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 Posted: Thu Jul 09, 2015 6:37 pm
[Backdated to June 15, 2015, following I'll Keep You Like an Oath]
The image of Caledonia, remade as a Lieutenant, kept playing over and over in Alex's head. He felt sick and guilty and awful - he had lured Cale - Luka - into a trap, and gotten him corrupted, and from what he could tell, there wasn't much of Luka left.
Part of him wanted to power up and seek out the strongest Order aura he could find and pick a fight with it - but that would get him nowhere except the hospital, and even if it might make him feel better, it wouldn't actually help anything.
He had thought about going home, but the idea of being in Luka's house with Luka's things when he had just destroyed Luka's life made him sick.
There was one other place he could go, though.
And so he ended up at Des's front door, and he banged on it as hard as he could.
At some point, it had started to rain. That felt appropriate.
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Posted: Fri Jul 10, 2015 9:54 pm
The pounding in his head only got worse with the aggravated bashing against his front door. As the beating on the door grew louder and more erratic, so did the noise in his head. "It's ******** open!" He yelled, cringing at the sound of his own voice, as it cracked and just refused to work in general. He growled as he hauled himself up and away from his desk and staggered haphazardly to the door, but not before unfortunately crashing into a great many things. The door flung open, bouncing slightly off the wall.
He blinked tired, warn, sleep deprived eyes a few times before his vision adjusted just enough to notice Alex standing in the rain. Despite it being the middle of summer, the cool, cold air that accompanied the sudden downpour was welcome, at least for a little bit anyway.
"Alex?" He asked, swaying slightly as he picked himself off the door frame and away from it so the other could come inside. "....The hell are you doing here?" There were very few times when Alex would knock at the front door as opposed to his usual attitude of jimmying the door open and seeing himself in. "I thought you had keys? Did you lose them again?" ...Did he change the lock again and not remember it?
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Posted: Sat Jul 11, 2015 12:50 am
Alex didn't even bother with an explanation of why he was there, he just threw himself through the door and wrapped his arms around Des's waist and started sobbing, brokenly. He'd held off crying this long, but with someone bodily there that he could trust, he didn't bother anymore.
"L-Luka was a Knight," he said, as the beginnings of any sort of explanation. "Luka was a Knight, and I got him corrupted." He wanted to wail and sob, and most of all he wanted to hang onto Des like he was an anchor in the storm he had made for himself.
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Posted: Tue Aug 18, 2015 12:00 pm
"Wait wait, Alex. You need to calm down and stop crying. I can't understand you when you're crying." What was he talking about. There was no way Luka could be a night right??? ...Luka was far to lazy for something like this.... Why would they even want someone like him?? Though... Anything was possible right? He, Alex... Gabriel, were all involved in this too.. So if Luka was too... Des sighed as he ushered Alex into the living room. "Tell me what happened."Noir Songbird You're gonna end up with a bunch of tiny af tags today
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Posted: Tue Aug 18, 2015 11:07 pm
Alex whined, but he tried to get his sobs under control, enough so that he could explain himself a little better. He could barely even think, but he had to at least try to explain to Des. He followed the other man into the living room, and once they were in there, he dropped onto the couch like a sack of rocks.
"Schörl wouldn't let me out of the Rift until I promised her a concrete goal," he said, "and so I..." He swallowed. "There was this Cosmos Page I knew. Caledonia. He was sweet and kind and a really...really good person. And naiive. I told her I'd bring him in for corruption." He swallowed.
"And I did. I got him to meet me, and I drained him and called Laurelite, but he powered down and...he was Luka. I tried to get him to run, but he wouldn't, and she showed up and..." He pressed his face into his hands and started sobbing brokenly again.
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Posted: Wed Aug 26, 2015 6:20 pm
"Schörl?? You mean the one who found you drinking?" Des asked as he sat beside Alex, resting a hand on the shorter mans back. He rubbed slowly, listening to Alex story but his hand stopped once he spoke of Luka again. So Luka had been lost to them then.. And all they had was an empty shell.
"It's... It's okay Alex." Des said slowly. "It's not your fault.. You didn't know. You couldn't have known." The taller man pulled Alex to him, letting Alex cry against him as Des held him. "Luka was always stubborn like that.. We knew that. He didn't like leaving people hanging if he knew they were in trouble in someway... He was just trying to help you Alex... It's not your fault."
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Posted: Sat Sep 12, 2015 9:36 pm
"The one that made me stop," Alex said, as a sort of affirmative answer to Des's question about Schörl. He curled into his best friend's arms automatically, resting his head on Des's chest and halfway getting himself into the other man's lap.
He shook his head fiercely, though. "It's not okay, it's never going to be okay," he said, and he let out a terribly pathetic wail. "I shouldn't have -- what right do I have to make that choice for someone else? Luka or not? It's just...it's so much worse because it's him," he sniffled. "Because of course he thought he could protect me, he had no idea, no idea what was coming..."
He turned and pressed his face into Des's chest, and fell silent except for his desperate, broken sobs.
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Posted: Fri Oct 09, 2015 9:51 am
Des finished the job and pulled Alex the rest of the way into his lap, gently rubbing at his back.
"We'll make it okay." Des promised. "Somehow. We will Alex. I want you to listen to me. Sometimes we have to do things Alex. Really bad things, and we don't have a choice. Yes, they suck. Yes, it changes lives. But, by making mistakes like that, we can get the chance to fix them. You will find someway to make it up to him. To right the wrong you've done."
"He did that because he loved you. Luka's last act was one of love, Alex. Never forget that okay? He loved you enough that he wanted to face and protect you from whatever was coming at you. You have to realize Alex. Luka made his choice. His choice was to try and save you. He tried Alex. He really did."
When Alex broke down in sobs, Des only hugged him close and rested his head on top of the other man. "It's gonna be okay Alex. We'll get through this."
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Posted: Fri Oct 16, 2015 8:50 pm
Wrapped in Des's arms, with his soothing voice in his ear, Alex could almost believe that it was true. That it really would be okay, that he would have a chance to fix this.
"How can I make it up to him?" He asked, faintly. "Luka is gone, all that's left is...is Caledonite." Because that was what he was calling himself now. What Laurelite had made him. "I-I left him in the Rift. I shouldn't have, that was...the worst I could...I should have stayed." Should have tried to talk to him, to help him adjust, should have begged for forgiveness.
He sobbed. "I don't deserve him. I never deserved him. He was too good for me, I don't...I'm not...that kind of person." He whined, pathetically. "I was never good at being with just one person, I mean, I never actually --" And it was like a lightbulb went off in his head.
It didn't matter anymore. He was already a terrible, awful person regardless. He slowly wriggled his way out of Des's embrace - but not to move too far. his hands rested gently on either side of the other man's face, and he leaned in, and kissed him.
It was wrong, it was terrible - especially with Des just having reminded him that Luka's last act had been out of love for him. But he already felt like s**t. Maybe he would be able to steal a moment of forgetting how terrible he felt - trade it, instead, for feeling worse in the morning.
Des had denied him before, or at least brushed off love confessions - but with Gabriel missing (and he knew he was sick for thinking of it) maybe he would be lonely and desperate enough...
Maybe.
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Posted: Mon Feb 08, 2016 7:28 pm
"Shh.. Alex. It's okay. You ran. So what. Anyone else would have done that too." Fangite probably would have, if it had happened to him. "Just help him any way you can Alex." Des said quietly. "If not, he's a strong man. He'll figure out how to get out of there and handle himself after a while."
His arms wrapped around Alex tighter. "You two were perfect for each other. You know that, and I'll bet you anything he did too." But then he frowned, looking down at Alex. "Hey. Luka never held that against you, you know. He knew that about you and still accepted you with open arms. Whether you were good with one person or not didn't matter to him." Des really hoped Alex knew that. Luka wasn't petty enough to judge Alex like that was he?
When Alex moved, Des grew silent, expecting the man to say something. He wasn't, however, expecting Alex to kiss him. If he were honest with himself though, he should have been.
Des sighed against Alex's lips, his hands resting on Alex's hips. Another time, another place, Des would have pushed him away. But not now. Not at that exact moment. Anytime Alex leaned back, Des chased after him. Sucking the very breathe back out of Alex, till finally it was Des who was holding Alex's face in his hands.
"Okay." Came the quiet response as Des closed his eyes and pressed their foreheads together. "Okay." There was one question, but Des didn't bother asking it.
Are you sure?Noir Songbird HOLY CRAP IM HORRIBLE. THIS IS SO OLD. Jesus im so behind
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Posted: Mon Feb 08, 2016 9:29 pm
Alex's heart was pounding, and he made a tiny needy little moan the first time Des chased him into another kiss. Part of him couldn't believe this was really happening, couldn't believe Des really wanted him. This was stupid and reckless and if Luka remembered him it would have hurt him, but Luka was gone and it was his fault.
Might as well make himself the worst he could be.
"Des," Alex breathed his name, almost desperately, and he wanted to keep kissing him, even though he knew he needed to catch his breath.
"Let me have tonight," he said, and it was almost pleading, even though he sort of already knew the answer. "Just. Tonight. Please. That's all I need."
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Posted: Tue Feb 09, 2016 7:26 pm
"I don't know why you're asking." Des said between stealing kisses and gulping down air for himself. "I just gave you my answer didn't I?" Then he dropped his head to Alex's shoulder, burring it. "Just... Just don't leave me too." He didn't want to be alone anymore.
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Posted: Fri Mar 11, 2016 8:24 pm
"Because I needed to hear it." Alex said, and then he closed his eyes and rested his forehead against Des's.
"I won't. I won't leave. I promise. I'm yours."
'Until you decide to be rid of me too,' he thought, but kept to himself. Because surely there would come a day.
But not today.
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