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 Posted: Tue Jun 02, 2015 10:56 pm
Name: (Xandria Nicole Bones) Nickname: 'Dria' Age: (14) Birthday: (January 15) Sign: (Capricorn) Gemstone: (Ruby) Blood Type: (A+) Fav. Food: Mac and Cheese Hated Food: Fish School: St-Magsdalena's Seminary Hobbies: If it is Technical, It is Fun: She's no rocket scientist. She loves anything technical though, from breaking complex codes to creating programs for the computer, to learning Hieroglyphics, and beyond. Chemistry and Physics are fun challenges to this nerdette. She would love to to go into space one day, but first, she'll have to remember who she is. Hmm, perhaps she could create an invention to help restore memories. Flower Arranging: Dria is not much of an artist, but lately she's taken up the art of Flower Arranging. Still a novice, she's not that good, however, it calms her spirit, especially when she is doing it with others. One flower that she loves to arrange the most, is the fragrant Blue Lotus, it calms her, when she is overwhelmed with emotions. Her foster mother Laurie Bonds, who owns a flower shop, thought that trying this might help her frustrations. Virtues: There is a bright side: She's not sure if someone told her once, or if she's just always known this. "Always have hope, and there will be a way." So there is always hope in Dria's Heart, and she is constantly trying to share it with with others. Yeah even with normal stuff, there is hope, that is if she's not feeling frustrated or depressed at that moment. No Good Deed Goes Unnoticed: Dria is willing to help those with unusual problems (such as having no memorie beyond the past three years, like herself. She does this to help to help them, but also because she hopes that by helping to return what they have lost, may one day help her find what she has lost, or at least some clues. Flaws: Agitated: Dria has a lot of frustrations, that she has been taking out on other people, which is partially why she is in St-Mags. She is depressed. She feels like she was forced to start her life over at age 11, with nothing at all, no family, no friends, not even memories. Dria feels this is not fair, and it isn't. Is there fairness in the world? She must find the answer for herself. Technically Speaking: When Dria's technical side comes out, she can't help but speak in complex terms. The other kids find this annoying, as it is not in plain English, and have to ask continuely for her to talk normal. She persists in talking this way even if it annoys others. PHYSICAL DESCRIPTION Eyes: Jade, Almond-Shaped. Hair: Black, falls to the middle of her back. Face: Heart shaped, light freckling. reg. ears. small scar on left side of chin Skin: Olive colored. Body Type: Tall, Muscluar. *See Twin Brother, Andrew 'Drew' Bones
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Posted: Tue Jun 02, 2015 10:57 pm
Senshi: Sailor Pasithee of the Blue Lotus Challenge: "I'm sending you a Pasitheen Blue Lotus outta here." Etymology << Link Fuku Colour: Main Color: Gold Secondary Color: Black Fuku: Collar -- Plain sailor collar Bow -- Small Bow in front attached to collar, small bow in back Bodice -- Thin Shirt Sleeves -- Thin Sleeves Brooch -- sapphaire beetle (scarab) Bottoms -- Skirt with wide loincoth (more for a female) Tiara -- a simple gold band curving down to a point in the center of the forehead, in the point is a ruby Choker -- None Shoes -- sandals - desert Gloves -- None Accessories -- None Attacks: Sailor Scout Attack: Fragrance of the Blue Lotus Pasithee brings her hands together and a Blue Lotus appears in her hands. She gently blows out the mist of the fragrance of the Blue Lotus, enough to make the enemy woozy for 20 seconds. 1 use. Range of 1 person. Super Sailor Scout Attack: Poison of the Blue Lotus Pasithee brings her hand out in front of her, and a Blue Lotus appears in her hand. She raises her hand to the sky and the wind blows out enough of the Blue Lotus essence to make the enemy a little sick or delusional. 25 seconds. 2 uses. Range of 1 Powered person, or 2 civilians. Eternal Sailor Attack: Passage of the Blue Lotus Pasithee brings her hand out in front of her, and a Blue Lotus appears in her hand. She raises it to the sky, and a light from the Pasithee homeworld strikes it. It bursts into a cloud of the mist of the Blue Lotus. 30 seconds. 3 uses. Range of 2 Powered persons, or 3 civilians.
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Posted: Fri Jun 05, 2015 2:54 pm
Plot Idea Three years ago, Dria was rescued from the water, near where a plane made an emergency landing. Having no memory of who she was, and no identification on her, she was brought to a hospital for medical care. She only remembered being called Dria once, and so it became the name they called her. There were three or four different foster homes, before she came to the one that she has been in for the last two years. For now, she is only known as Dria Johnson, (Johnson in place of Doe (Jane Doe)) as she is required to have a last name for school and her memory has not returned. Her foster sister, Kakure Mae, is her best friend; they've been together two years, however, Kakure has been moody lately. They both go to St. Mags. *Parts in Parantheiss are things that Dria does NOT remember.
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Posted: Mon Jun 08, 2015 10:59 pm
Whew okay well-
First lets start with civilian and I will break down this crit into parts that are urgent.
Age: It cannot be 'about', Unless Dria was in a previous corruption or purification plot, her age must be exact. 14 years and older are always 'adult' senshi, 13 years and younger are 'Chibi' Senshi. About leaves a line where she could be 13, 14, or 15. And one of those lines drop her into a different senshi category.
Hobbies: I would changed Technical genius into a more suitable hobby name, such as Technology, or Technology Tinkering. Subtle differences like this make it more of a hobby rather then exuded that your character may be smarter then the rest of the other characters. It leaves her room to grow in her hobby as well.
Flower arranging: This is a viable hobby, but there should no mention of her memory be in hobbies. Instead, perhaps her love of arranging comes from her fascination with the blue lotus flower, and because she arranges it with others, she finds herself calmer.
Virtues:
Again, the wording is very important, Instead of protecter sense, you should think of something like Mothering instinct, or Knight in Shining armor.
And if she is a Knight in shining armor, instead of basing things around her loss of memory (which she wouldn't have this trait if she didn't remember what happened to her), then it would be more viable and easy to explain her protective instinct!
Hopeful could be changed to Optimistic or Buoyant. It's good to go through your descriptions and look for Synoyms of the words you are trying to say.
Flaws:
Again wording. Frustration can become Agitated.
Super nerd mode is not a viable Flaw. Please replace with one that makes more sense with what you are trying to portray. Self absorbed would be a good one. Distracted is another option. Scatter Brained as well.
If you are having a hard time finding the perfect word to describe, Google has a excellent base, and sometimes I find myself just typing in the description for words.
OKAY Onto the powered side:
Your senshi's name is actually Pasithee with a E and not a A, which is important to spell correctly otherwise she doesn't have the home planet you picked for her!
For attacks, There doesn't have to be a side effect for Dria! most senshi of their spheres have some sort of resistance. Say, A senshi of heat would have a larger resistance to heat then a Senshi of Cold.
I like the idea of a blue lotus fragrance, and I've read that blue lotus are commonly used as a sedative, which again fits the attacks you have.
Instead of a scarab though, I would suggest that she forms a corpreal blue lotus, that she can blow out of her hands and it makes the enemy woozy. Scarabs have no tie with your senshi as far as a sphere.
I'd like to see changes to her attacks that better reflect her sphere.
AND LASTLY -
Negaverse doesn't kidnap kids, I'm sorry. While the negaverse is typically a very 'evil' faction, they are militaristic and follow a certain guideline of rules. If Dria had been captured, she would've been corrupted. She cannot awaken any powered without a guardian cat, and guardian cats are the one ones who can sense Senshi powers. Negaverse cannot or should not know her civilian life or powered life as a whole character.
IT IS OKAY to have her as a foster kid, and perhaps she doesn't know her real family, or that she even has a twin brother. Realistically, while many foster homes are fantastic for kids, some are just as equally bad. She can be going through a rebel stage that had her on the streets. She cannot have interacted with Magical war / Negaverse during this time. Also Senshi do not become Lieutenants.
If you are having trouble understand the idea of senshi, I suggest looking at the information threads for better guidelines! If you have any questions, please feel free to quote me and I will get back to you as soon as I can!
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Posted: Wed Jun 10, 2015 12:10 pm
ok I fixed the first two posts, can we chat over PM about the third?
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Posted: Wed Jun 10, 2015 12:19 pm
Sailor Hawk ok I fixed the first two posts, can we chat over PM about the third? We may!! Please drop me a pm as soon as your comfortable
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Posted: Tue Jun 16, 2015 1:53 pm
Pixie Nyxie Sailor Hawk ok I fixed the first two posts, can we chat over PM about the third? We may!! Please drop me a pm as soon as your comfortable how is it now? smile
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Posted: Tue Jun 16, 2015 1:55 pm
Sailor Hawk Pixie Nyxie Sailor Hawk ok I fixed the first two posts, can we chat over PM about the third? We may!! Please drop me a pm as soon as your comfortable how is it now? smile Switch the amount of uses for eternal and basic and you're good to go!
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Posted: Tue Jun 16, 2015 1:58 pm
Pixie Nyxie Sailor Hawk Pixie Nyxie Sailor Hawk ok I fixed the first two posts, can we chat over PM about the third? We may!! Please drop me a pm as soon as your comfortable how is it now? smile Switch the amount of uses for eternal and basic and you're good to go! ok, hmm I've done it twice in the last minute - but maybe I did it earlier and forgot sweatdrop
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Posted: Tue Jun 16, 2015 4:08 pm
Sailor Hawk Pixie Nyxie Sailor Hawk Pixie Nyxie Sailor Hawk ok I fixed the first two posts, can we chat over PM about the third? We may!! Please drop me a pm as soon as your comfortable how is it now? smile Switch the amount of uses for eternal and basic and you're good to go! ok, hmm I've done it twice in the last minute - but maybe I did it earlier and forgot sweatdrop There we go darling! Here's a prestamp for you! A Gm will be by to finish up <3 
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Posted: Tue Jun 16, 2015 8:03 pm
Awesome! Good luck winning her!
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