[Warnings for drug mention, suicide mention]

Laine would get texts that don't make any sense in the slightest bit. Some of the words weren't really words, others were jumbled, but none of them seemed to connect. It was almost like he was drunk texting, but a lot worse.

Half an hour before Laine got these texts, however, Kor McKneil was in the comfort of his own home, doing something he never thought he'd do again. A needle laid on the table before him unused, ingredients all laid out. The preparations were made to break his sober ten or more year sober streak and all because he didn't know what he was doing with his life right now.

Apparently Laine had agreed to marry him because of these... memories. He'd panicked. He way afraid of losing something he'd never really had, he still didn't have. Out of fear he asked her to marry him and out of pity she agreed. That was the only reason. They might love one another, but they weren't ready to be married. They weren't ready for that level of commitment and Kor didn't know what to do about it. He was panicked, he was sweating bullets and these memories of failed relationships came through to his mind.

One of the most painful relationships he's ever had, actually flooded back.

River. River was the man that got away. River was the one he was going to spend the rest of his life with. He'd known River for a long time. Since they were children. River with his wide shoulders, perfect cheekbones, hair that went on forever and legs for days. River with that smile that melted him every time they were together, with those hands that just held him and touched him in the ways that both turned him on and comforted him. Those dark brown eyes that reminded Kor of dark chocolate on a cold night because they were so warm and inviting, sweet.

River that drove him to the first of his suicide attempts. River who broke his heart and stepped on it like it meant absolutely nothing to him. It was River who got Kor addicted to drugs. It was River who left him because Kor couldn't support both of their drug habits. It was River who had denied Kor's plea to get sober and share a better life together. It was River who hired thugs to beat Kor nearly to death and sent him to the hospital with a punctured lung and a broken nose. He still loved River. To this day he loved that man. He wasn't in love with him anymore, but he was always going to be in Kor's heart. That was the only man who as going to drive him to throw himself into a freezing cold lake in the middle of a harsh winter when he didn't know how to swim. Kor had been hoping to drown or die of hypothermia, but someone had seen him and called someone.

Here he was today, alive, surviving, thriving.

Too bad he was fixing to blow it all. He was fixing to do all the years to get where he was today. Kor picked up the needle he knew was full way to much and looked at the arm that had the rubber tie around it.

That's when Laine got the texts. The needle was still on the table, empty of it's contents. The house smelled awful, and Kor was on the couch trying to text her for help.

He messed up doing this. Messed up dosing. This was what he used to take years ago. He had no tolerance now. It was like he was trying to overdose on purpose. Maybe he was. Maybe he was trying to escape pain before she could inflict it. She was going to leave him. Everyone let him. That's why he didn't want to get attached to anyone, he wasn't meant for long term relationships. The tears rolled down his cheeks as broken sobs left him. His thumbs kept tapping uselessly on his phone until he couldn't move them anymore. His arms felt heavy. His breathing was getting sluggish and he could feel his heart slowing down. Eventually even the tears stopped and his head rolled to the side. With a last whimper, Kor's eyes slipped closed and he slipped into unconsciousness before he realized that Laine had bursted into his apartment.

Word Count: 732