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Today was the day. Hopefully Oliver would finally be leaving the infirmary after his extended stay, all that stood between him was one little tiny psychological evaluation. Yet… after his interrogation with Jack the previous day, he was not sure he would ever be let loose.

Up until that point, Oliver had been relaxed and almost cheerful in the wake of that horrible mission. Rather than face the traumatic event head on and start on the path to recovery, it was as though nothing had happened. He didn't want to revisit the fear he had faced, or see those gruesome details when he closed his eyes. It had been easier not remembering, dodging around details in his mind, all of it cumulating in a defense mechanism that kept the entire thing at arm's length. Until Jack slowly pulled each little detail out of him, it had felt more like a story he had heard once.

That had been the first night he had nightmares about the mission, and when he woke up he was once again the jittery, nervous kid one would expect. He chewed on the inside of his lip almost constantly while he waited for Lex to come talk to him, and gave only the bare minimum amount of attention to the dinosaur skull he was drawing in his sketchbook. It was supposed to be a stegosaurus, with the tapered nose, leaf-shaped peg teeth, and beak-like shape of the frontmost jaw structures. It could have been a llama for all he cared.

Oliver just wanted his verdict to come soon. Even if he was anxious and exhausted, his room was a better place to hide away and gather his thoughts than the infirmary.

The boy jumped when he heard the knock, and called Lex in.

He closed his notebook with a shaky hand, and although he offered Lex a smile at first, by the time the older man was close enough to ruffle his hair, he had looked away. Apparently he also thought the scar to be off putting. It had taken quite a bit of time for him to come to terms with that mark reflected in a mirror, but it became a sensitive topic once again when he didn't see it on the man who could have been his older self.

"I-I'm okay," Oliver lied lightly. It wasn't intentional, but the need for pleasantries became much stronger the farther away from 'okay' he got. With nervous body language and easy to read expressions, the statement had no power to mislead anyone anyway. For a second it looked like he was going to leave it at that, but then he spoke again, quieter this time. "Um... a b-bit tired... I didn't sleep well, uh, last night..."

As nervous as he was, Lex was someone he could trust. It was only fair to be as helpful as he could during this uncomfortable process.

Oliver nodded, unable to look up from his closed notebook. His fingers nervously traced the edges of the cover.

"Um…" The boy resisted. He didn't want to remember the details, let alone repeat them out loud, but it didn't seem like he had a choice in this situation. Lex had presented him with an option but… it was an evaluation after all.

He chewed on his lower lip for a second. "It was… uh… like…"

Oliver didn't know how to start, but after rubbing his head he took a deep breath. "I-it was about the hunters… that we rescued… except we couldn't- we didn't…" He paused, and took another shuddering breath.. "I didn't save them."

"Y-yes..." Oliver said hesitantly. While he knew this to be true, they had succeeded, he had succeeded and survived, the thought came with the same hollowness one felt when avoiding something stressful. He couldn't quite dismiss his nightmares as easily as that.

He chewed his lower lip. "The... um, the way we found the hunters..." Oliver admitted quietly. He had not been bothered by the bugs the same way Finn had, nor had his attacker been frightful in and of itself. But something about how they were sliced up and pinned open while still alive, as though up on display, it had been uniquely horrifying. Even now he couldn't get the mental image out of his mind.

"I-it was worse than zombies..."

Oliver pulled his knees up to his chest and hugged them. It wouldn't protect him from the pain of recalling those memories yet again, but it seemed to give him the courage to continue.

"They were… uh… cut open. A-all their skin was pulled back, and you could see their muscles and organs… And bugs, e-everywhere all crawling around inside them… But they were still alive, one was even still conscious, even though you could see her intestines and her ribs, and some of her muscles had been peeled back, and… She was still trying to call for help when we got there…" Oliver rubbed at his eyes. No matter how much they hurt from crying it seemed like he would never run out of tears. "They were being dissected, a-and they knew it was happening…"

When he finally glanced up, his expression was hollow and afraid, but it was clear in his eyes that he was no longer distancing himself from what he had experienced. The emotional pain was much sharper when not relegated to the far corners of his mind.

He rubbed his neck next, where he had once been bitten by a zombie. That had been terrifying at the time, now it seemed like a bit of a joke. The expression he returned could barely be considered a smile, but he was trying. "I-I was bit by one, a zombie… nearly died… but, um… I sorta barricaded myself in the infirmary room so I wouldn't turn and bite anyone…" Oliver was mildly surprised Lex had not heard about that incident, perhaps because he had been talked down pretty quickly, sedatives and time had taken care of the rest. It was a little embarrassing now, but still easier to talk about than his most recent trauma.

"I-it's okay..." Oliver replied, maintaining that tiny, weak smile that didn't quite reach his eyes. "I-it was, um, kind of ridiculous..."

Looking back, it really had not been his best moment. He had been weak, confused, and sick as his weapon bond worked it out of his system, and he had grown up watching too many zombie movies. Taken all together, the infirmary staff must have been laughing their heads off in the other room once he was finally knocked out with tranquilizers.

He shook his head. "I-I was just scared... I d-didn't want anyone else to get hurt, for my mistake. A-all the movies say there's no hope once you get bit anyway."

Although Oliver was generally nudge-resistant when it came to thinking better of himself, he didn't know how to argue against it. Not really, when the definition of bravery in this job usually meant having taken risks for a life-saving cause. However, there were still some stumbling blocks reconciling what he felt with what he heard, despite Lex's logic.

His gaze turned towards nothing in his lap. "I didn't feel like I had a choice... I-it's not like I could run away, o-or just let them get hurt... She was going to kill them. I-I coudn't..."

Oliver's eyes began to tear up, and he quickly rubbed his face with the back of his sleeve.

Oliver flinched under the unexpected shift in Lex's composure. At first he thought he had finally pushed the older man too far with his fearful nature, it was only natural someone would get tired of always watching his back, and putting up with his scaredy cat nonsense. It was not just fear he felt at that moment, but a sense of heavy shame to have disappointed Lex the way he had.

He dropped his head, but as Lex's words began to sink in he became less ashamed and more confused. Lex was definitely angry, enough to lose his usual calm, but it was not as simple as Oliver's fragile ego would lead him to believe.

"I-I can't... i-imagine that's a choice..." Oliver replied miserably, his brows furrowed in confusion and distress. "I wouldn't be able to live with myself, h-how is that noble?"