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 Posted: Mon Apr 06, 2015 12:18 pm
Megrez was, put simply, still shaken up from the events of last night. Once again, someone had nearly taken away what was precious to her. That was twice now she had nearly lost the ones she had sworn to protect, the first occasion being when Penthesilea was abducted at the New Year's Eve ball. The worst part was that the danger came from someone on her own side. A Camlann, Squire of Saturn, had been the one who attacked Megiddo. She had sworn never to attack someone on her own side, but when faced with someone like this, she wasn't sure what to do. If she broke her vow, she would paint a huge target on herself, but someone who dared to harm one of her precious people couldn't go unpunished. She was trying to take her mind off it in as many ways as possible, trying to swallow the rush of painful feelings and the desire to hunt down that Camlann and make him rue the day he'd ever crossed one of hers. When she went to Henshin Alley to power up, she had found the puffy posse of puffskis waiting for her, puuing and buuing to her in greeting. She allowed them to follow her to a nice park, and they sat around her and the bench she was sitting on. She had taken her songstone out and allowed it to play, the harplike tones having a calming effect. It probably wasn't the wisest thing to do, but she was allowing herself to zone out a bit, listening to the tones of the songstone and petting a puffski's soft fluff. There was an aura nearby, but it was a Knight's. The one she had to be worried about was a Squire. Surely no ill could come of it?
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Posted: Tue Apr 07, 2015 8:12 am
Even with the previous day's events, under normal circumstances, Hvergelmir would've chosen to pass Sailor Megrez by. When she thought of the Senshi of Eggs, she thought not about their first meeting -- which had been amiable enough, if brief -- but of a warehouse full of blood and bodies, and Castor's dire warning. She thought of the words that oath of yours ensures that you'll be pristine forever. Normally she'd have taken one look at the redheaded senshi and walked on by, avoiding a confrontation. But right now, Megrez was . . . emanating music -- and surrounded by some kind of -- fluffy -- . . . things. Hvergelmir opted to investigate. She couldn't sense anything youma about them, but best to be safe, just in case. They'd nearly lost one comrade just yesterday. "Megrez," she called out carefully, eyes on the little fluffballs. "Is everything . . . okay?"
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Posted: Tue Apr 07, 2015 4:05 pm
The sound of that familiar voice sent a nervous rush through Megrez. She felt it ripple through her skin setting every hair on edge, and she felt it settle in her stomach, a lump of worry. She looked up and saw Hvergelmir standing there, plain as day, and something akin to fear froze her. It was not quite fear, more like a paralyzing mix of shame and guilt, but it had the same effect. Her voice caught in her throat to the point that it took her a good few seconds to croak out a stunned "Hver." She reached over, grasped her songstone tightly, and took a deep breath before releasing it. I have to apologize. The worst she can do is not accept it, and she'd be justified in doing so. The next words came a bit easier. "Can I... talk to you for a bit? Please?" She scooted a puffski closer to her who had wandered too close to the other side of the bench. "Um, and don't mind them. They won't hurt you. I'll tell you more about them later, if you'd like."
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Posted: Wed Apr 08, 2015 12:36 pm
Hvergelmir, like any human being, was from time to time afflicted with less than charitable impulses where her fellow man was concerned. She'd wanted to pass Megrez by, avoid the interaction, leave her to solve her own problems since she'd deemed obviously too stupid and airheaded to be of any use to anyone . . . but here she was anyway. There were, she was sure, requests that Hvergelmir was capable of refusing. Things she could walk away from. Can I talk to you was not one of them. Her bench (figuratively, of course; this was not actually her usual bench) was open to anyone. It was just as important to try and reach those that were on their side as it was to reach those who weren't. Anyone could fall. Hvergelmir thought of Persephone, frowned, and sat wordlessly down on the bench beside the Senshi of Eggs. She folded her hands in her lap and leaned forward on her elbows. "What's going on?" Hvergelmir prompted quietly.
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Posted: Wed Apr 08, 2015 7:42 pm
Megrez was certain she was being judged (regardless of whether she truly was or not). She remembered when she despised people like Hvergelmir for their supposed moral high ground; if the Cosmos Knight didn't have the high ground before, she certainly did now, and Megrez was accepting that. Being so close to her set her nerves off once more, and she trembled slightly when she spoke. "I... I just wanted to say thank you for yesterday. For helping Megiddo. And I... I want to say I'm sorry." She swallowed before she continued. "I was wrong. I know I was wrong in so many ways. I'm sorry." Apologizing for what she had done was a heavy thing, and with it came a rush of emotions. She could feel the beginnings of tears stinging her eyes. "It probably doesn't mean much, but I'm sorry," she repeated.
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Posted: Sat Apr 11, 2015 1:47 pm
I'm sorry. These were not words that Hvergelmir really heard very often, except from people bumping into her accidentally on the street. Generally, most people didn't tend to give her offense -- and those that did rarely had cause to regret doing so. Hvergelmir wondered what had befallen Megrez, that she'd suddenly changed her tune so thoroughly. She had bright markings on her arms now, on her face: uncorruptible. Megrez had made a vow at the Castor Massacre -- that if she ever fell to Chaos, they should all kill her. Was that what had happened? Had she felt herself drift perilously close, seen how easily anyone could fall? What was she apologizing for? "You don't have to thank me, or apologize -- not for helping someone you care about. I'm happy I could do it, I -- I'm glad she'll be okay." Hvergelmir sighed. "You don't owe me any apologies. You didn't say anything you didn't have a right to. It's a hard war."
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Posted: Thu Apr 16, 2015 11:08 pm
"No. I do need to thank you, and I do need to apologize," Megrez said, having trouble holding those beginnings of tears back. "You saved one of my precious people. If I lost her again, I... I don't know what I would do." She figured that "again" merited some explanation, but there were more pressing matters. She took a deep breath and let two thin streaks of tears roll down her cheeks. "I was wrong in so many ways," she said. "While... while I was on my planet, I saw my past self do an incredible thing, and I felt her ability to love and forgive. I learned how important it is to keep love in your heart, and not let hate take over." She sniffed and continued. "Things have been different for me since I transcended. I'm trying to focus on helping my own more than hurting my enemies. I did some thinking and... I'm not sure if I can agree with Castor anymore. I was nervous when he showed up at the scene. I'm worried he'll drag me back into bad habits, for lack of a better word." After another sniff, she added, "I've been broken for a very long time. I want to put my pieces back together."
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Posted: Tue Apr 21, 2015 9:42 am
At the sight of Megrez's tears, she put out a warm hand to lay it gently over the senshi's puff-sleeved shoulder. "It's good to take the time to be concerned about yourself," she told her, thinking that was the sort of thing that Carmine might say. Continuing to try to channel her former therapist -- (she missed him so much) -- Hvergelmir went on, "What do you think makes you worry about falling back into bad habits so much? Do you think those things -- hurting your enemies -- come from habits, you know, just reactions you're used to having -- or from attitudes you have that you're trying to escape from? When you see an enemy, what makes you react the way you do?" She studied the markings on Megrez's arms, the soft, pale blue feathers. Like the little, puffy pinfeathers of a hatchling. "I have a few friends who've -- transcended, like you. The thing about it is, for all that bright energy that bleeds off of you, it doesn't make you automatically happy, or at peace. No magic can make you perfectly, unalterably good -- it just keeps Chaos from corrupting your power. The rest of it's on you. Whatever peace you can find -- or can't find -- it's in your head. Your heart. Wanting to be -- caring about being the best person you can be -- never take that for granted. It's hard for Negaverse agents to find that place, and Chaos makes it harder. It's hard for us to find it too, though. And for regular people. Everyone struggles. The fact that you care about that at all is reason enough to have faith in yourself."
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Posted: Sat Apr 25, 2015 7:48 pm
Hvergelmir's warmth brought an anxious smile to Megrez through the tears. "It's attitudes I'm trying to escape from. I remember how people reacted when I sided with Castor, and how deep I went into that way of thinking... it ruined me. I don't want to be so purely destructive again." She paused and sniffed, listening to the Cosmos Knight's words. "Reason to have faith in myself, huh..." she mumbled, her eye contact breaking briefly before meeting Hvergelmir's eyes again. "It's... it's kind of funny. I don't know how much you know about this, but a while back I had a dream, more like a vision, and you were there, kind of, or at least people talked about you. A Dark Mirror Princess named Chariklo made me write an apology to you and some others when I nearly broke a treaty between the Dark Mirror and the White Moon by attacking a friend who had corrupted to the Dark Mirror. I remember that I really respected what you did for Order then." With a heavy exhale, she added, "I was destructive then too. I attacked so many Negaversers without even a thought and didn't listen to people who tried to tell me there was another way. Now that I think back on it, it's kind of scary."
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Posted: Thu Apr 30, 2015 11:40 am
Hvergelmir listened, only partly distracted by the bobbing of the weird, fluffy creatures surrounding Megrez. At the mention of the senshi's dreams, she blinked, more attentive. "The dark future," she acknowledge it warily. "Five years of sorrow. A lot of us have had memories . . . a lot of them come in dreams. I remember what you're talking about." Hvergelmir settled forward, elbows on her knees, loosely clasping her hands. "I didn't do much for Order then, actually -- I was just trying to do the only thing I know how to do. But thank you -- I appreciate it. Listen, though . . . " She waited till she could catch Megrez's gaze, her own intent. "Being destructive is hard to break from. Being angry's hard to break from. Anger's hard to let go of, because it's a powerful tool. Most people don't have a problem setting it aside when they don't need it. But they find it's all too easy to reach for when they feel like they do." She furled and unfurled her fingers, contemplative. "Fear's the thing to master. Fear is what tells you to reach for the deadliest tool in your arsenal, just in case. Fear can be valuable, because it's an instinct that helps you protect yourself . . . but if you let it rule you too much, you'll never learn to use anything else in you that's strong and powerful. Changing is hard -- but be patient with yourself. It won't happen overnight . . . but that doesn't mean it isn't happening. Just take each situation as it comes. You decide what the right thing to do is."
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Posted: Fri May 15, 2015 6:35 pm
"You've had those visions too?" Megrez let Hvergelmir continue, listening to her speech with rapt attention. She took in the Knight's words purely as they were. Though she tended not to think critically when people began talking about important issues (wasn't that how she slipped into Castor's trap?), she didn't think any skepticism was needed for this situation. Anger was hard to let go of; she knew that very well. Until she had burned herself out into emptiness in that dark future, she was very angry, and even now, in this timeline, she had felt it burning in her. "Fear," she mumbled, trying to internalize all the morals of the story. Though it required some thought, she could think of how fear had guided her. Fear of losing those precious to her was a big one. "You're right... changing is hard, and I know it won't be something that happens right away. It's just... I guess I'm just impatient and I want to make up for my mistakes right away. Waiting to finally arrive at a point where I can be satisfied with myself is hard."
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Posted: Sat May 16, 2015 2:38 pm
Hvergelmir nodded sympathetically. "Rome wasn't built in a day. It happens -- just keep working at it. It takes repetition to build new habits. You want to be a different person . . . but you have to become one. Being and becoming are two different things. Remember," she said with a bolstering smile, "You're the egg, right? Not the chicken. You're the incubator, the crucible . . . try to embrace that. The ability to grow and evolve is our greatest strength, as people. Our capacity to change, and become something different than we started. Take joy in that. Work at it. Savor it. Make it your art. Then you'll be an example for all the people around you who need to feel like they can change themselves too."
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Posted: Mon May 25, 2015 8:15 pm
Hvergelmir's smile and appeal to her sphere brought a smile to Megrez's face too. "That's right... when you say it, it just sounds right. I will change... and I can show other people in my position that they can change too." She paused, then added a mild subject change. "I want to assist in a purification, someday. The only Royal I know of is Castor, and I'm not sure I trust him to purify people. I know this other Knight, Glitnir, knows a Royal Knight. Maybe he's an option, if I can get Glitnir to contact him for me?" The words were somewhat stream-of-consciousness as she considered her options. "You're good at talking to those people... the ones who don't really want to be our enemies, I mean. Do you have any advice for me?"
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Posted: Tue May 26, 2015 9:15 pm
Hvergelmir tapped a finger to her chin. "Well, that's difficult to say, I guess. Meet people -- make them feel safe. I guess I'd say the most important thing, I think is . . . people need to feel that someone believes in them. That someone thinks they're not worth giving up on. That even if they've done terrible things, it's not too late. Be a friend -- everyone needs one." She tilted her head. "Practically speaking, I'm sure Camelot Royal Knight would be happy to meet you. He's noble, brave, and kind . . . you can trust him absolutely."
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Posted: Thu Jun 04, 2015 12:59 pm
"I think I get it. That's not so different from where I was. I guess everyone was right about me being close to Chaos, huh?" Megrez tried to pass it off as a joke, but it still stung how similar the positions were. "Camelot... okay. Maybe he's the one Glitnir knows? I'll ask him." She scratched her head, trying to think. "I'll have to try. I just hope I don't screw it up. I mean..." A heavy exhale. "I guess not jumping right into fighting is a good start, right? If I start with talking, it could go completely differently from how I'm used to."
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