Keeping it Together !!

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In a perfect world, each moment of a relationship would be like that weak-kneed romantic scene in The English Patient when Ralph Fiennes and Kristin Scott Thomas finally get together. So what keeps us from living that swoony, loopy-in-love life? Nothing more than getting stuck in the same day-in, day-out patterns and letting gushiness shift to the back burner. Okay, maybe that and the lack of a beautiful Japanese cherry blossom background. Let me help you find a way to seize every opportunity to sweeten up even the most seemingly unsentimental times together.

Here are a few tips that I hope will help you Keep It Together
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1. Clear the air:

Talk about whatever's on your mind, even if it’s just that you’re annoyed about the dirty dishes left in the sink. Putting it off will only force you to bottle up emotions and that could lead to passive aggressive actions later on.

The Key to getting through conflict:
Some couples talk things out quietly, while others may raise their voices and passionately disagree. The key in a strong relationship, though, is not to be fearful of conflict. You need to be safe to express things that bother you without fear of retaliation, and be able to resolve conflict without humiliation, degradation or insisting on being right
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2. Communicating:

Honest, direct communication is a key part of any relationship. When both people feel comfortable expressing their needs, fears, and desires, trust and bonds are strengthened. Nonverbal cues—body language like eye contact, leaning forward or away, or touching someone’s arm, are critical to communication.

The key to sharing things with your partner:
A common relationship complaint is that your partner withdraws. It can be because your partner is upset or stressed, or they are worrying about something. Try to talk to them and ask them to share the problems with you. You should also share your love, fear, worries and responsibilities with your partner. Even if your partner can’t help you, they will appreciate the fact that you trusted them and feel more secure sharing their troubles with you.
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3. Spend quality time together:

You probably have fond memories of when you were first dating your loved one. Everything may have seemed new and exciting, and you may have spent hours just chatting together or coming up with new, exciting things to try. However, as time goes by, school, children, demanding jobs, long commutes, different hobbies and other obligations can make it hard to find time together. It’s critical for your relationship, though, to make time for yourselves. If you don’t have quality time, communication and understanding start to erode.

The key to Keep it fun:
Couples are often more fun and playful in the early stages of a relationship. However, this playful attitude can sometimes be forgotten as life challenges or old resentments start getting in the way. Keeping a sense of humor can actually help you get through tough times, reduce stress, and work through issues more easily.
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4. Keep physical intimacy alive

Touch is a fundamental part of human existence. Studies on infants have shown the importance of regular, loving touch and holding on brain development. These benefits do not end in childhood. Life without physical contact with others is a lonely life indeed.

Studies have shown that affectionate touch actually boosts the body’s levels of oxytocin, a hormone that influences bonding and attachment. In a committed relationship between two adult partners, physical intercourse is often a cornerstone of the relationship. However, intercourse should not be the only method of physical intimacy in a relationship. Regular, affectionate touch—holding hands, hugging, or kissing—is equally important.

The key to being sensitive to what your partner likes:
While touch is a key part of a healthy relationship, it’s important to take some time to find out what your partner really likes. Unwanted touching or inappropriate overtures can make the other person tense up and retreat, exactly what you don’t want.
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5. Expect ups and downs:

It’s important to recognize that there are ups and downs in every relationship. You won’t always be on the same page. Sometimes one partner may be struggling with an issue that stresses them, such as the death of a close family member. Other events, like job loss or severe health problems, can affect both partners and make it difficult to relate to each other. You might have different ideas of managing finances or raising children. Different people cope with stress differently, and misunderstanding can rapidly turn to frustration and anger.

The key to not ignoring problems:
Whatever problems arise in a romantic relationship, it’s important to face them together as a couple. If an aspect of the relationship stops working, don’t simply ignore it, but instead address it with your partner. Things change, so respond to them together as they do.
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More to come later