[PRP] Crawling Back to You (Evan/Chel)

[Inle-roo]

Evan's duties in the infirmary were supposed to be a punishment, but mostly they felt like penance. Every mopped floor and sterilized tool and changed sheet was one step closer towards absolution, even if his transgression would always be a black mark on his record. He could live with that because ultimately, it didn't matter. None of it would bring Chel back to him. What would she care about the time he spent in the infirmary? It wouldn't make up for hurting her, and he wouldn't pretend otherwise.

Still, it made him feel like he was doing something about the ever-present guilt, and that was only slightly better than just wallowing in it. He was glad to help out in the infirmary until they shooed him out, having nothing left for him to clean and, at that point, only good for getting in the way.

It was getting easier to navigate the labyrinthine halls of the labs, too, having only been there a few times prior to getting assigned to the infirmary. At least, he thought he knew which way to go. He knew if he passed the minipet experimentation labs then he was going the wrong way. He hadn't hit them yet, but he looked into each room to be sure. Weapons testing, runic development, Chel, broom closet--wait, what?

Evan backed up a few steps, peering into the lab he had just passed. Sure enough, that was Chel's trademark shock of pink hair. He was relieved beyond words to see her up and around and apparently healthy enough to be back to some kind of work. At the same time, he was overcome by shame and regret. He had heard from some of the disgruntled Moons how badly he had hurt her, how much he had set her healing back. If not for his intervention, she would have been just fine and he wouldn't be lingering in the doorway torn on what to do. He knew he should just leave--he didn't want to be a reminder--but he owed her an apology, even if she didn't accept it.

Decision made, he cleared his throat awkwardly, knocking lightly on the open door. "Hey," he said quietly, not wanting to startle her.

chimarii

 

[chiickadee]

Chel had seen Evan walk past the first time, and by the time he'd uttered the word "hey" she had Tenebrae summoned under the table. Mostly out of instinct, but also partially out of fear. Then she felt absolutely horrible about doing that to her friend, so Tenebrae was gone.

< You should really keep me summoned for safety. >

No.

Regardless of how terrible she felt, Chel still felt relatively guarded. "What do you want?"

inle-roo

 

[Inle-roo]

That Chel acknowledged him at all was more than Evan expected--certainly, it was more than he deserved. He shrugged, carefully not looking directly at her, like she would disappear if he dared to make eye contact. "Wanted to apologize," he replied. "For hurting you. I shouldn't have, and I'm sorry." His gaze wandered a little closer, looking at what he could see of her between her chin and the table she was behind. "Glad to see you're okay, though."

chimarii

 

[chiickadee]

Chel's eyes narrowed with suspicion. "And?"

She wasn't that quick to forgive.

inle-roo

 

[Inle-roo]

And? There was an and? "And," Evan floundered, frowning in confusion. What else had he done that he needed to apologize for?

(So much, so much, to so many people that were out of reach of his regrets.)

Trust Chel to be a girl about things now, expecting him to immediately know everything she could possibly be thinking. "And I'm sorry you had to spend extra time in the infirmary because of me? That's never fun," he tried cautiously.

chimarii

 

[chiickadee]

Chel leaned back on her stool, wondering what else she could draw out of Evan. "Apologies really don't mean much, y'know. You just say yer sorry and then it doesn't matter whether you actual mean it or not." Chel would know. She'd given plenty of people apologies that she'd never meant. Especially to people she'd dated.

"Gotta know you really mean it. You could've killed me. Murder, Evan." Just in case he'd forgotten. She shrugged and said, "So. And?"

She would later regret being so mean to him, but murder wasn't something you just glazed over.

inle-roo

 

[Inle-roo]

"And what?" Evan asked, exasperated. "I said I was sorry and I mean it. You know I wouldn't lie you--not even about the little things, and definitely not about this." He wasn't eloquent at the best of times; now, when pushed for an on-the-spot answer, he had none to give. "What more do you want from me?" He asked beseechingly, eager for forgiveness now that it looked like he had a chance at it.

chimarii

 

[chiickadee]

"I don't know!" Chel screamed back at him. "I just! You can't kill a person and then expect it to be okay with an apology, Evan!" Chel was frantic, screeching and it wasn't pretty.

But she did know that Evan was telling the truth. That was the frustrating part. She knew it was heartfelt. "I really don't know," she said more quietly. "I mean ... what keeps you from doin' it again? Can't just say you promise not too, 'cause that's flimsy as hell man."

Simply put, Chel wasn't sure she trusted Evan anymore. She liked him and was happy to be a friend, but she couldn't constantly sit with the paranoia of putting her life on the line.

inle-roo

 

[Inle-roo]

"I didn't kill you, Chel, Jesus Christ. If I had wanted you dead," Evan cut himself off. It didn't need to be spoken and he didn't want to say the words. "I didn't set out to hurt you," he continued, softer. "I was just mad and," he was still mad, "and the doctor said that everyone was a little more aggressive after the glass broke. I can't promise that it's never going to happen again. I don't know what's going to happen tomorrow, or next week, or next month. s**t gets weird here pretty fast. But I am sorry and I do wish I could take it back."

chimarii

 

[chiickadee]

"Oh okay. So since you didn't set OUT to hurt me, it's okay that you did." Chel summoned Tenebrae and instantly tore a shot across the lab, directly at Evan's chest. The arrow found its mark, making an angry buzzing noise across Evan's shield and then fizzling out, small pink dots filling the air.

Tenebrae then disappeared in a similar show of pink dots, and Chel said, "See I didn't start this conversation thinking I was going to hit you, but I'm sorry that I did."

Chel felt horrible, but it needed to be said. "But I can't take that arrow back Evan. Ya can't damage 'em and then put them back together like nothin' happened." She needed to make a point. She wasn't sure what that point was, but there was one coming. "I know Sunny 'n them ate you out for what you did. Ya suffered enough and I hate to see ya like that but ... I'm just not ready to forgive you dude. I'm not sure what I'm ready to do."

Her mind was swirling, an amalgam of Evan, Shun- what did it matter anymore?

Who's side was she on?

DMG: 10  

[Inle-roo]

"I'm not saying that makes it okay, damn it, I--ow," Evan growled, staggering back a step from the force of Chel's attack. His fingers twitched reflexively, an intention away from summoning Gir. He crossed his arms over his smarting chest instead, as much to give himself some measure of protection against any further attacks as to keep himself from any instinctive retaliation.

He took a deep breath. Patience, he told himself. He wasn't the one who had any right to be angry here. "I'm not asking you to forgive me. What I did was wrong--I probably wouldn't forgive me, if I was in your position. All I wanted was to let you know that I was sorry it happened. What you do with that is entirely up to you."

chimarii

 

[chiickadee]

How in the world had things ended up like this? One day she and Evan were the two musketeers, the dukes of hazard and the next they were in this weird friends-but-not-friends.

"I'll cut you a deal. Go to the haunted house and talk with one of 'em. Don't kill them, don't even attack them. Take a picture with it, for shits and giggles," she grinned, something more akin to the old Chel. "Then I'll forgive ya."

She knew Evan would get nothing out of it, but the idea of him suffering a little pleased her.

inle-roo

 

[Inle-roo]

Hope rose at the merest hint that he might be forgiven--he wanted it, desperately, despite how undeserving of it he was--and then swiftly died as Chel gave him her terms. Her grin was met with a frown full of hurt and despondence.

"You know how I feel about them," Evan replied quietly, saddened that Chel was using what he hated most against him. Clearly she was just dangling the prospect of forgiveness in front of him because she knew he couldn't take it. "What you're asking me to do could get me killed, anyway. I'm sure they're not all as tame as your pet monsters. It'd be like walking into a kennel full of pit bulls dressed in a suit of raw meat." He shook his head slowly. "Anything else, Chel. Please."

chimarii

 

[chiickadee]

"'Cept these pitbulls got brains that can reason," Chel said harshly. "Let me ask ya. Some dude approaches you, big nasty sword pulled out-" No she did not mean his d**k, "-And starts attackin' you. You really think you'd take that s**t nicely either?"

From her wrist, Chel pulled her hair tie off and began wrapping it around her thick, pink hair, finding the strands in her face starting to get annoying. "If one attacks you first, yeah sure man. Kick its a** and stab it once through the eyes for me." She looked at Evan with a sorrowful look in her eyes. Her voice grew more smokey, pained even. "I would never want you to get hurt 'cause 'a me, soldier." She thickened her resolve and took a gulp of air. "But what I'm askin' ain't impossible if you just try."

For once, Chel was sticking to her guns. "Those're my terms. No changin'."

inle-roo

 

[Inle-roo]

The irony of Chel claiming that she didn't want to be a source of injury for Evan when she had been the one to start this in the first place wasn't lost on him. The urge rose, briefly, to remind her of that, and was almost immediately subsumed by guilt; he was mad, and he felt guilty that he was mad, especially since he had done her so much greater harm. Above all of it was the need to take this lifeline she was throwing him even at the cost of everything he still woke up in the morning for. He hated the monsters, and he had good reason to, and no amount of trying was going to change that. Killing them gave him purpose, and to do otherwise would confuse what was an otherwise simple goal.

Why couldn't she just understand that? More importantly, why wasn't he walking away? Chel sat there, the antithesis of all the values he still held dear in this world, dictating terms to him and he was seriously considering them? It seemed like such a small thing to ask, and if she was asking him to make nice with another person on the island, it wouldn't have even been an issue--but these things weren't people. She needed to understand. He could make her understand.

"Once," he bargained after he finally turned the problem over and over enough to make it solvable. "I'll try the once. I'll go alone. And I draw the line at getting close enough to take a picture with it on the likelihood that it'll turn around and attack me anyway."

chimarii