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 Posted: Wed Sep 24, 2014 7:09 pm
Hi there.
I'm posting this because I need advice on how to deal with a co-worker who is bullying me at work.
For those of you who don't know, I'm a cashier for a local eatery and every few days, we get catering staff in the eatery to pick up an order that needs to be delivered. There's one staffer in particular[Let's call him 'M' in this case] that has gone from being a rather friendly, albeit clumsy guy, to complete a*****e.
M would normally greet me warmly and look at me in the eye when opening the door for me at work.[My morning shifts have me coming in anywhere from 15 minutes-60 minutes before we open for the day, so I have to knock on one of the lobby windows in order for someone to let me in]
However, after I had my name tag changed from my female name to the name I prefer to go by, that changed. The accidental nearly slamming doors into me and running into me has now turned into incidents where he no longer looks at me and will find excuses to avoid me altogether.
After clocking out and M would get staff lunch, that has changed as well. During our lunch hour, we have 2 registers open[myself and someone else] and if need be, a 3rd one would be open for a manager to operate. If Register B is occupied and Register C is not being used, he'd go to mine. Even if the Register B wasn't open, he'd go to mine.
However...after I changed my name tag at work, he now avoids using my register in terms of ringing up his staff lunch, even though a register would be occupied and I'm open.
Sorry for the TLDR, but I don't know how to go about reporting M at work. I've already been told by my boss that I need to stop complaining about things and such, but she also has mentioned that we have an open door policy where we can tell her if things are not going well for us at work, etc.
On top of that, she has stated that she wants me to be comfortable while working there.
What do?
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Posted: Wed Sep 24, 2014 9:44 pm
From the sounds of it you're out at work and are presenting as yourself.
If this is the case then obviously your employer knows and seems willing to help you. I would suggest going to them and letting them know that you think this is transphobic/discriminatory behavior. You need to get her to know that this is serious and it needs to be corrected because it isn't fair for you to put up with that in the work place.
If she doesn't take it seriously or chooses not to do anything about it I would go above her head and explain the situation.
This may not be 'the best idea' because this could result in getting you terminated because of the fact that you are trans and depending on the laws. I don't believe that there is anything protecting you on that scale. So just also consider that.
In the end though this isn't sole just your fight. Plenty of Trans people deal with this daily just like you. You're not alone.
Not sure if that will help. I hope that you at least have something new to think about on it though.
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Posted: Wed Sep 24, 2014 9:48 pm
RynDraik From the sounds of it you're out at work and are presenting as yourself. If this is the case then obviously your employer knows and seems willing to help you. I would suggest going to them and letting them know that you think this is transphobic/discriminatory behavior. You need to get her to know that this is serious and it needs to be corrected because it isn't fair for you to put up with that in the work place. If she doesn't take it seriously or chooses not to do anything about it I would go above her head and explain the situation. This may not be 'the best idea' because this could result in getting you terminated because of the fact that you are trans and depending on the laws. I don't believe that there is anything protecting you on that scale. So just also consider that. In the end though this isn't sole just your fight. Plenty of Trans people deal with this daily just like you. You're not alone. Not sure if that will help. I hope that you at least have something new to think about on it though. That I am. I've been out at work for almost a month now. We have a non-discrimination clause that covers transgender employees at work, which is a good thing. However, the area manager isn't willing to budge unless everything is in paper. I however do shifts with her tomorrow, so I might see if I can get the Assistant Manager I close with along with her to talk it out in the office. See if we can get something done.
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Posted: Wed Sep 24, 2014 10:10 pm
If they don't budge on it the next step that I would take is carry a notpad and pen and start marking exactly where you were, the time and what happened when he does anything. Honestly this just sounds like he had a thing for you and is upset that you're trans.
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Posted: Thu Sep 25, 2014 7:43 am
RynDraik If they don't budge on it the next step that I would take is carry a notpad and pen and start marking exactly where you were, the time and what happened when he does anything. Honestly this just sounds like he had a thing for you and is upset that you're trans. Mom agrees as well, so I'll start jotting things down. I really want to build a solid case against him, but I don't want my boss to get on my back for griping at things again.
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Posted: Thu Sep 25, 2014 11:01 am
That makes sense and honestly you'll want to start documenting all of the events as soon as possible. It may take about a month of documenting things to have enough to build up the case but it should work. I hope that helps. Post about what happens when you go to your boss again.
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Posted: Fri Sep 26, 2014 7:43 am
RynDraik That makes sense and honestly you'll want to start documenting all of the events as soon as possible. It may take about a month of documenting things to have enough to build up the case but it should work. I hope that helps. Post about what happens when you go to your boss again. I talked with my Assistant Manager last night. She said that M does have a lot of issues and he no longer works at our store. However, she will try talking to him about this. If this is legit, my General Manager will be hearing of it. [Which I doubt anything will happen]
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Posted: Fri Sep 26, 2014 7:47 am
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Posted: Fri Sep 26, 2014 7:50 am
Yeah. But I'm going to just tell M off next time he's doing anything like that to me at work. I nearly broke down at work last night in tears due to how frustrated I am being pre-everything and s**t. I'm sorry, but I can't have a thick skin.
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Posted: Fri Sep 26, 2014 8:04 am
Sifen Yamishi Yeah. But I'm going to just tell M off next time he's doing anything like that to me at work. I nearly broke down at work last night in tears due to how frustrated I am being pre-everything and s**t. I'm sorry, but I can't have a thick skin. I know the feeling.
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Posted: Fri Sep 26, 2014 4:47 pm
RynDraik Sifen Yamishi Yeah. But I'm going to just tell M off next time he's doing anything like that to me at work. I nearly broke down at work last night in tears due to how frustrated I am being pre-everything and s**t. I'm sorry, but I can't have a thick skin. I know the feeling. AM is forwarding my concerns to General Manager. I have a feeling this will be ignored.
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Posted: Fri Sep 26, 2014 4:56 pm
Well the guy is going to be going to a different location right? So if he isn't there then there isn't much to worry about is there?
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Posted: Fri Sep 26, 2014 4:57 pm
RynDraik Well the guy is going to be going to a different location right? So if he isn't there then there isn't much to worry about is there? He comes from a different store to our store in order to pick up said order. Worse comes to worse, I'll talk to my GM on the phone on Sunday when I call her for my new schedule.
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Posted: Fri Sep 26, 2014 5:01 pm
Not sure what more can be said at this point. Seems like a waiting game.
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Posted: Fri Sep 26, 2014 5:01 pm
RynDraik Not sure what more can be said at this point. Seems like a waiting game. Thanks.
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