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 Posted: Mon Jun 29, 2015 6:47 pm
It had been a few days, Horace thought, and hopefully enough that Jan was no longer so upset with him. He didn't regret his decision to tell Dawson - the moon hunter was his friend, but also America's friend and Horace did not want him hurt. It made perfect logical sense in his mind. He understood how telling most people would be not feasible and potentially dangerous, but for those closest to America... they were in more danger. He shook his head. In his pocket were more painkillers, gratefully bartered for from someone who had infirmary duty more often than he (which was pretty much never). The dosage was high, but they were no longer quite human. He didn't even know if Jan still needed them, but he had scraped and traded for them anyway, just in case. They had not spoken much since then, either, so Horace found himself standing awkwardly in front of Jan's door, anxious. Jan would be made about the lamp, of course, but maybe he wouldn't mention it. And maybe he would - and Horace didn't have any idea how to explain himself. Well, he did, but there were things he did not think about and things he told no one, really. Jordan said love was about letting down walls; Horace built them until Jan knocked them over. He did not think it would be locked, unless Jan was out, because he had never kept it locked before. But still he hesitated, unsure as always, insecure as always. Horace cracked his neck and reached for the doorknob, twisting it.
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Posted: Mon Jun 29, 2015 9:05 pm
Hair still a little damp and wearing Blossom Powerpuff PJs, America was laying on her stomach, flipping through celebrity gossip magazines. She'd been quiet for a good fifteen minutes since she came back to the room, but her feet were creeping close and closer to Lawr's book. Given another ten and she'd be flopped over the reading material, blocking it entirely, and asking the man if he'd ever get surgery to have a face like that one cat lady. Seeing the door open, she raised her eyebrows curiously and hoped it was Melvin trying to set her up on a date of something precious like that.
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Posted: Mon Jun 29, 2015 9:58 pm
Lawr had read the book in his hands innumerable times already, but that didn't stop him reading it again, taking a certain degree of pleasure in the repetition, knowing every word before he read it and anticipating it lined up, exactly as he remembered. Despite his present state of uncertainty over what H had planned and a bit of lingering discomfort from his previous encounter with the huntress, his mood was as optimistic as it got. There was a liberation of sorts in having America here (not quite America, he'd knew, but did not know how to truly apply that to his reality, she seemed real, she felt real, she willingly interacted with him and wasn't that all that mattered?) For one thing, it meant that he was not beset with constant intrusive memories about her, where she was or what she was doing, instead he could simply glance over and there she was and for another it meant that he was truly free to do whatever he wanted without distraction.
His room was - by his standards - an absolute mess, every small thing out of place noted and neatly filed away in his thoughts. Had it been anyone else he would have reacted harshly, reinstating his sense of order and control efficiently and unkindly. America was different, he tolerated whatever she wanted without hesitation, neither seeking out interaction nor deterring it when her moods inclined her in his direction. Everything was comfortably in her hands and subject to her completely incomprehensible moods and that was fine. It was very much like owning a cat again and had she decided on a whim to bite him on the arm or try to start a fight, he would not have been surprised or offended. He even found himself feeding her, or at least preparing an extra portion of what he made himself purely to see if it would tempt her and to hear her feedback on the quality, another clue to the mystery that was her very existence.
It was almost pleasant as far as he understood pleasantness and for that reason he was well aware that - like all non-stressful aspects of his life - it could not ever possibly last.
When the door opened, he did not even look up at first, finishing the line that he was reading before closing the book with a one handed flourish. He knew who it was likely to be - Melvin knocked.
"Oh hello Horace." he said with a smile, setting his book aside as if he was completely on his own.
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Posted: Tue Jun 30, 2015 5:19 am
Horace froze, one hand still on the door, and the hopeful expression on his face fell to something like betrayal, something like sadness, something on the verge of giving up. He blanked it, smoothing out lines, forcing his lips to quirk up into a neutral expression. He was getting better and better at that, thanks to Jan. The urge to turn around and just walk out was almost irresistible, but if he left, that would mean he gave up, that she won, that Jan had fallen back and Horace knew it was what Jan wanted, so he stayed. He didn't close the door all the way, and leaned on the wall next to it. Fingers tapped briefly at the pills in his pocket, and, by extension, the phone underneath. "Hello, Jan," he said, eyes sliding over America as though she wasn't there, didn't occupy the space on Jan's bed where Horace normally sat. He remember the first part of their conversation in the infirmary and his face almost twisted. "I guess you really do have a problem, hm?" Horace didn't know what to think - he wasn't prepared for some weird scenario of 'boyfriend's ex moves in with boyfriend'. And it was more than just exes, but it was so much easier to pare it down to simple labels. His eyes flicked over the room, noticed the subtleties, the way things had moved, and then his lips did compress, but briefly. He wanted to scream out that the real America would have never done this, that Jan allowed her into his life because it was as close as he would get to her. Horace was fighting a losing battle and he knew it, but it ******** hurt. He couldn't even win against a clone. "So, what's all this?"
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Posted: Tue Jun 30, 2015 6:00 am
"My house stopped feeling like safe, like a home should," America answered for Lawrence with a shrug, turning the page to go look at the horoscopes. "Dawson was gonna stay with me to help but he changed his mind. Can't rely on anyone 'cept..." she bumped her foot against Lawr's book.
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Posted: Tue Jun 30, 2015 9:04 am
"Hm?" Lawrence said as if the other man had stated something completely out of left field. He glanced at America and then back to Horace. "Oh we aren't sleeping together." he said, because obviously they were not, he was out of the infirmary. "Not in the sexual sense."
America helpfully filled in the details for him. "Indeed. I am nothing if not consistent." he said.
"Are you objecting to me having friends?" he asked, genuinely curious if this was the case.
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Posted: Tue Jun 30, 2015 9:42 am
He barely resisted rolling his eyes. "Of course I would not object to you having friends." Jan was deliberately playing obtuse, for some reason. "I would think you would hardly consider America a friend, especially this version." Horace was tired of being treated like he was stupid for questioning things or being upset or having any sort of emotions at all. He continued to ignore America - he couldn't fault Dawson for saying no to something dangerous. But for Jan to say 'yes'. The fact that they were sleeping in the same bed at all, staying in the same room, regardless of sex made him wildly uncomfortable. Were other people, would normal people be okay with that? He resisted the urge to snap out that there were other rooms, empty rooms, that no where on the island was safe, anyway. He clicked his tongue piercing against his teeth instead. "And you can't possibly fathom why I might be upset over this?" He sighed and crossed his arms. It was getting hard just to stand there. "Can we talk alone, Jan?"
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Posted: Tue Jun 30, 2015 11:13 am
"He'd have to be able to feel upset for him to fathom that sorta thing hun," America explained as she turned the page. "Though I'm sure it's interesting to watch you run round in circles and gettin' all dismayed despite knowing how he is and claiming to like or even love him for it."
Clucking her tongue, she went on, "How many people have you told bout me?"
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Posted: Tue Jun 30, 2015 11:24 am
Lawr inclined a brow slightly at Horace but it was primarily over his comment on "this version" of America, a subject he had been avoiding because deep down it did not particularly matter to him which "version" he had of the huntress, anything was better than nothing and there was no indicators or hints that the one he was dealing with was different from the real America in anything but her lack of a present relationship with Taym, a fact which suited him just fine.
"She would be one of the closest things I have to one." he said.
Once again America got a glance as she filled in the words for him, but he did not actually object, Horace's reactions were unreasonable to him, he had been upset about him sleeping with America so he had proved that he did not need to to be around her and yet this was another point of contention. He could only assume it stemmed from some facet of jealousy, but beyond that it got difficult.
"And the lady is correct Horace, I do not understand, you keep company with individuals who do not have your best interests at heart, individuals who could cause both you and I harm." And he shrugged his shoulders, laying back on the bed decadently as if he did not have a care in the world.
"Perhaps you could text me your problems, rather than me having to get up. You are good at texting people."
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Posted: Tue Jun 30, 2015 5:45 pm
Horace bit the side of his cheek almost hard enough to breathe skin. "Oh no," he said saccharinely. "-we can just talk right here then." Just as he bit down on his cheek, he bit down on his emotions, swallowing them like bitter candy. He didn't understand why Jan was still obsessed with the clone, let her sway him to her way of things - even in this form, she held a weird power over him. He hated it. He hated everything about this.
"Generally speaking, Jan, most people would be upset if their boyfriend's ex-" And he shot a look at America, addressing her directly for the first time. "And I know 'ex' is a rather tame simplification of things, but bear with me a moment." He turned his gaze back towards Jan. "If their boyfriend's ex and current obsession moved in with their boyfriend. You said you had a problem; you said we could work on it.This-" He gestured to the entirety of the room: America, the changes in order, everything. "-is not gonna help. I may hang out with people whom you do not like, Jan, but not with those who've wished me dead or actively try to hurt me." Horace's words were stiffer than they would normally be, stilted to allow less emotion to leak through the syllables. Jan said he would try, but words were only words when he got right down to it, and it was becoming increasingly clear that wherever America was concerned, Horace could've been dogshit on Jan's shoe.
He narrowed his eyes. Get mad, not sad, he told himself, and touched his pocket with the phone and pills again. "Is that what this is - some sort of weird payback for me trying to protect my friends? They don't even know you're involved." Horace wasn't about to give away the name of his 'friend' in case America's clone got any ideas.
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Posted: Tue Jun 30, 2015 5:51 pm
"Uh..." America gave Horace a concerned look before finally putting the magazine aside and sitting up. She then proceeded to point emphatically to Lawr and make a gesture with her hands. Eyebrows raised she nodded, You get where I'm going here right?
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Posted: Tue Jun 30, 2015 6:11 pm
"Just as you say, she was never my ex and is not. Her ex is technically Taym." Lawr did not believe in bearing with people and their metaphors or simplifications, very literal in his perception of how things went. "As far as obsession, that is a rather strong word don't you think? It implies a level of emotion you know I cannot actually feel, if we are honest here. Perhaps fixation is more apt. But I would argue that this is working on the problem somewhat, she is here yet no one is maimed or injured, things are rather calm. She has not done anything particularly to get me podded either, which is more than I can say for your own priorities at present." He ran his hand through his hair. "I would prefer friends who were a known quantity of harm than those who got me injured through their own stupidity. You expected Dawson not to tell anyone?" He evidently had no qualms about bringing other people into it.
To clarify to America he gave her a nod. "I ended up in the infirmary from our little interaction, tender human flesh and so on and so forth. He immediately informed his gossip circle rather than being concerned about little old me and my well being. I really care about my own well being Horace, and you ignoring that in favour of other people, well, that was a problem."
"And oh. No. It doesn't matter if they know I'm involved. If they open their stupid mouths, other people will know I'm involved and well, those other people. Those other people can do unfortunate things to me. That was what you should have considered but did not, you just worried about Dawson."
He sighed heavily. "I don't think I can trust you any longer Horace. You have hit a point where you are more trouble than you are worth. This is probably your first and last warning and one that I give you because you have been a fairly obedient partner for some time, it is not a warning I give to most people. Walk away now, or at some point in the future there will be another cave, and I will add the finishing touches to your composition."
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Posted: Tue Jun 30, 2015 6:47 pm
America did a little jazz hands gesture, Do you hear this s**t? This is the guy you chose to date.
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Posted: Tue Jun 30, 2015 7:07 pm
He finally left his face show the hurt he felt. "You always, always questions my feelings for you, Jan, my commitment - without ever giving anything in return. I was concerned about your well-being and I still am. Dawson was told because he was close to her. Dawson opening his mouth... how would anyone know you were involved? Except, of course, us here, and Dr. H. I am always concerned about you and your well-being." Horace rubbed his hand over his face and gave an odd sort of hiccuping laugh. 'You know the real one would have never come here, right - that you're playing house with a facsimile?' But he didn't say the words, unable to, even at this point, spew true vitriol at Jan. Even when he was nothing more than a convenience to the other man, he cared.
Slowly, he walked across the room towards Jan. Horace still ignored America, to the extent that he could ignore her. Because in reality, she didn't matter, it was the concept of her that mattered, mattered too much. He leaned over Jan, brought a shaking hand up to caress his cheek, and kissed him lingeringly. He squeezed his eyes shut as he did so, felt tears leaking out. Then he straightened back up, swiped a hand across his face, and dropped the small bag of pills on Jan's chest.
"I love you, and I thought you would try, but maybe you can't, after all. You're not as perfect as you think you are, Jan, but I never wanted to give up on you." He loved Jan, in spite of how much it hurt, in spite of everything. He loved the pieces he saw that other people thought were weird and even the pieces he didn't like, he loved. It would have been easier if Jan had carved out his heart along with the circle on flesh on his chest. It would have been easier if he'd died in that cave. And it would be so easy to end up back there again, to just give up and in. Horace didn't know what to do anymore; there was nothing he could do except leave.
He felt tears well up again, his tongue twist in his mouth and he knew he had to go before the 'I told you so's happened, before the unkind laughter of a girl who shouldn't even be there began. "I'll go and maybe I'll come back, maybe I won't. You won't care, anyway. I only matter when I'm convenient and you can say with your words that I'm more important than a pair of shoes, than a lamp, than her, but your actions will always make you a liar." And then, before he could collapse, Horace turned and left, closing the door behind him.
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Posted: Tue Jun 30, 2015 7:13 pm
With a side-long look at Lawrence, America commented, "See that's where he always goes wrong, I betcha. It's your words that make you a liar, actions are just the undeniable truth of what's real." She picked up her magazine again, "Despite what some folks would like to think."
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