was desperate to get out of here, desperate to leave and burrow himself into his blankets and just let the world swallow him up into nothingness. He didn't want to be sitting here, listening to Fritz talk, even if he knew that Fritz was just trying to look out for him. He didn't want to sit here and listen to Hitch growing steadily angrier on his behalf, because he loved how passionate he was, felt even more adored and wanted and cared for that Hitch was willing to go to bat for him. He wanted to be secluded away with his lover's arms around him, separate from the rest of the world because right now the only world he needed was Logan Hitchcock.
(He wasn't even going to talk about all of the negative ramifications of that, Tolliver trying hard not to think of the future, only the present and the warmth of a blush that spread across his face at Hitch's vehement denial of throwing him away. Irritated Hitch - irritated Hitch not at Tolliver was actually pretty hot, even if Tolliver was having a rough time straying away from that thought.)
Fritz hadn't moved, hadn't even flinched or made a visible reaction to Hitch's little outburst. His fingers had continued moving steadily against his temple, and his eyes narrowed slightly, a little frown on his face, but it wasn't an expression of disgust or irritation, merely thoughtful contemplation.
"Well, you're not quite who I would have pictured him with, personality wise, regardless of gender," he said finally, lowering his arm back to the couch's arm rest. "But the fact that you're so brutally honest about how you feel is a good sign, I think."
His face seemed to soften around the edges.
"I swear I'm not trying to be a villain to either of you," said Fritz gently. "You have to understand, it's only been the two of us for a long time. Our parents are far off, and while I'm not trying to take their place, it's my responsibility to look after Tolliver, just as his is to look after me. Except the latter hasn't really said anything about how he feels yet...Tolliver?"
Tolliver started and lifted his head, just a little, and his lip had started to bleed, he was biting it so hard. Hastily, he swiped a hand across his mouth, trying to wipe it away, and he dragged in a shaking breath before finally raising his eyes enough to meet Fritz's.
"I..." he said hoarsely, and his voice was barely above a whisper. He felt terribly exposed, vulnerable.
"I like him," Tolliver said softly, averting his eyes, hot shame rising in his throat. "I like him a lot, he's the - he's the only good thing that I can look forward to right now, he makes me happy, I don't want to - I can't give up on him, Fritz, please, don't - "
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Posted: Tue Aug 11, 2015 7:44 am
Nonchalance, by the way, was a whole other pet peeve. The lack of a reaction left him more on edge than before, and then he ******** went and said that. "Yeah, well, not the first thing you've been wrong about, " and he kind of regretted it once he'd said it, but he wasn't about to take it back either. Hitch crossed his arms over his chest and really did look down at his lap this time, and although he heard the praise to go with it, it was sort of lost to 'personality wise' 'not who I would have pictured him with'. Way to play into every ******** insecurity he had about this in what, like ten words flat? Mother ******** guy. And Tolliver said he was the charming one?
Family. Hah. "Yeah, I get it, " and he didn't totally mean to be so curt, but it was a nice reminder that Tolliver did have someone else in the world he could turn to, people like his brother he could always rely on. Hitch didn't have anyone else, just Tolliver to cling to, and Fritz's comment just made him that much more acutely aware of it. His eyes were dark, stormy, and heavy with thoughts he tried desperately hard to keep at bay because once they started they ******** drowned him and he'd only just started learning how to breathe again.
He saw blood on Tolliver's lip out of the corner of his eye, and his frown deepened. He reached forward to pluck a tissue from the box and offered it to his lover - more like pressed it gently into his free hand, right into his palm.
More than anything in that moment, he wanted to take Tolliver away from this; he hated seeing him pushed and cornered and upset like this. He still felt a little pinprick of relief, maybe delight, when his lover said how happy he made him - he just - he wished Tolliver could have said it on his own terms, if ever.
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