The addition of better food and reading material made life in space a little more bearable for Aquarius. It took her a while to haul everything back to the Outpost, and longer still to recover from her bout of malnourishment. Part of her wondered if she was causing permanent damage to her body, but that part was promptly drowned out by her insistence that this was the way it had to be. No matter how Exidor claimed otherwise.

Much to her surprise, there was actually a lot of good stuff in the bag. Hearty canned soups, vegetables, and beans joined the ravioli she was thoroughly sick of. There were tons of granola bars and bags of dried fruit and other snack-type things, many of which were actually healthy. She had remembered oatmeal and powdered mashed potatoes, and lots of frosting. Most of the tea she had was herbal, which wasn't her favorite, but one box of Irish Breakfast had snuck its way in, and she promised to save it for when she really needed it.

Then there were things she didn't need. Like packages of sauce mix, when she had nothing to put sauce on. Or a box of Hamburger Helper, sans the hamburger. And somehow a bag of sugar had ended up in there, and ruptured, leaking all over everything. What she would do with all of that, she didn't know, but there was more useful stuff than miscellaneous nonsense, so she took her trip as a victory.

Assuming one ignored the whole 'criminal in the eyes of the law' thing, anyway.

For a while, Aquarius expected her haul to magically rehaul her whole lifestyle. Better food meant more energy to do things. Reference books meant she could actually check on some of her hypotheses. That was all she'd been missing, really, and now she had proven that she could handle it with just an occasional trip back to Earth to stock up on supplies and switch out her books.

On her third day back, while she was stretching in preparation for a run, it hit her that the changes she was waiting for weren't coming. She was a little healthier and a little less stir-crazy, and those were both great developments, but her overall situation hadn't changed. She was still bored, and tired, and sad. Regardless of what she told herself, the decisions she had made still tormented her. She had yet to make any meaningful discoveries, despite the amount of time and effort she was putting into her work.

After literally devoting her life to something, to come up empty was more than just discouraging. Not that she had much of a life anymore. She had sacrificed it, instead doing what she could to survive, rather than live. It was, she thought, a sacrifice worth making, but only if it propelled her towards her goals. Instead, it seemed to trap her in a state of equilibrium. Nothing got worse, but nothing progressed either.

Was protecting herself, and those around her, from harm, worth the very real possibility that she would never be able to move forward? Could she survive on the knowledge that nothing she tried would ever come to fruition, and accept that as the cost of the safety she craved?

And she would be within inches of summoning her phone and going back, if only to get a different perspective on things, when something would stop her. Sometimes it was the nightmares, both the familiar relapses of events gone by, and the possibly prophetic dreams of darkness and death. Other times it was her own pride, her unwillingness to label everything she had done and decided as being worthless.

Most of the time it was a face. Yvette's, from the time she had severed their ties. Dana's, from when her cousin had revealed her secret. Zia's panic, Thraen's sympathy, Camelot's confusion. Kent's desperation, as he begged her not to leave.

Then she would touch the worn piece of paper in her sash again. It was falling apart at the crease, and the words were barely legible, but she could remember the brief message perfectly. She knew it meant that Laney was concerned. Maybe even scared, or hopeless. But above all else, it meant that Laney was alive. Well enough to wonder where she was, and to write messages. That was more valuable than anything else. Even her own well-being.

If she was cursed- and by this point, it seemed obvious that she was- the only course of action Aquarius had left was to save others from herself. From that way of thinking, it didn't matter how boring her life had become, or how little she had advanced her other causes. Her sacrifices allowed others to lead real, fulfilling lives. And that would always be worth it.