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I'm gonna harden my heart...

One of the many lessons that living on the Deus isle had taught Camille Ryland was that you couldn't stop your significant others from pouting. Otto pouted. Maebe pouted. A lot of times they were pouting at each other for one reason or another. Harmony was not something that Cami could have ever expected or wanted from those two. It didn't exist and it made her life worth living...usually.

The problem was there was pouting and then there was...whatever this was. When Otto was sulking and pouting at whatever wound Maebe had caused this time he cuddled. Flopped. Sprawled. He let Cami be there for him. Now? He was sleeping on the couch almost every night. She had no idea how to ask him to come to bed, to come curl against her, to let her take away whatever was hurting him with the sheer force of her love.

She left the bedroom open. She left the light on. He almost never came. The nights he did were...well. They weren't normal. They didn't feel like Otto and it was scaring her in a way she didn't know was possible.

I'm gonna swallow my tears...

Maebe was even worse. A few times she'd opened the door to her bright-haired lover but there wasn't much to it. Everything seemed hard and brittle like the blonde would shatter if Cami's clumsy hands moved just the wrong way. She'd kissed her softly, told Maebe that she loved her, and let the door be shut behind her.

No more.

Had one of them been acting like this then there might have been the hope that it wasn't related to their relationship. That they were both lost in their own worlds, hurting in a way she couldn't help? Arrows flashing and pointing to the fact that something is very wrong. So Cami was again down at Maebe's room. The room she'd suddenly moved back in to without warning.

"Maebe. Can you come upstairs with me?"

He'd been told to stay put. He was promised a baked thing. Maybe cake. Or even cupcakes. It was difficult to accept. He didn't really want any treats. He didn't feel much like anything nice beyond sleeping on the couch wrapped in duvets.

So he obliged, only because doing what he'd already been doing was the same as obeying her.

The sight of Otto stung her eyes, so she closed them and used Cami as support to keep from running into anything. She kept them closed, even as Cami made her demand. She certainly wasn't going to explain to the woman she loved, that the man she loved had cheated on them both. He'd made his bed - campsite? - whatever. He would have to sleep in it.

She waved her hand at Otto, signalling it was his job to tell her. She would have no part of it.

Fingers pressed to Cami's eyes as Otto spoke. It had been her first guess as to what had caused the problem with the two of them and, despite the month or so that had passed, she had no idea how to fix it. Dropping her hands as he finished she put them on her hips, pose so incredibly sassy that it hid the fact she wanted to scream. At them both. Then bash their heads together until everything was better but that didn't help anything.

"You can't what?" It was accusatory, back and forth between the two of them. "You can't do this to me. You can't just have problems like this and not tell me. Not let me in. I'm a part of this too and I don't think either of you thought for even a second about me. Which is fine." But it wasn't and she was angry, and scared, and starting to ache in her chest and stomach.

"Talk."

Otto's heart didn't beat wildly, and he wasn't scared. Shame and depression was more what took over, or really, what remained. The world spun too slowly, and it grinded down to a crawl as Cami made it clear that Otto had not considered her feelings. That seemed to be a trend. Otto thought only of himself. His shoulders sagged.

The grinding sound of the world slowing down became a screeching shrill cry once Maebe caught on. That was right. He'd already told Cami, and left Maebe out of it.

Otto was a prime example of scum.

"She knows. I already told her." He replied, irritated. Maebe would lose or s**t, likely. Cami would cry and be upset, probably.

Otto shook his head. Just let it end already, he thought. And it had only just begun.

Maebe felt like she was watching a private joke between two people that she wasn't a part of, only there was nothing funny about the entire situation. She kept whipping her head back and forth from Otto and Cami, waiting for one of them to react in a way that wasn't calm, but she was the only one of the three losing her mind at the moment. Cami spoke as if it was common sense that she wouldn't have had a problem with it - and as if knowing about it behind Maebe's back wasn't a big deal.

"Have both of you gone completely out of your minds?" She whispered, pressing her hands against her head as if that could stop her brain from exploding and leaking out of her ears.

She'd thought. She'd thought that monogamy was this thing they were totally pulling off. This thing that she'd never tried before, but was going to ace this first time around, because she had such great examples. Suddenly both of her lovers were acting as if monogamy was just some flippant thing - AND IT WAS, she reminded herself, it always had been for her, until them.

The fact that she'd been hurt by all of this was her own fault. She'd believed in something that wasn't real. Something that she had known for years wasn't real, but when she looked in their eyes, she had duped herself into believing because it felt so good.

As long as you love me, and make time for me, I don't care what else happens.

She'd been all wrong about Cami. About Otto. And she didn't understand why they'd even attempted monogamy in the first place, if this was how they felt. It couldn't have come from her, could it have? She was the least monogamous person ever!

The word was floating so frequently in her head, it started to sound like a disease. A cancer that had to be excised. Both Cami, and Otto, were proving themselves to be skilled surgeons in the field.

"Okay." She screeched out, in a high-pitched, nervous bubble of laughter. "Okay, I'm on the same page now. I ******** got it. I'm here now. No more of this bullshit. I get it. I'm cool. So other than the whole, you both withheld information from me debacle, this is all just a big misunderstanding. Clearly." But she was shaking, because she wasn't as on board as she wished she could be.

"So what then? We continue forward like this, but while ******** other people? I mean, I swear I thought that was a problem in the beginning, with all the rampant jealousy. And I don't <******** get why that's not a problem now." Her voice started to seethe with bitterness. They were changing the rules on her, and she hated that she didn't know how to play the game. Relationships - why hadn't she just listened to Lawr all along?

She rubbed her wrists, just as she had when she'd spoken with Otto, but at least now there were bruises where she'd fulfilled her purpose. The same bruises hidden behind the long, perfectly curled locks of blonde hair cascading down around her neck. They comforted her now, with their existence. She took strength from them, sucked in a deep breath, and moved forward.

"Okay. No more of this dumb monogamy s**t. Then, what now?"

Rampant jealousy?! The confusion was clear on Camille's face as she looked over to Otto who was refusing to really participate. It wasn't surprising, really, that he just sorta sat there like a lump and let everything around him just happen. She wanted to reach out, shake him, demand that he PARTICIPATE and TELL HER WHAT HE WANTED. There was only so much that she could do and only for one of them at a time.

Poor Cami's whole world was crashing down around her and she'd done nothing but what everyone else wanted. She'd been monogamous (somewhat). She hadn't wandered, hadn't strayed, and been pretty happy doing it. She let herself love Maebe, love Otto, and now it was shredding at her heart like it was paper. Worthless, pretty paper.

The redhead flinched at the sound of Maebe's screech. Waiting for her to finish all she had to say was something simple. "Maebe, I never asked you to be monogamous. You asked me to be." And then, because she was looking so steadily at the girl, saw the bruises. Was on her knees at her girlfriend's side (were they even girlfriends anymore? oh, it hurt!) to push back her sleeves to examine them. "Maebe Grace..." There was softness even as she was...chiding? Caring?

Tired.

Otto had always assumed a relationship was synonymous with monogamy. Like an unwritten rule. Rules once again were the source of his troubles. Walls and controls that led him on a track he didn't feel like being on at all times.

Otto looked only because he saw movement, furrowing his brows as to why Cami was kneeling before Maebe. The alarming welts and bruises had him wondering if they'd been there before. They didn't look to be from training. She didn't act as if they were from battle.

"Are you ********' serious?" He growled, glaring at the blonde woman. How dare she harm herself over the likes of him and their problems! It made him angry. Why did he have to impact her in such a way that she'd bring harm onto herself. And so quickly after it all happened. Did she enjoy that sort of thing so much? She used to ask for rougher intimacy in their early time together, but it was never that bad. Just what was she trying to do? Excite herself or kill herself?

Here he'd been sulking under a duvet, and Maebe had gone off and... done what, he didn't know. Maybe he'd been blaming and shaming himself for nothing. Maebe seemed to bounce back into her kinks very fast.

She'd tried to stab her own hand when he'd told her. Hurting herself wasn't out of the question, and it sickened him that he might be the cause. He wasn't worth that pain. Not an ounce of it. He wasn't worth anything at all.

Maebe needed help. She needed someone stable. Someone worth her heart.

He looked between Cami and Maebe, and realized they made a better pair. Cami was so much kinder and gentler with hearts and feelings. Maebe was a mess, but he genuinely cared what happened to her. Maybe if he was out of the picture, Maebe would heal properly. If left in Cami's hands, she'd be okay.