Welcome to Gaia! ::

Dearest Camille:

I hope that you are well.

I will begin by providing an explanation for the sake of context, to establish a common understanding of the circumstances. I am typically incapable of experiencing guilt or remorse in any measurable capacity. I am not receptive to general psychological diagnoses, and therefore have not been classified within any defining categories of those who lack empathy. I presumed that this was related to the deficiency of my heart, but as I have grown to comprehend emotions, I have yet to feel this unprompted.

That has changed. I currently have no theory regarding the sudden shift in empathy, and do not yet know if it will be temporary, or if I can expect a more long-term transition. Regardless of the circumstances, I have determined that it is imperative to confess my transgressions to you as soon as possible. I simply cannot bear the agonizing guilt of knowing that I have not apologized for all I have done that may have caused you hurt or harm.

I will attempt to address each of my problematic thoughts or actions to the best of my knowledge, but I am open to addressing any that you may have in mind. Please do not feel as if you should not identify these problems. Please do not feel as if you are obligated to forgive me. I truly wish to extend sincere apologies so we may work towards a better understanding and a brighter future together.

I. Upon discovering your presence in my former dorm room, I failed to immediately recognize who you were. I was disingenuous and encouraged you in an effort to come to a conclusion about your identity. For this I apologize.

---a. I initially expressed doubt of our relation while explaining my connection to you to my husband. For this I apologize.

---b. I remained somewhat distant until I was ready to consider the existence of a sibling that I was not previously informed about. For this I apologize.

---c. Despite my ability to do so, I have made no effort to discover any of the genealogical information that might offer insight to our history. For this I apologize.

II. I ignored your plea to stop while collecting a sample of flesh from a decapitated corpse. For this I apologize.

III. I was exceedingly disgusted when I learned of the apparent advances that Maebe Grace Bertrand made upon you. I have been tirelessly defending her advances upon my brother for some time now, and was in a state of disbelief when I discovered this development. For this I apologize.

---a. I attempted to terminate Ms. Bertrand's existence on the occasion that she failed to heed both my pleas and my warnings to leave my brother alone. I sorely desired the opportunity to attempt this a second time when I witnessed her comments to you. I understand that you may care about her, and that her death would be potentially harmful to you. For this I apologize.

---b. I detest her. For this I apologize.

IV. I questioned your capability to make sustainable decisions as a result of the possible involvement with Ms. Bertrand. I ultimately opted against intervention, but retained doubts. It did not cause my trust in your to falter, but did cause me to doubt that you are willing to care about yourself with the same level of care that you offer to others. For this I apologize.

I understand that this may require time for processing, thought, and consideration. I do not expect an immediate response, and will understand if you would rather not respond entirely. i do not expect forgiveness. I am aware that my actions are monstrous and inexcusable.

Thank you for your time.

Regards,
Mimsy Morris

The previous day had been a tiring one on many accounts, but the main culprit was the sudden onset of an emotion that Mimsy was not at all used to having. It was draining to deal with such a thing, especially when the regrets became so overwhelmingly suppressive that it threatened her ability to do anything but feel guilty and ashamed for all that she had done.

As a result, she'd slept in and opted out of beginning her day's work for the time being. She still didn't quite trust that her mind had returned to providing her with normal levels of function, and it was imperative for her to possess that in her work, so she preferred to err on the side of caution.

This, and the fact that the Morris household did not typically have visitors, was why Mimsy answered the door in only a mis-buttoned shirt and underwear with a mug of coffee in one hand. Her braids were a frizzy mess, and her expression was distant and confused for the entire first half of Cami's sudden announcement.

"Um," she quietly replied, before turning to set her coffee down on the nearest surface. She turned back to look at her, blinked slowly several times, processed that she was crying, and mentally thumbed through categories of emotional research until she found the most adequate response.

"Come on." She slid one arm around her shoulders and urged her inside, closing the door behind them before she wrapped her other arm around her for a marginally better hug. "Thank you for the analogy. I will put more thought into this at a later time, but my immediate assessment is that it is an accurate one. Why are you crying? Am I at fault? Would you like some tea or coffee? Would you like to sit down?"

A nod was a positive thing, at least, and Mimsy noted that this was the first action that Cami chose after listening to her. That seemed to signify that she didn't harbor feelings towards her that were too terrible - but it was only a nod, and that was not a conclusive assessment.

The hug, however, was fairly conclusive evidence. She simply could not imagine hugging anyone that she despised, and would rather not attempt to imagine it ever. But the other woman began crying again in the wake of the hug, and Mimsy was once again as confused as she had been from the start.

She held her hands rigidly in front of her, momentarily stared, and turned to retrieve a second mug of coffee and a tissue, if they had them.

When she returned with both requested items in her hands, she sat down next to her and offered them to her one at a time. The coffee had been flavored with a statistically average amount of cream and sugar, which she'd hoped would be adequate, and the tissues were only a small packet that was meant to be carried in a purse or a pocket, but she had managed to fulfill what she'd asked for.

"I understand," she began - and she did, or truly thought she did. "It is upsetting to find oneself struggling to obtain adequacy or requisite refinement or perfection. Is this why you are sad? I can help you, if you would like for me to. Or is it the letter itself that has caused this? I suppose it could simultaneously be the letter's fault and not mine, correct? I sincerely apologize, but I must admit that I am still experiencing difficulty in determining the reason for your distress."

If Mimsy had attempted to guess which points of the letter would have included unnecessary apologies, detesting Maebe would not have been one of them. She raised both brows and waited, as if she expected the admission of a joke, but one never came.

"I am impressed that you are forgiving of my history with her. I cannot say that I would be as comfortable with this lack of imposition as you are," she murmured, busy replacing the variables in her mind to make them inversely relevant. When she'd finished, she only shook her head, and said nothing further.

"Regarding your question about my brother...yes." An abrupt change in her positive expression to a negative one followed the reply, and an equally abrupt correction followed that. "No."

The knowledge that this would be complicated to maintain, combined with residual guilt and grief over the initial lie that had begun the sibling charade, urged her towards a more thoughtful response. She reached to retrieve her own coffee, took a sip, frowned, took a second sip, decided to stop stalling before it became obvious that she was doing as much, and cleared her throat. Then she waited no less than fifteen seconds in silence, though that served a purpose - this was not something that she wanted to speak candidly about if her husband was around.

"He is my brother, and my brother alone. That is, however, because we were--" She pressed her lips together, cheeks puffed up just slightly with all the words that she was unsure about letting out, until she found something satisfactory to settle upon. "Friends. We were friends. When Robert and I began to trade more detailed information about each other, he referenced having a sister, and I decided in the moment that I wanted a sibling relative, instead of only the cousin that was once here. Lucky has never protested, and we enjoy the benefits of a relationship as siblings, but I am afraid that I cannot say what his thoughts would be on a second sister, as I have never asked about his thoughts regarding the first one."

That was probably inconsiderate, she realized. Oh well. It was a bit too late to be helped, at this point.

"And I cannot insist that you should consider him your brother in turn. I am sure that you understand. The circumstances were different at that time, but my own desire for stable and positive familial connections has not lessened since then. It is for this reason that I was desperate to combat Miss Bertrand's advances - he had not been my brother for long, and I could not bear the thought of losing that. Similarly, it was important for me to assess your intentions as a priority, lest I accept someone into this family who would hope to destroy it."

This was possibly inconsiderate as well, but there was at least a chance that it would not be too late to repair this problem. She brought her coffee to her lips and took half of a sip before allowing it to dribble awkwardly back into the mug.

"I would appreciate your discretion in this matter, of course. I have not admitted this to anyone else. What I initially told my husband has not been corrected, most importantly."