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After having managed to leave Björn on the rooftop of the DCBC building, Colin hadn't wanted to be near anyone for quite a while. Instead he went for a long walk, wandering around Destiny City aimlessly. When his phone chirped at him, he realized he need to get back to the Theatre for his show. It was only after the performance, when he was alone in his dressing room and staring in the mirror with an empty expression that he realized he shouldn't be alone just then.

So he'd texted Nadia and been called welcome. He drove over, not because he couldn't have hoofed it, but because he just didn't feel safe enough to do that. After knocking on her door, Colin shoved his hands deep into his jean's, a dance bag over his shoulder and his hair a wreck; when she opened to welcome him, Nadia would fine one very subdued labradoodle.

"Sorry it's so late..."

Love troubles inDEED! But not only that, he'd not told anyone about his encounter with the eldritch General...which made everything that much worse. His coping skills were just not functioning well at all.

Colin allowed himself to be moved by Nadia, comforted by the physical contact as she introduced him to a fluffy white creature he assumed was a dog. Since she was wrangling Pasha, he was kind enough to shut and lock her door.

Inside the loft, he saw that Nadia had not only been waiting for him, but she'd been prepared too. Things he could nibble at, wine. Pillows and blankets. His lips twitched as though to smile but that was far as it went. "No, but I should probably try to eat anyway. Had a show tonight." Colin went to settle, shoes off and legs half folded under his body, dance bag dumped to one side; almost as though he were trying to be as small as physically possible.

Ha ha, perhaps that was why he hadn't told anyone. At least, not until earlier...but even then it had been more of a mention. He'd taken to wearing gloves or wraps to hide the marking on his palm when he wasn't dancing. But it wasn't a lack of trust that kept him from telling anyone about what happened...but rather his wont to keep them protected. How could they have faith in him as a leader and a person when he'd gotten himself caught and abused?

Though he nibbled, he really didn't want to. But his body was important and he'd already gone through the not eating thing once, he wouldn't do it again. He was just recently getting away from the 'unhealthy' look, dammit. "Let me know when you want to come, I'll get you tickets."

He shook his head but then thought better of it - he kept a change of clothes in his bag, why not? It might help. "Actually...that'd be good." He accepted the wine and took a sip, closing his eyes and leaning back. "In a bit."

"I saw my ex today." Such weight, such heaviness in those few words; he'd mentioned Björn before - she'd seen plenty of photos of him on his phone and at his apartment. It was no secret that he'd broken up with the strongman. He just hadn't gone into a lot of detail about it...like, how long they'd been together. Or how deep it cut.

"Just let me know when you'd like to go and if you'll be bringing him." As she'd been speaking, he'd drawn one knee up and wrapped an arm around it, fingers loosely keeping his wine-glass stable in the cradle formed by his thighs.

With a sigh, he shook his head and looked at Nadia sadly, "Actually, he was fine...neither of us wanted this. An end, I mean. But it's...I probably shouldn't have asked to see him." Colin wasn't speaking well or in solid, concrete thoughts and terms, but he was leaning towards her a bit, unconsciously or not. Nadia was comforting, just sitting there and speaking softly. Caring.

"We were together for the better part of four years, Nadia. I thought I'd be with him..." He gestured with his free hand, a short movement that might indicate an open length. "Björn...is amazing. I know everyone says that about their lover, but...he really is. And it's been really hard without him." Losing the strongman had been the reason he'd stopped caring for himself properly, though that had changed. "I felt - I feel - like someone broke my legs and then told me to keep running." The story was fractured, but hopefully enough would come through and connect with the things she'd already known about the relationship from photos and stupid videos and vines; from the things he'd shared in unguarded moments before remembering those sorts of things were no longer for him.

Colin paused to take a sip of wine, letting it cut across his tongue and burn down his throat as spirits were wont to do. "I know it's stupid, I really do. But...I would have married that boy." He gave a self-depreciating laugh and pushed a hand through his hair, pausing halfway with fingers tangled in too-long curls. "I still would, even after all this." The more he spoke the tighter his body pulled, the more tension showed in every line and gesture; Colin's voice was a hoarse, choked-up whisper by the time he finished...and while he might have looked close to crying, he did not.

"He says he's trying to protect me from something bad that's going on with him, but he won't tell me what that is. It's the most frustrating thing and I'd like to strangle him with his damn braid. But at the same time, how can I be mad at that?"

Colin leaned into Nadia’s touch, scooting a bit so he was actually resting his weight against the warmth of her body while self-medicating further with the wine. What remained in the glass was swirled as a distraction from the pain that beat in his chest.

With his dear friend’s head pressed to his, dark against light, Colin closed his eyes. But he has asked me to do something that seems impossible, to let him go. Yes, it was selfish to think in those terms, and well he knew it…but he’d not gotten his mind around the realization that dwelling in what amounted to a fatalistic viewpoint on a relationship wasn’t healthy. Someday perhaps he would. As for the idea that Björn was powered…well, wouldn’t he know? If he was Order too, he’d have no reason to not tell Colin…and if he were Chaos…well, would he not have come to kill Aegir already? Not that the idea didn’t torment him from time to time.

“Oh Nadia…I haven’t been fair at all. Every time I see him - or even just think about him - I’m torn between trying to strangle him with his own braid and kissing him senseless. ” He granted her a wobbly half-smile that was more grimace than grin, “I just can’t…it’s like I’m sixteen again, without the ability to be an adult about it.” At least Colin understood this about himself and could admit it. Her words were meant to be soothing, but they served to dig in harder. “I’ve held on. That’s part of the problem.” The blond let himself be held and hugged, resting his head against her shoulder and shuddering.

“I was doing better with it…not moving on really, but at least working at…I don’t know, life? Without him hogging the sheets or making fun of my meals. But…I backslid. Again.” Since he'd done it once before, when he'd practically stopped eating and ended up on Aleksy's s**t-list. But she knew about that, at least a bit of it. Colin had told her as he found himself telling her a great many things. She was his partner-in-crime, they worked well together. She was warm and comfortable and it felt like he'd known her all his life.

But there were some things from his past that he didn’t speak of, things most people that knew him wouldn’t have suspected at all with his generally buoyant outlook on life. Things that he’d told Björn, just as he’d shared Aegir with the strongman, but no one else. Schörl’s attack and ‘branding’ of him, the betrayal he’d been forced to enact, those things had sent him right back to that long-past point. And it had made him angry. “I took it out on Björn when I saw him, when I really just wanted to see him again. Give him my new mailing address.” Hadn’t worked out well, now had it?

“When you, Aleksy, or Lorne are around, it’s easier to be happy. I feel almost normal then...” But when he was alone...

Even with the pain, Colin wouldn't have changed much - and he certainly had no wont to have never been with Björn. It was just hard, like something neither of them wanted but had to live with. She allowed him to speak, to be less than his usual projection of self, even if it caused her worry - Nadia was a good friend. More. She'd become family cherished and necessary for what happiness he could manage. Björn fell into that category too, but differently.

The blond rested against Nadia, sorry that his problem was nothing she could truly help, save to listen and support. Her sweetness and loving nature were appreciated, a balm easing the pain of a deep burn as it were.

"Mmm." Colin made a sound of - if not agreement - acquiescence; she was correct. They were young, still learning their way and place in the strange world they lived in. And things were always changing: within them, without them, around them. Even before one factored in their powered lives! "You'll be here, Nadia. Ten years, twenty...doesn't matter. You'll be here."

He'd done that, living in his memories. Once the initial shock had worn off, he'd tried to focus on happy memories, but they were tinged with sadness and simply made him worry over what he'd done 'wrong' like a dog with a tasty bone. But she changed the tone quickly, smiling at him warmly, and he felt a bit better - how right was she? With his friends to watch over and be watched by, his work, and his senshi duties...his hands were full.

"You guys are the best, you know?" Colin leaned up so he could kiss her cheek, not bothering to hide the red eyes or dried tear tracks. "I'm so screwed, you guys are so high maintenance." He didn't sound upset by this at all - nor was he - this pleased him. Having wonderful friends to distract him and to keep him moving forward. It helped.

Colin had very few people in his life like Nadia, and he cherished her affection and attention and did his best to reciprocate as often as possible. Having her pressed to him protectively warmed his heart and he allowed himself to be enveloped.

"I can tell. You guys keep me buzzing." The blond danseur couldn't help chuckling, smiling with his face cupped in her hands, "Aleksy would do his best and he's pretty damned good. He's just not comfortable with youma." Thinking about his taciturn and talented friend's reaction to monster dimmed his smile a bit to something between bemused and protective. "Don't worry. I'll be around to save you."

With a bit of a levity injection, Nadia suggested getting drunk and watching what some might consider "chick-flicks". Colin mock-groaned, "Nadia. You're killing me here." She would know better.

"Thanks babe. You're the best." He took one of her hands and kissed it, lips quirked a bit. "I'm game, let's do it."