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 Posted: Mon Jul 13, 2015 7:55 pm
july 10th
He knew better than to start with u been okay today?, but he didn't know how else to approach her about it. It would have been too rude to assume it had to do with Cami, even if any idiot with two eyes could have read the tweets and made the connection.
Dawson could hear the noises as he read the response. Hahaha. Haha. Ha. In his ears, she would have made them almost sound genuine. So far gone into sarcasm and bitterness that they were practically soft and pleasant. (One mask among many she wore.) She clarified it was Cami, and the usual gut instincts to clean and cover kicked in.
u dot have to tell me wht happened but
u need anthing?
As pitiful as the first message but, again, what else could he say?
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Posted: Mon Jul 13, 2015 8:04 pm
july 12th
It was a good day. Despite Rep's insistence about Maebe's stature, other people had risen up--maybe not necessarily in her defense, but at least in opposition to the opinion. People were actually standing up for her, and Dawson couldn't help but smile at his phone screen every so often, checking occasionally as he read a random animal magazine. They weren't useful for just having fun reading and learning, but they often provided great photos he could cut out as references for carving things later.
Even Maebe couldn't ignore the efforts, judging by the heart she messaged him with. It was a Good Day.
So, I guess, I'm going out on a date.
It was a Not So Good Day.
Dawson paused. oh like a literal date date? he asked. i wasnt sure if yalll were serious or not haha. And he hadn't been. It was Twitter: people could joke around a lot, and as he had proved with Lex's analogy, he wasn't always the best at reading tone and intention. Wasn't good at all, for the most part. The feeling sank in like a cold chill how his other tweets must have looked--the clothes mishap, the dadface commentary, everything in between--and he was struck by how gigantic an idiot he was.
Haha. He almost wanted to laugh.
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Posted: Mon Jul 13, 2015 8:13 pm
july 10th
She'd never made it to the bed. It was just her and the floor, for the rest of the night. She didn't even deserve the comforts of her soft bed. Not when she knew exactly what Cami was going through, because of her.
This was where she belonged.
Amnesia would be nice.
If she could forget everything and start over, she knew exactly what would happen. And if she could, she would have. She wouldn't love Dawson, Cami would love her, and Otto wouldn't even be in the picture. Everything would fit just the way everyone wanted.
A perfect puzzle. All she had to do was cut the jagged edges off.
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Posted: Mon Jul 13, 2015 8:20 pm
july 12th
She'd already picked out half of her outfit in the sudden, surprising excitement. It had been so long since she'd felt this way. Excited. It wasn't such a big deal, but as soon as the offer had been laid out for her, she realized how badly she just wanted to go out and enjoy herself. Free of the guilt, the memories, the torturous friend zone. She wanted to feel new again. So of course she'd said yes.
But when she sat down on her bed, wearing her slip and nothing else, with her hands already working on an updo, she began to worry.
So she'd given him a chance. Because if there was ever going to be a time for Dawson to change his mind.. it was probably going to have to be now.
When she reached out to him, she sat on her bed, curled up with her phone, with the reflection of conflict barely visible on her face. She didn't want to force him into anything. But he deserved to know.
And somehow, he hadn't even taken any of that seriously. If ever there was a moment when she disliked Dawson Grace..
It's a real date. She informed him, and she wished he could hear the snap in her voice. Was that really so far fetched, that he'd just thought 'oh, she's just joking. Maebe wouldn't go out on a date. That's ridiculous.'?
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Posted: Mon Jul 13, 2015 8:36 pm
july 10th
First tactic: jokes. Offer her a stiff drink. Wasn't that how he usually dealt with things? Booze and a book, booze and some tv, booze and the phone, booze and the computer...
Not enough, she said. I need to forget forever. Selectively or everything? Would she really choose that if she had a chance? Was he included in that package she wanted to throw away?
if u forgot tho thered b a chance ud make the same mistake, Dawson argued. Sounded legit, right? n ud also forget all the other good things outside them too. He was supposed to be Good Things too. Important.
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Posted: Mon Jul 13, 2015 8:40 pm
july 12th
He stared at the phone and was surprised by the crayon scribble mess going on inside. The colors were definable, the thought trails for the most part easy to follow, but together they made such a mess that he didn't know what to make of it. Childish scrawl quietly asking what wait how forgive me if please why when.
Instead, all he got out for the sake of the conversation was: oh.
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Posted: Mon Jul 13, 2015 8:57 pm
july 10th
She was too focused, too raw and hurt to think about the consequences of what she was saying. She couldn't see anything past the look on Cami's face, and when she saw that, all she could remember was the way her face must have looked when Otto told them to leave. It was a vicious cycle that left no room for more rational thought.
I won't make the same mistake. She told him, her eyes once more welling up with tears. Her typing was quick, and angry. I just want to be able to LOOK at Cami and not see Otto. Not see the ******** car crash that was that whole relationship. It's unfair.
All she wanted to do was separate the tangles that wrapped up one person with another, so she could see clearly. Then, maybe - maybe she'd feel different.
Wouldn't she?
A cold slice of fear ran down her spine and she forced the question away.
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Posted: Mon Jul 13, 2015 9:00 pm
july 12th
oh.
What kind of answer was that? Oh? OH? What the hell did he mean by oh? She stared at that one simple word and it infuriated her. Was he sad? Upset? Apathetic? Did oh mean he just didn't care? Did it mean he DID? What the ******** was Dawson thinking?
And what if it meant he did care?
Her hands flew across the screen at lightning speed, suddenly driven to find an answer. She knew that adrenaline was surging through her because of hope, and it was only going to hurt more when he confirmed that he didn't care. She knew, she knew, she knew.
And yet she hoped.
I mean
I could say no
"Please, Dawson." She whispered out to her phone. "Please."
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Posted: Mon Jul 13, 2015 9:11 pm
july 10th
This, he could hear. This, he could imagine: either on her bed, curled up tight, or relentlessly pacing like a caged animal. One was more pain, one was more anger. He couldn't tell like this which one was winning out, which emotion he was trying to help control and excise and heal over.
Maybe she just needed more time, he tried to console her. "Time heals all wounds" mentality didn't always sit well with him, but time maybe was what she needed still.
its hard bc u cnat just avoid n ignore him all the time here
everyones all in one place n too close
Even just typing it, Dawson took a deep breath to calm himself. When he got involved like this, it could quickly become almost claustrophobic.
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Posted: Mon Jul 13, 2015 9:22 pm
july 12th
God ******** could say no. He reached for his hat and remembered he had taken it off earlier. Hair combing seemed a better option anyway. Hair was growing back. Beard was growing back. These were Okay. Known. Assured. He didn't have a damn clue what to do with I could.
Maebe might as well have started erasing random parts of the crayon scrawl with wipe out. His thoughts jumbled together and fragments flew. Paths were lost. His began to tap his foot unconsciously. It wasn't supposed to be his decision. Why was she making it his decision? Why did she have to keep poking the raw nerve between them? How on earth did Maebe think he could be equipped to handle it without having a mild panic attack?
i mean
u really feel comfortable goin out?
yall literally just talked for ten minuets
Just make it about her safety. Okay, Safe, Known, Expected. She countered it, but he pressed the issue anyway. Maybe it was just a facade. Maybe he actually was skeevy in person. Maybe Maebe ought to be the one deciding what she wanted to do with her time so he could figure out just what the ******** was going on with him on the inside.
< You do realize she talked with you for just as much time, if not less, before inviting you to her room the first time you met? >
"Syn, I swear t'Gawd, don' ********' start." It wasn't helping him at all to draw parallels on top of everything else.
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Posted: Mon Jul 13, 2015 9:35 pm
july 10th
I already had lots of time. I should have had enough time. Time's all run out.
Dawson would never understand. She felt exhausted just trying to explain to him why time, and distance, were never going to make this feeling go away. And trying to explain it to him just dredged up the memories again, which turned her anger inward even further until she felt it burying itself into her heart.
She let out a long, tired sigh, and slowly told him what she'd done.
She gave me an ultimatum last night and I took it. It's not fair to make someone think they have a chance when they don't.
She'd made her decision. It wasn't a matter of talking through it. It was a matter with living with what she'd done.
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Posted: Mon Jul 13, 2015 9:55 pm
july 12th
When the answer came, she slowly put down her phone, and let the pain come. She expected it, she'd prepared for it, and the slow edging of heartbreak even gave her warning signs that it would soon overwhelm her if she wasn't careful. None of this was enough to stop her body from curling inward, as the emotional turmoil racked her with very physical pain. She let out a groan, followed by a shaky inhale, and just sat there curled up for several long, painful minutes.
When it was all over, Maebe finally managed to answer him, with the snark he should have known to expect after answering her like that.
He's the life assistant. I highly doubt he's going to rape me or something.
Not only was he trying to act like he didn't trust her judgement (which she found hard to believe, and only added to the smell of bullshit in his response) but he was deflecting. And that, for her, was answer enough.
She'd given him a chance. She wasn't going to regret this. But she was going to make him face facts.
Who I'm going out with isn't the concern I was trying to raise here, Dawson.
She wasn't trying to get him to admit he cared, anymore. Now, she was just laying down the law. She wanted him to admit that he understood what she was trying to do, so she could at least attempt to move on.
Despite what a terrible job she'd been doing, so far.
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Posted: Mon Jul 13, 2015 10:07 pm
july 10th
s**t maebe im so sorry
u want me to come by? can i do anyhing?
Something, something, something. It wasn't just her grief anymore, now it was also partly his. An echo in the ear, a thread around the neck, a needle in the skin.
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Posted: Mon Jul 13, 2015 10:15 pm
july 12th
The problem was, he really, really didn't want to. He wanted to keep this space clean, not put a magnifying glass to the wound, but Maebe was pressing it skin tight, sunlight glinting off the glass, off her hair. Look at it.
then what is?
Because he wasn't going to try and parse it out himself. He'd look, but she needed to name what exactly they were looking at so that he knew for sure. Dreadfully sure.
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Posted: Mon Jul 13, 2015 10:30 pm
july 10th
She thought about asking him over. Hug her, hold her, make her stop thinking about this. She knew he had the power to do it, too. And yet.
She wasn't going to run to Dawson after hurting Cami. She was cruel, but not that cruel.
For the first time since maybe the very day I met you, Dawson, no. I really need to be alone.
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