The moment the bar door closed behind him, Al could feel the courage being sapped right out of him. It was over. The end. Other doors were also being closed. But, it had to be done. It had to. His sanity depended on it, no, his manhood. Everything that made him a man depended on it. Only naive children believe in Santa Claus. Al knew better and he had to accept this knowledge and address it, that is what being an adult was all about. Still, there was no ******** way this was ever going to be face to face. He couldn't handle it, never mind if Noah could.
He went over the exact words he was feeling and what he wanted to say, a rehearsal in his mind that seemed to have no end. The walk back to his room was long but, it felt like something that suddenly just happened. He shoved his tarp out of the way and sighed at the dark little lonely room. Even he had to admit it looked more and more depressing by the day. It used to hold so much hope for the future but, so many what ifs and missed opportunities mulled it.
He went over to his desk, sat down, and set to work placing the rehearsals and scattered thoughts into a physical form of black and white. He didn't need to face Noah exactly, he was always better at expressing himself in written word anyway.
Dear Noah,
I'm sure you are wondering what this is about and I promise I will try to get to the point as quickly as possible but, there are some things you need to know before I continue; I do love you and I will always love you even if that love may change with time. Past me, future me, other world me. It doesn't ******** matter, it's still me just a me with a different set of opportunities and choices available. I don't blame you for any of this because again, a different choice and opportunity.
Now, while I hope you aren't surprised by any of this it is simply to prepare you for what the true intent of this letter is. I have decided that my promise to you has been fulfilled. I waited patiently for your answer and I feel that at this point, I had received one even if unintentionally so on your part.
I need my own happiness now. I need to find my own best friend and lover. Maybe have some flings along the way, who knows. What I do know is, I deserve to love someone who loves me too and in order to find that, it appears that I need to move on.
I will miss you,
Corbin McAy
His heart felt heavy, like it had suddenly turned to stone and was now slowly sinking further and further down until it reached his gut. He folded the letter and sealed it in an envelope clearly addressed to Noah and no one else. He pulled the scarves up over his face and took a moment to send someone a text.
Text to Noah
"I have something for you, slipping it under your door."
Once the deed had been done, he slunk back to the bar. This time to forget, rather than think about.
