Appearance: Marcelle stands at 5'1 and weighs 90 pounds. She has a dainty build, as she is just starting to develop feminine curves. She has porcelain skin and illustriously curly ginger hair that is her pride and joy. She spends hours each night caring for her firey mane, grooming and primping to perfection. Her cornflower blue eyes are large and attractive, surrounded by thick black butterfly lashes. Her eyes seem to take on an icy hue when she acts condescendingly, or uses her powers. Her face is round with a pointed chin, sitting her right on the fence between youthful beauty and mature beauty. Her default expression is usually snobby, and when paired with her usual sassy posture, packs quite an intimidating punch for one so young. One feature she dislikes is her light smattering of freckles on her face, that will seem to disappear once she discovers the miracles of concealer in her later teen years. Growing up in a very wealthy family, Marcie has been dressed in the trendiest most expensive clothes since her infantry. Her style has been molded around high-end style and consists of brand names such as Barneys, Burberry, Marc Jacobs, Oscar de la Renta, and Fendi. Her style is girly and preppy, consisting of lots of delicate flats and designer boots and dresses, which prove very impractical for a summer camp. [ footwear ideas ][ x ][ x ][ x ][ x ]
Personality: Marcie can easily and accurately be classified as a sassy stuck-up snob. She is wealthier than you and she knows it, and isn't afraid to rub it in your face. For a 12-year-old, she has achieved an alarming level of bitchiness. She knows exactly how to get what she wants, and the scary thing is is that she doesn't even need to use her powers to get it. Sure, when they do act up, her icy blue gaze takes on an irresistible edge, her voice becoming even more honeyed, easily bending her victim's mind to her whim. But Marcie is quite skilled at manipulation, a trait she inherited from her mother.
Marcie will often be incredibly nice and sweet to you, and shower you with compliments to get you to do her bidding; butter you up, if you will. Basically, she can be the bestest friend you’ve ever had as long as she gains something from that friendship; and once she feels you’re useless to her, she will either be your worst enemy, or treat you like air. If flattery doesn’t work, Marcie will often show a more negative side and turn to things such as bullying and guilt-tripping to get what she wants. Instead of making you feel like the best person in the world, she will make you feel like the scum of the Earth; chewed on, spat out, and stomped on. Most likely you’ll end up agreeing to her demands; not because you want to, but because you have to.
Marcie is a firm believer in the saying, 'If you've got it, flaunt it" and she certainty has it. She is malicious, spiteful, overbearing, and arrogant. She never shows any sign of weakness, and is in denial about the flaws she has. Marcie is usually blunt when she isn't trying to flatter someone, coming up with comebacks that would make grandmothers gasp and parents wonder where her mother was.
Marcie uses her powers for all sorts of reasons: to acquire information to use against others, to convince people to give her things like the cookie from their lunch or the last jump rope left on the playground, or sometimes just for amusement, for example, getting people to make a fool of themselves.
Usually Marcie keeps friends so they give her attention, which she doesn't get a lot of at home because her father is usually extremely busy and she has no siblings to play with. She considers herself the 'alpha' of her clique, and keeps two 'beta' girls that are the most worthy of her presence (basically 'yes-man' cronies). Below the betas are those who she is currently manipulating without her powers. Marcie doesn't have a need for a 'best friend', because she believes that if she gets too close to someone she would deem her equal, she could possibly be ruined by said best friend. Those she sees as threats are openly ridiculed and degraded until she is confidant that they are no longer a threat. It is a very rare occasion Marcie would stoop so low as to need something from someone who wasn't on a decent social tier, but if such an occasion arose, it would take little to no effort to extract what she needed from them. Depending on the person, she would 'make them over' (think mean girls), or bribe them with something of relatively high value. Marcie's impatience depends on how urgently she needs something. Marcie typically likes to give herself time to cover her tracks and leave as little room for error as she can, but if necessary, will hastily get what she needs.
The worst 'repercussion' Marcie receives is a scolding from a teacher, which only happens when she can't get her powers to work in order to convince them that they were wrong and get the person who complained / turned her in to look like a tattletale.
Usually kids quickly realize not to mess with Marcie, because she seems to never get in trouble, and once she figures out who tattled, will make their lives miserable. Some kids might stick around her because she has a lot of power for someone her age. Lots of kids fear her, and Marcie doesn't mind one bit.
Character Strengths: [ + ] Ambitious - Having or showing a strong desire and determination to succeed ; aspiring, determined [ + ] Charismatic - Exercising a compelling charm that inspires devotion in others ; charming, fascinating, strong in character [ + ] Decisive - Having or showing the ability to make decisions quickly and effectively ; resolute, firm, strong-minded [ + ] Graceful - Having or showing grace or elegance ; elegant, agile, nimble [ + ] Immaculate - Perfectly clean, neat, or tidy ; spotless, pristine, neat [ + ] Prim - Stiffly formal and respectable; feeling or showing disapproval of anything regarded as improper ; demure, proper, formal [only in certain circumstances] [ + ] Prudent - Acting with or showing care and thought for the future ; wise, sensible, shrewd [ + ] Strong - Possessing skills and qualities that create a likelihood of success ; powerful, persuasive, influential
Character Flaws: [ - ] Bold - In a bad sense, too forward; taking undue liberties; over assuming or confident; lacking proper modesty or restraint; rude; impudent. Abrupt, brazen, cheeky, brassy, audacious. [ - ] Egotistical - Characteristic of those having an inflated idea of their own importance. Boastful, pompous. [ - ] Impatient - Unable to wait patiently or tolerate delay; restless. Unable to endure irritation or opposition; intolerant. [ - ] Proud - Filled with or showing excessive self-esteem and will often shirk help from others for the sake of pride. [ - ] Seducer - To lead others astray, as from duty, rectitude, or the like; corrupt. To attempt to lead or draw someone away, as from principles, faith, or allegiance [ - ] Temperamental - Moody, irritable, or sensitive. Excitable, volatile, emotional. [ - ] Stubborn - Unreasonably, often perversely unyielding; bull-headed. Firmly resolved or determined; resolute. [ - ] Troublemaker - Someone who deliberately stirs up trouble, intentionally or unintentionally.
History: Marcie grew up in a very wealthy family. Her dad, Greyson Meridian, was a very successful entrepreneur, very high up in the market. He owns a franchise that markets healthy food vending machines. Greyson's side of the family was completely free of psychic blood, with his mother on the board of education for Marcie's school district and his father a retired surgeon.
Camille was unique in the long line of girls in her family. Camille's grandmother Adeline (a hypnotist) had three daughters, who each in turn had a daughter. For some mysterious reason the psychic gene skipped Camilles' mothers' generation. Camille was the youngest of the Adeline's three grandchildren, and her favorite by far. It was no surprise, then, that she was the only one of the three to develop the power of hypnotism. Adeline took Camille under her wing and taught her all she knew, and was immensely proud of her. Jealous, her two cousins treated her as an aberration and rarely spoke to her after her powers were identified. Marcie's cousins never bothered to recognize that Camille had a daughter. Camille never talked about her family, with the exception of Grandmother Adeline.
Marcie's mother, of course, knew about psychic stuff, but was unaware of psychonauts and Murmuring Pines. If it weren't for Camille's powers, she would never have married Greyson. In the beginning, it didn't take much effort to get him to notice her, as Camille was the spokesperson for Greyson's enterprise. Camille deliberately (and without a lot of difficulty) worked her way into the position to get Greyson's attention, which was a complete success. The hard part was getting him to clear up his busy schedule so they could spend time together. Another trait that Marcie inherited from Camille was her impatience, which caused her to hypnotize Greyson into popping the question sooner rather than later. They both loved each other, and Greyson was eventually going to marry Camille, but he wanted to wait until he got his first entrepreneurship opportunity. After their honeymoon, Camille was able to 'help' Greyson with his pitch, setting him a step higher on the path to success. Greyson never quite figured out that she manipulated him.
Marcie was a spoiled and pampered child, loved by both of her parents greatly. She inherited her powers from her mom, who started to teach her how to recognize them at a young age. Camille would often take her daughter our and have her daughter 'learn by observing'. Marcie would essentially copy her mother, and as she got older, became more creative with her hypnotism. Greyson would take his daughter to 'bring your child to work day' every year, where he enjoyed showing her off to his employees and Marcie enjoyed the attention. They would have a 'Daddy-Daughter' day once a week to go see a movie and get some ice cream together. Because her mother used her powers on her husband, Greyson developed a sort of immunity to her hypnotism, making Marcie unable to bend his will. He was the only one who could say 'no' to her, which was usually the catalyst for many tantrums.
When Marcie was seven, her mother was pregnant again. Shortly after Camille gave birth, both she and her infant son contracted severe cases of pneumonia. They died quickly after the diagnosis. This left the young psychic to be raised by her father. Marcie had a hard time grasping the concept of death, as young children who suffer loss often struggle with. Even after Greyson explained to her that "Mommie got very sick and her body stopped working", Marcie struggled to wrap her mind around the fact that her mom had spent 9 months with her brother in her stomach and she never got to meet him. To her, death was something that effected others, not her. It took almost a year of therapy for Marcie to finally understand and somewhat come to terms with the fact that her mother wasn't coming back.
Greyson had no idea how to teach his daughter about her powers, so he avoided the subject, as Marcie learned to not to ask. Their relationship was awkward, but they loved each other nonetheless. Greyson, however, was a very busy man, so marcie spent most of her time with her maids, who helped her with her homework, made her meals, and took her to school and back.
Marcie attended a K-8 private school for girls. She was immediately recognized as unique because of her doll-like appearance. She didn't start blatantly manipulating people until she was 8, a year after her mother died. She manipulated her peers because she wasn't getting enough practice now that her mother couldn't take her out and teach her, and she didn't want to get rusty. She had heard enough stories of Great-Grandma Adeline and how hard she worked to be the most talented hypnotist in the family. Marcie was never particularly fond of school, and would often attempt to hypnotize the gym teacher so she wouldn't have to run that day. She put up with it, however, because her father was a well-educated man and her grandmother (on her father's side) was on the board of education. She received decent grades, but was often bored by the lack of excitement class evoked. Marcie didn't really concern herself with 'trying' to get the best grades, she got by without looking like an idiot, but she didn't want to be labeled as a teacher's pet. Her attitude most of the time was 'too cool for school'. She had much more fun during recess and lunch, where teachers weren't constantly watching her.
As Marcie's powers popped up more frequently as she aged, Greyson became anxious. She seemed to be getting away with more things than ever. The most involved incident that Marcie had caused with her powers was winning the spelling bee by tricking the judges into believing that all of her words were correct. He contacted some of his colleagues, who informed him about Murmuring Pines. Marcie was then sent off to summer camp at the ripe age of 12. She was adverse to the idea of wasting her summer slumming in some rustic camp way in the middle of nowhere with some lackluster kids who definitely weren't even remotely as talented and powerful as she is. The idea of bettering her powers with someone who maybe miiiight come close to knowing as much about hypnotism as her mother seemed appealing, but she would rather stay home and shop and hang out with her clique than sacrifice her summer to an unknown summer camp for psychics where she might not get anything of use to her from.
Marcie is in for one GIANT slap in the face when she attends camp. She is used to having people see her in fear and in awe, not people who are indifferent. She is used to being special, to having the spotlight. She is so used to people bending to her every whim (with or without her powers) that when it doesn't work on the other campers, she will likely throw a tantrum or something of the like. Marcie would likely test the waters with the psychonaut teachers, and once she finds out that she has zero control over them, will likely channel her frustration into determination to better her powers so she might have a better chance at manipulating & hypnotizing her fellow campers.
Plots for Future Stages: Marcie accidentally develops Empathy, which she loathes. At first she enjoys the power trip of sassing off to other people, until she unwillingly develops the ability to fell others emotions against her will. Getting a taste of her own medicine, Marcie is forced to re-evaluate herself, maybe with a talk from one of the teachers to make things a bit more meaningful or something so yay an important milestone in her life~
A tiny lap dog with a teddy bear cut. Weighs 6 lbs and has a high yipping bark.
Personality: Marcie uses Charlie to occupy her purse so she doesn't have to carry around books like normal people. Assuming the animal to be incompetent, she barely bothered to teach him anything more than sit, come, and stay. Charlie, however, is a very clever, persnickety dog. He resents Marcie for treating him like a mindless creature and silently 'talks back' to her and makes fun of her while she remains oblivious. He knows, however, if he were to do something to upset her like peeing on her or snapping at her, she would immediately send him back home and demand a more well-behaved dog. Why would he give up his spot on the lap of luxury? He could keep up the act of being the most well-behaved dog ever as long as he was being fed his gourmet dog food three times a day and was let out to do his business. Charlemagne is similar to Marcie in the fact that they are both snooty and expect the best treatment available.
History: Charlie was given to Marcie as a bribe to waste her summer attend Murmuring pines. That and her dad wouldn't pay to transport her mini Shetland pony. Marcie quickly (but reluctantly) learned the basics of taking care of a puppy, like how to open his dog food, how to recognize when to let him out to do his business, and have him trained a little before they were sent to Murmuring Pines. A few weeks after arriving at Murmuring Pines Charlemagne will begin to levitate, much to Marcie's surprise.
She had caught word that other campers' pets seemed to have developed some kind of power, and was frustrated that Charlie was still a regular dog. She was pleased that one day during class her little dog floated right out of her purse, attracting the entire class's attention. Charlie got an extra treat that night, but had to be harnessed to her desk during class. Marcie is surprisingly responsible with Charlie. She understands that she would get in trouble with the faculty at Murmuring Pines if she wasn't taking care of him, and she didn't have a sliver of hope at hypnotizing one of them. And it wasn't THAT hard to open up a can of high-quality gourmet dog food a couple times a day for Charlie.
Posted: Mon Sep 01, 2014 1:59 pm
Appearance: of course her appearance is as you see fit, however I'm going to suggest taking another look at our existing students. Unfortunately, it seems like you have a lot of extra detail in there that's just likely not going to translate to the style of art used in this shop. Things like her nose, and having both full, pouty lips AND a titled smile are probably not going to work with this style. You have a lot of repetition in your appearance section, and I'd just try to streamline it a bit, for the artist's sake. c:
Porcelain can vary from a whitish grey through cream to pure white. I'm unsure what sort of color you're shooting for here? Also on terms of opalescent: the word literally means to look like an opal in terms of shifting colors. As for opals themselves, they exist in so many variations, its very whatexactlydoyoumean? It's better to be specific and say something like "Eyes: a pale green, nearly white" or something similar. Also, as such, its kind of impossible to have opalescent freckles, even considering the variations of skin MoM has. They wouldn't show up on any sort of 'porcelain' skin most likely, and do her freckles shift color like a mood ring? Your descriptors tend to be subjective instead of objective - and far clarity's sake, reworking some of this might be a good idea.
Personality: if she can easily be classified as a snob, what, aside from flattery, would make other children even want to be her friend? I'm seeing piles of negatives in her personality, but she should be a little more balanced. It's fine to have a sassy snob, in fact, I love! We need a good bully-type here and there.. But that can't be all she is. And you mention her using others to get what she wants, but never say... what she wants xD. What does Marcie stand to gain from these contrived friendships? What sort of repercussions has she had for her bullying nature? Is she lonely? Her mother died when she was only seven; did she really learn to be a master manipulator from that short time? Manipulation is a fine art, and I would doubt a 12 year old is truly amazing at it. She can of course, continue learning and honing her skills. Right now, though. you've got a good start on her character, but she's all one-sided and full of negative without anything good about her.
History: If Greyson is an entrepreneur, then he's definitely high up - that is, he started the company xD. What kind of a company is it? What about her extended family? Greyson's & Camille's moms & dads? When her mother died, who watched over Marcie? What was school like for her, especially since she's essentially a bully?
Regarding Camille hypnotizing Greyson into marriage. Why didn't he just take it back? Or later call off the marriage? Why did he stay with Camille all those years? It's fine (pending staff approval) that she had hypnotized him into proposing, but he must have felt some affection for her. Perhaps he waned to wait longer, or focus on his business first, or loved her but did not wish to ever marry. The hypnosis effect would never last throughout their engagement.
It's a good idea to have specific instances of powers. Like Marcie accidentally i dunno hypnotizing the housekeeper into giving her another piece of cake. Otherwise it's over-generalizing something that's an integral part of her history.
How does Greyson deal with her manipulation/bullying of others? Just more of their relationship in general. c:
Dog: Unfortunately, he cannot have a white aura unless he is deathly ill or something of the sort. Even ditzy, stupid beyond belief people have a colorful aura. If Charlie was given as a bribe to Marcie but she hates him, why did he work as a bribe? Right now, you've written him as a glorified stuffed animal. Regardless of the ideas for future plots, he should have some sort of personality beyond living in her purse. Consider the 'taking care of an animal' aspect as well. Will Marcie pick up poop? What if Charlie pees in her purse?
OVERALL you have good starting points, but there's a lot that needs to be expounded on before she'll become a well-rounded character c: Hope this helped!
The Semblance of Unity
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Delicate Rose Bud
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Posted: Sat Sep 06, 2014 1:55 pm
The Semblance of Unity
hey there! thanks for the critique, it really helped me out! here are some of the things I fixed / revised:
~ appearance ~
} revised pose } specified skin color } revised eye color } revised hair } removed unnecessary feature descriptions } added MOOD RING FRECKLES (because i never would have thought of that and its insanely awesome
~ personality ~ } this was the toughest part of revision for me. I had a hard time explaining why other girls want to be her friend. Maybe because most people don't like when others are mean to them, so they figure if I can't beat em' , join em' so some kids would rather go along with them and suck up to them than deal with the hassle of not being part of the majority? Maybe because Macie is sorta like a Venus Flytrap in the fact that she seems sweet to attract friends, but once they are in the palm of her hand, it makes it easier to crush them? } elaborated on exactly 'what she wants' from those she manipulates/uses her powers on } added why she keeps 'friends' } added 'repercussions' to bullying/manipulating people } added why some kids hang around her
~ history ~ } moved 'how she learned to manipulate people' here because I feel like it fits better in History than in Personality } elaborated on Greyson's job } added Greyson's family } added Camille's family } added 'Marcie and school' } added to/elaborated on Camille hypnotizing Greyson into proposing to her } elaborated on Marcie's relationship with Greyson
~ Charlemagne ~ } changed his aura from 'white' to 'purple' } revised his personality so he actually has one } explained Marcie and Charlemagne's relationship
phew! i hope that clears some stuff up~
Posted: Sun Sep 07, 2014 11:47 am
Ohhh I love her so far! Zajac is in fear of her already, which makes her even more amazing to me!
Appearance As for her appearance I think that you've done wonderfully with the changes. Words for colors can mean so many things, and her posture is absolutely perfect. I feel like it screams her. I'm a sucker for red hair and freckles, I hope we get a gang of gingers at camp/school. The clothing also seems so nice, it will set her apart from the other kids and I love it. The only thing I'd think of adding is maybe an outfit with boots? You have it that she wears boots but none of the outfits have boots in them. That would just give the artist an idea of the kind boots you mean. (short ones, tall ones, ankle boots, etc.)
Persona I'm curious if she has ever had a best friend, or even would want one? Could she be loyal to someone, or is that totally not an option for her? I know you say she keeps friends around to give her attention, about how many friends does she keep around on average? What does she base the friendships she keeps on? Are they all rich like her, or does she just keep the ones who give her the most attention? Would she be willing to be 'friends' with someone who was poor/not cool if they could benefit her in some way?
Does her flattery extend to giving gifts as well? Like if she really wants someone to do something for her would she be willing to give them gifts along with nice words or does she think that would be going too far?
You say she is impatient, is this always or has she learned how to have patience sometimes? I mean this in the sense of would she make an elaborate plan to get something she wants if it would take a long time, or is she more prone to just taking action if it means she would get something right away?
I'm curious if she is book smart. I get a feel from her personality that she is very street/people smart, but I'm wondering if she is also school smart. Her history says she received decent grades, but is that because learning is hard for her or is it just because she is bored with it and doesn't want to put in more effort than needed.
Maybe list some positive traits like you have the negative traits? I don't think it's necessary, but I think lists like those add a little something to profiles.
History I'd take off in the second sentence that he is very high in the business. If he owns the business he isn't high up in it, he is the top, so it just sounds strange. You might want to change it so that it says that he is very high in the market (which would say that he does better than other healthy food vending machines).
What does her mother do? I would love to find out a little more about her mother and maybe how her parents first met?
How did Marcie take the loss of her mother? She was pretty young, and it seemed as if her mother was very important to her, so how did she deal with her mother's death?
You refer to Marcie as Sage in the forth paragraph, not sure if that is intentional but that is the only time she is referred to by her middle name so I'm not sure.
Shouldn't the fact that Camille used her powers so much on Greyson make it easier for Marcie to do the same? Or did he slowly start to develop some sort of immunity over the years?
I would make work on the paragraph placement in her history. It doesn't seem very linear how I imagine a history should look (like you talk about her mother's family and how she got Greyson to propose after you have her mother dying) but that might just be me and personal preference.
Charlemagne HE IS SO CUTE! Does he like other animals? You called Marcie Sage again here in his history, just pointing it out. Was Marcie impressed when he started to levitate, or did she see it as a problem?
Ohhh I love her so far! Zajac is in fear of her already, which makes her even more amazing to me!
thank you so much for the crit, dino <3 I really appreciate that you guys are helping me out so i can perfect Marcie c: I'm so glad you like her! Yeah, Zajac would be an easy target for her, which would make for some entertaining RP <3
things i revised / added:
~ appearance ~
} i added a link to a polyvore i made that has a bunch of different footwear options, for the colorist/quest fairy to pair up with whatever adorable outfit they put her in <3
~ personality ~
} added how Marcie 'classifies' girls in her clique } added how Marcie takes care of people who are potential threats } added an explanation as to why Marcie doesn't have a best friend } killed two birds with one stone by covering how she deals with 'poor/uncool' people and 'potential gift-bribery' } elaborated on impatience
~ history ~
} elaborated on 'school smarts' in here instead of in personality because i feel like it fits better here } changed 'high up in the business' to 'market' } re-ordered her history so it's as close to chronological order as it can be (because once you pointed it out, it started bugging me too <3 ) } elaborated on Camille's 'occupation' } sorta (?) covered how Camille and Greyson first met } added how Marcie reacted to & handled her mother's death } added some positive traits (which were hard to find lol)
~ Charlemagne ~ } added Charlie's opinion on other animals } elaborated on Marcie's opinion on Charlie's newfound powers } added the scene where Charlie first levitated
thanks again for your crit! I'm much happier with how Marcie is turning out <3
Posted: Thu Sep 11, 2014 12:14 pm
omg she sounds kind of like a psychopath lol definitely something that be interesting to rp with! i was wondering how she would react when she encounters someone in the camp who doesn't care for her manipulation techniques? especially since the older students probably won't consider her very intimidating and they're bound to notice they're being hypnotized—they're probably going to counter with their own powers. i'd imagine it'd be a huge culture shock to be at the camp.
for the spelling bee event, wouldn't someone have said something in the crowd when the judges started to act weirdly? since hypnotism can't be done at such a grand scale, it doesn't seem possible that Marcie could have rigged the competition.
lastly, it seems like she needs more positive/humble traits? i feel like someone with her background would have a more prominent insecurity. i feel like overall she's a flat character but that definitely leaves some great rp potential as she changes into someone more dynamic (especially when she gains empathy, which i think is a great idea). :3
You've said how she 'deals' with problem people, generally the usually bully/stuck up snob tactics. I uh, wanted to ask how she would have dealt with a person more like I was in school. I like her character, it looks like fun to rp and rp with, so don't take this as an attack on you/her, I'm asking how she'd deal with the mindset.
Me, I could see and pick out the snobs and their cliques. I found them stupid, idiotic, and not very worthy of notice. Any attempts at manipulating me with bribes would have failed simply because I was a flat out book nerd, focusing on medieval fantasy. Voila truthful knights in shining armor who don't take bribes and tolerate lies. orz. In addition I generally ignored bullying because, if it was attempted physically I would a) Whap offending appendage with the spine of my handy hard-backed book, or b) kick offending person(s) in shins. So how does she deal with such difficult people? Does she just try to spread bad rumors? Deal with them as she would other problem people even though it doesn't work? Or kinda ignore the offending person because nothing seems to work and they aren't bothering her (really I preferred to read my books, so it's not like I would do anything to them, and got left alone by them more often than not)?
I was just curious, because with the eccentrics coming into the camp she is bound to meets some people who simply don't care that she's somehow popular with the imbeciles, rich, or supposedly powerful. I suppose this is similar but a little different from Din's question.
I could also elaborate on the pet dog, but at the same time you are not a crazy person like me who just wants to rp and eagle flying around camp. xD
Posted: Tue Sep 16, 2014 3:18 pm
you have a lot of crits atm, so i'll keep it short.
her personality is written in the present tense: she is, she does, uses, etc etc. that's all well and good but a problem is encountered with remarks like...
"The worst 'repercussion' Marcie receives is a scolding from a teacher, which only happens when she can't get her powers to work in order to convince them that they were wrong and get the person who complained / turned her in to look like a tattletale. "
i sincerely doubt that marcie's burgeoning hypnosis - no matter how powerful she may be for a 12 year old - would work on trained psychonauts who have dealt / do deal with things like that on a daily basis. they are probably capable of recognising - at the very least - when they're being manipulated and i can guess that approximately 0 members of staff would appreciate that very much. the same for obvious, overt manipulation, especially while teachers are around.
while this may be the way marcie used to think, i think her arrival at camp will be/was an incredibly rude awakening for her! it could be an interesting source of development other than her developing empathy.
(also: since she's so powerful in a passive manner, with both her hypnosis and her to-be-empathy, have you considered maybe making one of her aura shades purple? it can even be a royal colour too, like the red and the gold!)
chenabby
Girl-Crazy Bibliophile
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Delicate Rose Bud
Excitable Kitten
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Posted: Wed Sep 17, 2014 3:52 pm
yeomso
i was wondering how she would react when she encounters someone in the camp who doesn't care for her manipulation techniques?
for the spelling bee event, wouldn't someone have said something in the crowd when the judges started to act weirdly?
lastly, it seems like she needs more positive/humble traits? i feel like overall she's a flat character but that definitely leaves some great rp potential as she changes into someone more dynamic (especially when she gains empathy, which i think is a great idea). :3
well, seeing as Marcie hypothetically hasn't been to camp yet, we have yet to find out how she would react to other people 'not caring for' her manipulation techniques. She is used to having people see her in fear and in awe, not people who are indifferent. She is used to being special, to having the spotlight.
As for the Spelling Bee, she didn't manipulate the whole audience, she only manipulated the three judges, and for very short periods of time (only when she was spelling). Yes, i would imagine the small audience would take notice of some misspelled words, but they know that if they spoke up she would make their lives miserable. You wouldn't want to mess with Marcie.
Lastly, though I did give her 'positive traits' listed under character strengths, Marcie is just a mean girl. She isn't a good person. I wrote her that way so she could grow as a person while experiencing camp.
Wingseagle
You've said how she 'deals' with problem people, generally the usually bully/stuck up snob tactics. I uh, wanted to ask how she would have dealt with a person more like I was in school.
So how does she deal with such difficult people? Does she just try to spread bad rumors? Deal with them as she would other problem people even though it doesn't work? Or kinda ignore the offending person because nothing seems to work and they aren't bothering her
I could also elaborate on the pet dog, but at the same time you are not a crazy person like me who just wants to rp and eagle flying around camp. xD
Well, Marcie would already pay you very little - to - no attention, because you'd rather read alone than be social and gossip and go shopping (i am such a bookworm too omg <3) You would have to have something she really needed or wanted quickly, or else she would probably find someone more easily manipulated to get the information from. She would try and bribe you and compliment you, but the second she saw how little that worked, she would immediately switch to ridiculing you and spreading bad rumors, etc. She would pull out all the stops, because she is stubborn like that. If you continued not to crack and show indifference, she would consider you extremely talented and view you as a threat, thereby using all of her power to make sure you were no longer a threat, however that might come about.
what would you suggest I elaborate on with Charlie?
chenabby
her personality is written in the present tense: she is, she does, uses, etc etc. that's all well and good but a problem is encountered with remarks like...
i sincerely doubt that marcie's burgeoning hypnosis - no matter how powerful she may be for a 12 year old - would work on trained psychonauts who have dealt / do deal with things like that on a daily basis. they are probably capable of recognising - at the very least - when they're being manipulated and i can guess that approximately 0 members of staff would appreciate that very much. the same for obvious, overt manipulation, especially while teachers are around.
while this may be the way marcie used to think, i think her arrival at camp will be/was an incredibly rude awakening for her! it could be an interesting source of development other than her developing empathy.
(also: since she's so powerful in a passive manner, with both her hypnosis and her to-be-empathy, have you considered maybe making one of her aura shades purple? it can even be a royal colour too, like the red and the gold!)
i'll fix the wacky tenses right away <3
You are completely right in saying that Marcie is in for one GIANT slap in the face when she attends camp. She is so used to people bending to her every whim (with or without her powers) that when it doesn't work on the other campers, she will likely throw a tantrum or something of the like. Marcie would likely test the waters with the psychonaut teachers, and once she finds out that she has zero control over them, will likely channel her frustration into determination to better her powers so she might have a better chance at manipulating & hypnotizing her fellow campers.
Camp will definitely help her develop into a more complex (and hopefully less bitchy) character
And I feel that a red aura suits her best, because i feel like Marcie is anything but passive (accepting or allowing what happens or what others do, without active response or resistance). She is certainly passive-aggressive at times, but she does not 'show concern for all things'. Not even close. She pretty much only cares about herself (proud & egotistical).
thank you so much for the great crits <3 I'm very happy with how her character seems to be rounding out a little c:
Posted: Thu Nov 13, 2014 5:55 pm
bumping because it's been a while ~
Delicate Rose Bud
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Posted: Thu Feb 19, 2015 3:58 pm
Delicate Rose Bud
Howdy! Sorry for the delay on crits, staff have been pretty busy all around.
There's just a few things we'd like to touch on with Marcie, if we could. Just as a heads up, we've only read what's in Marcie's profile, not any of the crits you previously received, so apologies if similar questions are asked.
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Would you mind writing out her appearance out in a couple sentences to match the format of the rest of the profiles? You can still link to all of your reference images but it's easier for readers (customers and staff) if it's condensed.
Next, we have a bit of a warning. While Marcie's core is very interesting and we're glad to see such a devoted bully crop up, there are some concerns with her personality we'd like to address. Namely:
Quote:
The worst 'repercussion' Marcie receives is a scolding from a teacher, which only happens when she can't get her powers to work in order to convince them that they were wrong and get the person who complained / turned her in to look like a tattletale.
With the understanding that it was talking about Marcie's non-psychic school experience in her personality, we can't say precisely how teachers at camp will react, namely because they haven't been in a situation with Marcie yet, but also because all of the teachers have vastly different personalities. However, it is safe to say at least one of them would give Marcie more than a just scolding if she was trying to use her powers on teacher's in the first place, let alone if she was discovered bullying other kids -- just something to prepare for and keep in mind.
It's listed in Charlemagne's profile that he was a bribe by Marcie's father to get her to attend camp. That hints at her having some feelings about going that aren't listed anywhere in her profile. How does Marcie feel about attending not just a summer camp for common rabble but a camp for psychics? That means other hypnotists, possibly people who are much better at using their powers than her, and teachers who will likely be completely immune to her attempts at hypnotism. Is she confident things will be how they've always been for her?
Speaking of Charlie, his profile is written as him already having been with Marcie at camp for what seems like a while now when he's only four months old: We suggest cutting back on this and instead playing out the things you're touching on in his history and personality through writing once Marcie's accepted!
And finally, this isn't a critique so much as general curiosity: Considering there is a psychic dog on staff, do you think Charlie will ever tattle on Marcie to the faculty or is he too interested in keeping his lapdog position despite his complaints?
Posted: Sun Feb 22, 2015 10:02 am
Mind Over Matter Staff
Would you mind writing out her appearance out in a couple sentences to match the format of the rest of the profiles? You can still link to all of your reference images but it's easier for readers (customers and staff) if it's condensed. - I wrote out her appearance and added in the links
With the understanding that it was talking about Marcie's non-psychic school experience in her personality, we can't say precisely how teachers at camp will react, namely because they haven't been in a situation with Marcie yet, but also because all of the teachers have vastly different personalities. However, it is safe to say at least one of them would give Marcie more than a just scolding if she was trying to use her powers on teacher's in the first place, let alone if she was discovered bullying other kids -- just something to prepare for and keep in mind. - I added in to the very last section of her history about what a rude awakening Camp is going to be for her. Someone actually asked me the same thing in a crit above, so i added it into her actual form. Thanks for the warning, i'll definitelu keep it in mind c:
It's listed in Charlemagne's profile that he was a bribe by Marcie's father to get her to attend camp. That hints at her having some feelings about going that aren't listed anywhere in her profile. How does Marcie feel about attending not just a summer camp for common rabble but a camp for psychics? That means other hypnotists, possibly people who are much better at using their powers than her, and teachers who will likely be completely immune to her attempts at hypnotism. Is she confident things will be how they've always been for her? - I added into the last part of her history how she feels about going to camp and what she expects and stuff
Speaking of Charlie, his profile is written as him already having been with Marcie at camp for what seems like a while now when he's only four months old: We suggest cutting back on this and instead playing out the things you're touching on in his history and personality through writing once Marcie's accepted! - I took stuff about already being at camp out of Charlie's profile, so i can build him through RP (because i really like your idea) but i also left stuff there so i can keep it for future reference (in a spoiler though)
And finally, this isn't a critique so much as general curiosity: Considering there is a psychic dog on staff, do you think Charlie will ever tattle on Marcie to the faculty or is he too interested in keeping his lapdog position despite his complaints? - While Charlie would complain a lot to the animal telepath campers and to other animals (if he can communicate with them on the same psychic field or whatever) i don't think he'd rat her out for bullying other campers. Charlie will really enjoy being out of Meridian Manor, with the fresh outdoors and other people besides Marcie to interact with. He wouldn;t want to give it up by tattling and risk getting sent home.
Let me know if there is anything else to tweak!
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Posted: Sun Mar 08, 2015 5:54 pm
MARCELLE IS ACCEPTED!
Your journal is here, her art and cert will arrive ASAP!
