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As his relationship with Vyren developed, Lithian found himself spending progressively more time back on the Celestial Plane. His family had disliked the amount of time he was spending previously on Eowyn anyway, and it was a welcome change, for once, not to have them battering him with questions every time he returned. His father, especially, seemed relieved to see him spending more time ‘where he belonged’ and getting ‘back on the right track.’

Despite Lithian’s choice to take the path of a fighter, his father still seemed to consider it highly likely that in time Lith would see the error of his youth and calm down, take a mate — preferably a young lady from a family they had ties with — and set up an apothecary shop within the Celestial Plane, selling healing salves. Or, better yet, hire himself out to other wealthy families as a private medical practitioner. Once upon a time, too, Lith had considered dedicating himself to the church of Abronaxus as a priest. His father still think the role fit him, though the closer Lithian grew to Vye — and the older he got — the farther he strayed from such things. He knew he would never be the man his parents expected him to grow into, but he hoped, desperately, that he would somehow manage to not be a disappointment.

Lithian still took many trips down to Eowyn, however, particularly when he and Vyren had disputes which left him more wrung out than ready to face the man. At such times, he took time off in the lower worlds as an escape route, avoiding conflict and spending time with Araceli and Casseth. The longer the pattern kept up, however, Lithian began to notice a growing distance between himself and Casseth.

At some points, he could convince himself he was imagining it — Casseth would laugh and tease as he always had, making Lithian believe nothing was wrong — but whenever the subject of what Lithian got up to on the Plane came up, his friend would tense and grow frustrated or quiet. He seemed not to want to hear anything of Vyren at all, and even a brief word on him left Cas chilly and displeased. It left a cool knot in Lithian’s gut, ever more convinced as time went on that Casseth was actively uncomfortable with the idea that he preferred men, despite his words to the contrary. Whatever he said paled in comparison to his reactions to Lithian’s choice in relationships. And it hurt, to think on it.

It made Lithian wonder, all over again, if perhaps — if he just tried hard enough — he could fix himself somehow. Find a woman who would make him happy and be satisfied with relatively little intimacies between them. But the more he considered it, the more bitter he became. He didn’t want such a life, and it would be worse still to drag another person into such a limited partnership. Vyren made his breath catch and his pulse race. He liked touching him and exploring, getting close and personal in ways he would never appreciate with a woman.

He couldn’t change himself for anyone. Not even Casseth. But the thought that he might one day have to confront Cas with the issue — and the real possibility that it would damage their friendship — that terrified him. But the it festered in his gut, regardless. Frustration. Fear. And confusion.

It was some time later, long after such thoughts had solidified and been buried, resurfaced, and buried again too many times to count, that Lithian found himself headed back to the shores of Eowyn. He had anticipated visiting a week earlier, but wound up spending time with Vyren instead, attending a ceremony of interest that required he delay his departure date. He made it down, however, and found he enjoyed the warmth for once. He felt in good spirits, and wanted to make the most of his time, perhaps even having a heart to heart with Casseth and repairing the damage there directly. Or at least addressing it and doing some good.

After arriving on shore, he headed off to Araceli’s first and spent well over an hour there, making the most of her company — privately glad that Detraeus was not currently in the house — before heading off towards his pre-reserved in. Much to his surprise, he found Casseth, slouched against the wall outside and looking thoroughly bored. Lithian blinked, flushing immediately.

“Casseth? What are you—how did you know I was coming? Have you been waiting for me…?”

“You don’t have…to…” Lithian flushed, giving up on arguing all but immediately. He did appreciate the help. He just felt embarrassed Casseth had waited so long. “All morning?” he repeated. “Why…how did you even—? I didn’t know you even knew I’d be coming after the delays…I went over to see Ara. Then I figured I would drop off my things and come see how you were faring…”

On the one hand, Lithian was elated to see Cas again. As much as he worked to stifle the feelings, he still got a bubbling rush of a very specific kind of happiness every time he saw Cas. A fluttering, flickering sensation in his chest like firebugs around his heart and lungs. On the other, his relationship with Vyren was decently serious, and he felt a pinch of guilt that his heart still excited itself entirely too much over Casseth, particularly when Casseth did not — and would never — share any such sentiments for him. While he couldn’t say he was ‘in love’ with Vyren, he cared about the man a good bit, and it was nice to have someone who understood. Araceli, while accepting, was not ‘like’ him, and to share his passions with someone else made Lithian feel at home. Safe and open, in a way few other things did.

He shut the thoughts away and followed after Casseth, carrying up his own hefty set of luggage. It took them several goes, even between the two of them, but with both, they managed to cart it all up in decent time. After, Lithian stabled his hastar, and then moved back up to his room, his eyes flicking periodically to Casseth as he began to unpack.

“I…have missed seeing you,” he said, smiling — trying to start off on a positive note. “Have you been well, since I last came down? I feel like I miss out on a lot, sometimes…”

Lith winced. In spite of himself, he felt guilty for not being around to oversee all Casseth’s matches. He didn’t trust the place, knew there was a high probability of Cas getting hurt, and that if something happened to him while he was away and couldn’t help—

He shoved the thought away and pushed a smile onto his face. “Something came up. I…”

He hesitated, realizing it had become habit to omit Vyren’s name from any of his conversations with Cas because of the negative reaction it always brought about. Today, though, he frowned. It had begun so positive, and while now he felt like Casseth was already on edge enough, a rare vein of stubbornness persisted. He was tired of omitting Vyren’s name. Tired of keeping quiet and dubbing down the realities of his life to keep Casseth happy, and while he loved his best friend — more than he should — he couldn’t hide forever and simply carry the weight of guilt and silence on his shoulders.

“Vyren wanted me to stay on the Plane for a while longer…an event he wanted me to attend with him and I didn’t want to disappoint him. I figured one week, give or take, would not make all the difference in the world…”

Lithian tensed. On another day, he might have shrugged the comment off. It was his nature, generally, to avoid conflict. But this was Casseth and he was so unused to grappling with conflict in regards to Casseth that it hurt in ways he wasn’t prepared for. And made him angry. Casseth had never been comfortable with Vyren and Lithian knew why: he had never grown fully comfortable with the fact that he preferred men. Despite what Cas said, it was obvious and became more so every time they interacted. So, for once, Lith did not simply grit his teeth and bear it.

“He is special. To me, Casseth.”

Lithian’s face burned, posture going rigid halfway into setting away an article of clothing. “Whether or not I bend over for him is none of your business…”

“No?” Lithian asked, flushed, tense, and already on a roll. “Because you do seem very touchy about the subject—”

“Lithian—”

“Would it bother you, if I did?” he asked, growing bolder as his frustration built up. “Bend over for him, that is.” He watched Casseth tense, and narrowed his eyes, resisting the urge to bunch his fists. Casseth had had multiple girlfriends, and never once had Lith reacted in the manner Cas was now. It wasn’t fair. “You’ve never been comfortable with it, have you?” Lith accused, his pulse beating wild in his chest, threatening to climb up in his throat. “You’ve always taken issue with it, and I’m sorry Casseth…alright? I’m sorry, that I don’t fit into the boxes you expect me to, but I can’t help it. I tried to change, to be different, to be…normal — whatever that is. But it didn’t work, do you understand? I tried so hard. I prayed every day to Abronaxus and most every night for weeks, months…I tried—”

Thinking of the time he’d prayed, specifically, to not be interested in Casseth, Lithian flushed and bit his tongue. Cas was uncomfortable enough. He didn’t need that extra information.

“This is part of who I am.”

“Lith—”

“And I am bending over for him, Cas,” Lith snapped, suddenly beyond frustrated, and wanting to make sure Cas knew, and that he wasn’t hiding anything. “We sleep together, Cas. We <********>. Does that upset you? He cares about me, just as you care about Venara or Vanera, or…Verana — whatever her name is — and whether we continue down the path we’re on is none of your business. I hope—” Lithian swallowed, losing his breath for a moment as he gathered his courage, his limbs quivering, because the last thing he wanted — the last thing he ever wanted — was to drive Casseth away. “I…would hope…” he began again, quietly, “…that it won’t ruin our friendship for me to be this way…but if I disgust you that much…”

Lithian froze in place. He felt his pulse stutter on a beat like watching two mounted riders crash into each other in a broken symphony — shattered lances and rearing horses — and his face burned as his heart thrashed, out of control. But it wasn’t possible. He knew Casseth preferred women. That had been made obvious, more than once. He knew it. But would Casseth really taunt him like that?

He couldn’t believe either possibility, and in his panicked, desperate, confused frustration, Lithian shook his head, lashes fluttering and words coming out at barely a whisper, “You don’t mean that—”

“You’re a fool if you think I don’t!” Cas snapped. “Have I ever lied to you?”

Lithian grit his teeth, heartbeat gathering in his throat like a wardrum, and he stalked forward, fingers bunching. “You don’t—”

“Lithian—”

“You don’t!” Lithian shoved, pushing Cas towards the nearest wall and meeting with little resistance, likely due to raw surprise. “You have no idea how much I—what it was like—you had girlfriends! So many! You weren’t interested in me — never like that! I’ve—” ‘…loved you for nearly as long as I’ve known you…’ Lithian swallowed, hushing and looming over Cas when he had him against the wall. “You don’t want me…not like this…”

He dipped, catching his lips against Casseth’s and pressing, shuddering. When Cas tensed, however — as Lith knew he would, he knew he would — Lithian’s heart sank and his brow furrowed. He held the position only a moment longer: the position that would rend their friendship in two. The feeling of Cas’ lips against his, that he would remember for the rest of his life. He pulled back, opening his mouth.

“I’m sorry…I—”

Lithian blinked, startled into silence when Casseth interrupted, and he opened his mouth again, but nothing ever made it out. Instead, Casseth was pinning him. Lithian felt his pulse hop, like a nervous bouken, back up into his throat, and his lashes flit low as his breath hitched and stuck. Casseth’s grip burned on his wrists, made his blood hot and his mind groggy as Cas pressed in. Then, he was kissing him back.

Lithian whined against Cas’ mouth, blood rushing low in embarrassing quantities — enough, he felt sure, to excuse the dizziness in his head as his limbs shook — and he rocked upwards on instinct, arching into Cas’ press. For that moment, all he wanted was contact, desperately enough to drive every other thought from his mind because Casseth was here and kissing him. It wasn’t until the momentary lull, when Casseth drew back to look at him, that Lith felt first frustration — wanting Casseth back, on him, not gone — and then guilt like a tidal wave.

Vyren.

“Casseth—oh, gods…” He shut his eyes. “I’m a terrible person.” The sentence came out a whisper at first, and then became a mantra, whispered over and over. He was cheating on someone, betraying their trust. He had to speak with Vyren. Now. He tugged at his wrists, moving to pull free from Cas’ grip. “I can’t—I have…oh, Abronaxus, I shouldn’t have…”