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Posted: Sun Jan 25, 2015 9:20 am
Every once in a while, his friends wound up in the hospital. It was, strictly speaking, an occupational hazard of being a superhero - but that didn't mean that it got any easier every time it happened, or that Finn felt any less bad for having not been involved in the going's-on that lead to his friends being in the hospital, in this case a New Years Party that was actually a trap. Like, okay, he had an excuse - his stay in the Galapagos had been extended until just past New Years, and then he'd had Camlann to contend with - but excuses were useless when someone you admired was in the hospital with what sounded like were serious injuries.
Cuz, you know, torture is wrong?
So, despite Elke's visit the day before still weighing heavily on his mind (he didn't know what to feel, if anything, or what he was supposed to do? She hadn't asked for anything. She'd just wanted him to know. And that was... That was... It didn't really beg for a reaction, and that made it all the more difficult to react to), he stopped by the florist on the corner and picked up a bouquet of stargazer lilies (they seemed appropriate for Hvergelmir) and followed the directions to her hospital room.
"Laney?" he called, poking his head around the door and rapping on the frame. It was a two-person room, one bed empty, the one by the window occupied by his friend. "Uh, hey there."
He held the flowers out like a peace offering, trying to convey, I'm sorry I'm a shitty friend who let you get kidnapped by the forces of Chaos and didn't do anything about it, seriously, I'm s**t, why do you put up with me.
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Posted: Tue Jan 27, 2015 11:16 am
There wasn't much to do in the hospital. Her painkillers made her sleepy about half the time, which meant anything more strenuous than television was out -- and having watched a lot of daytime TV over the past several years, Laney knew the pickings were slim. There were hours when there was nothing better to watch than Cheaters, or any number of variations on The People's Court; but though Laney was fairly certain, these days, that she knew how to handle a small claims property lawsuit (Judge Judy handled tons of them), they didn't even prove very informational. Television settlements weren't much help in directing her on how to help Gemma with emancipation paperwork, after all -- and they certainly weren't much help in keeping her awake. Laney had been struggling through a daytime cooking show when footsteps stopped at her door, and she looked up. Her face brightened impossibly. "Finn!" she squealed, reaching out toward him with grabby hand gestures like he was a mirage that might fade away. "Don't you 'uh, hey there' me, get over here so I can hug you! You're back!"
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Posted: Tue Jan 27, 2015 9:03 pm
Finn hurriedly set the vase in an open spot on the bedside table and moved into prime hugging position. "I wish I'd gotten back sooner!" he exclaimed, stepping back so that he could take Laney's current state in. She'd already been in the hospital for a while, so he was certain that he'd missed the worst of it... but it was never good to see one of your best friends confined to bed rest in the recovery ward. He let any sentiments about wishing he'd been there to somehow stop this hang unsaid - it wasn't, he'd gathered, a particularly flattering look on him, and changing the past was a fruitless effort. The future, on the other hand, was far less set in stone... "These are called Stargazers," he said, gesturing to the flowers. "They, uh, they made me think of you. How are you doing?" Maybe he should send Elke flowers, he thought. He was sure that one of those online services had to deliver to France...
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Posted: Wed Jan 28, 2015 3:38 pm
Laney wrapped her arms around Finn unselfconsciously and held on for as long as she could get away with. When he pulled back, she, too, gave him the long once-over -- though in her case, not assessing him for injuries so much as for deepening tan and further proliferation of freckles. "Thank you so much, they're beautiful," she said merrily. "My parents got me a teddy bear, they think I'm hopeless with plants. One or the other of you's going to kill the other one, Mom says. Orah got me an orchid, too, though -- so I guess we'll find out, right? I am determined." Laney folded her hands over her hospital blanket, looking at the bandage wrapped over her left palm. "I'm okay," she said, wishing they could talk about the flora and fauna of the Galapagos instead. "They're sending me home in a few days, actually, though I'll still be on bed rest for a while -- mostly right now they're just trying to make sure my fluids and nutrition are back on track. It's boring. I guess you heard about what happened?"
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Posted: Wed Jan 28, 2015 9:14 pm
Finn looked at the bedside table again, considering the teddybear and the potted flower each in turn. It was, at present, a bit unclear whether Laney's parents realized that their daughter was twenty-one or not, but asking her about that would probably just come off as callous. "Orchids don't need a whole lot of care," he said instead. "Just keep it out of direct sunlight and water it, like, once a week." Well, there was more to it than that, but he'd let Laney figure it out on her own. The care and keeping of tropical plants was sort of the least of his concerns right now. "Yeah," he said. "I mean, as far as the Negaverse attacked and kidnapped a bunch of people from a city-sponsored New Years party." He shook his head at the irony of it all. "And people say we're the terrorists," said Finn. "I'm sorry I wasn't able to help."
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Posted: Wed Feb 18, 2015 3:18 pm
Laney shook her head. "You couldn't have known. None of us could've known, we -- like you said, it was a city-sponsored party. None of us thought the Negaverse had their claws in the government that far up." They did, though. They had to. Without a powerful toehold in Destiny City governance, the Negaverse couldn't have orchestrated something this large-scale and gotten away with it. Laney frowned. Finn looked tired and more serious than usual. Not like her usual big brother Finn, funny and goofy and bolstering her spirits. "You look like you're stretched a little thin," she commented, frowning and considering offering him an extra juicebox off of her side table. "Everything's . . . okay with you and Arkady?"
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Posted: Wed Feb 18, 2015 9:17 pm
Finn wondered briefly why Laney automatically assumed something might be wrong with Arkady. "What?" he asked, fumbling. "No, we're fine. Arkady and I are great." But she'd clearly noticed that there was something bothering him, and if Finn didn't know who he could talk about this with if not Laney. Everyone else just seemed too excitable or prone to gossip or wasn't really a friend. "Do you - do you know Soldier Virgo?" he asked, but her expression at hearing the name suggested she did not. "She's... she's a friend of mine," he explained. "Has been for a long time. Zodiacs... they've got all their memories from the Silver Millennium, and she has a hard time with hers. Anyway, in her past life, she and my ancestor were lovers? In love? Something. I'm technically descended from both of them." Which he supposed made everything about the situation mildly weirder. "Anyway, when I had my ancestor's starseed in my chest, I let him, uh, take over so that he could say goodbye to her? Like, properly?" He didn't doubt that he was completely pink around the ears, but god, if he was this far he was just going to finish the story, because he needed advice more than he was embarrassed to be in this situation. "After I took him back to the cauldron, she got really sick and her parents took her way to recover. Anorexia, I think. She'd had it for a while." Was that appropriate to share? Whatever. He was far enough into this and he trusted Laney not to gossip. "I saw her recently," he continued. "She was doing better, but she uh - she told me she'd been pregnant?" Had he said enough for Laney to draw all the lines, or would he need to clarify? God, this was just awkward. "She named the baby Orianna. She was born too early, so she only lived a week and a half, and I didn't know about it until... after. Too late. She wants me to go to Babylon with her to scatter the ashes." Finn shrugged and looked over at Laney, cringing slightly. "I just - I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this? How I'm supposed to react to it? I can't very well go talking about it with everyone, so I'm kind of just trying to hold it in? Like, I guess I'm sad, but I'm sad for Elke, not really for me? I - I don't know. It's super weird. Life is hard."
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Posted: Tue Mar 03, 2015 7:26 pm
If called upon to confess -- which, God willing, she would not be -- Laney would've had to admit that she had gotten a bit distracted during the first part of what Finn was saying. 'Zodiacs . . . they've got all their memories from the Silver Millennium.' Laney had never met anyone who claimed to have all their memories from their past life. Did Aquarius? Did she remember things about Barren Pines, too, that she still hadn't told Laney? How much was still missing, and how painful must it be to carry it all alone? ' . . . and she has a hard time with hers.'That was putting it mildly, when it came to Zodiacs, apparently. From there, though, Finn's story went off into a more personal direction, and Laney's distraction faded like the last vestiges of her Vicodin sleepiness. Finn's friend Virgo's troubles ran deep, it sounded like. To have a lost love back, then lose him again days later to a thousand years' death -- to struggle with anorexia -- to unexpectedly fall pregnant -- then to lose the baby just as quickly as she had Menachem -- it was an incredible tragedy. Laney couldn't even begin to conceive of that kind of trauma. Her heart automatically went out to this Virgo, even without ever having met her. Virgo was a stranger, though. Finn was one of Laney's best friends. However selfish it might be, her greatest concern was for his well-being. She reached out with a hand to fold her fingers over Finn's. "It was your loss too," Laney said carefully. "It's okay not to know how you feel. You -- you had to deal with learning you were a parent and learning you'd lost a child all in one day. Nobody just processes that and goes on with life. I mean, if I had to guess . . . it just seems like a lot to work through, it seems like it'll be complicated for a while. Like peeling apart an onion." She squeezes his fingers. (It was nice to touch someone again.) "It's okay not to know how you feel. It's okay to change your mind." She smiled sympathetically. "Life's really complicated, huh?"
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Posted: Tue Mar 03, 2015 8:36 pm
Finn smiled at Laney, a bit tight-lipped. He'd been waiting for someone to tell him what she'd just said, although not in any kind of conscious way. "Thanks," he said, squeezing her fingers back. "I..." he began, and trailed off with uncertainty. Plenty of things had run though his head in the last few days that all, in some way or another, related to Orianna and to Elke - but he wasn't sure how to prioritize them, which ones were worth voicing and which ones he should just smother. If Laney was the only person he was going to speak to about this, then he didn't want to waste her time. "I wish I'd been there," he said quietly, after a moment. "Not that I could have helped or changed anything or would have even really belonged there." He and Elke weren't a couple. He didn't even remember the one time they'd slept together, and she'd been pretty deliberate about excluding him - he was nearly certain she'd considered the baby more hers and Menachem's than hers and his. "Maybe if I'd been there," he shrugged, "All this would feel more real to me. I wouldn't feel like it was something that had only happened to her." He'd had a daughter for a whole week and a half and- Finn stopped himself there. It sounded horrible and selfish, even in his head. "I can't hold it against Elke, though. She was just doing what she thought was best and if I got mad at her for things it would only make all this worse." I wanted to have good news, he recalled, and felt that much worse for wanting to have known. What difference would it have made, in the long run, if he'd been there to pass that week and a half with Elke? To worry alongside her, to watch Orianna's sudden downward spiral? It was narcissistic to think he could have been the difference between life and death, that one more set of hands to hold a dying child could reverse the organ failure that came with being born too soon. "I know it's not logical to want to have been involved sooner?" he said, after a long pause, his voice feeling tight in his throat. "I know I couldn't have changed things? But that doesn't make me want it any less." Even to have just held her, just once- "I mean. Not that I have any idea what either of us would have done if she'd lived," he added, and his thoughts slid awkwardly to Antonia, who if half-remembered visions were anything to believe was only two years away. "Which is to say I agree with you, life is super complicated, and I don't know if any of that made any sense?" He blinked at her a few times: Help???
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Posted: Wed Mar 04, 2015 2:29 pm
Laney listened -- which, she sometimes allowed herself to believe, was something she was good at. At the very least, it was something she was practiced at. She listened. Her fingers squeezed Finn's again, then let go so she could lift her hand to brush her fingertips over one of her friend's freckle-spattered cheekbones instead. You're angry, she thought without voicing it. But you don't know if you're allowed to be. That's what you're really asking.Anger was an invasive feeling, like a climbing vine. Put it in a put and give it a trellis, and it would climb to the heavens as sure as anything -- but trellis or no, it was bound to grab onto any nearby fence or tree or innocent victim in its desperately climb toward the sun. Anger at the universe, at its beautiful indifference to human tragedy, could easily become anger at those around you. It wasn't right or fair, but -- like many human things -- it was understandable. Helplessness could be agonizing. Especially, then, helplessness in the face of death. If there wasn't at least one crumb of anger, of frustration, deep down in Finn's heart, Laney would've been worried. "No," Laney soothed. "It's okay to be . . . to be frustrated. This loss is your burden, too. It's okay to be upset that you never got to have a choice too, or that you didn't get to say goodbye." Or hello. "Men and women who miscarry -- lots of them grieve too. Your friend Elke -- she was doing what she felt was best for her. And that's okay -- sometimes we all do. Sometimes we have to. Sometimes things are so hard that it's all we're capable of, even if it's not the noblest choice. But that doesn't mean it's what was best for you -- and it's okay to feel that way. It's okay to wish she would've made a different choice." Laney looked up, her eyes soft. "I'm so sorry, Finn." You don't deserve this kind of pain. You're so young and so kind.
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Posted: Wed Mar 04, 2015 10:11 pm
It was good to hear her say so, even if Finn still wasn't sure how to feel. He wanted to believe Laney, to take her permission and let himself grieve... but he'd spent the last few days reminding himself over and over that he'd promised not to be angry with Elke, and that was going to take a while to unpack from. "Thanks," he said, giving her fingers a squeeze. "I - can we talk about this again later? I think I need some more time to let this all sink in." Now, with all that out on the table, he finally realized what a terrible friend he was being. He'd come all the way here to visit a friend in the hospital, and then spent ten minutes whining about his own personal drama! Laney had just been through an ordeal, and in terms of absolute trauma, what he'd been through did not even begin to compare. "What about you?" he asked, scooting a bit closer to her. Laney was a good person, someone he wanted to protect, and he felt terrible that something so terrible happened to her while he was out of town. (Man, why did all the terrible s**t happen while he was away?) "How are you doing?" He had no illusions that she wouldn't try to minimize things for him him, but they were two of a kind in that way. "I should have been here," he sighed. "I shouldn't have changed my flight. I'm just - I'm glad you're okay. For a certain value of okay. That was the wrong word, wasn't it?" A day late and a dollar short, he thought - as usual.
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Posted: Wed Mar 11, 2015 2:30 pm
Laney nodded. "Any time you want," she agreed. "I'm always here." Don't push, she reminded herself. Just like talking to Negaverse agents: you've got to let them come to their own conclusions in their own time. It's not your job to dictate how they're supposed to feel. Your job's to listen and be a lens that helps them see themselves. That's it.Just like talking to Negaverse agents. That was right -- she'd nearly forgotten what she'd meant to ask. Well, she'd have to get around to it. "Being in the hospital's a little exhausting," she allowed quietly, her voice dropping. It was funny -- talking about Finn's problems, she felt comfortable. Talking about her own problems, suddenly her confidence vanished. Finn doesn't want to hear about this, she felt instinctively. People don't want to hear the real answer when they ask how you're doing. "I feel like -- I saved myself, and I left all those other people to rot. I, um -- I didn't get rescued the same way everyone else did. I had people on the inside who snuck Kai and me out." She let out a long breath. "I only found out the others got out safely afterwards. And not all of them. You couldn't have known, it's not your fault -- but for me -- " She ran a hand through her hair. "I was there, and I abandoned everyone else anyway."
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Posted: Wed Mar 11, 2015 11:09 pm
Finn cringed. He could certainly understand why Laney felt guilty, but she hadn't done anything wrong. She'd been as much a victim as anyone else, and how she'd gotten out didn't make her responsible for the fates of anyone else - how to make her see that, though? "That's - it's not selfish that someone helped you," he said, trying to pick his words carefully. "That you were backed into a corner and you couldn't help anyone else. I mean..." He sighed. Words were hard - but if this was Laney after she'd been on the mend, what state had she been in when she was rescued? It was so like her to be concerned over everyone else, even when she had nothing to feel guilty over. Finn reached for her hand, and then decided no, ******** that, I need the big guns, and put an arm around her shoulder. "You've got a good heart, Laney. And a generous spirit." "Who helped you and Kai out?" he added after a moment - he had a suspicion. "Titan?"
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Posted: Wed Mar 18, 2015 9:26 am
There was a lot between them, her and Finn. His heart had a place of its own already, and it had long before she'd ever met him, and she understood that -- but it did nothing to diminish their connection, the friendship that ran as solidly as a bridge cable between them, all coiled steel. They were, Laney supposed, very alike. That was why he'd always been an inspiration -- with Finn, she felt understood. Welcomed, like -- like a fraternal twin. Family, but closer. It was the kind of friendship there weren't words for. But there were gestures. She stayed curled under Finn's arm for a while, wondering: Is this how we get to that place, five years from now? Can we really all do this for five more years? Can any of us bear it?It was hard to see the other side of the event, still. Finn's lost baby. Laney's week spent chained to a chair. It was hard to envision that when he left this hospital room, Finn would probably take his car and go pick up yogurt at the corner store, or something, and maybe pay his credit card bill. Swiffer the bathroom floor. Catch up on his Netflix queue. It was hard to picture herself when she was released, waking up and putting on her tennis shoes to go for a jog with Vanessa or something. Getting the wrong name written on her Starbucks cup. Waiting in line for public transit. It was hard to imagine both lives were real. It was hard to think the world went on even when three people had died and would never, ever rise again. It was too much. So she stayed where she was and let Finn hug her, one-armed, because she didn't have to imagine that, and she needed it desperately. Laney nodded at Finn's swift guess -- though it was a chilling reminder of how obvious that answer might be to some people, and how much danger Titan and Kerberos might be in. Oh, not from Finn, certainly -- but she'd been careful to keep the information close to the vest. The less people who knew, the safer it was. If they hadn't already been caught by their own people. If they weren't already both dead. An image of two broken bodies, dumped unceremoniously into whatever she imagined the Rift looked like, surfaced in her mind. Food for youma. No. She drew herself back, centering her mind here: with Finn. Safe, comforted. "Titan and Kerberos," she said. "I haven't told anyone. They could be killed if someone found out." She didn't have to ask Finn not to tell anyone. Laney already knew what kind of person he was -- and Titan was his friend.
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Posted: Thu Mar 19, 2015 8:46 am
Titan was a good and loyal friend, thought Babylon, and he didn't know Kerberos but he was certain the same was true of him. "I hope that they're fine," he said. The Negaverse didn't take kindly to traitors, but perhaps in the chaos of the event, two men sneaking two prisoners to safety had been overlooked. He was due to see Titan, anyway. "I could look around and see if I can find them, make certain that they are okay and didn't suffer for helping you." It seemed like the least he could do, really. He'd already been absent from so much - it was time to begin pulling his own weight again. "I saw last Titan on the fourth," he added, although that was certainly before all this had happened. "I took him to my city and - Mistral helped me build this device that tells what sort of knight a Negaverse officer would be? I'll show it to you sometime when we aren't here. Anyway, with him it only confirmed what I guess we already know - he'd be a knight of Earth." He couldn't even begin to say what Titan might do with that information. "If you meet anyone else who might... benefit from knowing?" said Finn. "Send them my way." He slipped his arm carefully away from her, making sure that she could stay upright on her own as he moved. "Laney, I-" I should get going, he thought, but the truth was he didn't actually have many places to go. Arkady was at her wonder. Elke probably didn't want to speak to him more than she had to, ever. He had any number of household chores, but he didn't want to do them and they would keep until tomorrow. "Actually, can I just stay here for a while? You're good company." And he was in sore need of good company. Shazari Good to wrap, I think. <3
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