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[R - DocLog] Smile For Me -- Cherry x Xander

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Graceangel

Benevolent Phantom

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PostPosted: Thu Jun 26, 2014 11:21 am


Kaori_luv
Xander was sitting in the park, at a checkers table. He had just finished playing for the morning and was packing up his pieces and getting ready to leave. He worked full time at the hospital now, so he didn’t always get to do this anymore, but today he was able to get out early and play a few round. He won a few and lost a couple, but he had enjoyed himself and now he just walked a satchel on his sides holding his piece, heading for his car. He didn’t know what he wanted to do with the day, he knew should really try to get a nap in before he had to go in for an overnight, but he figured he could do that later.

The summer was getting a little hotter now, so Xander wore shorts today something that wasn’t terrible common for him, but when one intended to spend a summer morning in the park it was a good idea. He watched kids running about as he walked a few people riding bikes, rollerblading, and skateboarding, while other flew kites and played frisbee. It was a very good day for all that and almost made the city seem normal. He knew once the sun went down the park would be practically barren and he wished momentarily for better days. Days when family barbequed in the park, well after dark and they didn’t have to worry about their children going missing, their teens turning up dead.

He pushed the thoughts from his head, lest he branch of on a negative tangent he much rather left dealt with or at least as dealt with as he could manage.


Graceangel
It had been a thought she had filed away in her mind. The day she had been out with Lily; she had been told about his tending to play checkers in the park. Not that Cherry spent all day every day plotting all the ways she could stalk a person. No. It wasn’t quite that bad, or at least, it wasn’t that way yet. Still, with her having picked up a second job, her free time had also been growing increasingly preoccupied. It was nice to take a Sunday afternoon off. She would work for those people any other time they wanted; but any days she knew were Xander’s off days. Those days were practically sacred. She would always put in for them off.

The night before when she came home crashing on her bed from exhaustion. She had reminded herself to double check the calendar to remind herself what day it was. When she saw it was Saturday night at the time she was looking, she smiled to herself thinking about what that meant for Sunday. That night, she had rolled out to shower and plan her outfit. This morning, she accessorized it with some pretty colorful bracelets and a hat. It was a strategic outfit. One that was not only in appealing colors, but it was modest enough that there should be no contention.

She had brought her Canon EOS. It was a camera she used when she just wanted to take casual images. She wasn’t going to worry about all kinds of crazy lighting effects. When she set out to the park, she wondered if he would really be there. Either way, she would do what she’d do any other time she was there with her camera. She loved taking her camera to the park. There would be either cute little families or people with their pets there. She loved photographing people with their pets, but sometimes, she’d catch something like a toddler with an ice cream cone that was half dripped on their shirt, and half a scoop laying on the ground. Sometimes, she’d get lucky, and she’d find a kid letting their dog eat their ice cream. She’d take those home and upload them to photobucket or pinterest. They garnered a lot of attention.

As she walked up to center of the park, she stopped at the fountain. She just loved the curves and flow of the marble as the spout and statue winded up the middle of the main spraying part of the fountain. She stepped back a pace or two to snap a shot of that. She stopped to take one of a few kites in the sky next to each other.

Then, she did a thing that she thought she was all kinds of sneaky about. She had waltzed ever so casually around to where the checker tables were. She had seen this area plenty of times in the past. Lots of old men came here in the mornings during the week. From a spot, she played with the zoom feature on her camera. With that, she spied him who she sought. She took a snap or two of him moving about. She felt pretty safe and not seen taking those shots unawares. She didn’t have the flash on with it being so bright out. He’d probably not notice.

Then, she faded behind a big tree behind her to look through the pictures she had taken on the screen on the back of her camera. She smiled to herself. They had all come out great. She slipped back out and looked for him again. She wondered if she could get a smile out of him. A picture of a smiling Xander. That’d be like a gift that regifted itself to her every day. She could ask her father to develop one for her. She could put it in her room or something. Though she was decidedly against uploading this and sharing it with anyone else. This was just for her.


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Xander didn’t notice Cherry taking pictures of him even as he stopped to tie his shoe. No, it wasn’t until he turned and headed down the path that lead to the tree that she hid behind that he would notice her. When she slipped out looking for him once more, he was right in her pathway and he gave her a surprised looking for he chuckled. “Fancy meeting you here,” he said with a wave to the woman, “we seem to have an amazing habit of just sort of running into each other.”

He came up to her and oddly enough gave her a hug, something he didn’t often do, but showed he was getting more comfortable and closer to her. They were fast friend, and seemingly good ones too, he liked how easy it was to get on with her and how it lacked the awkwardness he was so often famous for. Well most of the time anyway.

He looked to her camera and gave a curious glance, “doing a little photography in the park? I remember you telling me photography was one of your hobbies when you enjoyed. Get any shots you like so far?” He was curious obviously, he wanted to ask if he could see, but he wasn’t sure if that was okay. He knew some people could be shy about their work, and though Cerise never seemed very shy, he didn’t want to push.


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Cherry was definitely not a shy one. Though at times, she could have shy reactions to things that were way too far out of her comfort zone. Even then in any moment of shyness, she always felt quite sure of herself. That unflinching confidence often gave others the impression she still wasn’t at all the least bit shy even in moments when she were. When she stepped out from the tree to go sleuth about to take more pictures of him, she blinked with surprise of her own. She hadn’t counted on him just walking right up to her. Sneaking, it lost its effectiveness.

“Hey Xander. Always happy to see you.” The hug she received greedily. She wasn’t sure what felt more surprising. That he seemed to happy to see her or that he was physically touching her, on his own. Of course, she returned his hug. Though all hugs with her didn’t allow her to press too close. Her overly endowed ladies would create a slight barrier. A barrier that during winter had saved her once or twice from kissing the pavement; but in huggin and close embraces. Still, she relished in this. What if he didn’t do this again for a while. Moreover, it gave her an excuse to touch him. She was just returning his hug after all.

“Yup. Just something I do when I want to get out of the house. I have actually. I got a couple really good shots.” She turned on the screen she was looking at. Peeking up, she hurriedly flipped past the ones she took of him, so he wouldn’t see those. She went to one of the toddler eating an ice cream with the big drip on her shirt and half the scoop on the ground. “See? Pretty cute right? Yeah. I enjoy photos that capture a moment. I guess that’s just my dad’s influence on me. Admittedly, I’m not an easily influenced person, but my dad always had an eye for capturing people in their greatest moments. Not sure I am even close to being on his level, but it’s still fun to do it. Do it my way.”

She was happy to share some of her shots. If he wanted to see some, she’d show him some. What could he ask her that she could refuse?


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Xander smiled and watch Cerise as she fiddled with the camera before showing him a really cute picture, he couldn’t help but to smile a little more softly at it. “Children are good subjects I bet, they have far more candid moments than adults. They are very unguarded.” He looked around the park watching people going about their park activities even some taking pics with smart phones, he thought that would be an interesting thing to take a picture of, because it was sort of ironic. It wasn’t really that long ago that people would have been about with digital cameras and even disposables, something he rarely saw now. Cerise and her camera, they were a rarity.

He looked back to her, “could you show me more. That was a good picture. I bet the other’s are just as nice. It sounds to me like it’s sort of like when look through a photo album and some of the best pictures are the ones, no one saw you taking. Like my mom has pictures of us sleeping as babies, sometimes with dad. They are always really lovely pictures.”

He almost offered to show her at time, but the pictures when at home in Destiny City, but at home in England, which is parents and his sister Rose. It made him a little sad to be in a way sort of missing some of those memories, not in that they weren’t with him but in that he couldn’t refresh them as easily if they faded. Photographs helped preserve moments in time, Xander liked that about them even if he was no photographer.


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Cherry looked at him passively at first. As his compliments flowed, her confident smile found its old and familiar place on her lips. Her eyes flickered with smug pride. "Xander, are you saying that you want to take a walk in my muses? I don't mind. You should just take care when asking such a thing. You could get more than you bargain for. What if I had..." She was going to say naked pictures of herself. She realized the brainchild the idea was. She wondered if that would actually work. Not today of course. No need to rush and ruin a perfectly brilliant idea if she had ever had one.

"Well, I could show you more, but I haven't been here very long. I only have been warming up. Do you want to help me spot things? Like people doing something interesting? "

She wondered if she should let him use the camera and take a shot or two. Maybe that was a good way to go. He was so interested in what she was doing. “Sometimes, I’ll just zoom the lens out and pan around the environment until I hit on something that looks good. Sometimes I’ll go and sit in my dad’s office. I’ll compare photos I take against the kind he used to take. See if I actually have talent in what I see.”

Then, she held up the camera as if by the gesture of holding it up offered him a brief chance to take it and snap a picture or two.


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Xander nodded, but then he looked completely confused especially when she stopped mid sentence and he found himself asking, “if you had what? I really don’t think I could get more than I bargained for with innocent pictures, unless you I guess took pictures of a dog doing his business, though I guess than would be very candid.”

Xander gave her a look of understanding and sort of realized he had probably interrupted her. He almost apologized, but she asked him if he wanted to help and he certainly had time to. The apology was forgotten and he smiled, “yes, of course I’ll help. Not sure if I will have the eye for it, but I can certainly try.”

He turned to see if he could spot something interesting, but when she spoke to him about how she did it, he turned back. He wondered if that meant he was suppose to be the one taking the picture if he was helping. He was certain he never used a camera like the one she currently held. A digital camera sure, but not this. Sure enough it seemed she was holding it up to him and he wasn’t sure if he should take it, but he did because he had agreed to help.

“Okay, so I’ve never handled a camera like this and in the interest in not messing it up, if you would show me how to zoom in and out that would be great.” Xander was feel every incredibly bad if he broke or even deleted something, both things were the last things he possible wanted to do, not that he couldn't replace it.


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While she didn’t actually have naughty pictures on the camera’s image cache to ambush him with, this was even better. While he held the camera, she sidled up next to him, and she weaved her arms in with his and wrapping her hands lightly around his to show him the buttons. “See, this little lever? If you move it to the left, it zooms out; that will make the objects seem further away. You want to use that if you’re trying to get more of an object into the picture. And, then you slide it to the right if you want to zoom in. You do that if you want a close up, or if you’re trying to reduce noise going on around it. Well, not noise really. I call it noise, but it’s just extra stuff going on around your subject that you don’t want included in your picture. Also, sometimes you zoom in because you’re maybe catching a mother bird feeding her babies in a nest. Or, you catch a bumblebee as it moves between the flowers.”

She thought maybe she should show him some other nifty settings on her camera. While her camera was nice, it was a hybrid between a digital camera and the professional kind her father used to use. She tilted the top of the camera, so he could see it. She then pointed to a small dial on the top right next to the zoom. “See, it’s on smart mode right now. That means the camera will automatically adjust itself for more flash or less flash depending on the lighting. Like, it has daytime, nighttime, and lots of other modes. It can even take short videos. Short being like… thirty minutes long usually? Anything longer than that doesn’t turn out too well. Anyways, there is also this magic picture frame setting. If you take photos on this, it allows you to pick a frame that goes over it. It basically saves you from doing photo editing work on the computer. I don’t always use those. If I use them, I mostly stick to the one that looks like an old retro tv set, the sunset over an ocean, or the night sky over a lit up metropolis.”

She wondered if she was getting carried away and giving him way too much information just to snap one or two shots. She started to give him an embarrassed smile. She cut it short when she decided she wasn’t going to be embarrassed. It was silly and why was she worrying so much about that. She had also forgotten to tell him how to review your photos after you took them. When the thought came to her, she thought maybe if she didn’t tell him; he wouldn’t see the ones she had taken of him already. Would that seem creepy?

“But, yeah.. go ahead. just… take a shot of anything. Of course, it might not be something that would be on the cover of TIME magazine. It’s pretty rare anyone gets shots like that their first time.”


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Xander listened intently to the explanation very unaware of her proximity to him or how much she was seemed to be enjoying it, no instead he focused on the camera and learning the buttons she was showing him. “I think I got it,” he said softly when she moved away from him. He played with the zoom a bit and nodded at her when she said to just snap a photo of anything. He brought the camera up to his face to look through the lens and turned look around the park.

He spied all manner of people doing all manner of things, but he didn’t take any pictures, even though Cerise said to take a picture of anything he didn’t think it should really just be anything. After a long moment a mother sitting on a bench picked up her baby and was holding the baby out and bringing her back in sort of like a game. The baby had a big smile for her every time she was brought close, Xander zoomed in and finally clicked a picture when the baby put both hands on the mothers cheeks and they both beamed at each other.

He wondered if he should take another picture or if one was enough, but as he turned he still held the camera up to his face. He zoomed in and out, and snapping just a few pictures as he turned, of just things that caught his eye even to kids hanging from the jungle gym a ways away giggle at each other, or so it looked until he zoomed out and saw they were sitting on older siblings shoulders and pretending to hang. He’d snapped another picture then. He continued until he was face Cerise the camera point at her, he zoomed out a bit and smiled.

“Smile, seems like you get to be the subject now.” He snapped a picture and turned the camera around to look at it before just kind of smiling softly.


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She watched him with rapt attentiveness. She hadn’t taken anyone with her when she went to the park to take pictures. She often ran into people she knew there. Many of her acquaintances brought their pets there or went to toss a coin into the fountain.

When he trained the lens on her, she made a face at him. One where her lips would half pout before quirking up into a half smirky grin. Her arms crossing, and her eyes beading at him. Her pose insinuating that she was exasperated at his making her the focus of the pictures. The growing of the smirk and smile in her features; however, showed that she wasn’t really exasperated at all. “Ah, I see what you did there. Lucky for you, I couldn’t hate my picture being taken if I tried.”

That was true enough. She loved her picture being taken. She had always loved the camera. Probably another aspect of her that made her yearn for being on television. Being in the eye of the camera, and the face everyone sees and adores. “If you want me to do something in particular, just say so. Sometimes, when you’re the photographer, you think. I just need to see this person from this angle or… I just need a closer look, but maybe with them doing this…. or having this moment..” She smiled to herself. Maybe she was more like her father than she ever noticed.

When it seemed as though he was actually taking a picture of her, she smiled bright and wide. She gave him a smile that didn’t have a care in the world. The smile that shined on a bright sunny Sunday afternoon. One that wasn’t burdened with the cares of mid life crisis or the hollow pursuit of selfish gains. She wondered what he saw while taking a picture of her. Was he only seeing what was literally in front of his eye? Was it a picture that connected somewhere deeper? No. She wouldn’t ask herself that last question. She didn’t want to ask it. Mostly because she didn’t really want an answer. If knowing the answer to a question might be devastating, she would often avoid having to ask it. She hated hearing what she didn’t want to hear. Truth or not.

She then made a quick pose for one of his shots that had one eye winked with the hand from the arm on the opposite side coming up to blow a kiss with at the camera. Hey, if she were gonna upload a photo of herself later; she wanted it to be cute. She wanted it to be something she’d be totally cool with showing off. “How many did you take? Hope they came out well.” She came over excitedly to get the camera back and see how her face came out.


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Xander look up from the camera with a slightly embarrassed look. “I only took a few. I guess they turned out okay. I didn’t really look at them, just the last one. You look very happy, its nice, lovely,” said before handing over the camera. He didn’t really think about what he just said or what that might possibly mean to Cerise. He sort of just said because it was true. He felt a little bad for only just noticing, he wasn’t terribly observant, not that way. “Sorry I didn’t ask you to pose. I just wanted to take a picture of you. I figured a smile would be nice. I wouldn’t really have now what to have you do, but if you want to show me it might be better if I was one taking the directions.” There was Cerise’s chance to get all the pictures of the red headed man she could want.

“Could you show me how to look through them so I can see? You can tell me what you think of them? I’ll be okay if you tell me they are horrible,” he said with a slight laugh. He didn’t seem himself as an artist in any sort of light, no he was a doctor, a pianist, and a good person. Those were really the only things he claimed to be.

He moved closer looking expectantly at Cerise, not at all thinking she was say no to letting him view the pictures she had taken. He figured she would likely want to see them too and probably take some more herself, he did offer to let her show him the directional thing she had been talking about a moment ago.


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Cherry paused looking a little surprised and then a little bummed. “Oh, um. Well, I mean.. I guess that’s ok. I just thought you were taking more than one. Yeah. I’m happy enough I guess. Maybe happiness is seeing your heart’s desire? It’s possible that we gain more excitement and contentment in the pursuit of that what we want most. Many who get what they want; at the end, they stand there asking themselves what’s next. Ultimately, it should be contentment and forever happiness. Still, most stories that we’re told that end with happily ever afters. I wonder if people end their stories there because the rest settles into the everyday. It’s no longer the trail of quiet precious moments or drops of chaotic upheavals that challenge us to break or overcome.”

Well what the crap. Where did that come from. Maybe being in her element made her wax a little more philosophical than usual. She had been in the mind of what makes her pictures have defintion for her. The understanding and eyeing of those things in the people and world around her; that was what begged a scene to be photographed and immortalized as another story.

“Oh, you mean, I take some of you, and tell you what to do? Um. Ok.” Her taking her camera back and flickering with the frame overlays and choosing one that had some strong sepia tones on it. She told him to go stand against that tree, leaning back on it. And, then for him to cross his arms across his chest, and look down at his arms. Then, she thought about what she could say to him to solicit a genuine frown. Oh right. “What if I told you…. I wasn’t wearing any panties right now?”

Even as she asked it, she had started to laugh. She actually was. She had started making it a habit to remember to wear them if she knew she would be seeing Xander on a particular day. With that laugh, she snapped away at the rainbow of expressions that played out. When they ran their course, she skipped up to him with a helpless grin. She was practically bursting with laughter. “I’m so sorry. Please don’t be upset. I just had a feeling there’d be some kind of reaction with a certain expression I was going for. Ok… so ok ummm….”

She looked around for what looked like a nice picture. “How about if you went up and tossed a coin into the fountain? I’ll take one, and that will be called…. ‘Wish for a Future Rainy Day’. How’s that?” Then, she remembered that he wanted to see how to see them. Before directing him further, she flipped the camera over entirely forgetting about the pictures she had taken of him while he was playing checkers. She had thought if it were a chess board; it would have looked even more sophisticated with the tops of the pieces all having different heights and shapes. “Look, see.. if you press this button? It changes you from taking pictures mode into the flipping through the images we’ve already took. You can move backwards by pressing this button here.”


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Xander thought on her words wondering on the truth in them, he really couldn’t say. If he was honest he thought happily ever after was what came after obtaining that happiness, the good, bad and the ugly. No one really knew what happily ever after really mean, still it was an interesting concept. He thought she would show him the pictures but she seemed more interesting in his suggestion to continue with the photography and he was directed over to a tree. She did what he said leaning back, crossing his arms and looking down, but the words that came out his mouth sort of surprised him, it showed when he looked up. It was followed by a look a disbelieve, confusion and a frown not having liked to hear that really at all. He didn’t even notice her laugh instead he opened his mouth to let her know that he didn’t think that was appropriate, only to realize as she came up to him grinning and laughing maybe he’d been had. He didn’t think it was particularly funny.

She apologized though telling him not to be upset and explaining why she did it, that didn’t make him like it any more, but he nodded, his hand coming up to tuck a piece of her hair behind her ear. He touched his forehead to hers, “I’m not mad, though that wasn’t very appropriate, especially not to say in a public park with children around.” It was lightly scolding what he say with no real anger behind it, even his minor moment or irritation seemed to have floated away.

He stood up straight and nodded when she suggested the fountain picture and moved to do just that, but he stopped when she seemed to decide to show him how to go through the pictures instead. He listened and watched her explanation, but instead of taking the camera and looking through them he moved toward the fountain fishing in his pocket for a coin. “Why don’t we finish getting photos here and we can look at them over lunch. Does that sound like a good idea? I mean I don’t want to pull you away from your photography session. You don’t have to come if you don’t want to. I’m ready though if you want to take the fountain photo.”


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Someone could have just hit her over the head with twenty thousand tons of steel or drop a piano on her head. Because she was incredibly shocked and amazingly surprised by his sudden reaching out and touching. Geeeze. She almost dropped the camera. Thank goodness it had a wrist strap on it, or she would have. She made a quick reflex to grab it. Inwardly, she mind was just screaming and running around in circles. This. What was this? “Xanderr…” His name whispered on her lips full of asking and stating of things that couldn’t be articulated.

It was confusing. She felt herself liking it. Liking it far too much than what she felt comfortable with liking anything. It was kind of… romantic. A word she wouldn’t have associated with herself for so long; she couldn’t hardly remember the last time she ever experienced anything she’d classify as romantic. Sure, she went to bars and danced with guys and had drinks. She did lots of things, but almost none of them ever had this sort of sweet tenderness in them. “I…”

Even though part of her screamed for her to just back up and disconnect this touching. She was just too susceptible to touching. She couldn’t even do that. The longer she stood there unable to pull herself away. A part of herself realized that she was likely in trouble. She was getting herself in too deep. If she didn’t bail and move on from this soon, she’d reach a point of no return. Yet, standing there, looking up at him. She was almost sure he was going to kiss her. Her heart beat so hard in her chest; she wondered she was literally having a heart attack. When he didn’t, she exhaled. She released a breath she hadn’t realized she had been holding. ******** my life, she thought to herself. She needed to go to a shooting range after this or go visit a gym. Every nerve in her body was lit up, and she just didn’t know what to do with herself.

She laughed a whispered and breathy laugh. “Yeah. sorry about that. I just kind of knew you’d make that frowny face. It was the first thing that came to mind. Yeah. Let’s do the fountain picture.” She stopped. As much as she wanted to stop herself from spilling even more embarrassing things out of her mouth. She couldn’t stop. It was on her tongue and on her lips.

“Xander. I like you. I will always want to. To have lunch or … anything, really. I can come and take photos anytime I want, but you work a lot. You’re not always here whenever I am. I can come back when you’re at work or whenever I’m off again. I can go take pictures other places too. It’s just a way to keep myself busy. If it is doing something with you or staying behind to do something else. I would much rather spend time with you. ”
PostPosted: Thu Jun 26, 2014 11:22 am


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Xander didn’t really realize how romantic the moment was, not fully. He just wanted to make sure his friend knew he wasn’t mad. The touch was more him saying to her, listen and hear me, not that he had disliked the proximity or the moment, even if it made Cerise seem a little unsure of what it was he was doing.

He laughed after a moment hearing talk about him making a frowny face, “I thought you told me not to frown so much or was going to get stuck. That was just a few days ago and now you want me to frown. I honestly prefer to smile, frowns denote displeasure and unhappiness.” He turned to partially face the fountain to toss the coin in, but turned back to Cerise and have her a soft smile.

“I’m glad,” he said, “it nice to spend time with you. We get along very well. I care about you, we are really good friend I think. So fast it surprises me. I told you before that I’ve never really had any friends. It’s weird to know what I was missing, all this time without even knowing I was missing it. Was I unhappy, no? But I think I’m happier now.”

He looked from the fountain to her and back again, “Just let me know what you want me to do, then maybe I can try and we can go.”


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She stood there frozen in her spot. Her moment that was pretty close to bearing her soul. There was only one other moment of a complete and utter soul bearing. She just sighed to herself. That’s why she didn’t do stuff like that. The rippling of cracks and pings of let down as it seeped into her ego. Did she just get… friend zoned? She had just momentarily been standing on a precipice between one of the most intensely romantic moments in over at least ten years, and now she was just standing here like it had never happened.

She lifted her camera up, and she just shot it however. She didn’t bother to direct him at all. “Um, you know what. Actually, I just kind of forgot. I need to like… go and stop at the um… the store… Yeah. I gotta go and grab some stuff. I told someone I’d make them some pies and a cobbler for their party they’re having. I think… I need to go.”

She quickly turned around moving away. She didn’t know why it bothered her so much. She couldn’t remember emotionally investing herself. Why would that bother her? She didn’t know what she wanted or what she had expected him to say to that. She was in danger of losing herself. It had been a beautiful day. After having stood there a minute, she started to back up more and turn to leave the park. She would rather eat a bucket of rusty nails than let him see her cry. Would he even get it? Would it even be worth it? Maybe in a day or two. For the moment, she was crazy muddled up in the mire of mixed signals.

For Cherry to have abated in her slutty ways even for a few weeks. Never pressing him beyond what he was ready. Maybe after a good night’s sleep and baking enough muffins to fill her kitchen; she’d feel like she could reason with herself why she shouldn’t be upset and can just sit and have lunch with him. Like as just good friends. Before she left, she paused in step to glance back at him. She felt bad that this was probably going to make him feel bad. She just.. She just was overwhelmed. She was pushed outside her box. She didn’t even know what to do with herself other than run home and bake a ******** ton of anything and everything. She’d be giving food away for a week.


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Xander went from feeling really happy to suddenly being very very confused. He didn’t know what he said to make her suddenly change her mind, but she snapped the picture without much enthusiasm and then was making an excuse to leave. He might have prefered to smile, but his expression sort of broke apart then.

“I … what … wait, no don’t,” he may not been the best an interacting with others and hadn’t done it very often but that was a reaction he’d seen enough times. The nurses gave him that look, those sort of excuse when they couldn’t get him to talk to them, not for a lack of trying, but they were usually just making him very uncomfortable. He always felt bad, but was relieved to be left alone. This wasn’t a relief. No this was confusing and it sort of stung in a way he didn’t really understand.

He sort of just stood there his brain unable to make his feet move, “you just said. Please don’t go Cerise … I didn’t … what did I do?”

His words were soft and sort of sad, he wasn’t even sure she could hear him as she walked away even when she she stopped and looked at him. “I’m sorry,” he said looking at her unsure, feeling like a ship lost at sea without a sail. Utterly lost and completely out of his element. What did he do?


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In that pause, she saw the look on his face. All she could think was '******** my life.' Some small part of her was stuck. As much as she was dying to run and flee, as much as her heart felt like it was dying, she found herself unable to take even one more step away. She felt so utterly defeated. Standing there, she balled her fists up attempting to will herself to follow after the tidal wave of panic she felt. Yet, there had always been something about Xander that appealed to her on a higher level. She never understood what that was or why. Being around him brought out good things in her. Good things that maybe she herself was unaware of inside herself. That feeling was a light in her soul. Like the light of a candle in the midst of utter darkness. As if in the midst of a crazy inner storm, there was that one little light that shined so bright. Even though it felt as if that light was dimming. Like the winds of chaos whipped and snapped back and forth within her. It tore at that little flame of goodness.

Even so, she stood there staring at him. With tears filling her eyes, she closed them trying to decide what it is that she should even do. Then, a small and quiet thought crept through her mind. She would take one last stand. One last. If this failed too; well…. all lights would go out inside of her for a long time. Her desperate attempt to protect that one good thing in her life from going out. She walked right up to him, grabbed his wrist, and pulled him. “Ok. You know what. I’m going to tell you something, but not here. Not in front of strangers. Come on. You need to drive me home.”


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Xander didn’t really understand, any of what was going on and for a moment he felt like he needed to grow up a little. This level of confusion probably wasn’t something he should be experiencing. However, Cerise had completely thrown him for a loop. He felt slightly relieved when she came back, but the relief turned into concern as he was being pulled away.

He wondered what she wanted to tell him, that she couldn’t say in front of strangers. He went though, this wasn’t going to lunch, but this also wasn’t being left alone in the park. That idea still didn’t sit well with him. “Alright. I can drive you. But, um are you okay,” he said looking sort of like he was walking on thin ice. He didn’t want to do or say anything to further upset her. He still didn’t know what he did the first time.

He let her head the way, there was only one parking lot and she had been to his house and his job. He thought for sure she knew what his car looked like and maybe even Lily’s too. When they reached the car, he unlocked it, opened her door for her so she could get in, then got in himself. “Alright, lets go,” he said starting up the car and pulling off.



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All the ride there, she didn’t say much. She just rested her chin on the palm of her hand and stared wistfully out the window. She was trying so hard to not look at him. Looking into his eyes made it hard to not break down and cry like she felt like doing. Big girls don’t ******** cry ******** rivers like that, damn. Had she ever taken him to her house? She couldn’t remember, so she just soullessly would tell him “ turn, here. take the next left. Yup. Third house on the right.” He might or might not have been surprised when they pulled up. And, she got out on her own. Waiting for him, she sucked her bottom lip to keep it from visibly trembling. “Let’s use the side door. Front door is only used on rare occasions like holidays and special company.” She stopped. “Not that you aren’t special company,but like… my parents’ special company. Like, people who come to see my dad about purchasing rights to various stuff.”

She unlocked the gate that was right before you got to the side door. She left it open for him to follow behind her. On the lawn just off to the left of the pavement that stretched further back to a two car garage. There were cherry trees there. Also, there was a few other trees. One with almonds, one with peaches. It wasn’t large or sprawling like the Jacob’s home; but it was quaint. It was cute.

The side door opened up into a little halfway point in a side stairwell. Straight ahead were a flight of stairs leading to the basement where they had their laundry machines, storage, and a little area for recreation. That spot had a foosball table, some leather furniture, and a big screen tv. There was also a small bar to the side. The stairs in the well that were just to the right with four steps up led into the kitchen. That was Cherry’s sanctuary. Of any place on earth, it was the one place that was absolutely her zone. It was her safety net. If she were ever lost or so down she couldn’t find where up was anymore, she could find herself here. Here with her mixing bowls and wooden spoons. Where everything was just as it should be.

As they walked into the kitchen that had an amish chicken theme. Not Cherry’s tastes no. That was her mother’s, but then it was her parents’ home and not her own. Up against the very right wall of the room was a small breakfast table. Sort of like the tables used in outdoor patios at cafes. To the left, was the fridge, and then all around the opposite corner of the room lots of counters and a stove. There was a small island in front of those.

Cherry turned around and took Xander by the arm ushering him to the table. “Here. just… wait here a minute.”
She disappeared for a few moments. She was taking off clothes and dropping things she had been wearing in record speed. She grabbed a comfortable pair of knit shorts that were pretty short, a knit red tank top that didn’t matter if she got cooking batter on it. She also grabbed one of her aprons, folding it in half as she tied it. She came back down barefoot. She met her father in the hall outside the den.

He looked at the expression on her face. “What’s going on princess?”

“Nothing. Just… Don’t come in the kitchen for a little bit… ok?” She walked back to the kitchen and closed the double doors. Doors her parents had closed countless times if they were having an adult conversation or if they were talking to people. They didn’t want Cherry wandering out into the middle of it.

She returned to the kitchen putting her hair up into a messy bun. She started walking around grabbing measuring spoons, cups, bowls. Everything she grabbed, she practically slammed on the kitchen island. It was really hard to navigate through all these raw emotions.

Finally, she stopped and walked around to stand in front of Xander, staring hard into his face. “How would it make you feel if I did this?” She took a hand, and the tips of her fingers lightly trailed across his left cheek. Staring intently at him, she leaned in. Almost. So close. She stopped right before doing anything. “You feel that? Can’t you feel that? That’s a feeling. That’s an emotion. That is a precious feeling. I just basically told it to you. All you want to say is tell me that we’re great friends? Well of course, but when I say, ‘I like you’. It means more than just ‘I like you’.” Her fingertips sliding down the side of his face and trailing up to his lips and gently touching them just ever so lightly with her fingertips. So lightly they were just barely touched.

Behind her eyes was an intense hope that he would at least connect with this.


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Cerise didn’t seem very interested in talking outside of direction on how to get there, and Xander figured whatever he did, it wasn’t fixed. Sorry hadn’t helped, but she wanted to talk to him, so maybe he could fix it, or at the very least apologize some more if he couldn’t fix it. He parked and listened when she explained about the side door, nodding. He understood what she meant about special company and wasn’t insulted, but it was nice to be reassured.

He followed quietly though he stopped briefly in the yard looking at the cherry trees and thinking about Shangri-la. Would a cherry tree grow there, he wondered. The other plants were doing well, so he didn’t see why not, but he was not gardener, so he didn’t know for sure. The pause was brief, but long enough for Cerise to get ahead of him a bit, so he shuffled quickly to catch up.

Inside he sort of looked round noting what was around, with a small amount of curiosity, but not the same curiosity he had for the trees. When she told him to wait, he did, patiently but feeling rather a bit nervous, like knowing you are going to be scolded and when she returned he gave her a nervous sort of smile, which sort of faded into a look of nervous look when she was grabbing things up and slammed them on the counter making him jump a little. His face mirrored confusion when she walked up to him and stood in front of him, especially at her question.

Then she was leaning in and his eyes went sort of a little wide and his heart was hammering in his chest, like how it would in a fight only he wasn’t fighting. She stopped though, not that it made his heart slow, no it kept pounding away as if trying to escape. When she spoke he understood, what he had done, when he had pressed his forehead to hers in the park, had she been expecting him to kiss her? He had certainly been expecting it just then. He hadn’t even realized she had wanted him to; he was so very blind. He felt a little ashamed in the moment. Especially when she said ‘I like you’ meant more than just ‘I like you’, though the words were rather soothing in a way.

The fingertips on his lips weren’t helping his ability to focus, he wanted to step back, but he felt that was the wrong thing to do and like it would probably make things worse. That was the last thing he wanted. He held Cerise’s gaze, even with how bad he felt bad about the park, he probably couldn’t look away even if he wanted to.

How did he feel when she did that to him? If he was honest with himself a little disappointed, he hadn’t tried to stop her either when she had leaned in. He would have felt sort of teased like she was playing with him if it wasn’t for her words. Did he want her to kiss him? It seemed so.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to … I wasn’t trying to hurt you or upset you. I’ve never,” he stopped something telling him not to talk, not to think, just to act. He gently took her hand, his other hand moving up to cup her cheek and leaned in. He wasn’t sure she would let him do it, but currently the only thought bouncing around in his head was ‘it will happen when it happens.’ That’s what he had said to her, what he had told her.


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Not a single other moment in her life had been so utterly on fire. Despite how tortured she felt inside, this exact feeling was what it meant to be alive. To be human. It was a feeling like this. Exactly like this. If people lived a thousand lifetimes and never had this, what did it even mean to exist. In this moment, the feelings raged and surged with power. Like the ocean waves beating the shore in the thick of a storm. That immense feeling pouring through her every nerve. From her toes, to her fingertips, to the follicles of hair on her head. Everything was electrified and standing up on edge.

Any measure of self control or the ability to stop herself disintegrated the moment his hand was on her cheek. Or, what left of her self control as that had been waning since they were in the park. It was an emotional gamble. A conflicting feeling deep down made her wonder if he’d later regret this. Or, if it’d make him awkward with her. Or… ******** everything. ******** her feelings. propriety. the worries. everything. All gloves were off and dropped on the floor the moment he leaned in.

With the energy of a hundred erupting volcanos, she wrapped her arms around his neck pulling him to her. Her lips at first brushed his lightly. A clumsy soft rub, but then came a more pressing of hers against his, feeling the contours of the shape of his lips. Then, the tears she had been trying to hold back just gave way. They spilled out of her eyes and streamed down her cheeks. Then, her arms pulled back as each hand gripped a side of his face.

A fervent, burning, irrepressible adoration moved in her lips upon his. In a song it was sang, ‘How can you tell if he loves you so; it’s in his kiss’. The same likely would be said of hers. Every little to last feeling within her was in that. It was emotional. When she finally paused long enough to exhale and catch a breath. Her eyes cracked only slightly open. Her hands that were on both cheeks; her fingers gently touching, feeling, stroking and prodding around the edges of his face.


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Xander hadn’t ever experience anything like this ever. This heart pounding, brain stopping, fall like the first drop on a roller coaster. The kiss was extremely passionate and warm, not like anything he could have imagined. He had lost the feel of her hand when she pulled him closer, but his hand found a place on her waist, a gentle but firm sort of hold, the hand on her cheek remaining in place his thumb brushing the skin lightly. He could feel her hand move to his cheeks, sending a sort warm feeling flowing through him. Her lips were soft, pressed against him, fitting perfectly, teasing and making him want more.

When she pulled back, he felt somewhat breathless and the only word he managed to utter was, “wow.” He brushed the tears from her cheeks and smiled before wrapping his free arm around her and pulling her close, holding her, the hand on the small of her back gripping her shirt lightly and the other around her back holding just holding her to him. He didn’t know what he was doing, not fully, but it felt right. Right here, right now, he just felt. He pressed a kiss to her cheek and pulled back slightly before pressing another small gentle kiss to her lips.

“Do you forgive me,” he said softly.


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Just then, it was like someone shot a cannon straight through all her walls of the great fortress that was her heart. She would have felt alarmed and in a mad rush to rebuild her defenses that kept her safe. Maybe it was some kind of Trojan horse; because she also felt like the best thing ever just happened to her. She just slid down that slippery slope. That secret smile that she had when she was trying to be mad at him. She could feel herself caving. "Maybe." Still close, she licked his bottom lip and gently sucked on it. "Probably.” She thought about adding, ‘ I just feel a little worried. I guess I need to know exactly if this is more than just what it feels like. Or even if it's what it feels like. ‘ Only that all sounded like it’d probably just confuse him. This wasn’t like other things she did. It was real and quite frankly scary.

She made no move to back up or put space between them. If only she could bottle up this moment. "I want you to need me. I need you to need me." Was that too much to want? Was it too much? She felt in some measure; him opening up to her like this was already something. For him, this must have been a huge something. Mr. frowns on anything he deems as inappropriate. Even as she thought that, another small smile slipped out. His frowns being one of the things most endeared by her so far. “Mmm… Does.. this mean it’s ok for me to kiss you whenever we meet?”


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Xander gave her a pout when she said maybe, he didn’t even know he was doing it. What she did next surprised him a little and only served to make his poor heart do double time and make his head feel even foggier. He felt his good judgement slipping a little and tried to focus. He wondered if this was what it was like to be falling for someone, or if it was something less, something more. He didn’t really know, what to think.

When she spoke about him needing her, his expression likely showed confusion. He felt suddenly like he had a lot more to learn about all this than he realized. “I …,” he started not sure, “I don’t think I fully understand what exactly you mean. I really don’t want to say the wrong thing right now,” he admitted, though he also feared that was the wrong thing. He felt wholly out of his element and he was. This is completely new and uncharted territory even if he was 28 years old.

Her next question though, he felt he could answer that, “yes,” it was soft and he smiled with it. He wouldn’t mind if she greeted him with a kiss, if she kissed him when they were together. Still entwined as they were, neither seemingly interested in breaking the contact, he pressed his forehead lightly against hers, staring before kissing her again.


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She grinned what looked half mischievous and half smug when he was confused by needing. “Well, I guess that was a little ambiguous. There are all sorts of ways to need someone. I guess more like… A mental and emotional need. LIke… if you didn’t see me for a week or two, it’d feel like forever and way too damn long. Like, how people who have allergies NEED to take a thing for it? Or else they start sneezing, itchy watering eyes? Well, I mean.. like… I want you to need me. To where living without me is at some point something you’d only do if you had to.”

Really, she knew already this was all new to him, but what he or anyone else probably wouldn't have guessed. While she had plenty of experience dealing with men in general, she didn’t really have a lot of experience with things like falling in love and relationships. She always felt herself above those sorts of things. Often, she was quoted as saying they were juvenile behaviors that teenagers did to feel validated in their feelings. That adults just did what they wanted. If you wanted to be with someone, you just were with them. This. What she felt here with Xander was vastly different. It wasn’t kissing or touching for the sake of kissing or touching. This was because it was him. All of it was about him. As daunting as the feeling of making herself vulnerable was, she couldn’t help but relish in being exactly that. With that came a realization that being involved with him for the long run would mean having to start just saying what she meant. He seemed to get confused if she wasn’t crystal clear on just what she meant by many things.

Her mind’s thoughts trickling back in her mind as she tuned them out. The emotional response that overflowed in her from him pressing his forehead to hers. She didn’t know why on earth that set off such a keen and immediate emotional response in her. It did though. When he kissed her, she devoured his kiss like it was the air she needed to breath with. The previous vigor and passion that had been in the first one just sprung back up all over again.

Her hands went up into his hair, and her tongue slid out just enough to lick at the line of his lips. She tried to rein herself in as she herself was feeling like if this kept up. She was going to be hard pressed to stop herself from taking him to the next level of things. Not that she didn’t want to. She was just wanted to be careful. She wanted to be entirely sure if and when that happened; that he wanted it. That he was ready. Just like this had happened, and he was so in the moment with her. When that happened, she wanted it to be at least as spectacular.

She had to even mentally tell herself. ‘Easssyyy…. eassyy… if I don’t ease up; it’s going to be hard and if not impossible to stop.’ A part of her was wanting to tell him he was making her want him badly, but she pushed that aside too. She wouldn’t ruin it.


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Xander was there in the moment, with the kissing, feeling a plethora of foreign emotions racing through him, thoughts flying around his head, one of which he realized was that Cerise was good at this and he was a little lost in the sensation. The feel of her tongue made him almost deepen the kiss, but he broke away instead catching his breath and releasing her. He needed to clear the fog from his head and regain a bit of his control back because he felt it slipping away and he just didn’t want to go to far. He cared about this woman for sure, but he didn’t want to overwhelm her or himself. And he definitely didn’t want to feel regret. He brushed her cheek before smoothing her hair and smiling.

His thoughts returned to her words, spoken before he had initiated another kiss. He didn’t think he could say he needed her, like how she wanted him to, that was a somewhat overwhelming thought. But was that just the moment? Instead he said, “I enjoy when you are around. I like it when you smile. I don’t want to lose you.” He hoped that was enough for now, he didn’t want to lie. He needed a bit of time to do more figuring out and learning, but he was willing to take a chance for once.

“You put an apron on,” he said noticing it, “were you going to cook?”


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She sighed with a content defeat. She wasn’t mad. She couldn’t be mad. At her age, even without any real hardy relationship experience, she had known enough people who had them to know that what men and women take away from things were often different. Men had their own way of perceiving things. Women were more into having subtext around everything. Always reading more into every little thing that happened. His answers were all good enough. She felt hopeful that they were all sentiments that given time and nurturing. They might very well grow into the sort of sentiment she was after. Because all the things he described were in their own ways, little ways of needing someone. Rome wasn’t built in a day, right?

“Ok.” The last bit that he didn’t want to lose her. That more than the other things he said resounded in her. The intensity in her eyes answered that statement. Yes. Yes it did. That was pretty close to the feeling of need she was really rooting around for. As he released her, she stepped back and pushed her palms up against him, lacing her fingers in with his. He liked her smile.

“A+ for observation for you. I was. I was going to probably bake my upsetness away with a ridiculous number of probably muffins. That’s the usual faire if I’m baking to make myself feel better. I never bake the things I love most if I am feeling anything less than my normal or better mood. I feel much better now though. I’m not sure I feel like I need to bake three days worth of muffins or cupcakes.” Then, she remembered him asking earlier about lunch. “And.. I think I made us miss lunch. I can make something for us.”

Then, she walked over to the fridge and peeked inside to see what they had. While standing in it, she peeked over at the door. She could swear she just saw eyeballs peeking from around its corner. Oh good grief. She surmised that she should be happy they didn’t intrude and ruin a perfectly nice moment.

“What do you like the most? Besides pies.”


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Xander felt relieved at the okay she uttered, though his heart was still hammering away, he felt sort, well he wasn’t sure but it was a good feeling. He looked down at the fingers laced with his own. It wasn’t something that had never happened before, he had held hands, but there was something very different about it in this moment. The feelings of stability and warmth still radiated helping to calm his frantic heartbeat, but there was something else.

When she spoke his eyes were on her gain and he smiled, though it morphed somewhat its a frown momentarily. He didn’t think he would ever be able keep a straight face if he knew he’d hurt someone, it was just a feeling that didn’t sit well with him. He was very much the person who would try to make things better as quickly and easily as possible. She said though that she felt much better and he gave her hand a gentle squeeze at that, his smile returning.

“That’s alot of muffins,” he said lightly, as she moved away to look into the fridge. He watched her and shook his head lightly at her question even if she couldn’t see him. “I’m not very picky. The cook sort of just makes my sister and I something healthy and leaves it at that. We eat what he cooks unless he’s not around. I can say though, I’m not to big a fan of greasy things, or noodles, or asparagus. Anything else is fine.”

Xander truthfully though would eat anything she made for him, he was anything if not a proper house guest.

Graceangel

Benevolent Phantom

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