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Posted: Thu Jul 09, 2015 10:37 pm
Cami had absolutely, 100%, cheated. She'd been halfway to the beach before she'd even sent the Tweet asking for a race and it was nothing at all to begin to sprint. Sun Division demanded that its trainees be in peak physical fitness at all times. For Cami, lately, running had become cathartic. A lot of her leave time had been pieced and parceled up until she could take an hour a day to go running somewhere new and interesting. Sitting on the beach she summoned her weapon. Not because she planned to use it, no, she would never, ever hurt Maebe. Cami summoned her weapon because 1) you never knew what was going to come crawling out of the water and 2) there wasn't a whole lot of light that night. At least Kidana's runes glowed with her ghostly essence and gave her a small bit of illumination. While waiting she fired several arrows out into the dark water just to watch the arc and flash of them. There was no hearing anyone come up behind her on the beach, not with the sand and waves, but that was alright. Maebe would probably arrive as loud and in-color as Cami herself was wont to.
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Posted: Thu Jul 09, 2015 10:55 pm
She was wrong about that. Maebe had gone through all the trouble of running when Cami told her it was a race, but when she got just close enough to see the tiny sparks of the woman's arrows diving into the water, she knew immediately that Cami had cheated and began the slow, sluggish walk over. When she arrived, she'd done so in silence, so Cami had no idea that she was right behind her when she aimed an arrow high, got ready to shoot, and was a second away from letting go. At that same moment, Maebe whispered, right behind her head. "Don't miss!"
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Posted: Thu Jul 09, 2015 11:00 pm
Maebe was a lucky woman. Not only did she have a great many things going for her in life, she was lucky that Cami was no longer a green novice with a bow. Normally someone would have turned to see who was behind them when startled. Cami had done that once and it was only thanks to the fact that shields existed that the poor person who'd snuck up on her still had a face. And a pulse. Instead she let her arrow loose, turning away before seeing where it landed. "I was trying to shoot the moon but I hear it's further away than it looks." Except the moon was in the opposite direction of where she was shooting...oh well. No one could be perfectly witty and charming all the time. Jamming the end of the longbow into the ground it was rather like an eerie, ghost-like, glow stick. Without even bothering to ask the redhead gathered Maebe close for a long, solid hug. "I've missed you."
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Posted: Thu Jul 09, 2015 11:08 pm
"Awwww," Maebe whined, as the arrow shot true and Cami hadn't jumped like she'd been hoping. She should have poked her instead. What a wasted opportunity. She caught that Moon comment, but her expression remained just as carefully mischievous as it had been a moment before. She let Cami gather her up, going limp as usual before snaking her arms around the woman's waist and offering her own familiar, sedated form of affection. "Yeah? Well I've missed you too. I hope you've been going out and doing amazing things, or else you should lie, and make up a bunch of amazing things you've done. Either way, keep me entertained." With Cami, it seemed like she hadn't changed. But she had, and even she felt it. For better or worse, she felt it, and carefully tried to pick herself apart even as she stood there, holding her former lover in her arms.
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Posted: Thu Jul 09, 2015 11:27 pm
From Maebe any hug was better than no hug at all. Over and over Cami had tried to puzzle out what it was about the blonde that had captivated her so fully. No, wait, captivated was the wrong word and she was doing it again. Attributing adjectives and adverbs improperly to build things up in her mind and make them different than they were. Maebe thrilled her and, at the same time, was familiar and comforting. Between the two women they had a similarity that she could not define because it was past her own understanding. Pulling back from the hug she shook her head. "I'd love to tell you what I've been up to but my agent advises me never to talk about my Hollywood contracts until they're at least a year old. You'll just have to see me in theaters." Making things up was the easiest thing in the world when it came to what she'd been doing and how exciting a life she had. Easier than saying she'd been quietly moping in her borrowed house while wondering what was left to exist for. Nobody wanted to hear that s**t. Yet that was why she had come was to iron things out once and for all so that she could move on with her life with, or without, the woman she was here to meet. "Sadly, my love, I have not called you out here to be entertaining. That'll have to wait for another day." Fingering the golden chain around her neck from which still hung Otto's necklace she asked a very frank, difficult question. "What did I do to scare you?"
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Posted: Thu Jul 09, 2015 11:36 pm
Maebe looked thrilled to hear that Cami was clearly now a superstar, but her thrill did not last. It wasn't the question that made her turn rigid, and pull away. When Cami asked it, Maebe's face just dropped into something twisted and complex; but her eyes caught the movement of Cami's hands, and she looked down at that necklace. That necklace. That was the moment she pulled away, as if she'd been burned. She latched on to the horror of seeing it, and started to walk backwards down the edge of the beach. "You still wear that thing?" Maebe asked, her voice tight to keep the emotions in check. She might not have reacted so badly, if the question that Cami asked right before it wasn't one she wanted to run away from very, very badly. This was easier. Focus on how mad she was at Otto. Easier.
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Posted: Thu Jul 09, 2015 11:44 pm
Looking down at her hand and where Maebe's horror was focused Cami laughed. It was not a good laugh. It was self-loathing, full of recrimination, and just a little bit of bitter amusement. "I look at it every day in the mirror. It's a reminder of a thousand things I should never do again." In a notebook, under the mattress in Cami's borrowed bed, was a list of at least a thousand things. After her conversation with Otto the other day she had returned home and crossed off many of them.
Each and every one of those things were the things that she had allowed herself to be, allowed herself to feel, when living with the two of them. Things she had thought were truth had been an elaborate lie, a card house come tumbling down in shambles and ruin. Now she was here, with Maebe, to see if perhaps she should not cross more things off that list.
"You didn't answer my question. Will you please?" Taking a few steps forward to close the distance she pulled up the neck of her shirt to hide the necklace. It was her reminder. Maebe didn't need to see it if she didn't want to.
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Posted: Thu Jul 09, 2015 11:58 pm
Maebe had no such reminder, and she kept making the same, stupid mistakes, over and over again. She should have kept that damn necklace, instead of tearing it apart. Cami wasn't going to let her get away from it this time. Maebe's anger bled out into the ocean, and the tide stole it away before she could get it back again. "It's not like that - you didn't - I mean, maybe a little, it's just - " These were words she never wanted to say. She'd kept it all in for so long, she'd managed so well. She wanted to keep it all in, so that Cami never had to hear it. "You chose him." She slumped, her shoulders dropping with exhaustion and resignation. "He left us both, and then, he called you back, and you just - you went to him. Like that." She snapped her fingers, and then balled them into a fist. "Did you think that I was ever going to be able to look at you the same way again, after that? The only reason you came back to me was because he kept turning you away. It was always about him. It was ALWAYS HIM." Her hands slammed down against her mouth, instantly regretting the sound of her own voice. Cami didn't deserve to be yelled at. No one did. "I'm sorry. I know you didn't think you were choosing, but - but you have to understand, Cami, whenever I look at you now, all I can think about is him. Is all of us. Together. I keep trying to block it all out and start fresh and then I look in your eyes and I see the three colors of blankets all meshed together and I can't, I can't play this game anymore, I can't-" She crumpled down to the ground, and her knees disappeared in the sand. This wasn't Cami's fault. It was hers. It really was hers. "You didn't scare me." She whispered out, through the quiet, scratchy sound of a voice strangled by tears. "I scared myself."
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Posted: Fri Jul 10, 2015 12:08 am
Even in the dim light of the beach shock was clear and evident in Camille's face. Of everything that she had thought would come out of her former lover's mouth what actually did was never there. How could it be? How could she think that, even for a second, there was a choice being made? That Cami was choosing between the two of the people she loved best in the world by simply trying to exist and be happy?
"It's not a game to me. It was never a game to me." Calm, collected, everything that the blonde in the sand wasn't. Sinking down to crouch next to the one she'd loved blue eyes were beseeching. Never mind that Maebe had just said she wouldn't, couldn't, look into her eyes. "Maebe, I love you. More than I ever loved him. You never asked me for anything. Never asked me to be anything but who I was and I never asked you to change. I love the selfish, sometimes cruel, beautiful, wonderful person you are. Otto asked me for everything and I wanted to give it to him to make him happy." Not to make Maebe happy. To make herself, Cami, happy? Yes. But she wouldn't lay her mistakes with Otto where they did not belong.
Reaching out she very lightly laid a hand on the other woman's shoulder. "I came back to you because I love you. I've been pushing, and pushing, trying to stay in your life when I let him go without a word. Do you really think I chose him?" Pushing to her feet she finally gave a soft cry of frustration and pain. "How can you think I would ever choose anyone but you?"
Cami didn't know what to do about the fact that all Maebe could see when she looked at Cami were the mistakes that had been made in the past. There was no changing what had been. There was only changing what was right now.
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Posted: Fri Jul 10, 2015 12:22 am
The anger returned, just like the tide, and she wasn't at a loss for words anymore. "Pretty words, but that doesn't change the facts. He asked you to move up and live with him, without me, and you did it. I want you to finally understand how that made me feel. How that broke me. Because somehow, Otto hadn't finished the job. Ohhh, no. No, there were still pieces left to be stepped on." She curled up into herself when Cami got up again, and wrapped her arms around her legs. Safe. "You try to stay into my life because he'd already pushed you away. He cut us both off and you didn't want to lose the only thing you had left. And I get that, I do, but Christ, Cami. I'm so sick of always being the runner up. I don't even want to-" She bit her lip, to keep the word play out of her mouth again. Because as hard as it was to admit, love still felt like a game to her, and that was why she knew she was bad for Cami. She felt a little bit of the guilt over admitting the truth fade away. If she had to be the bad guy.. "I know that for as long as we argue this, you're going to say you didn't choose him first. I'm not going to try and convince you otherwise, because I don't even want you to think this is all your fault. It's not. But I'm never going to feel like I was first in your heart, Cami. Even if you say I am a million times, the words won't wash it all away. I look into your eyes, I kiss your lips, and all I see is him, on the other side of that bed. He was your best friend, Cami." She sucked in a painful breath, and dove her hands into her hair. "Which meant I never was."
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Posted: Fri Jul 10, 2015 12:33 am
One way or another the result was exactly what she expected. Not what she had hoped but God above if she wasn't tired of being kicked over and over. She wanted to slap Maebe in her beautiful face for putting words and feelings and motives on Cami that had never, would have never, existed. Instead she walked over and kicked her bow so hard that it flew, top over bottom, a few feet away. "I will apologize forever about being ignorant to your feelings because I know I was. I know I didn't understand you and that caused me to hurt you. But stop telling me why I did things. Stop telling me what I thought. Think what you want but don't tell me what I was thinking."
Fingers ran through her hair, pain and frustration visible as she tugged at the red curls. "I'm sorry you felt like you were the runner up but you two were in different leagues. There wasn't even supposed to be a competition because you weren't even remotely playing for the same thing. Yes, he was my best friend. But you were so much more to me than anything a friend could have been." Bitterness and bile in her mouth at reference to a game. Was that all she had been? A game? And now that Maebe had lost the game there was no use left for the pieces remaining on the board.
"Perhaps I loved you both equally but they were two very different sorts of love. You pushed me away too, unless you've forgotten, and I fought for you like I've never fought for anything. But that's why we're here tonight and it's why I wanted to talk to you because I can't keep fighting like this. I would if I could, because you're worth it, but I can't. It's killing me." No, now she was saying too much. Turning away back towards the sea she chewed at her lip restlessly toying with the chain at her neck.
So many things left to cross off the list. What would be left to her when she was done?
"Love me or leave me. Your choice, Maebe Grace."
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Posted: Fri Jul 10, 2015 12:46 am
She was right. Cami was right about everything, and that changed nothing about the way Maebe felt. That was the part that hurt her the most - if only Cami could have convinced her that there was nothing wrong. She knew Cami loved her, would always love her, if she'd just give her the chance. She knew that. If she could have just gotten over all her hang ups, and seen things for the way they were, instead of the way they used to be.. Maebe was stringing her along, and she hadn't even realized it. She thought Cami had been moving on all of this time, when in fact she'd just been waiting, hoping, patiently. And this was the reward Maebe had given her. No one would dare argue that she wasn't a piece of s**t, now. "Okay." The voice that shuddered out of her mouth sounded like that of a child. "That's fair. You - I'm not going to - I mean - just - 's fair." She couldn't even put a sentence together. She felt like she was doing something wrong, something utterly and completely wrong, but it was the only answer she had left. Her relationship with Cami was haunted; and as far as she could see, it would never get any better. Maybe she'd once hoped she could see past it all and just let Cami love her, but. "I choose leave." It was better, this way. Make her hate you. She'll heal faster. "Right now." Maebe uncurled herself, and would have stood, but had no strength to do so. Crawling away would have looked strange, and rolling into the ocean would have looked suicidal. She put her hands on the sand, and then let out a long sigh. "Just give me a minute."
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Posted: Fri Jul 10, 2015 12:54 am
Of course she did.
Why wouldn't she choose to leave?
Everyone left.
Why not Maebe too?
Cami was so blessedly thankful for the beach venue, allowing the surf to muffle the breaths that shivered out of her mouth as she tried to choke back sobs. She'd known, she'd known that love would not be the chosen option. Yet hearing the choice said aloud by Maebe herself caused a pain that had only ever happened once in her life, when she'd been set on fire and left to burn.
The ghost of the Ancient she had been for a thousand years, Isolation, was on her now. Bending down to get her bow where she'd kicked it Kidana again became a bracelet, though the light hadn't dimmed. You're not alone. The revenant reminded her. I will always be with you. But it wasn't the same. Kidana could not do many things.
Kidana was not Maebe Grace Bertrand.
There were so many things she wanted to say. Wanted to beg, plead, and sob but knew that it wouldn't help. That was what had ruined things with Otto and then, in turn, killed things with Maebe. In another moment of anger she wrenched off the necklace, felt the gold snap in her hands, and chucked it out to sea.
Without another word she walked past the blonde. Words were impossible. All she could do was cry, and cry, and cry.
Maebe had chosen leave but Cami, it seemed, couldn't move past love.
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Posted: Fri Jul 10, 2015 1:07 am
The breath left her in a rush, stolen away in the same moment Cami walked past her. What was she doing? What was she doing, what was she doing, what was she doing?! Why was she letting Cami walk out of her life like this? Wasn't this everything she wanted? Someone who loved her, someone who wanted her, someone who fought for her every step of the way? Wasn't that enough? WHY couldn't it be enough? She screamed, slamming her fists into the sand with frustration before turning around to watch the woman leave. She was never going to feel the same way, after this day. Maebe knew that. Cami was walking away from her, and she was going to change. She was going to hurt, and hate, and cry, and move on, all because Maebe couldn't get over what had happened. She wanted to be selfish just like she had that first time, and scream give me more time, things will be better, everything will be different in the morning.But if it wasn't by now. Maebe had to watch what was, without a doubt, the last chance she could ever have had at being loved walk away, because she couldn't love her back the way she needed. The way she deserved. It all sounded too familiar. Instead of standing up, Maebe slumped down onto the sand, and prayed that the tide would come and wash the trash away soon.
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