[PRP] - Otto and Zac - The Dark Side. [Fin]

[endejester]

Sleeping bags weren’t normally this warm, or crowded. Some part of his mind had started to register that in a slow molasses haze of a sleepy morning. There was a secondary realization that his arm was asleep, asleep and he couldn’t move it because there was something on it.

That gave him a stomach lurching moment of fear that perhaps he had lost track of where he was, maybe something was terribly - terribly wrong. He shifted and blinked hazily trying to process every thing else he was feeling; the weight, the warmth, the blond that was using his arm as a pillow.

“…Aue te tangata.” he breathed.  

[Bittiface]

He woke up in a blurred and heavy daze. As if he'd worked too hard the night before, or a terrible amped up hangover. He felt way too warm. Normally the tent was never this warm. He was still camped out at the training course, right? It was up and running, but often times he'd come back to tweak it or fix any damage. Or re create any busted snow boulders.

He could barely think properly. He finally managed to open his eyes, only to find someone with him. Cami? No, too masculine and....

Wait.

Zac spoke. Otto shrieked.

In his sudden panic he tried to sit up.  

[endejester]

“Bloody HELL mate!! “ He cursed at the shriek. It was amazingly high pitched he thought, but this was not the time to tell someone they screamed like a little girl.
He fumbled to try and undo the zipper on the sleeping bag. Otto’s foot connected with his shin, thankfully with less force than a full draw back would have done but it earned a yelp nonetheless.

“It’s ok! It’s ok! Breathe!” He said finally able to flip back the top of the sleeping bag at least part way with the arm that wasn’t pins and needles.

Bittiface

/quote]

 

[Bittiface]

He squirmed until he was free enough to at least sit up. However, sitting felt even worse than lying down. It was then also realized he was naked. So was Zac. Discover channel quacks often said sleeping naked in a sleeping bag kept you warmer, but Otto had never slept naked, even in bed. Unless he...

His memory was still hazy, but bits and pieces were coming back. He remembered that he and Zac started drinking after they'd finished up some repairs...

He stared wide eyed at Zac as the man tried to talk him through his sudden panic. "B-but... but.." He tried breathing. It was hard to control it. "This is... isn't... what did we..?" Why were they naked. What did they do. He begged within his mind that this was all a misunderstanding. His body and it's sore spots were heavily leaning toward a different sort of conclusion.  

[endejester]

“Uh…” Stammered Zac trying hard to remember more of last night than the current haze allowed. He blinked at Otto and than down at himself, cheeks heating.
“E kore ahau e mohio ki… I don’t know, maybe.”

His gaze shifted to Otto’s shoulder, there was a tattoo, fading already but there was still a shadow of it there.


“I Didn’t…I mean I wouldn’t just…” He was horrified at the idea he might have forced something on the man.

“Oh god, I wouldn’t.” He said running a hand over his face, leaving it covering his mouth but he couldn’t take his eyes off that hickey. He shifted to try and cover himself as though that might make things better.

Bittiface

 

[Bittiface]

"Stop speakin' yer funny moon speak!" Otto yelled in fear. He watched Zac as he thought things through. He'd hoped maybe he remembered more. Otto was refraining from looking to Tenya, who seemed to be oddly silent about it all. Maybe deep down he didn't want to know what his gut did know. He felt so small now, and the chill of the morning was gut wrenchingly sobering.

Otto finally looked away, and tried looking around the area to spark a memory on his own.  

[endejester]

“Oh Christ…oh Christ… It’s not bloody Moonspeak either! Pakeha…. ******** where are my …tūtae!!”
He ran hands through his hair.
He made the choice and stood up, finding his trousers and putting them on, grabbing his jacket and draping it Over Otto before he turned and walked a few steps away before turning back to face Otto, putting his back to a tree and sliding down it and resting his head on his knees. <********… ********, I wouldn’t… I really wouldn’t have… I…”

Bittiface

 

[Bittiface]

Zac kept repeating the same sentence over and over. That he wouldn't. Not that he didn't. Otto broke from his frozen stupor for now. Slowly, he wrapped himself in the sleeping bag enough so that he could shift his way toward his clothes. He had attempted to move to stand; however, that proved painful, for now.

Otto started getting himself dressed again, his back turned away from Zac. His hands shook as he got himself clothed, and it wasn't because it was cold in the woods. The confused expression he wore died. Now he looked drained. Was it possible that had all just been a weird dream? Maybe he was still dreaming.

"Do you remember somethin'?" Otto demanded in a shaky voice. It was possible this would be the worst way to start the New Year. Maybe they just got naked. Maybe they didn't actually do anything. Every blurry memory was shut away in the deep river of Denial.  

[endejester]

“There is a… there is a hickey on your damn shoulder.” He said burying his face into his knees. <********…. ********. God…can you remember anything? Oh god I didn’t… please god I didn’t force you to…”

He cursed again, more ‘moontalk’, he shook his head and pulled at his own hair. “s**t… s**t s**t.” He whispered.

He didn’t want to think that he might have done something so awful, so damned stupid. “Oh my god… I’m so sorry.” He said so quietly it almost couldn’t have been heard. He clenched his fingers into the fabric of his pants and shivered slightly from the chill but he didn’t move to find anything else to put on.

“I… I…” He stammered, but how did you make up for something like that? “I’ll leave… I’ll… oh god I don’t bloody know. I was CHUFFED but its no damned excuse.”

Bittiface

 

[Bittiface]

A... hickey.

Otto shifted enough to look at both shoulders. Sure enough, the fading remains of a hickey. He felt like gravity came crushing down on him. All his limbs and innards curling in on themselves. There were a lot of things wrong here, but one of them was starting to tear him apart the ********..." He murmured quietly. Memories trickled in. Bits and scraps of memories. Either sounds, or sensations of what went on. Not a full picture, but enough to know his gut feeling may have been right. And Tenya, who'd kept quiet, was silently confirming them.

He felt sick. Right down to his core, he felt sick. He was too far horrified to be red faced or shy about it right now. His complexion was now pale; his freckles looking sickly rather than their usual sunkissed addition to his features.

As if it wasn't bad enough he'd cheated on his girls. He'd cheated with a....

"...Gunna be sick." He gulped, gritting his teeth through the soreness and discomfort as he now forced himself to stand.  

[endejester]

Zac looked up with a ghastly expression on his face. Like all the life drained out of his face, for as bright as his blue eyes were they looked terribly dark in that moment. He wrapped arms around himself and swallowed like he was trying to make a a tennis ball work its way down his throat.

He wanted to run, wanted to run away, but he couldn’t move, yes it was cold in the woods but there was a cold that was centered in his chest that he absolutely couldn’t escape from.

“I’m sorry… I…” He lost the words again, couldn’t find anything to say.

He saw something in the leaves, brick red with an insignia of white that had fallen out of one of their pockets. He reached out like someone had hold of his puppet strings and curled his hands around it.

Bittiface

 

[Bittiface]

Sorry. He was sorry. Otto wanted to put all blame on Zac. Clearly this was all his fault. He wished it were so simple. But his scrappy memories didn't allow him put all blame on Zac. Maybe Zac started it, but that meant Otto must have had every opportunity to walk or stagger away. But of those scraps of memories, one thing rang horriblely loud in his memories; he'd enjoyed it. That he'd enjoyed it made Otto sick the most.

Otto had always assumed he was one of the few normal men on the island. He liked girls, and would only sleep with women he loved. But then he met Maebe, and that changed. He thought he'd be loyal to only one woman, but then he ended up with Cami and Maebe both.

It was the island's fault. The island turned him into this. This sick, deplorable person he was becoming.

"I'm leaving." He choked out, grabbing what he could of his stuff. "I'm leaving..."  

[endejester]

“Yeah….” Zac replied, he sounded numb, hollowed out and he picked up the little pocketknife and a few pine needles with it, he lost most of them when he started picking at the little catches in the metal.

“Might… go for a walk.” He said turning his gaze away from the training grounds, not really seeing the woods, just away.

He remembered…
He remembered drinking, and… god was it cries of pleasure or just pain, or did it matter because Otto didn’t want it when he was sober. He was ********; it was all ******** up, it was wrong, so damned wrong.

He flicked open one of the blades and pressed it against the palm of his hand lightly, just enough to draw blood like maybe it would clear his head, or at least focus things.

Bittiface

 

[Bittiface]

Otto walked further and further away. Staggered slowly was more like it. Now that Zac seemed out of range, Otto began falling apart. His bottom lip quivered. He wrapped his arms around himself as his bag hung over his shoulder. He choked, trying to fight the need to cry.

I'm a monster.

<> Tenya insisted. The stigma Otto was hung up on meant so little to the former Halloweener.

"I'm disgusting." He choked, shaking his head. He had to know why. Why he allowed this to happen. Why he didn't push away like he normally would. He always found same sex intimacy gross and it gave him the heebie jeebies. But when it happened to him, he went with it. It had felt good. Too good.

He cussed, and turned around. back to Zac.

"Zac." He said with a waver in his voice when he found him, his eyes wet with the threat of tears. "We gotta talk." They had to pieces the memories back together. From the start.  

[endejester]

Zac didn’t look up, he could hear the tears in Otto’s Voice, but that just made the gravity seem heavier, his fault…his FAULT.

He’d wanted so much to believe that he could be… himself here, that he could do so safely and god he’d been so wrong.

“I can’t… undo it.” He “I can’t… I’m sorry.” He swallowed hard against the sickness that rose In the back of his own throat. He twisted the point of the knife drawing a fine line towards his palm, peeling back skin. He pulled his knees up closer to his chest and pulling everything closer to his chest.

//You’re being stupid.// - Chimed in Remiel. //So you were drunk… that dosen’t mean… //


<> he shot back with a deepening scowl.

Bittiface