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 Posted: Thu Sep 25, 2014 3:56 pm
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Posted: Mon Sep 29, 2014 8:41 pm
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She got to her feet with Evan and knew she should have been gone before the pod door opened, but her body had other plans: in return for the week long stay, her legs temporarily forgot how to do anything more than keep her standing. She was frozen to the spot by him, her hand still clinging to his sleeve, watching.
Tuck looked awful. All of them probably did, but he looked just awful. But he glanced at her.
Stormy found herself giving an relieved smile in spite of herself. To be the target of his anger was still so, so, so much better than never seeing him again.
"Okay," she said in sleep-weary tone that was belied by the almost manic energy that suddenly fueled her movements, stockpiled for this very day. She nudged the backpack closer and pushed her sleeping bag away to give them all more footroom, wincing with some of the movements and nearly losing her balance while using her feet. "I think there's still some chips in here and a water bottle unless Evan snuck them out when I wasn't looking. Lemme know when you want to talk."
She wouldn't dare put up resistance right now. Everything was about what was good with the boys. So she turned to leave.
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Posted: Mon Sep 29, 2014 9:17 pm
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If Evan looked like s**t, Tuck looked like roadkill that had been hit a few time and splattered from shoulder to shoulder. Still, he was awake. He was alive. Evan was grateful for that.
He was also very, very angry. Tuck ran off and left them. They had waited a long, patient week for him to come back, and then another for him to wake up. He wasn't about to wait for Tuck to decide when he was ready to talk s**t out. He'd probably run from that, too. "Oh," Evan said, deceptively mild. "You don't wanna do this right now?"
He turned to Stormy, reaching out to grasp her shoulder. He didn't want her running off, either. "He doesn't wanna do this right now," he informed her as if she didn't already know.
He looked back at Tuck, his mask of neutrality breaking under a scowl. "That's a goddamn shame," he growled, "because we're not leaving until we do." And then he punched Tuck in the face as hard as his tired, aching muscles would allow.
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Posted: Mon Sep 29, 2014 9:33 pm
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That big fist hit him square in the nose. Tuck fell back, and then he went down. Hard. A week in the pod had left his shield strained, and a slow trickle of blood oozed from both of his nostrils. Tuck really didn't want to do this right ******** now, but the room was kind of spinning a million directions at once.
"Fine. Fine. You wanna do this now?"
Tuck tilted his head back, legs sprawled out in front of him - half in, half out of the pod. There was no heat in his voice, just a bone-deep exhaustion.
"Where you wanna start, Evan? Where you wanna start? You wanna start when you left me behind? You wanna start where you," he looked at Stormy, "took my ********' Sun an' left me behind? You wanna -- oh, yeah, you wanna start with this," he pulled down the neckline of his shirt to bare the butterfly mark he'd been left with, "or you wanna start at the part where I got ********' thrown into a meat grinder because there wasn't nobody capable enough to help me?"
He finally pushed himself to his feet and half-hobbled out of the pod.
"Pick a place to start, Evan," Tuck said, voice bleak, "because I just don't give a ******** no more."
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Posted: Tue Sep 30, 2014 6:42 pm
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"I'm not gonna punch him again," Evan assured Stormy, his voice as close to gentle as he could make it over the simmering anger. That was the direction his remaining energy had taken because it was easier than falling prey to the guilt trip Tuck was laying out.
It wasn't that Tuck was wrong--he was right about all of it--but his patience for soft and slow and consideration of other peoples' feelings had snapped somewhere around day five. He wanted to n** this in the bud, there and then, before it became a real problem later on.
"I ******** up," he admitted easily. "I shouldn't have let the three of us get separated. I should have gone back for you. Maybe if I had--I don't know, I wouldn't have been so far away when those ******** things attacked you. That's on me, and I'm sorry."
He wasn't going to address the accusations Tuck leveled at Stormy. She was a big girl, despite her claims to the contrary. He was confident that she could do it herself. He wasn't going to let Tuck off that easy, though; he had been in the wrong, too. "But instead of dealing with it like a goddamn adult, you ran the ******** away. What the hell made you think that going AWOL was your best possible option?"
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Posted: Tue Sep 30, 2014 7:17 pm
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Tuck exhaled slowly. Very slowly, very controlled. Deep down he knew that Evan was the alpha in their friendship. He always had been. Maybe it was because he'd been a Marine. Maybe it was just the way that Evan carried himself. Maybe it was because the blond was a Sun and Tuck was a Moon. Whatever the reason, it was what it was -- but Tuck's patience was quickly, quickly running out.
"My reasons for doin' what I did are mine. I don't gotta explain myself to you. So <******** you, Evan."
Again, there was no heat in his voice. He just sounded tired. Exhausted. So he ignored Evan, because he was not in the mood to deal with the other man's s**t. Not now.
"What'd I do wrong, Stormy? Where'd I ******** up so bad that you gonna do what you did?"
He let out a low laugh. There was no humor in it. His eyes felt damp, and Theodore blinked a few times to clear the tears. It didn't do much to help.
"Don't matter. It don't. I deserved it, one way or the other. Guess I should say thanks to you for openin' up my eyes. It's good." He used the short sleeve of his shirt to wipe the blood from his nose free. "I know my place. We straight."
Tuck pressed his forefinger and thumb into his eyes for the briefest moment.
He wanted to say that running away was what he did best. He wanted to say he almost hadn't come back. He wanted to make them understand that he wanted to die. He wanted to say that he didn't deserve either of them - that he didn't deserve to live. He wanted to say that they were better off as a team, without him. He wanted to tell Evan to find a new Moon. He wanted to tell Stormy that he was sorry for letting her down.
He'd never felt so low in his ******** life. He absolutely loathed himself in all the ways a man could, down the the very ******** marrow in his bones. He was a piece of s**t, and he knew it.
Dropping his hand, Tuck sighed.
"Go on, then. What else you got to say, Roberts? ********' lay it on me. I'm already low as I can get. Lets keep it goin'. You got anything you want to add, Stormy? Get it off your chest."
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Posted: Tue Sep 30, 2014 8:17 pm
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She thought she understood even though Tuck offered no explanation: it reminded her a lot of when Nevada had run off to the Haunted House half cocked and ready to escape her own problems by diving into something. So she didn't push. If they were anything alike, Tuck had already punished himself enough for it even without the podding.
But she did find the power to control her nerves if for just a moment. She'd meditated on this moment for a week now, thought about how bad it could go, how anxious it made her feel because confrontation had never been one of her strong points. All of it threatened to vomit back up again, and she knew she wouldn't be able to stop it once she started talking.
Stormy stepped forward and tilted her head up to look Tuck in the eyes. She struggled to find the words for a moment. "I took him away," she started quietly and without malice, "because I wanted you to feel for a moment what I've felt for months. 'Cause when you'd come back, I was relieved, n' when you left again without a word I..."
She trailed away and picked up again, her brows knitting. "I was in a bad place and I wanted you there and you weren't. N' I still wasn't in a good place when I saw you again just smiling, so I got ...angry. N' then I took Evan and all that happened and I'd never felt so guilty in my life, Tuck, you gotta believe me." The words came out quicker now, more distressed. "I wanted you to feel it for just a moment, not the whole mission, but I was wrong thinking that was okay. You were just doing what they told you, I-I know that. N' I wanted to talk to you when we were in that room, but you looked so angry, so I told Evan, I told him he needed to go back and make sure you'd stay okay 'cause I was scared if it was me you'd get angrier a-and hit me or something, and then the lights went out and I couldn't find any of you and I fought through groups trying to find you again and—and then I found out you were bitten, Tuck, n' I swear I wanted t'just let you bite me too 'cause I failed you, I let it happen."
Her shoulders shook slightly. Her voice wavered but she refused to cry in front of them.
"I got put in the Sahara for two months. I-I get it now. You can't choose where you go n' for how long, n' you don't always get to say goodbye. I messed up out there, Tuck, I messed up bad. So whatever you think you did wrong, you didn't. I ******** up." She scratched at the peach fuzz on her head nervously, blinking hard. "I did I twice in a row, over there and now with you, I ******** up royally. So please, God, do what you wanna do to vent. Hit me if you still wanna, I'll take it, I'll do whatever it takes t'call you my brother again."
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Posted: Tue Sep 30, 2014 8:51 pm
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Tuck knew - he knew - that he didn't deserve friends like this. He didn't, and he never would. It didn't stop him from feeling selfish. It didn't stop him from feeling broken when Stormy said that she thought he might want to hit her.
That ******** killed him, more than anything else she said ever could. It killed him. He was a Moon. He was a defender. A protector. When Nevada had come to him with a banged up face, he'd wanted to tear Ro limb from limb. He'd tried to - and he'd ended up spending some down time in the infirmary thanks to it. He was Army. He'd sworn an oath.
Stormy had thought he'd want to hit her.
Tuck fell to his knees, his shoulders slumped. He was silent for a moment before he wrapped his arms around Stormy's waist and pulled her close. Right then and right there it was so ******** important that she understood that he was thankful for her. That he'd never, never ******** hurt her. He didn't deserve her, and he didn't deserve Heidi, and he didn't deserve Evan - but more importantly he wanted to make Stormy just... ******** understand that he would never -- <******** never -- raise a hand towards her so long as he was in his right mind. He'd never raise a hand towards any of ********, he wanted a second chance. He didn't deserve it. He did not deserve it, and Tuck knew it.
The tears ran unchecked down his cheeks. He wept for the first time in a long, long, long time. He wept for himself, and he wept for Stormy. He wept for Evan, and he sobbed for Heidi. He wrapped his arms around his Mist's waist and he just cried into her, because he couldn't do anything else. He'd ******** up. He'd ******** up again and again and again - he'd ******** up so much and so bad that he didn't know that he could ever fix it. He didn't know how to fix himself.
s**t was so broken. He was a ******** failure. He knew it. He'd deserved her cold shoulder, and the avalanche of feelings that it had kickstarted. He sure as hell didn't deserve anything else.
He didn't know how to fix it, but maybe he could. Somehow.
There was a knot in his throat he couldn't breathe around. It choked him, made his voice thick when he spoke.
"I'm sorry. I'm so ********' sorry."
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Posted: Thu Oct 02, 2014 6:51 pm
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It was on the tip of Evan's tongue to snap back at Tuck, because that was what one did in the face of insubordination /to keep order in the pack/ and he was mad at the other man's indifference and his a** ******** hurt from sitting on the hard goddamn floor all week. He wanted to demand an explanation so they could tackle whatever the hell Tuck's problem was head-on. The sooner they addressed it, the sooner they could work it out and move on with their lives, stronger as a unit for having solved something together.
Stormy's confession hadn't been unexpected; they'd had a lot of time to talk during their week-long vigil. Evan let her have her say, squeezing her shoulder in support. He was proud of her for being able to get it all out; she was becoming a stronger person, even if she didn't see it in herself.
Tuck breaking down and bawling, however, had been a complete surprise. Evan froze, his simmering anger freezing completely as Tuck fell to his knees and cried. He didn't know what had set the other man off so badly, and tears were not something he had prepared for.
He frowned--uncomfortable, distressed, alarmed, helpless-- and pulled away from Stormy, keeping half an eye on the pair of them as he made for the discarded detritus that had accumulated during their week here with the promise that they would clean up after themselves before they left. He rooted around empty bags and moved plates and bottles and cups around until he found a clean napkin. He snatched it up impatiently and turned towards Tuck.
"Here," Evan said, shoving it at him with impatient concern as if that would magically make Tuck's tears stop. "C'mon, shake it off, soldier."
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