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The push to his cheek was classic Otto sass, along with the grumble; but the flush and the smile, both on his face and in his eyes, was something that Chance tucked away to remember later; a memory, imprinted in his mind, quiet and sweet. Otto’s smiles were rare and worthwhile, especially when it was something like this, saying volumes without words. The hand on his face made Chance’s eyes flutter, and he lifted his own hand to cover it, fingers squeezing lightly.

He felt like he had said all of this before, and maybe he had, or maybe he had just thought of it without actually saying it. Chance turned his face to press his lips against Otto’s palm, eyes falling briefly shut. He let his gaze flicker back to Otto’s and he held it for a moment, tracing his features as though he was trying to memorize them.
His hand moved from Otto’s to touch the side of his face. Fingers stroked delicately, tenderly down his cheek, feeling the warmth of the flush against his skin before he moved them back up, sweeping sweaty hair from his face.

“I’ve never met anyone like you,” Chance murmured, eyes flickering, a little smile on his face. “But I’m ******** glad I did.”

He curled his hand around the back of Otto’s neck and drew him closer, lips pressing briefly, warmly against Otto’s.

“You make me feel happy.”

Otto’s bashful side came back again, not sure how to handle the warm compliments. His eyes flicked down to the bed, his shoulders hunching in a gesture of shyness. He liked being liked, enjoyed feeling coveted, but not smothered. Needed, but not relied on. Chance so far seemed to fit the balance. He stayed back a step most days, and others he’d come in and claim what he wanted, or reduced Otto to the likes of a shy schoolgirl with just words.

He faced him again after that kiss drew him in with it’s warmth and sincerity. He wanted words to explain to Chance what he meant to him. To let him know that he was perfect in every way he needed. He kept his face close to Chance’s, not wanting to be too far removed from his soft and wonderful lips.

“Good..” He murmured. Because he wanted Chance to be happy. He wanted everyone he loved to be happy, even if he wasn’t in the picture.

“I really like you, Chance.” He said honestly, his eyes locking onto his. “I don’t want that feelin’ to go away. I don’t want this to be me just havin’ some fleeting or fickle… um.. infatuation..” One could tell he struggled to use the bigger word in his vocabulary, which was often filled with simple or shortened counterparts.

“I got a habit of tryin’ to find bigger meaning in the littlest things. And makin’ promises that I can’t actually keep. You... you’re so laid back, n’free spirited. I don’t ever wanna take that from you. Cause it’s all that part of you I like best.”

He didn’t want to rely on Chance as a source of any kind. He didn’t want to use him just to drop him if he suddenly got bored, or tired. He didn’t want to jump from girlfriend to girlfriend like he believed he’d done.

He was so used to painting himself as a monster.

“I really like you..” He muttered again, his eyes lowering towards the man’s neck and collar.

He fell into silence as Otto spoke, letting him get it out, the words washing over him warmly. Chance felt a strange fluttering sensation in his stomach, his heart beating slow and steady against his ribcage, unable to move his gaze from Otto’s even if he had wanted. For a few moments, Chance almost felt like he was drowning in those blue eyes, lost in the sensation that was simply Otto.

He exhaled a breath and moved, gathering Otto against his chest in an embrace, Chance pressing his face into Otto’s hair, arms wrapped securely around him. It felt warm and reassuring; he wanted to savor it, wanted to express just how much of him he’d already given to Otto, how integrated he was now in Chance’s life and vice versa.

“You haven’t taken anything from me that I haven’t meant to give you, Otto,” he murmured, voice a little muffled.

He leaned back, face a little flushed, but his eyes and his expression were calm and affectionate. His fingers fluttered a little, and then Chance had pulled him close again, lips pressed together in a soft kiss that was needy in a different way than the messy, rough desire from before. He pressed another, and then one more, then shifted, pressing their foreheads together, Chance’s eyes falling shut.

“I don’t want to be something fleeting,” he said quietly. “I want to stay with you as long as I can, as long as you’ll let me.”

He cupped the side of Otto’s face tenderly, thumb sweeping over his cheek.

“I really...really like you,” Chance murmured softly. “You know me; I have a hard time feeling anything strongly for more than few minutes, I’m laid back and I’m casual - but I can’t seem to get enough of you. I want to keep feeling the way I do about you.”

He lifted his head, his eyes meeting Otto’s again, Chance’s fingers gentle on the side of his face.

“I really like you too,” he whispered, and it did not quite seem enough to express everything he was feeling, but it was there, and it was true, and he felt warm and secure with Otto, more so than anyone else.

His heart beat anxiously in his chest, as he worried more and more. What if this was some negative power he had in people? What if he drew them in without meaning to? The way Cami had seemed to be, the way Maebe almost had. However.. when he’d met Eva again, they were fine. Same as ever. But Eva seemed to be an entire species of her own, and Otto had never even gotten to first base with her. Nevada had died before it could end. So really, maybe his anxieties only laid with his last relationship?

He calmed down, the more Chance spoke. It was a relationship, but there was no reason to be scared. Chance liked him. He wanted to be with him, by some miracle. This man that said he’d only ever kept others a few yards away. Maybe Otto was fickle when it came to feeling a certain something for others, or maybe his heart was just that big. Maybe he wasn’t fickle at all.

He let himself believe, for now, that his heart was true and honest. That he felt this way for Chance, not just because they’d had sex a few times. But as well as. He’d had many long and meaningful moments and conversations with him before all this. It had just been a means that laid Otto much more open and bare to the warmth Chance could give.

He relaxed in Chance’s arms, and felt another small wall fall away inside him. Another barrier unlocked. Another thorn trimmed off.

Suddenly, as he let that feeling of doubt go for good? He felt giddy.

He chuckled to himself, hugging Chance a little snugger to himself. He smiled widely against his skin, and allowed his heart to shine through in his smile.

He could almost see Otto struggling to figure things out inside of his head. Chance kept up the ministrations against the side of his face, slowly trailing his fingers up and down his cheek. There were no lies, no exaggerations, no sugarcoating anything. What he felt for Otto was something new and unfamiliar, but it was something he wanted, and it was something Otto wanted as well. It was simple in a way that made sense, even if the relationship was something deeper than either of them had thought it to be. What had started out as just a casual invitation for sex had turned into something meaningful, incredible, wonderful.

He didn’t want to let that - or Otto - go.

Chance could feel the tension ebbing away from Otto - and then he felt him burrow closer, heard a small laugh that made his chest tighten. Chance curled himself around Otto, pressing his face into his hair again, feeling warmth spreading through him, wonderful and comfortable and gentle.

No promises were made, and maybe that was the whole point; they were keeping everything right on the table, right in front of them.

“I take it this means you’re not letting me go anytime soon?” Chance murmured, lips finding Otto’s ear to press a light kiss. “Because I sure as hell am not going anywhere.”

Otto’s smile didn’t falter. And maybe the reason he was able to let go was due to the nature of their relationship; Make no promises, and be honest. Open, inviting, and room to breathe.

He nodded against him, feeling the elation in his chest swell over and make his eyes burn in happiness. Maybe Otto did cling, maybe he did put meaning into things like sex. And maybe that was fine. It was his way, and telling himself he needed to find the “right” time or the “right” person had been what held him back. Nothing was set in stone, no rule books or guidelines to say what he was supposed to do.

No one was going to yell at him or tell him he was wrong. His heart wanted what it wanted. It put forth meaning and warmth where it felt comfortable. That was okay. It was natural.

Even his ears seemed to blush, with that light kiss, and those heartwarming words. He was still afraid to use a certain word when he thought of how he felt, because of it’s weight and it’s tainted past. But sometimes words were not needed, much like promises were not allowed.

Chance was Chance, and he liked him very, very much.

Slowly, Otto didn’t mind being the emotional one; and didn’t feel like he’d be exposed or embarrassed by the contrast in his personality. Didn’t mind that Chance was cooler and a little more distant in many respects. Because he could see now, Chance wasn’t like that with him in these moments. He felt just as deeply, even if he didn’t understand it. His heart was warm, and touching. He could give, and love, and feel just like any other. Detached and cold were not words Otto could use to describe him. Neutral or distant. Chance was laid back, and often passive, but he was a lot more than that.

Maybe, just maybe, he wouldn’t mind if he gave this a title of some sort. Because labels aside, it was what it was. Chance was Chance, Otto was Otto. They were separate beings who felt very strongly for one another. A label had no power to suddenly hot glue them together in a contract.

The question was, did Chance mind such a thing?

He’d have to ask, somehow. It wasn’t something one could just hint at with winking and hand signals. Chance was not a mind reader, even if he was fairly fantastic at reading some of Otto’s cues. Or, more realistically, Otto’s facial expressions tended to be very telling and obvious.

“Don’t get... weirded, out okay?” He murmured as he thought it out patiently, avoiding the bumpy roadblocks called doubt. “M’just askin’ outta curiosty… of your opinion on somethin’..” Just like; this wasn’t about him, it was about a friend of a friend.

Otto in his arms felt like a wonderfully natural feeling; there were no guidelines they had to follow, no rulebook where, if something happened, they’d be reprimanded or worse. There was room to grow, and while there was space for the both of them when they needed it, there was also the sense that being close; that being clingy or needy at times was perfectly all right.

Maybe it was Otto’s emotional side to him that was helping Chance to see things differently, to feel things more deeply; but regardless of the reason, he was feeling deeply for Otto. That couldn’t be denied or brushed aside, especially since Chance wanted to do neither. Not when this was what he was feeling for the first time in his life. There was just something about Otto that drew him in, and Chance wanted to hold onto it, hold onto what he was feeling, what they were both feeling.

There was not a lot in Chance’s life that was meaningful, and this by far was something that he did not want to lose anytime soon.

He drew back a little at the sound of Otto’s voice, Chance shifting so that he could look at his face. The words made his brows draw together in slight bemusement, but then his expression cleared, and Chance just lifted a hand, sweeping it tenderly over Otto’s brow.

“What is it, beautiful?”

Any small tension from his pending question fell at the nickname. Otto felt a laugh escape him, his eyes closing as he shook his head. He’d never escape it.

“Um.. relationships. Yanno.. like when someone says they got a girlfriend or a boyfriend.. or whatever. Does it gotta feel like a label? Or can it just be… a word. Or a name you call somethin’... maybe it can be a good thing, without like…” He didn’t want a relationship before this because of his fear of straying like he had before. The fear of setting expectations too high. The fear of damaging the person he loved with his mistakes. Fear.. fear of what? Why was he afraid? Being trapped?

“Without.. causin’ you to feel tied down.. or somethin. Like some contract. Not like I felt tied down with people before but I just.. got scared when s**t went bad and ran away. Well.. sort of? Or more like… Wait.. I don’t even know what I mean.. None of that is what I mean..”

He huffed at himself, his face scrunching in grouchy impatience.

“I’m bein’ dumb. I just..” He let himself sort it out, and try to focus less on theory and what ifs. He focused on what he wanted.

“I didn’t wanna call what we have anythin’ particular cause I was afraid of repeating past mistakes. Of definin’ myself in that relationship. Cause last time went so badly in the end. With Cami, I threw myself into her cause I was scared of bein’ alone. N’then when I was doubting myself and tried to get away, she looked like she was falling apart. All because of me. With Maebe… I feel like I tore up somethin’ precious right in front of her. I loved them, and I know I did. But s**t went wrong and I ran. And I told myself I couldn’t… shouldn’t put myself in a relationship unless I was sure it’d work..”

He breathed out, because he felt he found an answer. “But that’s dumb. No one knows if what they got is true, or for sure. They just.. go in cause it feels good, or feels right for them. Maybe I grew, maybe I made mistakes and fell.. But that’s okay. I’m human. I won’t ever be perfect, n’ I probably mess up more than average.”

He tended to throw himself into things with passion, or avoided them with equal passion. Doubted, and second guessed. So afraid of doing things wrong. So afraid of being in trouble. He felt he’d messed up in his last relationship. Hid, lied, and he felt like it made a big hole in the hearts of those he loved, and that was all his fault.

“I uh… meant to ask your opinion on it, n’I just ended up venting..” He grimaced sheepishly, scratching the bridge of his nose.

“But I guess I can still ask…. if um.. I said to people.. that I was seein’ someone… n’ that someone was you… what would I call you?”

He tried not to hide his face, keeping his eyes hesitantly on Chance’s.

The light smile that Chance had been wearing while using his silly nickname for Otto slowly ebbed into something quieter, more subdued, as he listened to Otto. Bemusement gave away to a small light bulb of understanding that grew brighter as time passed. It was perhaps the girlfriend or boyfriend comment that made him realize where this conversation was headed, but Chance did not say anything yet, merely listened quietly to what Otto was saying.

He knew of Maebe, of course, and by extension Cami, though not of the details. It made sense now - Otto’s reluctance to label things, his desire to be open and cared for, but his shying away from anything committed. His frustrations and his loss of his sense of self; Chance could still remember the confused look on Otto’s face when they had first met, the lost soul that had wandered across his path, uncertain of who he was anymore. He’d put too much of himself into broken promises, into trying to fix mistakes that he thought he’d created with those promises. He’d set standards, trying to fit himself into boxes and definitions and lines drawn, and then panicked and run when he’d broken them.

I loved them, I know I did.

Chance was unfamiliar with love, with the emotions that Otto held within himself; but he felt his face grow a little warmer at this, a word that confused him but made his stomach flutter strangely, made his chest tighten pleasantly. Otto was right; people were not perfect, and it made little sense to try and be. Mess ups and mistakes happened, and they were both works-in-progress. But Chance had already told Otto that he was taking him as-is; that he wanted him, regardless of the fact that he was a work-in-progress. That had not changed.
Otto’s expression was hesitant. Chance just looked at him for a long moment, breathing steadily, his mind working around everything, but his eyes were calm, softly taking in each of Otto’s features, burying them in his memory.

His hand stilled on Otto’s face; and then a slow smile tugged at Chance’s lips, curving them upwards, and it was not his usual smile, but something more tender and sweet, something directed entirely and wholly for Otto and had yet to be seen by anyone else. His thumb smoothed over the skin beneath Otto’s eye, feeling the warmth against his palm.

“A part of me is tied to you,” he said quietly. “And a part of you is tied to me, but neither one of us belongs to the other. You are you, and I am me; we are whole people, not halves. A word isn’t a trap, or a binding contract, or a prison sentence. We’re in this because we want to be, not because we have to be, or because it’s supposed to fall under a certain definition.”

His thumb brushed briefly over Otto’s lips, Chance’s eyes flickering.

“You’d call me your boyfriend,” he said, the word feeling strangely foreign on his tongue, but he found he liked the sound of it, the way it rolled easily from his lips; he wasn’t afraid of it or wary of it. “Because that’s what I am. I’m your boyfriend.”

He felt hesitation fade away when Chance gave him such a tender and warm smile. He was sure Chance felt something for him, but wasn’t sure of the scale of it. He knew he was laid back, but was unsure if he felt comfortable getting closer to him. Yet time and time again he proved he could. Proved he did.

Chance spoke of a similar thread to how Otto saw things now. That they both could tie happy strings to each other’s fingers, but remain the same selves inside. They’d never lose who they were to each other, with or without the other. He could miss Chance without feeling like he’d lost a piece of himself. And that? That was a good thing.

When Chance went and said it, said the B word and made it roll so casually from his lips, Otto felt his mind buzz in an unprecedented swirl of emotions. No, a party of them. A wild, ear numbing rumble. As if fireworks would erupt from his head.

“Ah..” He murmured in understanding, his eyes seeming to be frozen in a dumbfounded moment of clarity. “Cool…”

Yeah. Cool. For lack of a better word.

He laughed, burying his face away in the bedding, his cheeks burning red. “That’s so weeeeirdd.” He said with a muffled voice. Weird and unusual to hear it and accept it, but he liked the sound of it. Liked it a lot.

Boyfriend. Otto Graves… had a boyfriend, and wasn’t just ‘the’ boyfriend. Weird, for sure.

“I like it.” He finally admitted aloud, mostly for Chance, just in case the smile and muffled and embarrassed giggling wasn’t a hint.

Chance Bones had never had a boyfriend in his life - or a girlfriend, for that matter. It was an unfamiliar concept, a strange and new thing that he had thought for sure that he would balk at. And he had in the past; had kept people at arm’s length, had refrained from making personal connections with people because he had thought he wasn’t capable of them.

He had no desire to run away from Otto, or from the word boyfriend when it came to him, which was what made all the difference here. It was strange and new, yes, but it was also oddly exhilarating, and he liked the way it sounded when he said it aloud. It sent strange flutters into his stomach, and the shy, laughing way in which Otto buried his face into the blankets, face red, only served to add to this feeling of elation.

Chance wrapped his arm around Otto and pressed his face into his bare shoulder, smiling against his skin.

“Me too,” he said, sounding a little breathless. He rolled the word around on his tongue inside of his head, silently mouthing it aloud. Boyfriend. Otto was his boyfriend. “I like it a lot.”

Chance smoothed a hand up and down Otto’s back, his chest tightening a little as he looked at him, and something caught in his throat. He felt the warmth of Otto’s body beneath the palm of his hand, the smooth skin, saw the happy flush to his cheeks, and his mind went back to what Otto had said before, what he’d been talking about.

“Otto, I…” he started to say, but the words caught in his throat. Chance swallowed, his face oddly flushed, and he smoothed his fingers tenderly over Otto’s hair, brushing the strands away from his face. The word was there, it was in his head now, but he was still learning, still figuring out what it even meant. Still understanding everything new and unfamiliar to him.

His fingers found Otto’s chin, turning his face so he could see his eyes, because it was important for them to look at each other.

“I like you,” said Chance softly, meaningfully, and his eyes didn’t leave Otto’s, wanting him to feel the impact of what he was saying, of what he was feeling towards him. That this was not just a meaningless fling to him, that it was much more than that, more than he could put properly into words.

He braved away from the shy recoil he’d allowed himself, his head tilting back up toward Chance. He could feel just the way Chance used that word, the way it sounded, the way he seemed to use it in regards to something deeper. Otto had been using the word “like” in place of something else, and maybe Chance was too. Because maybe neither of them was certain what it meant to them. What it really meant.

Not a fling. Not just sex with a friend. They had something, even if neither of them could quite place it properly.

His heart bubbled and warmed considerably as he took in those words and how they were spoken.

“I like you, too.” He murmured back, his fingers lightly brushing away curls from the man’s eyes. He leaned in to kiss him, warm and melting.

He liked him. He liked him a lot.

His eyes fluttered at the touch to his hair, Chance leaning into it. There was a certain sense of relief; he hoped he’d managed to get things across, but judging by the softness of Otto’s voice, he had. It was a little daunting, but not enough to deter him; and in fact, just watching him made Chance want to go forward and figure things out, rather than run away.

He slipped a hand to the back of Otto’s head, fingers tangling in his blonde hair. Chance kissed him back, and felt as though his feelings, or perhaps his heart, was being put into it , since he couldn’t figure out the words to say it properly. He kissed Otto - his boyfriend - with a slow and searching pace, taking his time to map out the warmth and the softness of Otto’s mouth. His other arm wrapped around him, Chance pulling him closer, wanting - or maybe needing - to share his space together.

When he pulled back, it was only a small amount, Chance nuzzling Otto’s face. His arms wrapped tightly around Otto’s neck.

“My Otto,” he murmured, and it was not meant in the sense he’d been talking about before, in a proprietary way or an indication of being tied down. Otto did not belong to him, Chance stood by that; but there were parts of him that were shared, and Chance was simply embracing those parts of him, and the rest of him as well.

A cure for loneliness didn’t lay in finding The One, like he’d thought before. But even so, having someone.. a significant other, of sorts, came with a bubbling feeling that just felt so right. Otto made sure he didn’t go into this to stave off loneliness. Didn’t go into it to justify some sort of ideal. He wanted Chance as a boyfriend because he really did like him that much. He spent a lot of time with him. He thought about him when he went to sleep. He shared time and moments with him; spent outings with him. Really, all he needed was that feeling, and that desire to have him as such. No reason needed to be explained. He didn’t have to defend his desire for it. It just was what it was.

He smirked at Chance’s words, pinching his rear playfully in retort. "My loser.” He snarked back with a mischievous grin.

It is what it is. There was no need to try and overcomplicate things, no need to try and make things more convoluted. He liked the idea of being Otto’s boyfriend, liked the idea of sitting in silence and doing nothing at all but reading or relaxing together. Liked the idea of watching stupid movies, or sending snarky texts, or kissing or more. But most of all, Chance just really, really liked Otto.

He made a whining noise at the pinch, Chance’s eyes flickering towards Otto as he pulled back.

“You’re such a little s**t sometimes,” he said, with a long-suffering sigh, but Chance put both hands on either side of his face and kissed Otto firmly and thoroughly on the mouth, not giving him time to respond with what would most certainly be a snarky retort to match the comment.