(PRP) Winds of Change

[Nyx Queen of Darkness]

 

[Nyx Queen of Darkness]

Knochen had not intended on coming back. "You will, you can't stay away from me, we both know it." Her words had burned him as harshly as fire. But she had been right. He could not stay away from her, if that made him weak than he was weak. He knew that, he'd been told it a hundred times by his sister.

From the distance, he could see the bright silks of her tent. She loved color. And laughter. And heat. Before her, he'd never known much laughter and he hated the heat. But he came anyways because of her. Her. Her

There she was framed in the fading light of the desert, her body casting a long shadow. The bells on her tinkled softly, a soft tune he would know anywhere. She turned to him then, her eyes glistening from looking into the fading sun. She smiled at him and he felt his heart leap in his chest. There was no hatred on her face, no look of loathing or anger. She looked like a prayer, like benediction for his soul. Or at least as close as he was ever going to get to it.  

[Nyx Queen of Darkness]

Find yourself

Margaery had said that shortly before she left. That had been a fortnight ago. Since then Falsetto had gone about her trading the same as usual, but she had listened to Margaery's words. She had taken time to get to know herself better, she had spent hours alone without actually feeling lonely. She had not known that she could be content with herself.

She had found that she actually liked sunsets as cliche as it was. Sunrises were great, but sunsets were like fall in the desert without the leaves.Then the temperatures would plummet and her tent felt warm and homey. And hers.

When she turned around, she was still smiling from the sunset--still blinded by the burn of it in her eyes to see. When her vision cleared and the black spots danced away, she saw him.

Her face fell. "Knochen," her voice sounded strange to her own ears. "What are you doing here?"  

[Nyx Queen of Darkness]

What are you doing here?

The look in her eyes hurt worse than the words, and the words hurt a lot. They were like tiny pricks of the pointed ridges on her back. Somehow, now it seemed an ill omen.

"What do you mean, what am I doing here?" His mouth felt dry as he spoke. "You knew I'd come back. I always come back." It hurt his pride to admit it before her. She was like air and sunlight, he needed her. Perhaps, he even loved her. He didn't know what that was supposed to feel like. Not really.  

[Nyx Queen of Darkness]

"Knochen," Falsetto's voice was soft as she looked at him. "I didn't think you would come back is all." I hoped you wouldn't.

The way he looked at her made her feel ashamed for the way she had treated him. For her, it had been convenience but for him it had obviously meant more.

"Things haven't changed. I don't want to be with you, not anyone. Not right now." She knew the words would sound hollow in his ears as though she were teasing or tormenting him. "I'm trying to figure out what I want from my life, where I'm headed. All that crap." She smiled at him, trying to breach the gap that was widening between them.  

[Nyx Queen of Darkness]

His heart felt like a chunk of ice in his chest. Heat rose to his cheeks as it fled his heart. "What do you mean that you don't want to be with me right now? Or anyone?" Knochen's voice was low, threatening. "It's not like you can be alone, you've never been alone. If you're going to lie to me at least give a better reason than that Falsetto!" His voice rose, his head felt like it was floating above him.  

[Nyx Queen of Darkness]

The hurt on his face cut her like a knife. False wanted to turn and run away from him. She wanted to scream at him, and yet she couldn't. All she could do was look at him and think about how badly she had hurt him. It was her fault that he acting this way--she'd always been brash and unconcerned about anyone other than herself. How could he ever think that she had changed? How could he even think that she was being honest with not trying to hurt him.

"I'm sorry, Knochen." But she knew that the words would mean next to nothing to him. She'd never said them to him before, he had no cause to believe her. "I know this isn't what you want to hear. But things have changed since you left. I'm trying to be different. Trying to be better." Tears burned behind her eyes as she tried not to cry in front of him. The look on his face was enough, he wouldn't believe her.  

[Nyx Queen of Darkness]

"Well that's new," Knochen scoffed. "So you've decided to try to be a 'better' mare. I never thought you'd try to pull this on me, False. You said you would never change, that you didn't want and didn't care what others thought about you. So who am I supposed to believe?" His chest ached to breathe. "So were you lying then, or are you lying now?"

He shook his head in exasperation. "We both know that you can't be a better mare False, we both know you're not capable of it. There's nothing good about you, is there? You told me that once. Apparently it's the only thing you've never lied about."

His body was shaking in anger. "All you do is hurt others. I think you enjoy it," Knochen muttered bitterly. "You'll never be able to love anyone, especially not me."

He sighed, turning to walk away from her.  

[Nyx Queen of Darkness]

"I wasn't lying," she called to his back. She could feel the tears starting to burn fiercer behind her eyes. "I didn't know I can change. I didn't think I could, but I'm trying Knochen. I really am. I'm trying not to hurt you, but it seems that's all I can do. And I can't say how sorry I am for how I've treated you. It's my fault that you feel this way, that you can't trust me. I just hope, that one day you can forgive me and I can forgive myself."

She didn't know if he heard her, or if he did, whether he was really listening or not. I tried, is all False could think and it didn't seem like enough.  

[Nyx Queen of Darkness]

He heard her speak, but he did not pause. Her words cut into him for the lie they were (or that he believed it was). He had never thought that False would try to play some moral highground as though she could or would change. Mares like her did not change, and neither did stallions like him.

She had grown tired of him, tired of dealing with him and so she had lied to him to make him leave. But he wasn't going to just let it go, he wasn't going to let her get away with this. Someday, somehow, he would make her pay for the lie. He had the time.  

[Nyx Queen of Darkness]

FIN