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Zinnia held the folded white paper gingerly, as if she expected it to explode at any moment. She hadn't expected to get a letter from her parents; she hadn't heard a word from them since she'd said farewell to her father at the gates of the training compound months ago. She hadn't wanted to hear from her parents. Hadn't she joined the military in order to escape them?

She entered her (thankfully empty) dorm and sat on her bed, sinking gently into the mattress. She pinched the edge of the paper between her thumb and forefinger in preparation of unfolding the letter. But something stopped her. Her heart pounded in her chest, and she felt a jolt of energy run down into her legs. Why was she so afraid? It was only ink in parchment. Opening the letter would not cause her parents to appear in her room. She was still safe. She was still free from their influence.

She swallowed hard and opened the letter.



Zinnia's shoulders were shaking by the end of the letter, and her hands were trembling so hard that she nearly tore the page. There was something hard, heavy, and impossibly cold resting in the pit of her stomach. It made her feel ill. She stood up suddenly, abandoning the letter on the floor, and strode out her door. She didn't stop walking even after she'd left Tragen and stepped into the harsh sunlight. If she kept walking-- if she kept moving-- if she could only forget-- maybe she could keep the bile in her throat down.

The last thing she wanted when she was in this state was to be alone, so she went to the first place she thought of: the library. While most went there to be alone, Zin hoped that one of her closest friends would be there. Lenore spent a great deal of time there so, with any luck, she would be there now in Zin's time of dire need.

She was running before she'd quite decided where to go.

She had to deliberately stop herself from bursting into the library. The run had done nothing for her wildly beating heart, and her panting threatened to transform into hyperventilation. She had not expected such a reaction from reading the letter, and indeed she had never experienced anything quite like it before, and was at a loss for what to do. All she knew was that she needed to distract herself by talking to someone. So she concentrated on slowing her breathing and walking like a normal human being who had any business in the library.

She searched, wild-eyed, through the library until she spotted a familiar black-haired head in a secluded corner. Zin's mouth broke into a smile, and relief washed through her like an ocean wave, clearing away most of her panic. She plopped herself down at the table next to Lenore. Aside from her pale face and glassy eyes, Zin looked almost normal. "Hey," she whispered in an unexpectedly shaky voice. She cleared her throat. "Whatcha readin'?"

"No, not at all," Zin said, her voice a bit higher-pitched than usual. She immediately corrected herself, "Well, actually, there is. My, ah... My mother wrote me a letter," she explained lamely. She opened her mouth to explain further, but no sound came out. Instead, her eyes began to feel hot and prickly, so she blinked rapidly before she could start tearing up.

She was being silly! She hadn't come here to talk about her problems to Lenore; she didn't want to bother the younger trainee. She should change the subject-- talk about anything distracting-- she could ask about the book! If Lenore was reading it, it probably had an interesting plot. And yet... she found herself wishing that she could tell her story to someone. She felt like a bottle filled to bursting with worry. She wanted to let her concerns spill out... Normally she spoke without a filter, but now she hesitated.

"It's..." Zin began. She stared at Lenore, who was looking back at her, giving her the attention that she so desired. She could trust Lenore. She took a deep breath and let all of her anxieties out.

"We don't get along. I don't get along with my dad, either. They both want me to be the perfect daughter. They want me to wear dresses, and make my hair pretty, and cook, and clean the house, and never play in the mud, and never run, and never speak unless spoken to, and-- and be a girl. I hate it! I just want to be me. I like bugs and I hate dresses! I like my pigtails! I like being in the military where I get to run and-- and make friends, and... And I get to do what I want! I like training. It's hard but I'm getting stronger! I-- I'll be able to make a difference!

"The worst part is that they want to force me to marry some rich guy I've never met. They want to-- to give me away, just so we'll have more money." She blinked back hot tears. "I don't even know him. I would probably hate him. I don't want to get married. I don't want to be a wife and be stuck at home all day like-- like my mom is." She sniffed loudly and wiped the back of her hand across her eyes, but she was far from finished. Now that she'd begun, she couldn't seem to stop.

"They think that that's my only option, 'cause I'm a girl. My dad wouldn't even think about passing his business down to me. Not that I want to be a merchant, but that would be a whole lot better than making me get married. I-- I joined the military because I wanted to choose my own life. I didn't want them to control me any more. I was so scared... I was so scared to enlist! I'm still scared! What if I'm not good enough? What if they kick me out? This is my only chance! Training is so hard. It feels like everyone else is naturally better at-- at everything! Almost everyone is older and stronger than me, I feel like I'm falling behind, constantly! I work so hard just to keep up, and-- and right now, it's okay, I'm hanging on, but what if it gets too much for me--?"

Her words were getting tangled and out of order, and she knew that she was nearly incomprehensible. Although it hurt her to speak her fears aloud, it also healed her. She felt her affection for her friend Lenore grow exponentially; she was trusting Lenore with her darkest secrets, and she had not yet been rejected.

"It's all so stupid," she concluded, sniffing again. "I just... I just, I had almost forgotten about home and all the stuff I left, I thought they couldn't reach me here... But then I got that letter, and it made me feel so guilty... Like I'd made a mistake coming here, that I should go back home and... But the thought of it makes me sick. I can't go home. I can't go home."

She stared, watery-eyed, at Lenore, completely at a loss. She'd let it all out, and for once she had no more words.

Zinnia's tears spilled freely down her cheeks as she listened to Lenore's story. When she finished, she leaned forward out of her seat and wrapped the younger girl in a tight embrace.

"It's not crazy," she said fiercely. "You're right. Everything happens for a reason. We were meant to be friends. You do deserve me-- you deserve the best from anyone..." She gave Lenore a little squeeze, oblivious that she was staining her shirt with tears.

"I'm so sorry that you've... that you've also been through hard things," she whispered. "We both deserve the best. We're... We're like the main characters in books," she said, releasing her hold a little so that she could give Lenore a small smile. "You know, we have to start out in a dark place. But that's what makes us stronger, and we're just beginning our adventure. We'll be heroes by the end of it." She emitted a strange hiccoughing laugh.

"I'm so glad that we're friends, and that... we understand each other. I..." She sniffed, wiping her eyes once more. "I don't know what I'd do without you..." Her voice shook a little, but she sounded much braver, and she was smiling again. "You're a good person too, you know. You shouldn't feel guilty about your choices either. Even if... even if you regret them later... Let's both learn to never regret who we are. We don't owe apologies to anyone." She laughed as if she'd just told a joke, but she did feel a new surge of motivation within her heart.

Zinnia gave a watery laugh. "You're really good at making me feel better, though," she said earnestly. "I really do feel a lot better." She breathed deeply, settling her emotions. "It... It feels good to have gotten that off my chest. Thanks for listening. And for... just being here. I... I didn't want to go through that alone..." She sighed, embarrassed by her own weakness. Other than the redness beneath her eyes, she looked almost back to normal. She was smiling, at least; nothing could suppress Zin's positive outlook on life for long.

"Yeah," Zin agreed. "I'll definitely tell you if anything happens. And... you can talk to me too, you know." One of Lenore's most admirable traits was her ability to listen, as was evident by their recent conversation. Zin knew that she talked a lot-- perhaps too much-- so she hoped to learn from her friend. They could grow and become stronger together.

"We're friends," she said warmly. "No-- we're more than that. We're best friends," she decided firmly. "We get each other, and from now on, we'll rely on each other, right? That makes us best friends." She sounded very formal about it, but that was normal for her; she took such matters very seriously.