Welcome to Gaia! ::

It had worried her, just a little. She knew Cami had gone - God knows where - to clear her head. And Otto, for the most part, had been MIA as well. This had been preferable to her at the time, because Maebe was starting to consider herself a cancer on both of their lives, and they were slowly excising her with distance.

But Otto was back - if only for a day. And Cami was still on leave, which meant he was alone up there. As much as she didn't want to hurt them with her presence anymore, Maebe couldn't stand the idea of him being without her.

Otto needed Cami more than anything. More than her. It wasn't some bitter idea. It was fact.

Maebe knocked on the door, but walked in without waiting a moment later. She was a poor excuse for a substitute, but she still had things she needed to tell Otto before he decided that he liked being away from her, or some equivalent.

She had a flashback.

It wasn't the last time she'd walked in this room, but several times before. She remembered coming upstairs, directly after he'd asked her to. She remembered her reception, then.

She hadn't even been through the door completely before his hands and lips were on her, needy and demanding. She saw that vision, as if it was happening right there in front of her, and it passed through her unnoticed.

Looking at the quiet, pensive boy sitting in his kitchen eating a sandwich, she smiled. It was a smile of loss, but of expectancy. She always knew she didn't have the power to keep him smiling for long.

"Hey, yourself." She called out, pleasant and warm. She moved to sit across from him, and picked at his sandwich obnoxiously. "I know you're not in the mood to see me right now, but I actually really have to tell you something, before you disappear. I promise I won't bug you too much."

Every single part of her heart was breaking in front of him.

She fiddled with the tiny piece of bread she'd stolen, rolling it up into a ball between her fingers. "I talked to Jude for you. I told him everything. He said he wants to talk to you, but on your terms. He doesn't want to push you or anything, but he's open to it, you know? Like, only if you want it."

She popped the tiny rolled up piece of bread into a ball. "So, it's all out in the open now. Whenever you feel like it, he's there to talk to."

Her careful little smile faded when he admitted that he was worn out. Why did she feel like this? This was exactly what she'd expected, what she'd been preparing for. This was why people didn't fall in love. And wasn't she worn out, too? She could understand how Otto felt. She'd always known it would come to this.

It seemed like being prepared wasn't enough to stop her from feeling the pain of rejection, of loneliness, of loss. Her expression crumpled into something a lot more painful, because that was probably the best way to deal with it. Hiding how much it hurt wouldn't do anyone any good.

"I know." She admitted. "I don't care when you talk to him, I just had to tell you I did it before-" She closed her eyes, and her head tilted to one side. "Before."

She should leave. She'd come here to do what she'd meant to- except she actually hadn't. And she never would, she realized. She was just so bad at this.

"I was worried," Her words came out stuttered, choked with emotion. "That you weren't. Handling being alone up here very well. So I came to. Cheer you up."

And she was doing a banner job.

"Everyone seemed to need time to themselves. I get it. I did too. But I know you were coming home to an empty house and you're not used to that, and I just." She laughed through her emotions, rolling her eyes at her own stupidity. He just wanted to be alone, and he deserved that. She felt guilty for interrupting it with her presence.

But the mention of Cami, and how their relationship had started to drag with it those heavy burdens of jealousy and caring, had her turning wet eyes towards him with a soft smirk. "Otto, we're girls. We get weird. I'm sorry, sweetie, but as long as you still like girls, this is what you're in for."

There was always Rep.

It was then that she'd noticed he'd pushed his sandwich towards her, and it made her grin through her tears. Otto would try to show his love through food. "I love you too. But I can't eat that. It's got your cooties on it."

It was so, so hard not to smile.

They were burdens. Maebe had spent so much time trying to push her burdens away, that she couldn't have told anyone exactly when she'd started refusing to let go. She couldn't pinpoint the exact moment when she'd gone from a woman desperate to stay detached, to a girlfriend desperate to hold on to the ones she loved.

It was a mystery.

She glanced at the boy who smiled at her, and felt like a child with how easily that smile made her blush. He wasn't even eating the sandwich, he was just staring at her. She looked anywhere but him, fighting away her smile in a vain attempt to act like she wasn't thrilling inside.

"Ugh," She sighed out, her voice cracking with emotion; even her attempts at speaking betrayed her. "Now look what you did, you're just, just ruining my makeup." She got up and walked to grab a napkin, and simultaneously pull herself away from the gravity of that smile. She wiped the napkin under her eyes, took a deep breath, and turned back around to face him.

This is your last chance to give up, Maebe. A quiet, familiar voice reminded her.

She grinned, matching his, and balled the napkin up and threw it at his head. "Finish your sandwich, dork. Or else I'll never leave."

Maebe's smile faded as her expression filled with actual, remarkably innocent confusion. Her eyebrow lifted as she tried to process what he was saying.

"Wait. But I. You said. I thought." Maybe it had just been a misunderstanding. That was easily cleared up. "I meant that I would leave if you finish your sandwich. And that would.. be a good thing. Right? Because you wanted to be, uhm, alone?"

s**t, was she supposed to not let him have that alone time? Cami, she needed your spiritual guidance!

"I don't know if you'd rather I go or I stay, but I mean, I just,"

She stopped, and realized just how bad she was at this. And she couldn't help but start laughing. It was soft, and then it grew, until she was all but cracking up at herself in his kitchen.

"Just - " She was forcing herself to stop laughing, so she could be clear with him. But the chuckles popped out once in a while. "Finish your sandwich, and then you can have anything you want. I stay, I go, whatever was the preferred option there." She wiped away the tears from her eyes again, though these had come from laughter.

A couple of weeks.

Maebe felt a whole new kind of pain. It was less painful than the one that had haunted her when she'd first walked through his door, but still made her let out a long, deep sigh. She was already regretting how much time they'd wasted.

Otto had an exciting adventure waiting for him. It kind of made Maebe wish she had something - wait, who was she kidding? He had lots of work ahead of him. She didn't want that. Otto could take all the time he wanted if it meant he was getting work done that other people (see: her) didn't have to do.

With a very hopeful, lip biting smile, she met his eyes and nodded. "I think I'd like that." Her fingers twitched, bouncing uselessly on the counter, as if they wanted something they refused to reach out and take. "Are you going to be cut off from texts out there?"