suicidal AND | Page 1 | 🎭Chatterbox | Guild Forums

its a curse

Advanced Punk

22,900 Points

50
1000
500

Offline

Posted: Thu Sep 18, 2014 5:07 am

I just can't deal with life anymore.
It's too much for me, on my 21st birthday i lost custody of my 2 and a half year old due to a false drug test and seizures,weight loss all due to a medication.
Happy ******** 21st birthday! we're taking your daughter, we're going to misdiagnoses you (as anorexic and addicted to drugs) and now her father who was never there has her.
I'm going to these ******** court ordered parenting mediation horse s**t but things aren't looking well because I've been to the mental hospital for multiple suicide attempts when i was underage. (and yes, they have been using that against me in court..)
it's been a year and three months
of nonstop court battles and overall ********

today on accident i found out that my ex boyfriend (who i haven't had contact with in 2 years or so) died of a heroin overdose. That really bothered me, really ******** bad. We ended on bad terms b/c he wasn't really ever there for me (but that wasn't the only thing) I found all these craigslist postings on his email, yeah i checked his email because he wasn't replying back to me and i was genuinely worried about him.) anyways, all the craigslist postings were m4m. all of them.
I asked him about it, he denied it, broke up with me, never spoke to me again, blahblahblah.
I moved on since then obviously.
But, I make fun of that (him) a lot, because he was soOOOo homophobic when he talked you, he left me speechless a lot of the time.
I still have his leather jacket, i messaged his mom on facebook asking if she wants it back but since she has no common anything with me, it will go into her other folder. ( i might call her, no idea if she remembers me though)

it was freaky enough seeing kevins name on an obituary site but I couldn't find any source anywhere of how he died. (I already had a feeling it was an overdose or a suicide, but I wanted some type of closure, I guess?)

some dumb a** girl who dated kevin after i did blocked me on his facebook and was an overall b***h when i tried to warn her. (I'm a jealous hoe, you guise.) I really shouldn't have tried to warn her, but I'm a generally nice person and I didn't want her to go through the same s**t he put me through... Ignoring me, skipping dates, doing drugs, never really there. (I felt no sympathy for her when he did the same thing to her.)

I think the whole girl friend thing was just a cover anyway.
but this picture made me ******** lose it.
like first i was in shock about him dying, wanting to know why or how.
I wasn't crying or anything it was just general like "wow, this can't be true?"

AND THEN I SAW THIS PICTURE.
User Image - Blocked by "Display Image" Settings. Click to show.

User Image - Blocked by "Display Image" Settings. Click to show.

(my daughter and kevin. he never deleted the picture, just the caption)

NOW I CANT STOP CRYING AND I DONT EVEN WANT TO DEAL WITH THIS. I don't have my daughter, I never really had Kevin. He would have been a good friend, but he hung out with too many horrible people anyway.
I had more important things to worry about like Anna

back on the subject of my daughter, her dad basically is a total greedy a*****e and i only get to see my daughter 2 times a week for 4 hours total.
I HATE HIM being at my house, I can't stand feeling like I need a complete idiot to watch me play with the child I took care of for 2 and a half years without any help from his pathetic a**.

She's turning 4 soon and guess who's paying for everything? (again)

I also have to pay him 80 a month to see her (for "gas money" aka weed)
I seriously can't take this anymore

WHY DID MY BOYFRIEND (tbh we actually refer to each other as married even though wer;e not) have to evenn cALL 911 that night?
I wish i just died
i cant do this anymore
its so ******** depressing

yes im ******** losing it becaus ei ******** msis her so much
no i dont think id be depressed if i didnt get my daughter legally kidnapped
no i dont think id be depressed if i had to deal with this literal douchebag with 0 personality (he's the type of person that literally steals your personality from you because he doesnt have one, im not kidding. he doeshnt even listen to music)

spelling errors and i dont ******** give a fuciking ******** fate, pwnder, etc
you can delete this s**t if you want
its stupid
i dont even know how big this guild is
i needed somewhere to vend
idc

anna+ aaron will be here and less than 12 hours
no way im tired
i wish i was
BUT I MOSTLY WISH I WAS DEAD

edit: and now the dude who raped me is messaging me on facebook trying to convince me that i'm a lying piece of s**t and i'm ruining it for other girls who really get ******** src="https://graphics.gaiaonline.com/images/s.gif" alt="User Image - Blocked by "Display Image" Settings. Click to show." title="User Image - Blocked by "Display Image" Settings. Click to show." class="bbcode-swap-blocked-image" rel="https://i59.tinypic.com/2w3rxx5.png" />

i blocked him after this exchange.
i regret asking him about kevin but i wanted answers.

emotion_puke emotion_puke emotion_puke emotion_puke emotion_puke emotion_puke emotion_puke

Posted: Thu Sep 18, 2014 5:28 am

its a curse

We haven't met before but I 'know' your story. I know it because it's similar to mine. When my son was 2 I almost lost him because of some disorders I have. His birth father(and I use the term loosely) was never in the picture and had only seen him a few times in two and a half years. I (thank God) had my Mom who swooped in to help. But him taking my son was and still is a huge fear of mine. I completely understand how you feel about this a** creep having your daughter. And you have a person now you can vent to. You can always pm me. You can vent, b***h, cry, get to know me, anything you want.

As for the b***h who had been with Kevin, I wonder if she's married to my ex. I use to be best friends with an ex of mine and his then girlfriend(now wife) blocked me on his FB and use to call my phone harassing me like I was a threat or something. We live 12 hours apart. She made me giggle. So when you think about bitches try to giggle now.

*hugs* Remember one thing. No matter how bad things might feel, if you aren't alive you can never have your daughter. It is an uphill annoying battle, but i believe you will beat that a** and get your daughter back.

Love Renewed

Offline

its a curse

Advanced Punk

22,900 Points

50
1000
500

Offline

Posted: Thu Sep 18, 2014 5:33 am

Love Renewed

its a curse

We haven't met before but I 'know' your story. I know it because it's similar to mine. When my son was 2 I almost lost him because of some disorders I have. His birth father(and I use the term loosely) was never in the picture and had only seen him a few times in two and a half years. I (thank God) had my Mom who swooped in to help. But him taking my son was and still is a huge fear of mine. I completely understand how you feel about this a** creep having your daughter. And you have a person now you can vent to. You can always pm me. You can vent, b***h, cry, get to know me, anything you want.

As for the b***h who had been with Kevin, I wonder if she's married to my ex. I use to be best friends with an ex of mine and his then girlfriend(now wife) blocked me on his FB and use to call my phone harassing me like I was a threat or something. We live 12 hours apart. She made me giggle. So when you think about bitches try to giggle now.

*hugs* Remember one thing. No matter how bad things might feel, if you aren't alive you can never have your daughter. It is an uphill annoying battle, but i believe you will beat that a** and get your daughter back.

I'm so sorry you have to deal with that horse s**t too.
thank you for the reply, it actually made me cry. (what else is new?) but seriously thank you so much.
I have more to say to you, but i realy can't think straight rn.
i'll reply later, hopefully
thank you for your kind words.
it means a lot

Posted: Thu Sep 18, 2014 5:55 am

its a curse

Love Renewed

its a curse

We haven't met before but I 'know' your story. I know it because it's similar to mine. When my son was 2 I almost lost him because of some disorders I have. His birth father(and I use the term loosely) was never in the picture and had only seen him a few times in two and a half years. I (thank God) had my Mom who swooped in to help. But him taking my son was and still is a huge fear of mine. I completely understand how you feel about this a** creep having your daughter. And you have a person now you can vent to. You can always pm me. You can vent, b***h, cry, get to know me, anything you want.

As for the b***h who had been with Kevin, I wonder if she's married to my ex. I use to be best friends with an ex of mine and his then girlfriend(now wife) blocked me on his FB and use to call my phone harassing me like I was a threat or something. We live 12 hours apart. She made me giggle. So when you think about bitches try to giggle now.

*hugs* Remember one thing. No matter how bad things might feel, if you aren't alive you can never have your daughter. It is an uphill annoying battle, but i believe you will beat that a** and get your daughter back.

I'm so sorry you have to deal with that horse s**t too.
thank you for the reply, it actually made me cry. (what else is new?) but seriously thank you so much.
I have more to say to you, but i realy can't think straight rn.
i'll reply later, hopefully
thank you for your kind words.
it means a lot

*hugs* You pm me anytime, good or bad. And thank you.

Love Renewed

Offline

Punktz

Shirtless Spirit

12,400 Points

50
100
100

Offline

Posted: Thu Sep 18, 2014 7:39 am

I don't know if I should be replying since I don't have the life experience, but uh,
I refuse to vote on that poll emotion_donotwant
and um,
I hope letting out what's on your mind helps you feel better.
And as Love Renewed said, as long as you're alive your daughter has you and isn't entirely stuck with a terrible dad.
emotion_brofist

Posted: Thu Sep 18, 2014 7:51 am

Punktz

I don't know if I should be replying since I don't have the life experience, but uh,
I refuse to vote on that poll emotion_donotwant
and um,
I hope letting out what's on your mind helps you feel better.
And as Love Renewed said, as long as you're alive your daughter has you and isn't entirely stuck with a terrible dad.
emotion_brofist

I say experience helps in understanding but you don't need experience to care. And caring matters a whole lot.

Love Renewed

Offline

Punktz

Shirtless Spirit

12,400 Points

50
100
100

Offline

Posted: Thu Sep 18, 2014 8:09 am

Love Renewed

Punktz

I say experience helps in understanding but you don't need experience to care. And caring matters a whole lot.

Thanks. You're really really nice. emotion_hug

Posted: Thu Sep 18, 2014 8:19 am

its a curse

So instead of fighting for your daughter your going to take the cowards way out. You are going to take away that girls only mother because you have had some serious misfortune. I will not deny you had and will have some hard times. Your daughter is turning four and she needs her mother. She does not need a rotting corpse. If you do not want to live for yourself fine. Then live for your daughter.

Gumby Ningata

Lavish Ladykiller

Offline

Love Renewed

Offline

Posted: Thu Sep 18, 2014 9:33 am

Punktz

Love Renewed

Punktz

I say experience helps in understanding but you don't need experience to care. And caring matters a whole lot.

Thanks. You're really really nice. emotion_hug

Anytime, and thank you. *hugs back*

Posted: Thu Sep 18, 2014 12:02 pm

Gumby Ningata

its a curse

So instead of fighting for your daughter your going to take the cowards way out. You are going to take away that girls only mother because you have had some serious misfortune. I will not deny you had and will have some hard times. Your daughter is turning four and she needs her mother. She does not need a rotting corpse. If you do not want to live for yourself fine. Then live for your daughter.

yes, please do continue to bully a ******** suicidal person BECAUSE THAT ALWAYS ENDS WELL.

its a curse

Advanced Punk

22,900 Points

50
1000
500

Offline

its a curse

Advanced Punk

22,900 Points

50
1000
500

Offline

Posted: Thu Sep 18, 2014 12:03 pm

Punktz

I don't know if I should be replying since I don't have the life experience, but uh,
I refuse to vote on that poll emotion_donotwant
and um,
I hope letting out what's on your mind helps you feel better.
And as Love Renewed said, as long as you're alive your daughter has you and isn't entirely stuck with a terrible dad.
emotion_brofist

thanks for replying anyway <3
emotion_c8

Posted: Thu Sep 18, 2014 12:07 pm

its a curse

Gumby Ningata

its a curse

So instead of fighting for your daughter your going to take the cowards way out. You are going to take away that girls only mother because you have had some serious misfortune. I will not deny you had and will have some hard times. Your daughter is turning four and she needs her mother. She does not need a rotting corpse. If you do not want to live for yourself fine. Then live for your daughter.

yes, please do continue to bully a ******** suicidal person BECAUSE THAT ALWAYS ENDS WELL.

I post how I feel. My cousin committed suicide and it was the most selfish thing he could have ever done. My aunt and grandmother are still not the same because of it. And I am sorry if it came off as bulling. I was just saying don't take something precious from your daughter if you feel you are not worth the effort.

Gumby Ningata

Lavish Ladykiller

Offline

its a curse

Advanced Punk

22,900 Points

50
1000
500

Offline

Posted: Thu Sep 18, 2014 12:25 pm

Gumby Ningata

its a curse

Gumby Ningata

its a curse

So instead of fighting for your daughter your going to take the cowards way out. You are going to take away that girls only mother because you have had some serious misfortune. I will not deny you had and will have some hard times. Your daughter is turning four and she needs her mother. She does not need a rotting corpse. If you do not want to live for yourself fine. Then live for your daughter.

yes, please do continue to bully a ******** suicidal person BECAUSE THAT ALWAYS ENDS WELL.

I post how I feel. My cousin committed suicide and it was the most selfish thing he could have ever done. My aunt and grandmother are still not the same because of it. And I am sorry if it came off as bulling. I was just saying don't take something precious from your daughter if you feel you are not worth the effort.

Sorry to hear about your cousin, I don't think he was a coward.
I think he was super depressed and couldn't see the light at the end of the tunnel, sorry about the chain reaction as well.

I'm FEELING suicidal as ******** and talking about it in my favorite guild on Gaia vs cutting myself or taking a bottle of pills to cope with the s**t that's happening in my life...

talking, vending, trying to make myself feel better and maybe get other peoples advice about stuff, not taking any action as of right now.

btw my daughter is the only reason i haven't killed myself.
and the reason i went from being a stupid 17 year old to being an actual caring (young) parent.

She's helped me mature a lot, but sometimes when I feel my world breaking its foundation even more.. I need to talk.
The mental health guild is quite dead, and I don't know very many people there.
crying again
grr

Posted: Thu Sep 18, 2014 12:29 pm

its a curse

Gumby Ningata

its a curse

Gumby Ningata

its a curse

So instead of fighting for your daughter your going to take the cowards way out. You are going to take away that girls only mother because you have had some serious misfortune. I will not deny you had and will have some hard times. Your daughter is turning four and she needs her mother. She does not need a rotting corpse. If you do not want to live for yourself fine. Then live for your daughter.

yes, please do continue to bully a ******** suicidal person BECAUSE THAT ALWAYS ENDS WELL.

I post how I feel. My cousin committed suicide and it was the most selfish thing he could have ever done. My aunt and grandmother are still not the same because of it. And I am sorry if it came off as bulling. I was just saying don't take something precious from your daughter if you feel you are not worth the effort.

Sorry to hear about your cousin, I don't think he was a coward.
I think he was super depressed and couldn't see the light at the end of the tunnel, sorry about the chain reaction as well.

I'm FEELING suicidal as ******** and talking about it in my favorite guild on Gaia vs cutting myself or taking a bottle of pills to cope with the s**t that's happening in my life...

talking, vending, trying to make myself feel better and maybe get other peoples advice about stuff, not taking any action as of right now.

btw my daughter is the only reason i haven't killed myself.
and the reason i went from being a stupid 17 year old to being an actual caring (young) parent.

She's helped me mature a lot, but sometimes when I feel my world breaking its foundation even more.. I need to talk.
The mental health guild is quite dead, and I don't know very many people there.
crying again
grr

emotion_hug I am sorry I came off as mean or anything. This is something I take seriously. I wish I could help instead of making you feel like crap. Have you thought of calling a help line?

Gumby Ningata

Lavish Ladykiller

Offline

its a curse

Advanced Punk

22,900 Points

50
1000
500

Offline

Posted: Thu Sep 18, 2014 12:38 pm

Gumby Ningata

its a curse

Gumby Ningata

its a curse

Gumby Ningata

its a curse

So instead of fighting for your daughter your going to take the cowards way out. You are going to take away that girls only mother because you have had some serious misfortune. I will not deny you had and will have some hard times. Your daughter is turning four and she needs her mother. She does not need a rotting corpse. If you do not want to live for yourself fine. Then live for your daughter.

yes, please do continue to bully a ******** suicidal person BECAUSE THAT ALWAYS ENDS WELL.

I post how I feel. My cousin committed suicide and it was the most selfish thing he could have ever done. My aunt and grandmother are still not the same because of it. And I am sorry if it came off as bulling. I was just saying don't take something precious from your daughter if you feel you are not worth the effort.

Sorry to hear about your cousin, I don't think he was a coward.
I think he was super depressed and couldn't see the light at the end of the tunnel, sorry about the chain reaction as well.

I'm FEELING suicidal as ******** and talking about it in my favorite guild on Gaia vs cutting myself or taking a bottle of pills to cope with the s**t that's happening in my life...

talking, vending, trying to make myself feel better and maybe get other peoples advice about stuff, not taking any action as of right now.

btw my daughter is the only reason i haven't killed myself.
and the reason i went from being a stupid 17 year old to being an actual caring (young) parent.

She's helped me mature a lot, but sometimes when I feel my world breaking its foundation even more.. I need to talk.
The mental health guild is quite dead, and I don't know very many people there.
crying again
grr

emotion_hug I am sorry I came off as mean or anything. This is something I take seriously. I wish I could help instead of making you feel like crap. Have you thought of calling a help line?

aw it's alright no hard feelings.
heart
I'm honestly probably being over emotional right now because I didn't get any sleep last night.
My daughters coming over to visit today, I'm praying that I have enough energy to play whatever random game she thinks up.
And not cry because she's super duper sensitive to my emotions.
I'm going to have to fake not being sad so hard because my almost 4 year old picks up on it better than any ******** adult (including doctors with degrees)
I might call them after she leaves, Airhead (Aaron) hasn't even confirmed the time with me yet. grrrrr

I'm sorry you guys, this thread is more than off topic for this guild even though I think I'm in the right section.
I'm probably leaving you all like "uh wtf".
this is not intentional.

Welcome to Gaia! ::

Gaia Guilds

Revolution: Gaia ©

Quick Reply

More Information