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Hi, peoples!

I've recently been flipping around through the internet, looking at different sources of advice for FtM passing, transitioning and so on. Included in almost every one of these blogs, advice forums, information repositories, etc. has been a section on "male behavior" or "male mannerisms". The content of this section typically goes beyond the obvious (EG: leg crossing, handshakes, etc.) and delves further into how one should act in order to "pass" as a man. These things include advise such as, "In conversation, keep a laid-back and semi-interested expression", "Men don't smile with their mouth open as often as women do" or "Men tend to take up more space".

While these tips are good for pulling off a male drag or cosplay, I fail to see the significance for a person who is transgender. After all, an FtM transgender person is not necessarily turning into anybody else; they are merely becoming more themselves, as opposed to what society has taught them to do as born females. Binding makes sense, as does changing one's wardrobe and certain aspects of one's hairstyle, as those are things that a transgender person would have to do anyway (binding being substituted with top surgery and hairstyle being semi-substituted with the effects of hormone therapy).

As a person seriously considering the act of transitioning, I see no reason to alter my behavior or hide how enthusiastic, affectionate or social I really am to fit society's opinion of how a man should act. By carrying out all of these minute details every day of every week, it seems to me that what I would be doing would be more counter-productive to the whole point of changing physical gender. I wouldn't be happier and I certainly wouldn't be more myself.

I have met born males who act very cheerfully, passionately and expressively, just as I do, and society never questions their gender.

What do you people think? Is the mimicking of common male mannerisms really necessary to get the full experience of being one's male self, or are they merely a needless distraction more likely to trip one up and stress a person out rather than be of any help?

I think the mimicking advise shows its age. There wasn't really any acknowledgement of gender as something other than "male" and "female" (in the US anyway) until the 1970s; there are still a lot of ugly opinions on how people should behave and what they should have interest in based on boy/girl. To me, telling someone "you need to act more like [gender] in order to be accepted" can be interpreted as warning them there will be consequences if they don't act like the perfect boy/girl, and that can go to some ugly places.

A FtM friend shared the same behaviors and attitudes they were criticized for in the workplace as a woman were praised when they were known as a man. I'm genderqueer, present female, and behave very masculine and I've been forever criticized by some family and in the workplace for being loud, having "an attitude," being "rude," and so forth, but never given any specifics on exactly WHAT I was doing that was supposedly wrong. It wasn't until much later I recognized these were people, mainly cisgender men, getting angry because I was a woman "stepping out of line."

Thinking about it, the only manager who ever DID give me specific critique was the one who recognized my anxiety and depression for what it was, issues that have ZERO to do with gender! Wow, I never happened on that before, so thank you for starting this topic!

But yeah, another "be yourself!" No matter how someone chooses to present it should be based on their comfort level and not on some arbitrary unwritten social concept.

P.S. - do a lot of sites still use "passing" or are more going with "blending?" I ask because apparently there are some racial connotations to "passing," i.e. African-Americans with lighter skin tone could "pass" as white in the past, so as trans* awareness has grown and become more racially diverse there's a shift to use the word "blend" instead when talking about not being recognized as MtF or FtM.