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No.

No no no no no no nononononononono this wasn't - he shouldn't - NO.

Maebe picked herself up off of the bed and stood in front of the door, all hollowed eyes and twitching fingers. Could she even handle this? He didn't know, and the last thing she wanted was for Otto to know there was even a chance he'd permanently blinded her. She didn't know yet, she didn't know and yet there she was, standing in front of her door, unable to see a single sparing dot of light in front of her, and he wanted to see her.

She moved forward, and bumped her nose on the door before taking a step back.

"Yeah?"

As soon as she'd said it, she winced. She would never have just left him out there if she was inside. She was being suspicious. She wasn't going to get away with this.

She had to let him in.

She had to.

The door opened, and there she was, frail and thin but all there. There was still a bandage on the side of her head covering what was obviously some shaved hair, but her face was pristine as it once had been. There was no sign of a problem.

She turned on her heel, and very carefully walked back to where she knew the bed was. She crawled on it, grabbed the nearest teddy bear (purple, with curly hair jutting out of it) and curled into it.

"Hey. What's up?" She muttered into the bear, paying special attention to it.

"Oh, I don't know." She mumbled into the teddy bear. "It wasn't really awful. They gave me my own room and I had a couple of hotties come check me out. One of them was Italian, he had an accent that made me swoon." She closed her eyes for a minute, and tried to smile. It didn't work.

"What have you been up to all this time? Keeping busy?"

Her eyes opened again when she heard him shifting to move towards him, but her head only turned when he spoke. Before she could expose her inability to look him in the eye, she turned her attention back on the teddy bear again. "His name is Tommy. Seemed sweet. Probably just a troublemaker, but sometimes it's just nice to hear that someone's interested. Even if it amounts to nothing." She was so tired of wanting the wrong things, and getting nothing in return. Flirting was an outlet, an escape from the reality of a lonely existence.

"Aww, Otto! You've got kidlets! Are they cute? Did you make sure they're buddied up?" She giggled, still staring down at her teddy bear. She waved it's hands wildly. "Uncle Otto! Uncle Otto! Pick me up!"

s**t. ********. s**t. She heard Thaw suggest, rather meekly - because he had no right to talk, still - that she should just tell him the truth, but of course his opinion meant squat to her right now and she told him so. He fell silent, but she could feel his painful ache.

"I'm not okay." She muttered. "Some stuff happened recently. Thaw was in a golem, and he told Dawson things about me that I didn't want anyone to know. So I'm actually really ******** up right now." She couldn't believe she was sharing this part of her struggle, in order to hide the other, more dangerous truth from him. "So no. I'm not okay. But it has nothing to do with you." She reached out, her head still tilted downward, until she felt his arm. When she found it, she tried to flop down against it, in a last ditch effort to put herself in a position where looking at someone wasn't necessary, or normal.

"Not unless we can swap weapons." Inside of her head, Thaw was horrified at the notion, and began a tirade of reasons why she should not even joke about such a thing when he was obviously the only one who could take care of her the way she needed. To her, it was just the rambles of a desperate man, trying to save himself from being cut off forever. "So, no." She yawned, closing her eyes deliberately this time. "But it's nice of you to stop by."

Was she subtly trying to convince him that he didn't need to stay? She didn't move, or make any kind of commitment to the cause, but deep down she knew the longer he stayed with her, the bigger the chance was that he realized she couldn't see him. She didn't want Otto to leave. She was bored as hell and the only person she had to talk to was Thaw. She wanted to revel in hugs and jokes and sass and just be herself with him for a while.

But she couldn't. She really couldn't.

"I'm still full up on painkillers though. So, at least I'm comfortable. And tired as ********." She lied, another yawn escaping her before she opened her eyes again and looked at his arm. "They sure did give me the good stuff."

"Yeah, definitely. Once I'm back to normal." She pushed herself up, suddenly revitalized by the fact he'd taken her subtle clues, and she smiled up at him.

Or at his chin. It looked like she was smiling at his chin. She'd gotten too excited that her plan had worked.

"I should sleep. I'll text you when I'm feeling better though. Okay sweetie?"

Her body tensed in a sudden startled motion when his lips pressed against hers, but it didn't last. She returned the kiss just as he was pulling away, always a moment too late. Her smile was fond, and a little melancholy, as she smiled up at the space where he no longer was. She heard his feet hit the floor, and turned away then, to cuddle up with her teddy bear and face the door.

"Thank you." This was exactly what she wanted. He had no idea, and therefore no guilt. He came to check up on her because he cared, because he'd always care, and she trusted him to do that no matter what.

But trust had hurt her so recently. It was hard to keep smiling when she remembered.

She tried to keep smiling, ignoring the wave because she couldn't see it. Otto was a stable point, for once. She meant to keep him that way.