Sleep had not come easy to the page these past few weeks. Nightmares had grown worse, bringing insomnia and restless sleep. She’d begun to fear her dreams, fear that which she saw every night. She drew inward and sequestered herself in everything ‘normal’. But that did not help save her precious mind from what lurked in the shadows. It ate at her, slowly, until she was hollowed eyed and dark circles had blossomed under those empty holes. No amount of sleep aids or heavy doses of nighttime decongestant brought her peace.
For she saw Death and Chaos every time she closed her eyes.
Dreamless sleep would come only between panic attacks and nightmares. Even then it only lasted so long before she would be awake again, too soon. The dark became her friend and her enemy and it was always a toss up what it would be that night. Her daily life suffered, and she took a leave of absence from the studio. Work had to be done; bills had to be paid, rent was due soon. Her performance suffered, but some how it was the one place Alex felt sane.
This night was the same as the last. Restless and in a full insomnia attack, Alex laid in bed, tracing images in the ceiling her mind created for her. She blinked and suddenly images flashed in her eyes.
- She was ambushed. A hand was shoved in her chest and Chaos surged through her body as she chose corruption over death. Alex vanished, but Andronicus stayed. The tie to her wonder was severed and suddenly she was thrust into a world filled by Chaos.
Destiny City was lost. She worked along side Adonis, Bischofite, and others, trying to keep the Dark Mirror safe. She rebelled in her own way but she hid guilt in her. Loke stayed with her, and she enjoyed his company in her time of need.
They flashed faster, leaving feelings and impressions.
- Themiscrya. Themiscrya. Compact. Sentinels. Sentinels dead. Compact lost. Themiscrya. Trying to be saved, but too much guilt to be saved.
‘I am not worthy of your salvation.’
She loved her. She was a sister. She was a companion.
Kairatos, Themiscrya, Tananis ambushed. Zircon’s face erupting in blood as Andronicus slammed her fist into it.
Visions of Themiscryra dead at her hands. Rage building in her, screaming. Bloodthirst consuming her and teleporting into the air to slam her poleaxe into an Ascended. Grief overwhelming her. No thought. Lost.
A poleaxe. She had a poleaxe as a General.
Trying to save everyone and failing. Chaos eradicating Order. Her guilt. All of her guilt. Trying to atone for her mistake, for her fear. Fear of death.
Going to her death and greeting death like an old friend.
----- dead. Rage. Blinding rage. Surge of Chaos. Chaos overwhelming her. Giving herself to Chaos willingly. Rage. Anger. Grief.
So much grief.
-----.
Themiscrya. Themiscrya. Themiscrya.
“THEMISCRYA!” The scream ripped itself from her lips and she lurched up. Bile bubbled in her throat and she stumbled off the bed. She felt hot all over and clammy. Sweat beaded on her forehead as she staggered out of the room and across the hall to the bathroom. Alex puked, emptying her stomach into the toilet. She shook heavily, heart pounding her chest. Vertigo hit her then, and she emptied more of her stomach.
Her limbs felt numb. Her brain felt numb. The memories – those were memories she did not remember ever having – were vivid and new, as though they’d happened yesterday. The young woman shook and forced herself to power up. The familiar rush of magic coated her and she felt the warm of Order float around her. She pushed herself up, weak in the limbs, to stare at herself in the mirror. The familiar uniform of Andronicus, Page of Uranus hug to her form, void of black or the feel of Chaos.
It hadn’t happened.
Or rather, had. Or will. Or would. Or. Whatever.
She panted into the sink, trying to get her bearings. Too many questions with not enough answers. What was the Compact? What were the Sentinels and why did they die?
There was one question she knew the answer to, though.
Why had she corrupted into the Negaverse? She was afraid of death.
Alex powered down and flushed the toilet. She staggered back into her bedroom and collapsed on the bed.
She was afraid of death. She’d chosen corruption over death. She'd turned her back on everything she stood for, because she didn't want to die. She'd helped the Negaverse take over. She couldn't believe she did that.
Alex curled in on herself and cried. She trembled, tears streaming down her cheeks and nose running. She cried and she sobbed and panic welled up in her chest. Time passed and her sobs grew in volume before quieting down. The bedroom fell silent and she drifted off.
For the first time in months, Alex slept peacefully and with pleasant dreams.
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