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Shu was in a very bad state, she locked herself in her room. Molesting by her own guilt, the negativity in her little body nearly drowned the petite Asian. On receipt of the new hunter coat, the proof of her promotion, there wasn't the cheer and delight that should be seen. Instead, it only prickled the poor girl, accusing her of what she had done to her precious friend. She couldn't even cry, the self-hating emotion suffocated her, telling her she didn't have the right to do so.

Sleep didn't help any, when she opened her eyes once every four to five hours, she was still in the same room, with the new hunter coat hung up somewhere. She was still the pathetic girl, no matter how many times she tried. She desperately sought for ways to get away, then suddenly remembered in the manga, it said that alcohol can help when you're in misery. So Shu wanted to get drunk for the every first time, but she didn't have any. Shu didn't want anyone close to know like, she didn't deserve more care, after pondering, she sent someone a direct message.

There was why the girl appeared at 220, knocking the sun hunter's door.

"Thank you." For opening the door or whatever reason, the Sun hunter deserved a thank you. Shu didn't know she found him for help, but she did anyway. The girl nodded as a confirmation and followed Otto to where they had the cooking lesson.

There she was given what she wanted, she picked up the glass with two hands as if it was a cup of hot chocolate and put it under her nose. It had a strong fruity smell, a bit of minty or spicy aroma, foreign and strange. Shu didn't have western alcohol drinks before, but only experienced the smell of beer. She was puzzled, yet took a sip at the liquid with a lovely orange color. "This is not-beer? What's it?" She winced at the weird mixed taste in her mouth.

It burned.

Shu rolled her eyes left and then right, afraid of being found out, does Otto read mind? "Hmm. I never have whiskey before. What's liqueur? A type of wine name?" She picked up her glass for another sip, still not get used to the taste. "Where's Cami? I thought she's with you....."

The girl didn't have a smile picked up her glass and looked at the clear liquid swung under the light lackadaisically, she was so different from the normal cheerful and maybe even annoying girl.

"ね。Do you know," Shu said with a feeble soft voice slowly. "I am an intermediate hunter now, but I'm not happy at all...." She shook the glass with liqueur aimlessly before she picked it up for another mouthful, letting the liquor to burn her tongue. Her eyes were looking down all the time, the tiredness was hided underneath the dense eyelashes.

"Ah, I see. What I heard is it should be bitter....Liqueur..." She stared at the wine-like alcohol drink. "I don't know, I never have wine before, this's the first time I touch alcohol, my family is strict...." It might be the first time she talked about her family.

Shu made a smile of bitter in response to his words. "It means an approval or acceptance for me.....It means I am still useful and wanted, that's important for me." When you were hated by anyone, you would find ways and do things that reassured yourself, the tiny little happiness that people might feel like nothing was like precious sweet candies that supported her with energy. "Hey, are you avoiding me? Where's Cami?" She tilted her head pretty like the little bird that will come to pick up the bread debris at your window in the morning.

"Answer my question, and I will answer yours....." She drank again, waggling a finger in front of Otto. "Fair enough, right?" This time was a weak smile as the some long untied hair slid down her shoulder.

"Is that so? They're two types of alcohol drinks? Classified by taste and content?" Shu didn't know what Otto's plot was, or if she knew, she would will stare him with a pair of big widely opened eyes. She did want someone who didn't know her well, but not someone she only met on twitter. Of course the girl thought Rep was a very nice person, even the fact that he seemed bad-mouth on twitter, he was the one of the few that greeted her warmly at her beginning of twitter, she remembered that deeply in her heart, the little warmth she got.

"Hehe~" She giggled, face already a bit pinkish. "So your parent would lock you up or beat you if you do something against the 'rules'?" She made the finger quote marks, then support her head with one hand. Shu didn't know she was slipping out things that she didn't want to be known.

Her reply to his counterattack was - "Eh, but it's night time, she went to someone's room to play?" and paused. "Oh it's my turn. Hmm, something awful happened in my promo assessment mission." She let the liquid to wet her throat before she continued. ".....You remembered I called you out for a spar one day and was acting so weird? I got similar experience again. And this time even worse." The girl paused, drawing circles with the edge of the glass.

"Hmm huh." She nodded without a thought. "Aww....same as me then." She wasn't saying it in a tone of anything, just delivering a fact. Shu didn't tell anyone about her past, besides she had two sisters and a brother, not even Mimsy or Robert. Not that she doesn't trust them, just she wanted them to see only the good sides of her, they only need to know the happy cheerful stupid bunny will do.

"Me, Noemi and Molly went together to investigate an abandoned hunter base. It was empty and strange, there were evidences that all of the hunters there left in a sudden. We heard a noise and went out, followed one of the tracks to a camp - and - and" She didn't continue the story but took a gulp of her glass.

Instead, she turned to answer his question. "...Hmm huh." Without a nod, it was very hard to hear the soft low voice. "I did, sadly it didn't work this time...." Her journal was full of words like "I am guilty", "How could you?", "I don't deserve love", "I didn't want to do so...", "I did it! I did it!" repeating on pages after pages. They were written in pencil, so it could be seen that how hard she was writing those lines and the evidence that she even broke it a few times. Some pages were just scribbled by lines and curves, showing how messy and unsettling her mind was.

If Shu knew what Otto was thinking, she would stand up right away and corrected his misconception and then apologized to all of the Asian family for the culture misunderstanding. Yet, she couldn't deny that how her father treated her, he never get satisfied with whatever she did, so beating was just like part of the daily practice. It would be better when her sisters were at home to stop him. He never like her, he said he hated the color of her eyes that they didn't resemble Chinese blood, so her sisters got her a pair of glasses, but he never say anything bad about her brother's blue eyes. Without knowing what the Sun hunter thought, she didn't comment on the culture misconception.

Unlike someone who might be the big goal to save human beings or take revenge, the simple girl just wanted to left, given the hope to meet with her sisters again and earn the money needed for her brother's expenses. It was a miracle that she hadn't kicked out yet, maybe they were too busy to judge that, maybe they still see some potentials in her.....Anyway, she stayed and still in Deus, that was the fact.

The girl opened her mouth and then closed, said nothing. She was so different from the Sun hunter, who only got stronger when he suffered. He must be loved in his life, she thought. On the other hand, she was always seeking to be liked, to be loved. It no need to be romance, just general liking, but her past experiences influenced too much. She wasn't confident she is liked, thus when bad things came, she only knew either to blame herself for it or let the time to do the magic.

That was how she survived her past, however, joining Deus made her loosened and weakened. Despite how dangerous her life would be, the warmth she got was unbelievable. She got her best friend and many other nice people and a new family. In the past, she was only thinking of protecting herself, but Deus made her realized she wanted to protect others too. Shu wanted to be spoiled, she felt she didn't need to bear her feels by herself, so she was more emotional than before. She smiled, she cried and she yelled.

"You are so strong, Otto. Like physically and here too." She pointed to her chest, making a compliment with admiration and envy, with a very soft voice. If it was other things just about nightmares and fears, she believed she would get through them. However, like last time she attacked Otto, she hurt the one she liked, for Shu, it wasn't something that was forgivable. That was why, she broke, into pieces and sank into hurtful feeling, guilt and insecurity as well as escape of reality. "That sounds great." Shu wet her lips with a mouthful of liquid and lay on the table. "Cami is a great and sweet person....right?"

She slid and almost threw all of her weight onto the table. "Too late, I hurt my friend." She said, hand on the glass, and barely focus on it. "After we arrived at the camp, we saw corpses soaked in blood, their bodies were full of wounds and tablets were everywhere. Then, we were consumed by a weird boiled rage that we attacked each other. They regained conscious first but not me, I broke my friend's shield." Her words didn't contain any emotions, much like an interpretation.

"I never think I would hurt her one day, I just want her to be happy and harmless. I do trust my friends, just not myself." She took a deep breathe and sighed quietly. "What if you hurt Cami or - the beautiful blonde when you were consumed by something? What would you do?" She shifted her focus to Otto, lethargically squinting.

That might be why Shu said he's strong, even he failed, he will stand up and strengthen himself actively. He can transfer the energy and support from his friends to power that boost himself forward.

The tipsy girl brushed her hair backward and let them fall, the new bang was so much better, but she didn't clipped the long strands on two sides. "Yup." She said in short. "I should apologize....." Noemi meant a lot to her, ever since the sweet meek considerate girl actively knocked on her door. It was what made her heart so hurt, she was afraid of her response.

She was the judge and she was the criminal, she wasn't confident that they would forgive her and tell her it's okay, then give her a warm hug. One hate word or just an expression would be death sentence to Shu. She couldn't be as sure as Otto that they will just let it go. Shu remembered Noemi's shocking face when her shield broke and fell onto floor, that was the last thing carved in her mind before she blacked out.

It was something engraved onto the surface of her heart or even soul, unlike tattoo, the pain never go away. It will stay until she die one day, soul crusted into pieces and nothing left.

"...I can't do it." She clutched the glass with a deep frown and picked it up.