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All Alone with you with you

Ever since she woke up from the pod, she has been keeping it firm on her face. It was just -where she tried to survive changed venue, not a big deal. If that time she didn't end her life, so she won't now. A new family and friends were unexpected gifts and curses, they made her sacrificed even if it hurt so much. She wanted to push them away and be herself again, she wanted to keep them in her heart in order to feel the warmth. Like two forces acting to tear her apart, she questioned her existence. Even worse, all those dangerous missions that attacked her feels. All the concerns and hugs only made her colder, forming layers and layers of ice wrapping up her soul.

It was withered long ago.

It reminded her that she was all alone, her best friend would always go for the Sun hunter; the couple will find each other and seeing no one.

She was there. Staring blankly and looking behind where the spotlight could lit. Would they leave the comfortable lights and go in darkness just for her? She silently watched, in the abyss.

It was easy to drag them down, if she reached out her hands. Yet, it was too beautiful to destroy, they reminded her of her sisters, they shared their warmth with her. So she can't.

Her feelings were true, she never lie.

Ironically, she found herself hard to keep it on. The cracks linked together and it was falling apart, remedy, there was none. Luckily, still no one noticed that yet. She could continue - if he was there - He would hug her, tell her that it was okay; he would joke with a playful tone that if she fall, he would use all his energy to push her up again; he would hold her in warmth and let her cry within his arms.

The truth was he wasn't there, he wasn't anywhere, not beside her.

Since she was young, she was a girl afraid of loneliness. The little Asian that tug the hem of her sister's dress, she never change, she was that fragile.

Again, this mission proved it.

Would 500 USD enough to mend the wounds on the broken soul? No.

The red butterfly fluttered on her ankle, echoed with the ugly scar engraved on the opposite. Its wings brushed gently back and forth, whispering what happened after she was bitten. Unlike a lovable tattoo, it wasn't on the surface, it was in her flesh that couldn't get rid of. It told a story about how the incapable girl lost to the virus and attacked someone she liked, a repeat of the promo.

The lingering of flesh and blood still sickened her, she dashed into washroom on first floor to gargle her mouth, her clothes were all wet by the water in sprinkle. She turned the faucet too much, it poured down like a rapid. There was strangely no one except the Death. Only when her clothes became transparent, she stopped and went into the shower, took off all her soaked and dripping garment and let the water poured on her. The soap was grasped slightly too much in hand that it deformed and squished out of her hand. She rubbed it mercilessly on her body, the pale pink skin soon turned into a rosy red butt she didn't stop. The distorted movement, the putrid breathe, the dry thirstiness and the never ending hunger. She wanted to rub them off, erased from her memories. The speed of the action generated heat, the pain burn, but that wasn't enough to stop the quivering, not even the steamy water. The black hair shimmed with the water droplet slid with her body when all the energy was used up. The moan and whimper like noises echoed in the bathroom, coming from the girl curled up like a friable seashell.

Waterlogged footprints were left on the stairs, water dripped on the floor like ink marks as Shu dragged herself back to the room. Get changed, she slumped into bed like a puppet had its strings all cut suddenly. Nevertheless, the butterfly still won't leave her along, her agony was as sweet as nectar. Clutching her teeth, she just wanted to dig a scissor in it and broke everything. To her luck, there was no scissors in her room, so she tangled it suffocatingly around and around with bandages - Let the itch be replaced by the pain instead.

Then, exhausted, she fell asleep, curled up like a cocoon in only a loose long shirt. The girl sometimes quivered and squirmed, the skins exposed showed a faint tint of violet, it wasn't a sweet night......

Like a drown people re-surfaced the water, she craved for oxygen and gasped like a fish without water, chest rose and fell in big movement. Her hair was still wet but not dripping, indicating how short the dream was. Cold sweats soaked Shu's body and dripped onto her eyelashes, it left a colorless streak along her face as she blinked as if she was crying.

She was in a coffin.

A laugh burst out, first confused then a louder one when realized. Is that what she going to end with? All alone in a dark and cold container. Shu threw herself back to bed, eyes glancing the low room ceiling. A hand put on eyes, half shading her expression. "Right?" The girl had a fever smiled, it wasn't the most frightening nightmare she had, it was an addition to her nightmares only. Shu never sleep enough, a repeated nightmare had been haunting her since she woke up from pod, after a while, it became a habit, a common thing that was part of her life.

They said she didn't deserve good things, that was why she wanted to share the good graces that other deserved. Even that never belong to her. That belonged to her was gone a long time ago.

She understood why she could connect with Mimsy, it wasn't the shared experience of a dear Wonderland dream, the darkness within her called to the Life huntress as well. She needed the existence of others, but she took her path alone. She asked for their warmth, but didn't share the coldness with them.

Life was too bitter that she was addicted in sweetness, like consolations and reward to her endurance. Another day had started when she just stared at ceiling, weak and emotionless. The hand reached out didn't catch anything.

The girl closed her fingers into a fist and held it right in front of her chest, she can still continue this game. No matter what she turned into, she won't stop to survive.

Yet, when things stuffed too much like rubbish, there needed a time to clear them.

Would they let her play a role in their lives? Will they accept her if they know?

There was no way back.

She had decided to put on the play to please herself and her audiences.
















Please watch the good show brought by this lovely puppet, it is about to go on stage.