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 Posted: Mon Jul 27, 2015 6:29 pm
Kyndall was lying in bed for the third night in a row waiting for her husband to come home. Long minutes ticked by as she stared at her ceiling unable to sleep. A glance at the clock confirmed that only a few minutes had passed since she last checked and time actually seemed to be slowing down, crawling, as she waited.
If she were another woman, or if it were anyone but him, she might imagine he was having an affair. All the signs were there. Long hours, late nights, marks where none ought to be. If she didn't know about the war and his place in it that's all she would be able to think of. Not that the war was any better. Knowing he was out there risking his life with a psychotic b***h of a General bent on destroying their family and the people they held dear didn't sit well with her. He'd only just recently recovered from his latest injuries and she imagined one night that he might not come home. She never let herself get to far down that line of thought because she was sure it would only make her go mad.
But, more than that, she missed him. They promised to be with each other through good or bad but between their lives, powered and not, their jobs, and all the other things that kept them apart she couldn't say she spent more than a half hour or two talking to him each day. He ate dinner at home some nights and came home exhausted after patrol. They curled up together until the morning came and both of them went off to work in their own separate directions.
Between Navi, Chaonis, and Merlinite among the others he helped she felt like she was missing her best friend and it made her heart hurt. She missed his smile and being able to talk to him about her days and Sarah and their hopes and dreams. She'd been begging for something to give for some time now and she was pushed to her breaking point. Maybe, he would listen to her if she asked him again. It was too hard.
She finally heard him come home and sat up in bed, gathering the blanket around her and waiting.
"Tony, darling, we need to talk."
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Posted: Mon Jul 27, 2015 6:49 pm
Tony looked surprised when he heard Kyndall speaking. Usually, she was either already asleep or on the verge of it, and he could just crawl into bed and collapse with his arms comfortably around her. He was always tired, these days, though all the activity recently certainly took a toll on him.
"What's wrong, my love?" he said softly, not wanting to wake any of the occupants that might have been in the house at the time. Sarah, obviously, and the dogs, though maybe Nate and Elle were there, too.
He moved to sit down on the edge of the bed, beside her, putting his hand on her knee and looking at her with concern in his eyes. His first instinct was always to expect the worst, and he was bracing himself for some kind of terrible news.
Whatever it was, he wanted to help. He hated it when Kyndall was upset, for any reason, and he knew that he was the cause of it a lot of the time. Not by any malicious intention of his own, but simply by the nature of his job, and the positions they constantly found themselves in.
"Are you alright?"
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Posted: Mon Jul 27, 2015 7:41 pm
Once again he was right on the money. She knew it wasn't his fault. He had a great responsibility and so did she but that wasn't a consolation when she felt like they were growing further and further apart.
"Tony..." How did she put this? Physically, she was fine. "I miss you."
She'd borne if for as long as she could, staying quiet in the hope that eventually it would get better for them both. He couldn't stay in dire danger forever, could he? Suddenly she found herself with another member of the household and though she didn't begrudge their new guest she also saw the young love and ached for her own lover.
"I barely see you anymore. You leave for work in the morning and come home just in time to fall into bed and do it all over again. You're working yourself to death, almost literally, and I feel like I've only spoken a few words to you each day for weeks."
Perhaps when she was tired and prone to being emotional was not the best time to speak about matters that were weighing on her heart. It was too late to restrain herself now. This had been a burden on her heart for much too long now for her not to tell him what was happening. In for a penny, in for a pound. Kyndall was much too passionate to ever do anything in half measures.
She looked up into his eyes and continued.
"I didn't know about all of this going on with Nathan and Elle until after it was over and you were calling me from the hospital. We don't patrol together. We don't go out anymore. We barely talk. We don't make love. I feel like I'm missing my best friend and it aches inside me. I don't feel like your partner anymore and darling, I need to feel like you still want me here with you, not behind you."
She sighed, feeling tears pricking her eyes.
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Posted: Mon Jul 27, 2015 7:56 pm
Tony felt the guilt stinging almost immediately, and she only had to say four words. The rest only added to that crushing feeling, and he shifted to face her on the bed, taking her face into his hands gently. He ran his thumb over her cheek, watching her for a moment before he leaned forward and pressed his forehead to hers.
Eyes closed, he drew a slow breath, catching the scent of her hair.
"I love you, Kyndall," he said softly, and let the words linger before he pulled back to look her in the eyes again. "I love you with all my heart. I know I am not... the ideal husband. I work too much. I get hurt a lot. I put you through hell, worrying and fretting about me. I don't tell you enough about what's going on. Most of the time, I don't have the chance, but I should try harder. I know I should. I'm... I'm sorry."
He shifted a bit to take her hands in his, watching them, eyes coming to rest on the ring she wore on her left hand. A ring he had given her, and made promises over.
"You are my partner. I do want you here with me, and I want you near me more than we get the chance to really enjoy. I get so wrapped up in things, I know, but I don't want to push you away. You still, and will always, mean more to me than everything else. Our family is what gives me strength. If you want to patrol with me, I would love that. And if I can do anything else to make you... to help you remember why you married a wreck like me in the first place, I will."
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Posted: Mon Jul 27, 2015 8:16 pm
God, it was still surprising how much his touch could soothe her. Even with the tempest brewing inside her a press of his hands to her cheeks quieted the storm to a dull roar. She savored even that simple touch, reveling in more genuine affection than she'd had from him in a while, more than a passing hug or kiss on the forehead on his way in or out the door.
Normally she would mention how much their baby needed him but this wasn't about Sarah. She was going to speak for herself tonight.
"You work too much. I know having a baby now has made things more complicated and things with Merlinite and Nathan, Painite... I know it's all very stressful for all of us. But I can't keep going on without you. If we don't make time for each other I'm afraid..."
She choked on the last half of her thought. She was very afraid that if they didn't make the effort to stay together they might fall apart.
"Tony, all I have ever wanted is you. From the first moment I met you, in the library, when you made an off comment about what I'd chosen. I knew I wanted you then and I want you now. I love you. Something has to change. I miss you too much alone in this house and then alone in bed until the wee hours."
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Posted: Mon Jul 27, 2015 8:39 pm
"Okay, we'll figure something else out. I'll take more time from work, or perhaps I'll shorten my patrols so I can come home for a bit in between... when I'm not exhausted. I want to spend more actual time with you, as well. And like I said, I would love to patrol with you more. I value your input, and your presence, you know, as a civilian and as a knight."
He smiled at her, and wanted her to know he was not just trying to placate her. He saw her honest pain and the stress the constant work was putting on their marriage, and the very last thing he could ever do was lose her. He would not think of it.
"Does any of that sound like a good plan? We can do things together. Little things. I'll take you on more dates. I always promised more than I ever took you on, and you deserve to be properly wooed. Even after being married and having a child with me. You are my lady, Kyndall, and I your knight. Not to be cheesy about it, but... I'm yours, forever."
Even if she did leave him, which she might, if this all kept up, he would always love her. He was hopeless in that way. Of course, it was his duty to do everything in his power to keep her happy, and at his side, and living the life she deserved. It pained him to know that, so far, he was failing in that.
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Posted: Mon Jul 27, 2015 9:43 pm
Kyndall did not want it to get even remotely close to the point where she'd feel the need to leave him or something drastic like that. She was almost certain she would not be able to survive it. He was her other half, the love of her life, and God knew she was not willing to let him go easily. She would fight tooth and nail if she had to, until there was not another choice left.
"I want to patrol with you. Maybe with Nathan and Elle here We'll have someone to watch Sarah so we can patrol together. And I want to be there when you need me. I want you to know you can count on me to help you."
But right now she didn't want a knight. She wanted her husband and her best friend back. She wanted to explore the world with him again and discover all the joys left to be found with him.
Kyn wrapped her arms around him and drug him down to the bed with her, holding onto him as if her life depended on it. She didn't cry, but she was definitely not entirely well, either. She missed him, as she'd made pretty clear and took the opportunity to enjoy his company for once while she was still awake. She breathed in his scent and felt his strong arms around her. She pressed to his warm body and listened to his heartbeat beneath her ear.
"I need more nights like this, Tony. Dates, sure, but dinners at home and play dates with Sarah, too. I need you in this family with me. What are you protecting every night if not that?"
Maybe that was a little unfair considering he was protecting their family and she remembered the hazy future that awaited. But in that future Elle was someone else and was still on the wrong side. If that could change surely that future was not written in stone.
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Posted: Mon Jul 27, 2015 9:52 pm
Tony nodded his head and smiled, kissing her hand, the wedding ring, and nodding his head.
"Of course, I can do that. More nights with the family. God, that sounds like heaven. I'm so sorry, Kyndall. I know I can get wrapped up in things, in other people and their problems. I've always had a bit of a... well... a white knight complex, and it wasn't exactly made better when I actually became a knight. I have the power to help people, so I feel like I... I always need to be. But I don't, not really. Most of the time, I'm inserting myself where I am not needed, anyway, and I know that. I just... want to help. Everyone. Anyone."
He sighed, shaking his head and looking guilty. It made him feel bad, looking at it from a distance now, as he was. He wished he could see more of the bigger picture more often, as he never would have left her feeling so hurt and abandoned if he had realized what he was doing. There was always something he missed, and he could never protect everyone without hurting someone else in the process.
It was his intention to make it up to her, though, and he leaned toward her to catch her lips in a kiss. It was light at first, then deeper as he tugged her to him, wrapping his arms around her. She needed to know that he never wanted to lose her, and sometimes it was easier to say those things without saying anything at all.
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Posted: Mon Jul 27, 2015 10:12 pm
"I don't blame you for being who you are, my love. I just need you to be this too, more often."
That white knight quality had helped him win her over and helped her fall in love with him. She couldn't be angry with him for it now because she'd known who he was when she married him and marrying him was one of the best moments of her life. She just needed him to take a step back from that and one more toward their family.
Though if anything could still the thoughts in her head and the storm in her heart it was that kiss. She melted immediately, chaos ceasing.
It was good. It was so, so good.
Kyndall let her words run dry in his arms and let him lead her with that kiss where he wanted them to go. She hoped it was exactly where she was thinking.
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