[PRP] We Never Go Out of Style (Chance & Otto)

[kuropeco]

7:33 PM, Tuesday.


He was restless.

It wasn't entirely unusual, but this was a little different than his normal restlessness. Instead of being simply bored while lounging lazily around, Chance was pacing back and forth in his room, dressed in a pair of comfortable star print leggings and an oversized sweatshirt that fell to his thighs and sported the words nah bro on it in large white letters.

His phone was sitting on his desk; Chance picked it up, scrolling down his list of contacts, passing by several until he stopped at one in particular. Hesitating only a second, he slid the screen open and tapped out a quick message:

bittiface

Text to Otto:

I'm kind of bored. Are you free to hang out? I was thinking of getting something to eat, or maybe just goofing off. (:

 

[Bittiface]

Otto had been lounging, a pair of bright blue track pants with USA down the side of them, and a baggy long sleeved black and white striped shirt. Comfy and content, the blond hung out in one of the common rooms. Idly, he stared at a vending machine from his seat on the couch. While deciding between snacks, he got a text.

kuuropii

Text to Chance:

Sounds like a plan. Be there in a few.

After getting the man's room number, Otto slid off the couch and moseyed on over to Chance's room. A light knock on the door, he waited for the other man to answer. "S'me." He drawled lazily.  

[kuropeco]

The beep of his phone, indicating a reply text, made some of the tension in Chance's shoulders ease into a more relaxed state. That, and the actual content of the text itself, was reassuring, and Chance smiled, his thumbs sliding across the screen to tap out his room number, along with a smiley face.

Distractions were good. He needed the distractions.

When the knock sounded at the door, Chance was still pacing, and he crossed over and pulled it open, flashing Otto a grin.

"Hey," he said lightly, and stepped back, gesturing for the other to come in. The majority of Chance's room was relatively empty, with little to no decorations, save for the plastic stars on the ceiling; but strangely enough, the trash can was overflowing with crumpled pieces of paper that had clearly been stuffed there haphazardly and were tumbling over the sides. The closet door was open, the duffel bag containing Chance's telescope on the floor of it.

"So, how are you?" Chance asked, crouching down to pick up some of the stray paper. "Hope I didn't drag you away from anything important."

bittiface

 

[Bittiface]

Otto nodded and stepped inside. He wasn't a terribly smily guy on the outside, but he smiled on the inside.

It was always a shock to him when he went inside a trainee's room. The blank slate of the trainee dorms were alarming, and often void of personal touches beyond a spec here and there. The familiar stars and telescope made it clear it was Chance's room.

"M'good. Wasn't doin' much aside from decidin' between Skittles or Mars bars at the vending machines." His eyes fell to the crumpled papers on the floor, his curiosity piqued. "What's all that?"

kuuropii

 

[kuropeco]

"Skittles, definitely Skittles," said Chance, still gathering up papers. He'd put half of them into his arms, but there still a bunch that kept tipping out of the trash can, and he debated just giving up and tossing them back on the floor. "Skittles are much more fun to eat, plus you can throw them at people."

He grinned at Otto over his shoulder, and then blinked; it took him a few seconds to realize what the other was indicating.

"Oh, this, ah..." Was he supposed to explain that he'd been in the middle of some sort of existential crisis, if that's even what it was? Chance gave the crumpled papers a wry sort of look, fiddling with one of them as he attempted to figure out his own thoughts.

"I was having a bit of a...drawing issue," said Chance haltingly, which was the truth, seeing as how all of the papers had some sort of scribbled drawing on them, nearly all of them unfinished. "I'm not exactly...sure what I was doing," he added, rubbing the back of his neck sheepishly.

bittiface

 

[Bittiface]

Otto smirked in response. "I'll remember that if I pass it again." He did like having Skittles on hand for easy snacking.

His head tilted, regarding Chance and then the papers. "You draw?" He murmured, taking in all the mess of papers. A sketchbook seemed like a less messy method, but maybe he didn't want 'bad' art lingering forever.

Something felt wrong. Otto wasn't sure what. Just off. Maybe it was the way he was talking. His eyes came up to study Chance, curiously wondering what was going on behind his eyes. "Or just scribblin' ideas?"

kuuropii

 

[kuropeco]

"I, ah, like sketching," said Chance, by way of explanation. He gave up trying to collect all of the papers and just dumped them back on the floor beside the trash can, taking a small breath and wiping the palms of his hands on his jeans. "I was never really, like, one of the fancy art students, or whatever, but I do like drawing."

He tugged idly on one of his curls, and twisted around to find Otto looking at him curiously. Chance tried to drag a smile onto his face that was hopefully normal, but it came out looking rather strained instead.

"I was trying to, ah, well, kind of," he said with a little laugh, pushing himself back to standing up. "I thought it would be easier to kind of express myself if I was able to draw things down, but as it turns out..."

He waved a hand in the direction of the papers, his other resting on the back of his neck.

"Having a bit of difficulty, is all," said Chance.

bittiface

 

[Bittiface]

Otto would have shared his own enthusiasm for sketching too, but now he was getting stronger vibes that Chance wasn't feeling well. Emotionally, anyway. The smile seemed strained, and he knew it wasn't him. After all, Chance had invited him. Maybe he was just feeling awkward and lonely, he thought.

If it was an issue of expressing himself, Otto could relate. The blond had several methods of expressing himself through hobbies; music, writing, drawing. Always creative ventures, he noticed.

"Any way I can help?" He asked. Chance had helped him once, but he didn't see it as a debt. He wanted to help. At least a little.

kuuropii

 

[kuropeco]

Otto was a nice guy, Chance thought. He was comfortable to be around, and while it wasn't that hard to make Chance uncomfortable, there was just something very reliable about the other that made it easy to hang around him.

"Have you ever, like..." Chance hedged for words, waving his hands around in a slightly manic sort of way. "Like, gotten yourself into a situation that you knew you shouldn't have, but you did it anyway because you were having a good time, and then later realized that you probably messed up?"

He went back to pacing, though the movements were restrained, like he was trying not to weird out Otto too much more than he probably already had. Chance slowed back down, took a deep breath, and tried to relax.

"Sorry," he said with a wince and a somewhat guilty look in Otto's direction. "I definitely did not invite you over so you could watch me make a fool of myself, I really did want the company."

Chance sat down on the edge of the bed, and smiled, this one less strained, though it was more sheepish than anything else.

"I'm not good with, ah...emotions," he said. "As you probably already could tell."

bittiface

 

[Bittiface]

Otto blinked, surprise evident in Chance's description; like a mirror. "I've been in that exact situation. Recently, actually." Otto murmured back. For once that made him glad; it made it easier to empathize with the other man.

He watched the man pace, patiently waiting him out as he tried to explain himself. Otto was in a patient sort of mood, feeling comfortable and at ease with himself today.

Otto shrugged, "S'okay. I ain't good with them neither, even though I got them in spades." He wondered if anyone really had a stable grasp of them. The blond sat himself on the floor not too far from Chance, comfortably placing his weight on his hands behind him.

"We can do food and fun later, if you want. If there's one thing I been learnin' a lot of, it's that surpressin' your feelings and worries can backfire like crazy. Best to talk it out a little. You sure helped me, that way." Even if Otto had been vague about his problems, it had helped venting to small hints he'd given.

kuuropii

 

[kuropeco]

Now that he thought about it, Otto had said something in their original conversation about how something had happened, and he'd not been able to trust himself that. Chance wasn't quite sure that he was at that point yet, but he certainly had messed things up; or at least, he assumed he had.

"You and I are relative opposites in that regard," said Chance, in slight amusement as he cast a glance over at Otto, seated on his floor. "You've got lots of emotions, even if you don't know what to do with them, whereas I..."

He trailed off, twiddling the arrow ring on his finger. "I'm pretty sure I don't have any left," said Chance, after a moment's consideration. Otto was given a wan smile. "I don't feel the same as other people do, and it's never really been a problem for me. I just think that the piece of me that's supposed to have emotions disappeared a long time ago."

He shrugged a shoulder, kicking his legs out absently. "I recently...came between two people I didn't want to," he said, keeping it vague because who he slept with was not his business to tell, after all. Privacy was important. "I was thinking at the time it would be such a big deal, and maybe it isn't, but I don't do strings attached s**t for a reason. It works for me; that's my way of life."

A hum escaped his lips. "Sometimes I wonder if it would be better if I could see things the way other people could - like you, or whoever," he added, gesturing to Otto. "I think about whether or not the way other people live would work better for me, not because I care about the opinions of others, but because I wonder what the best scenario is for me, personally."

Bittiface

 

[Bittiface]

A man with no emotions? Otto found that hard to believe. Maybe whereas Otto felt things quickly and powerfully, Chance's were numbed. There, but not there. Otto knew what it was like to feel numb. He'd been there a few times. However, they'd been short lived; reprieves from too much emotional stresses.

"Emotions.. I guess really have a big impact on what I do, and how I do it." He agreed, thinking of decision making and judgements on handling a situation and choices to be made. "But they also tend to blind you to a lot of things, and sure get you into a lot of trouble. So it's a mixed bag." Anger, sadness and many other feelings had a way of declaring how he ran into things; or ran from them.

"Tryin' to be like someone else sure don't sound like you." From what he could gather, anyway. "I sure as Hell can't be like other people, or think the way they do. Best I can do is try and figure out their side of it as best I can."

"Did.. you make them fight, or something?"

kuuropii

 

[kuropeco]

"It's kind of a double edged sword, then," said Chance, half musing to himself, half to Otto. "Too much of one thing makes you a certain way, and too little of another makes you a different way. None of it's bad, really, none of it's wrong. I told you before that what works for one person might not work for another, and I still believe that."

He exhaled a breath and smiled, propping his chin up in the palm of his hand, elbow on his knee. "You're right, though. I don't like being anyone else but myself, and I don't want to try and force something that isn't going to work."

Chance ran his free hand through his hair and mulled over the question, absently tugging a curl.

"Not...yet," he said hesitantly. "But I feel like what I did could cause a rift, and I'd rather that not happen. I like them they way they are, I just wasn't thinking straight."

There was the smallest of pauses and then Chance added, a little cheekily, just to lighten the mood, "Well, I've never thought straight, but different kind of straight."

bittiface

 

[Bittiface]

"That's why no one's perfect." Otto mused, "Cause the line between the both is way too thin." That and it would be boring, of course.

Otto watched him tug at his curls again, and the urge to test it out himself was strong. Curly hair was odd and fascinating. The way it bounced back into place like that. His eyes concentrated on it, like a cat staring at a spec of dust floating in a sun beam.

"You care enough not to wanna hurt them. That counts enough not to worry too bad." Otto murmured, "Maybe sit on it a bit, and if ya need to do damage control, do it." That seemed reasonable. If they were friends, they wouldn't mind his meddling, right?

Thinking straight.... huh? Otto stared owl eyed for a moment, until he got the joke. He snorted, covering his mouth and finally taking his eyes away. His face went red in embarrassment.

He had questions, after he stifled any laughter that threatened to bubble. Did Chance always know he was... that way? Had he ever had thoughts he'd tried to destroy before embracing it? Otto had mistaken his disgust of same sex intimacy and relationships as disapproval. But really, he'd just been covering for his own uncertainty and desire to experiment. Ultimately, he experimented at the worst time in his life for it.

But Chance.. he was supposed to be helping him, not clinging to him for support. He'd have to save his questions.

kuuropii

 

[kuropeco]

"Very true," said Chance with a sigh. "Sometimes I think it would be easier if I was capable of feeling what everyone else felt; but at the same time, I suppose it's easier that I don't feel, because I don't have the same attachments as everyone else does."

Or did he? That was the confusing part; the desire to remain in the good graces of certain people was strong, and Chance wasn't sure what exactly that meant. Was it because he wanted to be friends, underneath everything? Or did he just enjoy observing the interactions of those around him?

"Well..." said Chance, still twisting a corkscrew curl without actually paying attention to what he was doing with his hands. "Yes, that's true, though selfishly I do believe I don't want to get involved because I don't like to be involved in messes. Helping as a neutral third party, that's fine, but being in the middle of it can be exhausting."

Otto had turned away, laughing, but not before Chance had caught the red flush on his cheeks. It relaxed him a little, and a small smile curved Chance's lips upwards.

"Sorry," he said. "Force of habit to make jokes in the middle of everything I do. But I think maybe you're right, I think maybe...I should just take a step back and...re-evaluate things."

bittiface