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Discouraging. Disappointing. Despairing even? Might all be words to put to how Cerise had been growing to feel this week. Still coming every day to visit Lily. It seeming to her that Lily was waking up less and less often. Whenever she was awake, Cherry always telling her it’ll be ok. Everything will work out somehow. Purposing to be strong; strong for all of them but for Lily most of all. On an almost daily basis she had been snuggling with Lily. Cerise laid across the bottom of the bed. Her feet up in the air as she read a magazine. It was mostly one of those older women house making sorts. While she wasn’t really interested in a lot of stuff in it, she had seen some ideas for cupcakes and turnovers in it.

She laid there waiting. She kept hoping Lily would wake up today while she was there. She had brought fresh birthday cupcakes for the last two days. She still had birthday balloons and flowers set around that she brought two days ago on Lily’s actual birthday. Cherry deep down kept feeling concerned that Lily was just waking up when she wasn’t here. She knew though that wasn’t really what was going on. Not for the first or last time, she found she disliked how the chaos in her would pick at weak places at her heart. Always feeding on insecurities she otherwise might have known existed. Did they exist on their own if that chaos wasn’t there? Inwardly she wrestled with it. Refusing to allow it to take control over her thoughts and feelings. Hoping desperately it wasn’t making Lily more sick than she already was. You couldn’t… make others negatively affected by what was going on inside you like this. Could you?

Well, reading this article was much more soothing to the mind. She figured someone was eating the birthday treats she had brought for Lily. She hoped that Lily had woken up and had some of it.

Xander walked into the room and gave a sad sort of smile. He was happy to see Cerise there with Lily, but it was bittersweet because Lily lay sleeping silently. He moved over to the bed and sat down beside Cerise a hand coming to rest on her arm as he looked down at her. He leaned down to place a quick kiss on her lips before sitting up again. “Has she woken while you were here, or has she been asleep the whole time?”

She looked to his sister, to the tubes and wires attached to her. He sighed at the necessities in place to keep her alive. She was still waking, so she wasn’t in a coma. They had done so many test and ruled out so many illnesses and brought in so many specialist. Xander was tired out it all, he just wanted for his little sister to be okay. He felt helpless. His degree in medicine did her little good at the current moment.

“She’s 21 now. We should be celebrating. Mom and Dad would have taken us all out and had a big dinner celebration. Rose would have insisted that Lily have a huge party and have her first drink.” He sighed, “instead we sit here on the end of her hospital bed, praying everyday that she’ll live to enjoy her twenty first year of life.”

Cerise gave a start. A startling jerk in her arm where she was touched. She froze first and then uncurled herself from Lily’s side, an eye looking up at a familiar face. Her lips parted as she breathed relief and then looked at Lily. “Mmmm well…. I think she’s been asleep the whole time, but I think I drifted off for a while. I didn’t feel her wake up or move under my arm though.”

The minute it was out of her mouth; she wondered it was wise to give him anything but good news. Not that it’d help to not tell him. Surely everyone around her was noticing her sleeping longer and the look in her face. Even Cherry in all her attempts to remain the optimistic person; inwardly, she could see how this being the same everyday fed into everyone’s despair.

She pushed herself into half sitting up, an arm behind herself to prop her up. “I’ve been here everyday.” Just like she said. As if he didn’t know.

“I’m sorry I didn’t mean to startle you,” he said, “didn’t notice you were asleep. My apologies.” He looked to Lily as Cerise told him the she hadn’t seen her move or anything. He sighed and looked sad briefly before opening his arms to Cerise and beckoning her to him.

Xander had never been the most touchy feely person in life, but at the moment, he took a lot of comfort in hugs and cuddles with Cerise and his family. He was very stressed and though his job wanted him to take a break during this time, he refused. He needed to work or he would go stir crazy being in the hospital all the time anyway. It didn’t make a whole lot of sense to him. Not only that he had a whole household to care for.

“I know you have been and I’m so thankful for that. I know Lily is happy when she does awake and see you with her. It’s a big help all that you have done. I love you for it. Thank you Cerise. From me and all of my family. Thank you.”

He smiled, “they love you, you know. Already,” he said with a light laugh. “My mom says it great that we’ve found you, so to speak. Me and Lily and them too now. They really do appreciate these visits of yours.”

At almost all times, Cherry thought she was pretty damn great. In fact, she often thought she was the bees knees. So proud and haughty so often, so when he told her such nice things. Her normal reaction would be to just shimmer and shine. As if to just be like, “i know”. It was in things like this she could see that just being with him did something to her.

“Don’t apologize. You should always wake me up. Or startle me. It’s ok. Are you going home soon?”

She softly slipped away from Lily’s side and then moving on her knees over and nearly falling into his arms with her head on his shoulder. That made Cherry wonder though. “Does she sometimes wake up when i’m here sleeping with her?” She pouted lightly having just presumed she had always woken up when Lily woken up. She felt a little embarrassed like she was somehow failing by just sleeping through these. Maybe though, they hadn’t been long?

Then again, that thought was sad. And discouraging. His comment about his family loving her though. That feeling humbled her heart. It touched her so deeply it made her want to break down and cry. Wasn’t her lifelong desire to be famous and on tv… Wasn’t that fueled by a hunger to be known to all and loved by everyone? Deeper yet, wasn’t that desire raged on through the need to feel something more than just the love of her parents?

“I was missing you yesterday. It is nice to have this new family though. It feels like a void is filled in my life that I might have only faintly felt existed but never knew what it was.”

But, that sounded depressing. She didn’t want to be depressing. She wanted to be a source of support and encouragement. She hugged him tighter.

Xander gave Cerise a gently squeeze when she came into his arms and kissed her temple. “I don’t think she does. Though I guess it would be hard to know. Lily isn't the type of person to wake someone else up just because she is awake unless it's for a really important.”

He rested his head on her and gave something of a small sigh at the comfort, he felt at the moment. It was still so new to him, but he was glad for it. “I missed you as well. I’m sorry Ive been working so many hours lately. I promise I will make it up to you.”

He thought about the holiday coming up and gave Cerise another kiss on her temple. Valentine’s day. He had a reason to celebrate it this year, actively celebrate. “We’re happy to help fill the void. It’s nice to have more family to love you and care for and about you. I’m so glad to have you. So very glad. Thank you, for coming back.”

He looked to his sister and tried not to sigh. Things would get better. They had to get better. He just wasn't sure how well his family would hold together otherwise. No one was handling it well, even Xander wasn’t blind to the change in himself. He was a little clingy and a bit more open, not that anyone minded.

It was these tender little tokens of affection. They ensnared her helplessly. She almost wanted to laugh at how unlike herself it made her. She also felt how emotional it was. When she had first started dating him last summer, it seemed like there was something true and real between them. How scary that had felt. Even now, it was still there. There was times it still felt scary; though she felt herself meeting those insecurities in her mind. She wouldn’t allow herself to give into those dark and twisted voices that poked at the deep places of her heart.

She smiled and nodded as he gave her reassurances. These promises and earnest statements. When his voice spoke them, she could feel their truth. “Ok. I’ll do my best to be strong in the meantime.”

Then, her mind wandered to the morning. With her recent habit of sleeping at his house and in his bed in order to catch what little time he’d be home for cuddling and maybe brief whispers and sleep. This morning, he hadn’t been there. Still…

“Yeah so hey guess what. This morning I was in the kitchen making myself breakfast. And then…” She paused and made a face deciding to backtrack a little. “Well actually, I’ll go back two days ago. I had been in the kitchen making things to bring you for lunch. I observed someone i didn’t know walk into the kitchen. I don’t know if she saw or noticed me. A young lady walked in, grabbed something out of the fridge. Then, she turned around and walked off to one of the extra rooms.”

She chewed her lip if the next part would sound silly. She looked lovingly at Xander feeling it was probably ok to make herself sound silly to him. “I followed her around the house. I was really curious. She was kind of walking around like she lived there.”

Xander smiled at Cherry and nodded, they would have a nice Valentine's Day dinner and it would be just the two of them, without someone else from his family popping in. Night time at the moment he was gratefully for, they had a few moment together all to themselves before they slept. The whispered conversations were nice, but it was her presence that was the best thing for him. It helped him sleep, less restlessly, mind more fully settled.

He blushed slightly when she mentioned the girl, not because there was anything wrong, but because in all the frenzy surrounding Lily and then Cerise coming back had he forgotten to mention Dessy.

“She does live there. There is so much going on I can’t believe I never mentioned it. Her name is Desdemona. She came into the city last fall and Lily found her one the streets, so we took her in and I adopted her. Technically she is now my daughter, but it's more like having another little sister, she’s just blonde like my mother.”

He gave Cerise a slightly sheepish look, “I know that’s probably a lot and a big thing, but she needed me and my family. I think you’ll like her, just don’t touch her. Er she doesn't do well with touch.”

Her eyes took in his responsive body language about it. She watched his facial expressions and demeanor. The admittance she does live there; well, she had figured that for herself when she had followed the girl to a door. Why on earth would anyone go in and out of rooms in that house like they lived there unless they did. She had remembered how one of Lily’s old boyfriends had lived there for a while.

When he said she was his daughter, her face danced between relief, smiles, confusion, and uncertainty. Initially, it was relieving to find out that at the very least; his relationship to the girl was more parental guardian than anything else. She hadn’t thought herself feeling any tinges of jealousy, but the knowing better comforted her just the same. Then, the idea of him doing the parent thing.

Really, it wasn’t a thing. No big deal. Really. Yet, some part of it was having trouble settling. It was like when you have great food from a great place, and somehow when you go to sleep; your stomach acids decide to not allow you to sleep off your food the way you’d like. It was the stir of selfishness in her. That selfishness that came of being an only child. Her whole life had only been about herself. The idea of having yet another person she had to share him with. Someone else who would have priority and responsibility of him.


Cherry’s eyes settled into a neutral gaze as her nails danced around his MD jacket collar and up the back of his neck. Just the same, there was a part of her that was already fixated on at some point introducing herself to this girl nonetheless. The self serving part of herself snatched the valuable sliver of information about touch. It filed away deep in her mind. Never know when things like that can come in handy. She would avoid doing that. This really required more time and study; Cerise brushed her tresses over her shoulder with her free hand.

“Yeah. No worries for sure. I like everyone. Well.. maybe not every single person ever, but it’s pretty rare I outright don’t get along with someone. This isn’t going to affect us too much; right?”

Then, in her mind, she was quickly resolving that she would be sleeping at his house all the time no matter what unless she was specifically asked not to. Now that they were back together; there was only one thing she truly and deeply needed aside certain personal things. She yearned to be the most important person to him. She wanted him to love her more than anyone else. She would share him on her own terms, but sitting there with him quietly in that room. Two thoughts solidified quickly. The first was challenge accepted. The other was a selfish “mine”.

That last feeling compounded with her making a slight move into his lap further and kissing him brazen and pushing it a little. It wasn’t unseemly, but it was barely appropriate given they were in his sister’s hospital room, and he was still on duty.

“I love you.” Another soft kiss.

Cerise didn’t seem excited in the least, he hadn't expected her to be, but at least she had accepted it. Dessy was a part of his family and Cerise was too, he wanted everyone to get along and love each other. He shook his head, “it hasn't affected us thus far has it. I mean yes, I have to go to her school sometimes because she keeps getting into fights and its my job to take care of her and she’ll be around, but at the same time she likes to keep to herself and is a young teenager. What teenager wants their parent around? And a teenage girl at that, they only wants mom’s, aunts, and sister’s”

For Dessy maybe the wasn't entirely true because she was the most comfortable with Xander, then Lily, but it was still a very true statement. He knew Dessy wanted Lily back. He’d bet for a lot of things Dessy would go to Lily first.

He hadn’t been expecting the kiss, but he returned it all the same. He was growing more use to these moments with her and a little more bold with time. Was it a bit off, yes, but only because of where there were. He smiled when she told him she loved him, “I love you too, very much.”

He kissed her nose lightly before watch beeped at him letting him know he didn’t have much time left on his break. “15 minutes,” he murmured before, “you be waiting for my when i get home tonight, yes?”

She practically cooed at him right in his face. She caught herself, and just traced his jaw with her fingernail tips. “Baby, I will be waiting for you tonight… and every other night after this.”

Her tone resolute, and she exuded that steadfast and impervious air. Her love for her made her willing to do anything and everything for him. She wondered if he was even remotely prepared for the magnitude of love for him she was ready to show him. He was starting to follow her leads at times. Every now and then taking her by surprise with ardent and feeling laden moments of affection.

She then grinned a huge smile. Indeed, tonight.. she’d be awake no matter what time he got in. The wheels in her mind churning at full speed ahead.

“I will always be waiting for you anytime you’re not with me.”