Tari snuck through the dark caves, terror and worry filling her. Please, don't let him be my son.But as much as she hoped and prayed, the likelihood of Styxx being the cub she had given away was far too high. The things they had said about him, what they might have done, she wanted to be sick. How could she have done this to him? How could she not have known what Aara would be like?
Because you were a scared, stupid little girl, she snarled in her mind. All she could hope for now was that her other cubs had been raised well enough.
She finally turned a corner and almost fell into a deep pit. Too deep for any normal lion to get out of. Beside it was a long log, and she knew that if she pushed it in, it would be enough of a ramp to get someone in and out of the pit.
A glance down and she found the gleam of eyes staring back at her in the dim light from the small fires that were kept sparsely around the caverns.
"The guards are on rotation." The soft hiss took her by surprise. What? The guards? She didn't- "Get moving or they'll catch you."
Guilt choked her as she finally realized what he was doing. He saw in her the features of his pride, not the other and was giving her knowledge to help her escape. Even in the shadows she could see him, he was dirty and she didn't want to imagine right now what some of the things she saw on his pelt were. But she could see the mark on his back clear enough. This was her son, her baby.
Without another moment of hesitation, she quickly and quietly moved the log down.
"Quickly, climb up."
Styxx stared at the escapee, not sure what the hell she was doing. He had thought she was a Dal'ek, but the tone in her voice said otherwise. It was rushed and warm, not what a Dal'ek's voice should be like. Maybe she was a rogue, she certainly didn't look like a Time Lady, and no Time Lady would be sneaking around like she had been.It could be a trick and yet... If it was, he'd deal with it later.
Struggling with his ruined right paw, he somehow managed to climb up and out of the hole. Standing with her now, he was stunned by how large a female this was. He was used to looking straight on at full-grown adults, but she actually made him feel like he wasn't yet grown. He imagined that he would probably still be shorter than she when he finally grew into his mane, but probably not by much.
Quickly the pair of them moved together, heading down corridor after corridor that he didn't recognize. The farther they went, the harder it was for him to move with all that had been done to him over the past few... How long had it been? He couldn't even remember anymore. It could have been a full moon cycle or two days for all he knew. His paw was useless and he limped through the pain of it. Where was she taking him? The farther they went, the more Styxx thought that he was right the first time, this was a trap. Where was she leading-
He watched her crawl through a hole among the rocks, barely big enough for her to get through. He'd gone this far... So he followed her and was quickly pushing himself between leaves and branches. The world grew lighter and suddenly he was pushing out of a thicket, into a small pool of moonlight.
The lioness had stopped, was looking around, her breath labored. They hadn't been running, so he couldn't attest it to strain. She seemed panicked. No, she wasn't a Dal'ek.
"Who are you?" he ground out the question as best as his tortured voice would allow, his eyes narrowed in distrust. He didn't miss her flinch when he spoke, but she refused to look at him.
"Shh, we're not in the clear." She turned when she spoke, pointing herself to head parallel to the towering wall. It was then that he saw the marking on her shoulder.
"Time Lord?!" he snarled and finally she looked at him, her eyes wide in... well, he wasn't sure if it was fear or merely surprise. Before he could lunge at her, she backed away and shook her head.
"No, not one of them. I don't belong to a pride, I swear." It could be a lie, but still it gave him pause. Styxx considered her. Her eyes were filled with tears that wouldn't fall. No, she didn't look like much of a Time Lord, and to his knowledge Time Lords didn't cry. And especially not with her size. The other pride wasn't exactly short, but he'd never seen a lioness this big before.
Fine, let her lead him to wherever she felt like. For now, anywhere would be better than that hole they'd kept him in. At least, in theory.
Tari watched, waited to see indecision, scrutiny, anything on his features but received nothing. They had broken her baby. If she were a vengeful goddess, she would rain hellfire down upon the Dal'ek pride. How dare they do this to a cub, to her son!
But she wasn't. She could fight every last one of them, kill them all one by one and it would not bring her peace. She couldn't salvage his past, but she could try to give him a future.
His maw drew back into an impassive line and she nodded slowly, accepting it as all he would be giving her. She led him down the canyon, away from the mouth, away from the prides.
He looked exhausted by the time she stopped and turned back to him.
"You're safe now. Is there... what can I do for you?" Anything, she'd do anything in her power to help him. He scoffed at her request and his mouth turned in a bitter curl.
"Nothing, unless you can get me the hell out of this accursed place." She heard the honesty in his tone, but it was bitter, he'd lost all hope. Well, damned if she wasn't going to give some of it back to him.
Tari drew in a slow, deep breath and released it with a sigh. As the air left her lungs, so did her mortal guise leave her. His eyes popped open and he moved back several paces.
"Please, don't be afraid. I... I want to help, really. I can't spirit you out or even carry you, but I can help you scale the cliff if that's what you want."
Styxx stared at the goddess, fury rising to a boil. They did exist. They existed and they ignored him.
he snarled and the goddess flinched. Good, let her wilt, let her feel guilty. Damn the gods, why did they feel the need to screw up his life?
"I just want to help..."
"Where was your kind when I was young and still called out to you bastards?"
"We don't... I didn't..." She trailed off and looked away, shame clear on her face. "If I heard you, I would have come. I swear it. It just doesn't work that way..." She seemed sincere, but he wasn't sure it made him feel any better. Which was more disappointing, that she'd heard him and ignored it, or that they weren't able to hear him at all?
"That doesn't make me feel any better," he growled, the scowl growing hard on his face. How was he supposed to feel about this? Happy? To hell with happy, he hadn't felt that emotion in a very long time. But for the lingering anger at the injustice of a god finally coming to him after it was much too late, he felt nothing. He was just numb.
"I know it doesn't, and I'm sorry," the goddess replied and he watched her look away, up the canyon walls. "All I can do is help you out of here now. I can carry you a little, but... This won't be easy."
"Life never is." Did he imagine that she flinched at his words? He looked down, raising his right paw to study it in a moonlight. One of the Time Lords had packed it with herbs, insisting that he wouldn't be able to answer any questions if they let him fester and die. It hurt like a b***h and he could barely move it much less use his claws. But if there was one thing he'd learned in his long, harsh life, he could accomplish anything on blind stupidity alone.
"Let's get started then."
The sun was beginning to set on the second day when they finally reached the top of the cliffside. There had been a few times where Styxx had almost expected the goddess to just let him fall. Sometime he'd even hoped for it.
But she hadn't, she'd kept by him every step of the way. When he rested, she turned herself into a strange-looking bird and seemed to sleep, if not beside him, near. He was exhausted by the end of the climb and was thankful to see trees and brush in this upper world. It meant hiding places where he could rest and begin to recover.
The goddess looked around, sighing softly.
"Is there anything more I can do for you?"
"I want to be alone." The words were out of his mouth before he could stop them. For so long he had wanted someone to understand him, to never leave him. He hadn't wanted to be alone. But for too long he'd been subjected to the wills of others and it had taken its toll. He didn't want to deal with people anymore, to live in worlds he'd never been able to understand.
"If that's what you wi-"
"No. I meant, where can I go to be alone. Permanently."
Tari's heart broke at her son's words. She had thought he just needed time to come to terms with a new life. This plea was for solitude, constant solitude. He didn't want any interaction, he just wanted to live his life. Alone. She wanted so badly to tell him this was all her fault, to apologize, and to try and change his mind, to give him a real home.
But she knew she couldn't. Styxx was troubled. Adding that his own mother hadn't heard his pleas would just make it worse. Perhaps some day she'd be able to come to him again, to beg for his forgiveness, to do everything she could to make him happy. But not today, and not tomorrow.
She turned towards the setting sun and gestured vaguely.
"Travel with the rising sun at your back and you will come to a deep jungle. It is home to other lions, predators, but isn't difficult to be alone. If you put it to your right shoulder, you can take to the mountains. Fewer cats live there, but the prey is scarce as well, and it's cold. And then... If you head straight into the rising sun, away from the jungle, you'll reach a desert. Few trees, mostly sand and heat. It... I doubt you'll run into any other cats there, or much of anything." Good, that was what he needed. He'd had enough of the world of users, abusers, of fighting for simply the right to draw breath. And he was tired of hearing the voices of the past. How strange, it just dawned on him that he hadn't had a vision with this goddess. Perhaps mortals couldn't have visions of gods.
He just wanted a place where he could be alone, a place where he didn't have to understand why he didn't belong. Dal'eks had seen him as weak, defective; Time Lords as a merciless creature beyond any hope; rogues as a heartless, disgusting monster. All he wanted was a place where he could go that no one would ever have to look on him ever again.
Styxx nodded slowly. He was tired, in pain, and all he wanted right now was to lie down and hope for an oblivion that didn't bear nightmares.
"Thank you, goddess."
"Please, Tari." He watched as she carefully worked one of the gleaming coins from her bracelet and disappeared for no more than a heartbeat. When she reappeared, in the same spot she had left, she held a leather cord in her paw. Shifting briefly into her bird appearance, she slipped the coin onto the string and tied a knot before shifting back. He huffed at the trick, would that he had been able to shift into a bird or monkey form when he'd needed to learn how to tie knots. "I'd... I'd like you to have this."
Styxx considered the medallion as she held it out to him. He didn't want it, didn't see the point, and yet the look in her eyes told him it was somehow tremendously important to her. Why?
The question couldn't find its way into his maw, however. Instead he just nodded slowly and took it from her.
Tari watched him place the necklace over his head, the small coin almost completely hidden by his growing mane. It was thick already, a darker blond than hers, but then he'd always been darker. One daughter had been white, her sons and other daughter all different shades of their father's dark tan. Each one had reminded her of the older male, in their own ways. In Styxx she saw his dark coloring and the black symbol he had borne on his right shoulder.
"Farewell Styxx. I hope your li-" her voice cracked and she cleared her throat. "I hope things look up from here."
He didn't reply, just nodded his head and watched her. It dawned that he wouldn't turn his back on her. So Tari gave him a feeble smile, spread her wings, and launched herself into the air, flying out of sight.
Tari descended not too far from where she had left Styxx, curled up in a ball, and began to weep. In a heartbeat, Hermes was there by her side, his wings draped around her, holding her as tight as he could manage.
"Babe?" That single word was her undoing and every terrible scar and wound she'd seen, the hopelessness in Styxx's voice, that all he wanted was to be left alone, everything came pouring out.
A few minutes passed after her words had ceased, the silence broken only by her soft sniffs and shudders.
"What will we do?" What would she do without Hermes? He didn't even think twice about anything but moving forward, forever trusting her judgement.
She released the sigh of the heartbroken.
"We keep an eye on him. I lost him once, wasn't there when he needed me. I'll not make that mistake again." She would be there, or Hermes would, whenever he needed them. She'd make sure of it.
(WC: 2,520)