So Colin had fled, but not before assuring Quenton that he would be most welcome at DCBC as a guest - whether he sketched or not - and making plans to meet up so that the curly haired dancer could introduce Quenton all around. But that was the long and short of his lingering, it wasn't safe to do so. After all, a friend could only be expected to put up with so much, especially under the circumstances. Even if he'd made an offer as a sympathetic ear.
Bischofite...he was dating a Negaverse General. How's that for star crossed lovers? Poor Quenton, I can't even imagine - no, I can, I just don't want to. My guy's not dead, just gone and distant...but at least he's alive and there's hope. Isn't there? Worry crept insidiously in the corners of his mind and heart off and on, all the damned day and night. It was distressing and also awful; it felt like he'd just gotten Björn back from the last time he'd run off mysteriously and there he was, schlepping off again like nothing doing. After everything he'd gone through to make sure there was time enough for each other, too! He'd cut back his hours at DCBC so he could spend more time with his lover, even though it annoyed not only the Ballet Master but the Theatre director and the other dancers - the soloists and principals were expected to devote their every waking moment to their profession, after all.
But it was only fair, right? When he'd taken up the chance to study abroad, he'd left Björn behind for a year, so who was he to say anything when his lover skipped out for weeks at a time? Though his trip to R.A.D was long over, he sometimes felt a twinge of regret at having gone in the first place and leaving Björn behind, but mostly he knew it had been the right thing for his career - so really, what was a few weeks?
Eternity, that's what.
Ah, but we weren't dating during that time. I didn't ask him to wait for me. Wanted him to, hoped he would...but didn't ask. That would've been too unfair...maybe we should have figured something out. I wouldn't have minded so much if he was with someone then. Christ, but he shacked up with the gym teacher. Such a creep! Still... Had leaving been the first downward step in the spiral that led them to the current low points in their relationship? Colin often thought so; whether it was because they'd changed too much or Björn was in some sort of trouble, there was no help for the nasty little voice in his head that told him he'd royally ******** up. He hasn't asked me to wait either, but he also hasn't talked to me about any of this like I did with him.
The back and forth of his situation wasn't going to change any time soon that he could see, Colin knew. If it was already like this and he'd just gotten the news...the twisting emotions would only get worse, become more distracting and distressing. Just like the ache in his legs and lower back from holding a difficult position for long stretches at a time would only become worse in time, it was an immutable fact (though he greatly preferred physical pain to emotional or mental pain). Physical pain was far easier to deal with, as he did so nearly each and every day...it was the others that were far more trying for the dancer.
Unfortunately, as tired, sore, and heartsick as Colin was when he got home, he couldn't help spending more energy and time thinking about the whole depressing situation, replaying reading the note Björn had left and running backwards, trying to find where things had gone so wrong his lover only left him bullshit notes. And not even private ones, just something stuck out in the open for both his lover and the youth brought in from the proverbial cold instead of communicating like a real goddamned person.
Through a shower as hot as he could stand it, he fought to not dwell, rage, mope or cry over the uncomfortable, wretched situation he found himself in. Unfortunately, he failed miserably at this self-appointed task, but at least there were none of consequence there to protect from seeing him in such a miserable state. Nischal would have been the only concern, but the dark haired youth rarely came out of his room anymore and Colin could be very quiet in venting his grief and frustration.
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