He fell to the ground, and the portal closed above him. What was this strange new place? He looked around, and saw anthropomorphic raccoon people with assault rifles.

Jenkins charged at the speed of light, leaving a rainbow trail behind him, as he rammed his unicorn horn into one of their chests, causing the raccoon man to explode on impact. Without time to think about what these things were up to, he took the assault rifle (which miraculously survived its previous owner's decimation) and fired a single burst into the head of each surrounding raccoon person.

He was silent. His stomach growled.

***Some time later***

Randy was done eating most of the dead raccoon people meat, because it never felt right for him to kill animals without eating them, even if they were humanoid ones.

He sat in front of the campfire, pondering his predicament.

"Why am I still awake? Man, I feel like I haven't slept in ages... perhaps that is something that everyone in this universe experiences."

He then heard someone coming into his introduction thread, turned around, and threw a bag of bloodstained communion wafers at them. He did not remember how he acquired them, nor did he want to.

"WHO ARE YOU? WHERE AM I!? AM I UNDER ARREST? I'LL ******** EAT MORE OF YOUR RACCOON PEOPLE, I'M SURPRISED THEY DIDN'T TASTE LIKE GARBAGE!"

Jenkins's assault rifle was aimed at you. What's this?

Is... is Randy Jenkins undressing you with his eyes?

Well s**t. Maybe you're his type? Or maybe imagining you naked makes him feel like the alpha male? Maybe there's no room for love in the heart of Jenkins, and it's all about domination?

Or maybe he is a complicated man who has been traveling into new universes, impregnating aliens, and destroying governments for too long? Maybe he wants love? Maybe he wants to command an army of ostriches and establish them as the master race of all the universes? Such a grandeur task could not be accomplished alone.

Randy Jenkins needs your help to amass such a large army of ostriches.



He lowered his assault rifle, and offered you some raccoon meat.

"Eat up, friend. We have universes to conquer with ostriches. The Penguin Illuminati stands no chance if we work together."

________________________



Hello, everyone. I am Randy Jenkins. Who are you? emotion_c8